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Single life help - 1/6/2013 11:40:07 PM   
namelessphill


Posts: 7
Joined: 10/19/2012
Status: offline 		I have recently had a long term polyamorous relationship come to an end (essentially she left me for the new guy, sad face ), and I haven't been single in over 3.5 years, since I was sixteen! I have only just realized I have absolutely no idea how to flirt as I am essentially an out of practice 16 year old when it comes to said flirting, I am after a casual, sex/fun oriented relationship to get me back on my feet and get my trust/confidence back up, and I am wondering if anyone has any advice on how to do it? how do I approach someone with the intention of saying "hey, wanna be friends with benefits?"

Im pretty stumped, and not overly confident, and terrified of coming off as a jerk and getting slapped. any advice would be appreciated greatly!!!

NamelessPhill xXx
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Single life help - 1/7/2013 12:38:48 AM   
absolutchocolat


Posts: 1392
Status: offline 		Be yourself.
Be respectful.
Be alone for a few months.
Have fun...being single isn't the end of the world.

(in reply to namelessphill)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Single life help - 1/7/2013 5:19:10 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Don't look. I'm serious.

Your profile and post say "I'm hurt, and that's a major part of my life. I'm not ready for a relationship - I just want a reliable fuck."

That's no mindset to look from. As my girlfriend absolutchocolat said above, this is your time to have some quiet time for you. To find out what you're like, without the distraction and noise of being with someone.

When you feel fine living by yourself but would prefer to have someone else, when you're looking for a woman because you want HER and not just a convenient hole, then you'll be ready.

Welcome to the site!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to absolutchocolat)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Single life help - 1/7/2013 6:40:47 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Hey there Phil

You seem like a very engaging, funny, intelligent man with lots to offer. You will find someone, maybe a lot of someone's, who will be interested in you at the right time. When is the right time? As DS pointed out, you yourself said as the very first thing in your profile that you have been deeply hurt. I'm thinking you should pay attention to yourself and shelve the search for now.

Treat yourself kindly. Learn something new. Don't be afraid to be sad, but then pick yourself up again and get moving. Before you know it, you'll be feeling stronger and ready to meet someone as a whole person. I'm definitely not being patronizing, we all go through this and it sucks. It won't kill you to be without a bed partner for a little while, and that might be exactly what you need. Think of the other person, what is she gaining by taking on a work in progress when she doesn't really know how hurt you are? Respect someone enough to go to them as a whole person whenever it is that you are able to do that. Really...she doesn't need your issues. Wait till you can put them aside. This fictitious FWB doesn't need to be treated as a bandaid.

Honestly you'll pick up on the learning curve when it's time to date again and you'll get up to speed in no time. Perhaps just sit back for now and observe and wait...when you're ready you'll know it.

(in reply to namelessphill)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Single life help - 1/7/2013 7:17:02 AM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline 		I got married at 17.
When I got divorced, man I felt awkward.
I had NEVER been single as an adult.
Lord knows dating was totally different.
My expectations were totally totally different as well.

I felt like a fish out of water.
Then I realized I was being way to hard on myself and not giving ME time to find myself.
I only knew me as a wife and mother.

Don't be afraid to be alone.
To find yourself.
Enjoy the dating scene for what it is.

_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to namelessphill)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Single life help - 1/7/2013 8:22:20 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Indeed. I can relate to what TLS said above. I've never really dated. Married my first serious boyfriend when I got pregnant at age 16. Struggled with that until I just couldn't struggle anymore. Kinda hung out with a family friend then got hooked up with someone my bosses thought was a good match. We became great friends and got married.

The women in my life, I've met entirely by accident. One was a whirlwind fuck that turned into a relationship and the other was a friendship that turned into a relationship that brought me here. The relationship didn't last but I am still here. There have been a few fucks and a few on and off friendships, but nothing that's stuck. I don't even really know how to look or date. Stuff has always just happened. Relationships just fall into my lap. Or don't. Fortunately I am okay with that.

My advice.......just focus on you for awhile. Do things you haven't taken the time to do. Take some classes or something. Get involved in some sort of organization that appeals to you. Just enjoy what you have at the moment.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 1/7/2013 8:25:28 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Single life help - 1/7/2013 8:41:40 AM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Indeed. I can relate to what TLS said above. I've never really dated. Married my first serious boyfriend when I got pregnant at age 16. Struggled with that until I just couldn't struggle anymore. Kinda hung out with a family friend then got hooked up with someone my bosses thought was a good match. We became great friends and got married.

The women in my life, I've met entirely by accident. One was a whirlwind fuck that turned into a relationship and the other was a friendship that turned into a relationship that brought me here. The relationship didn't last but I am still here. There have been a few fucks and a few on and off friendships, but nothing that's stuck. I don't even really know how to look or date. Stuff has always just happened. Relationships just fall into my lap. Or don't. Fortunately I am okay with that.



I still have not "dated".
Have i gone out on dates?
Of course, but that is different than dating IMO.
I don't go "looking" for a partner.
NEVER have.
I actually laugh when I get emails saying something like, "What are you looking for?"

Even my current partner, feel into my lap by accident.
I was looking for fetish modeling gigs.
He was a producer.
He only worked with black models.
We hit it off, agreed to meet for lunch. Walala!
We have been connected ever since.

People come and go, some people are in my soul circle for years.
Other's for days or months.
They are still part of my circle, they still impact me.
That doesn't make their relationship any less important to me.


< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 1/7/2013 8:45:52 AM >

_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Single life help - 1/7/2013 12:14:19 PM   
sarahcupcake


Posts: 8
Joined: 7/27/2009
Status: offline 		Ok I am prolly going to be stamped on for barging in.... but when I was freshly single, I didn't even want to date or go out with anyone. I wanted to get fresh and clean and rid of any baggage, if that makes sense. Also when a relationship has just ended, it all takes its toll on your self-esteem and self-confidence. There's a limit to how long I could spend, listening to sad music and being sorry for myself. I thought there is no point is sitting around waiting for something to happen, so I may as well do lots of activity things outside work so I can meet more people and have more fun.

I think the more things you do, the more interesting you are, or you become. I'm prolly wrong but I think metaphorically sitting in a park bench, waiting for someone to come and collect you, is kind of a waste of time. I'm only talking generally. Nothing I say is meant to be unkind or uncaring.

The other thing, of course, is whenever you are looking for someone, there is nothing; and bizarrely when you decide to stay single for a bit and not look, there are loads of ppl...!!

Anyway good luck and hope it all works out :)

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Single life help - 1/7/2013 12:18:38 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		No stamping at all. I agree with you 100%

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to sarahcupcake)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Single life help - 1/7/2013 5:19:14 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		I'm just going to go with the american university experience...if you are you & in the vacinity of basically any keg party, women will be saying to you"I'm drunk wanna fuck"? Its just a matter of that girl or not, her & 3 friends or not. Its university, roll with it & don't get so caught up in being an old soul where x needs to go in x box & only y can go in the y relationship box. Have fun!!! There is plenty of time to worry you're never going to shag again & the last woman alive just fled your bed.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Single life help - 1/7/2013 5:31:58 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

I'm just going to go with the american university experience...if you are you & in the vacinity of basically any keg party, women will be saying to you"I'm drunk wanna fuck"? Its just a matter of that girl or not, her & 3 friends or not. Its university, roll with it & don't get so caught up in being an old soul where x needs to go in x box & only y can go in the y relationship box. Have fun!!! There is plenty of time to worry you're never going to shag again & the last woman alive just fled your bed.


Such a great point!

As theRose4U said, honey, you are in University, women are everywhere!  Everyone has given you some great advice, but I realize that men and women, and especially 20 year old men don't think the same.  Us gals tend to take some time to mourn the dead relationship, analyze a bit about what went wrong, eat some ice cream, watch some chick flicks, cry a bit (or a lot, lol) and only then move on.  Guys, especially young men like yourself tend to figure the best way to get over a relationship is to hook up with someone else, only for the sex.

My advice would be hang out around here, but go enjoy being "Joe College."  You will never get this time back again, and to be honest, based on what you said about not dating or flirting since you were 16, this break up could be a good thing.  Now you have the freedom to really enjoy your youth.  Go to some frat parties (if those exist in the UK) and enjoy yourself.  Based on the pictures in your profile, it would seem you aren't without some friends, so hang out and have fun.

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Single life help - 1/7/2013 5:38:43 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		Lafayette I think the phrase you are thinking of is "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else"

Not my personal recommendation, but if you do MAKE SURE to wear a condom!!! Never ever ever trust a woman who swears she's on birth control!!!

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Single life help - 1/7/2013 5:54:11 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Lafayette I think the phrase you are thinking of is "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else"

Not my personal recommendation, but if you do MAKE SURE to wear a condom!!! Never ever ever trust a woman who swears she's on birth control!!!


Well, the phrase I know is "the best way to get over your ex is to fuck someone else," but I was trying to be a little less....I don't know, lol.

As for the birth control, how right you are.  I used to tell my son and his friends that it didn't matter if the girl said she was on the pill.  It didn't matter if she said she had a diaphram or an IUD.  It didn't even matter if she said she was sterile or had undergone a hysterectomy.  Unless she showed you the medical reports and her damn uterus in a jar of formaldyhyde (sp?), they shouldn't believe her.  I kept telling them that they shouldn't let any girl make their reproductive decions for them. 

How did that work out?  My son and his girlfriend INTENTIONALLY got pregnant at 16 and his best friend and his girlfriend got pregnant by stupidity.  One pair terminated and the other didn't.  My granddaughter just turned two in November.  Young people simply don't listen!

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Single life help - 1/7/2013 6:02:30 PM   
jlf1961


Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline 		Well collar me is not really much help, there is no ordering form to actually place an order for the sub or slave that have peaked your interest.

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Single life help - 1/7/2013 6:04:05 PM   
NocturnalStalker


Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline 		University has too many feminists. Community college has more battered females to exploit.

_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Single life help - 1/7/2013 6:14:47 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

University has too many feminists. Community college has more battered females to exploit.

LMAO while I agree with you he's not in the US. Besides I'm going to give him the benefit of doubt that he wants a university degree, wife then family in that order...not a degree in baby momma with a side of baby momma drama!

After thoughts on sayings I heard:
" never trust a man that says trust me...especially trust me baby trust me I'll pull out in time"
Do you know how many babies have been born to girls on the pill?
Do you know how many babies have been born on the phrase "trust me baby"
One I liked in school was "ask your parents how many kids are born on birth control each year"

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Single life help - 1/9/2013 11:23:41 PM   
namelessphill


Posts: 7
Joined: 10/19/2012
Status: offline 		Hey, I wasn't expecting such an overwhelming response. thanks guys! Now i don't have the time to thank or comment on each piece of advice individually, but i did read them all, and they were pretty much all really helpful. I'm going to take the time for myself, re-cooperate and just learn to exist as myself. Im not going to go looking for a relationship, some random unsuspecting girl doesn't need my baggage. And im not gonna go out on the pull, but if at some random party It gets a little hot, ill take it for what it is, drunk, university fun, and ill try to enjoy myself and enjoy being 20 and at uni. since posting this I have started to feel somewhat better, a bit of life assessment went along way. And to whoever was mentioning being careful and wear protection? Don't worry, even with my girlfriend we used the contraceptive patch AND a condom x) and for any who are wondering, i'm not gonna dump my emotional problems on some one, even if i did hook up with someone for some fun, id make sure they knew that's all it was and were ok with that, last thing i ever want to do is hurt people.

Thank you very much xXx

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Single life help - 1/10/2013 1:08:13 AM   
TAFKAA


Posts: 382
Joined: 1/5/2013
Status: offline 		Dude, you're desperately in need of an education.

Join the seduction community and study pickup. It'll give you the opportunity to turn yourself into a man.

(in reply to namelessphill)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Single life help - 1/10/2013 5:06:21 AM   
namelessphill


Posts: 7
Joined: 10/19/2012
Status: offline 		Im not really manly enough to be turned into a man. it works for me though, the sorta girls I know like the effeminate guys. I'm in a good place right now I think

(in reply to TAFKAA)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Single life help - 1/10/2013 9:28:15 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: namelessphill
Im not really manly enough to be turned into a man.

Join the club. Honestly, I don't even know what it would mean to be "manly" nor do I care. I also have no idea about my "masculinity". I figure I'll just go through my life being me and everyone else is going to have to cope somehow.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to namelessphill)
Profile   Post #: 20
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