RE: How are you feeling today? Get if off your chest! (Full Version)

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Duskypearls -> RE: How are you feeling today? Get if off your chest! (11/16/2012 11:36:14 AM)

In about an hour, I'm headed to Cottonwood Hot Springs in Buena Vista, CO, where a gal friend and I will rent a cabin nearby for the weekend, and both chill and soak. My nerves hurt, and I am in a cranky-ass mood, which I need to get over REALLY quickly, before she gets here. Maybe some pain meds will help.

I'm also pissed I can't find 4 of the 5 different fire-starter's I know I once had. Where in the hell are they? I hope I don't have to buy them all over again. I even had a beautiful handmade fire-starting bow and fire-board. I'd hate to think I've lost that.

Maaaan, am I cranky!



QueenRah -> RE: How are you feeling today? Get if off your chest! (11/16/2012 1:03:34 PM)

Nelee, you wrote that your family at home believes you are doing swimmingly. You also state that you are *sending money home!* I understand family loyalty, and all that. But, there comes a time when 1) your mother needs to be responsible for her own financial health, and 2) you need to take care of yourself. I would advise you to appraise your mother of your current situation. You needn't provide any further detail nor any more depth to your financial ills than you deem necessary. But, I don't know any decent parent who would, knowingly, be the *cause* of their child's suffering.

Also, be aware that when you don't take care of yourself, first, you are good for no one. If you deplete your physical, financial and emotional energies, you will have nothing to give anybody else. It is supremely unselfish to take care of yourself, first.

Be well, keep in touch and get the assistance you need! You've gotten great advice from many, if not all, who have stumbled, at one time or another in their lives. The first meal is pride. After that, everything else goes down a little more smoothly.

ETA - Churches don't pay taxes, at all. Not a single penny to the government. They receive donations of money and goods. A portion of those donations are allocated to assist those in need. If a church is a Food Bank partner, they are collecting much of what they get for free, minus the cost of gasoline to pick up items. They are not allowed to discriminate against anybody, whether that person is a member of the church, or not. If they frown at you for not being a member of the church, let them. Their judgment is between them and their god.


One more thing - If you are on a limited meal plan, I have an idea: I was on a two-meal-a-day plan, my freshman year, at Uni. I would go in the morning and, not only get my breakfast, but also pack a bagel with cream cheese, a box of juice or milk and a few other things that wouldn't leak or go bad, too quickly. I always took a back pack with me, sat in a corner, where I could hide, and slipped my "lunch" into tupperware containers I had brought with me. At supper time, I would, occasionally, repeat the process, with tidy supper foods, so I could nosh while studying or doing studio work. Saved me money, got me fed and didn't end the world.



needlesandpins -> RE: How are you feeling today? Get if off your chest! (11/16/2012 1:39:48 PM)

fr

to the op....if you don't eat you become ill. if you become ill you can't study. if you don't study and keep up with work you fail. if you fail you have nothing to show for your time already spent. as it is you will become increasingly tired, have a lack of concentration, will become fixated with food and hunger.

being too proud never paid anyone any good.

stop sending money home. while the sentiment is great it's a really stupid thing to do. your family know where you are, and should be awear of the costs. your mum needs to sort herself out instead of taking from you.

as for the rest......take help from where you can get it, but live by the adage that charity begins at home. you are the home at the moment, not your family so start by giving to yourself. then take help from any outside body that you can. as others have said, you have plenty of time to pay it forward, and plenty of ways to do it.

i hope things get better for you very soon.

needles



kalikshama -> RE: How are you feeling today? Get if off your chest! (11/16/2012 3:12:08 PM)

quote:

Edit: forgot to mention with the "asking the family thing"--I don't want my immediate family to know how bad off I am. They just think I'm making a lot of money from my jobs so I can send money home to pay for rent and pay tuition and food. I can't tell them about this because if I do, they'll stop taking the money I'm sending (prideful), and my mom is already financially stressed as it is :( And I have other family members that live here, but my family is very prideful and secretive about our state of well being. I'd rather not contact them, because it would look badly on my parents, as if they cannot provide for their children. Our family dynamic is very odd.


I'm sure a lot of families are like that. It will be a growth opportunity for you to break the cycle. It makes no sense for you to be sending money home when you can't afford to eat more than 600 calories per day. You are working and studying - you need much more than that to thrive. You'll be in a better position to help your family in the long run if you succeed at school.



absolutchocolat -> RE: How are you feeling today? Get if off your chest! (11/16/2012 8:42:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I'm sure a lot of families are like that. It will be a growth opportunity for you to break the cycle. It makes no sense for you to be sending money home when you can't afford to eat more than 600 calories per day. You are working and studying - you need much more than that to thrive. You'll be in a better position to help your family in the long run if you succeed at school.


THIS. and what needles said.



ShaharThorne -> RE: How are you feeling today? Get if off your chest! (11/17/2012 12:08:36 AM)

Our neighbor gave us a good amount of food...ramen noodles, pasta sides, 3 pounds of 80/20 hamburger meat, burritos, corn dogs, hotdogs, brown and serve rolls, 15 pounds of russet potatoes, stuffing, mac and cheese, corn bread mix, a Hamburger helper and a cheddar bronchi(?) soup mix. We are giving a good portion of this to my brother since he has the bottomless pits called kids. Kept the green beans though and will take some of the potatoes for bakers.



Nelee -> RE: How are you feeling today? Get if off your chest! (11/17/2012 12:10:49 AM)

That's very true. My mother's doing better, but she's not a very good manager of finances, so I try and give her money when she needs it. It's not like she asks for it, or anything. But she gets very stressed when she's in dire financial straits, and I'm really worried about her health, so I give her money to try and help her. I just don't like seeing her make herself sick. I guess I'll just cut what I send home in half. That is true, I should be taking care of myself. I've noticed that my performance this semester has been terrible, and that's pretty much the reason why. Thanks :)

Pfff, that's true, the churches don't pay taxes at all! Well, I feel less embarrassed about that. I tried to ask a friend (she attends a church down here) and she gave me a weird look. So I guess I may have to ask a higher member of the church about it. Thank you guys :)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Duskypearls

In about an hour, I'm headed to Cottonwood Hot Springs in Buena Vista, CO, where a gal friend and I will rent a cabin nearby for the weekend, and both chill and soak. My nerves hurt, and I am in a cranky-ass mood, which I need to get over REALLY quickly, before she gets here. Maybe some pain meds will help.

I'm also pissed I can't find 4 of the 5 different fire-starter's I know I once had. Where in the hell are they? I hope I don't have to buy them all over again. I even had a beautiful handmade fire-starting bow and fire-board. I'd hate to think I've lost that.

Maaaan, am I cranky!


I hate that feeling when I've lost something I need very soon!! I hop you found it! Have fun, by the way! I've never been to a hot springs, but they seem amazing!



metamorfosis -> RE: How are you feeling today? Get if off your chest! (11/17/2012 1:17:41 AM)

Know anyone who works at a bakery? Or even, know a bakery? They end up throwing out or giving away tons of day old bread and pastries.

Pam



Nelee -> RE: How are you feeling today? Get if off your chest! (11/17/2012 1:43:46 AM)

Not here. Back, home, there was a Panera Bread on my friend's side of town, and when I went there on Thursdays right before closing, they would give me the things that the church didn't pick up. But here, there aren't too many restaurants or bakeries. Thank you for the advice, though! It was very kind :) I hope you day has gone well?



Delilya -> RE: How are you feeling today? Get if off your chest! (11/17/2012 3:28:38 AM)

There was a time when I was too ill to work and unable to provide for my children. I was receiving $200 in child support for 3 kids, and food stamps told me that was $5.00 a month too much to qualify. I went to a local grocery store and spoke to the manager. He allowed me to come by and pick up food they were going to throw out any way.

For 4 weeks that food kept us on our feet, until I could return to work. He told me that if I ever needed help again to not hesitate because he would rather give it to someone than throw it out. Check with the groceries around you, I was given bread, fruits, veggies and some meat. There is a darn good chance there may be a store local to you that would do the same thing. It isn't easy walking in there the first time, but sweetie, you can't go on not eating. Sending good thoughts your way that you are able to find the help you need.





theRose4U -> RE: How are you feeling today? Get if off your chest! (11/17/2012 12:06:11 PM)

Nelee I'm similar to what you are discribing stubborn, prideful & have given to others even to my own detriment. A friend finally confronted me because they knew wasn't being my normal self..."pride doesn't fill your belly" was the first thing out of her mouth.

Talking to the school is first thought. Working in the cafeterias will get you a meal as well.this won't be the first time they have seen this
-food bank
- soup kitchen
-churches, they don't actually bite or have a jesus detector on the door.

Besides you need to give yourself some credit for what's really going on here (if I'm reading right) you are hungry because you're keeping your family & siblings from being homeless & hungry too. This is at the heart of what churches call a "godly spirit" or "christian heart", its a good thing at its root whatever label you put on it. Talk to the school & be completely honest, if you're going hungry keeping a roof over others heads this problem you're carrying around is bigger than you are.

Family needs a better plan to cover their roof & food
You need a better plan to get the food you need to concentrate & get good grades. You also need boundaries that keep you from getting here again, this is a foundation of WIITWD...harming yourself to do what you think others want/need leaves you less happy, capable & in this case nutritionally fed to complete what a dom actually tells you they want. So super big picture lesson you're getting here!!

QR- agree walmarts work policies are terrible but prices allow $2 to make 4-6 meals (best buy pasta sauce & 50 cent pasta). Have been able to eat for a month off $25 with smart shopping when necessary.

FYI- pasta, peanut butter, bread, fruits/veggies price matched, rice, mashed potato & meats either from price match or close out are HUGE for keeping belly & wallet filled. VERY expensive diseases can come from not eating & bad nutrition. Top ramen with frozen $1 veggies works wonders



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