RE: need advice (Full Version)

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Brosco -> RE: need advice (6/16/2006 6:03:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali
Sounds like she is confused too. Sit down chat and making some defined parameters might help. Also in the start of any new relationship, people are vulnerable, unsure, trust needs to be established....could be just that.

Yeah ditto.  The situation is too vague and un-ds related to give better advice than that IMO.


ya just gotta love LA, she expresses an opinion even when she doesn't have one  :)



twicehappy -> RE: need advice (6/16/2006 6:58:05 AM)

I have read all the replies on this thread and for the most part you have been given some very good advice.

I would first determine if there is a mental issue, if not consider this possibility.

Most subs/slaves, usually some time in the beginning of a relationship, though i believe even those collared long term do it occasionally, consciously or not, rattle their chains to see if they are tight.

If you are the Domme i would first speak to her clearly laying out the issues. Then i would make sure she understood her chains are tight. Not literally speaking here, you have been given excellent advice on steps to show your owned one you are in control, use some of them.

If this fails then i would end this relationship and seek another.




iliv2servher -> RE: need advice (6/16/2006 7:05:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Divinepwr

Ok I will get to the point and make this short and sweet. I am new to the D/s lifestyle. I have recently been aquainted with it. I involved with a woman who is submissive and we have done some D/s activities and I have definetly established that I am a Domme. The thing is we both started into this way too fast. We are starting over on the dating level not too serious right now. She is playing complete mind games with me like today she accused me of being up to late when I really wasn't up that late. She calls me and says one thing then the other. I don't know whether I should keep pursuing this or not. I like her a lot but wonder if this is even healthy. I hope this makes sense its just a confusing situation in which I have no clue what to do. Any advice on this would be wonderful.


What does it have to do with D/S?  Sounds more like a vanilla question to me. 

You are on the right track by slowing things down.  If you really think you are dominant, then you must take control of the situation.  Don't let her pull the strings.

Good luck!



Divinepwr -> RE: need advice (6/16/2006 8:51:20 AM)

Thank you all for the advice. Well we are no longer together. I am sad about it but not as sad as I thought I would be. I just put a lot of time into it and feel my efforts were wasted but I learned some valuable things out it. I feel like its a Godsend really.  She has major issues and I really don't have time for that. So I am moving on to bigger and better things. :)



Reflectivesoul -> RE: need advice (6/16/2006 4:41:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Divinepwr

Thank you all for the advice. Well we are no longer together. I am sad about it but not as sad as I thought I would be. I just put a lot of time into it and feel my efforts were wasted but I learned some valuable things out it. I feel like its a Godsend really.  She has major issues and I really don't have time for that. So I am moving on to bigger and better things. :)


Good luck to you and I hope that you come across people that can show you a good side to the BDSM instead of negative ones. There are a lot of really good places to look if you are wanting to explore and learn. There are also some really good books available.
 
If you're interested in some of the links and such that I have feel free to e-mail me on the other side... I'll gladly give em to you...



Sab -> RE: need advice (6/16/2006 4:50:33 PM)

And then there was one. ;) 



Kedikat -> RE: need advice (6/16/2006 5:01:20 PM)

This may be an unconcious method of seeing if you are assertive enough. Are you?
Unfortunately, it may also be an indication of jealousy brought about by insecurity. Can you stand that?

Jealousy isn't just directed at or inspired by suspicion of another love/sex interest. It can go far beyond that. The up too late thing makes me recall a sub.........bad issues.

Such a sub can be had and enjoyed, if you like micro management and constant controlling of her. But it sort of controls you to some extent. Is she worth it? Or made to be worth it?

Or maybe I am out to lunch.



Divinepwr -> RE: need advice (6/17/2006 12:25:55 AM)

I do sales so yes I am very assertive. In relationships I wonder. I do believe she is jealous and insecure. She questioned whether I liked another girl and was suspicious. I do love to control every aspect of my life. I guess you could call me a control freak to some extent. Is she worth it I have yet to find that out. We are on friendship terms she apologized and I am giving her a chance. I do not hold grudges but am still a bit pissed off in the matter. I will see what happens. Thank you for the advice. You are some smart folks.



Divinepwr -> RE: need advice (6/17/2006 12:33:27 AM)

I agree 100% thank you for the advice.



xxmstrchasxx -> RE: need advice (6/17/2006 7:05:32 AM)

quote:

She is playing complete mind games with me like today she accused me of being up to late when I really wasn't up that late. She calls me and says one thing then the other.


Divinepwr,

If she was playing mind games then you either needed to talk to her or find someone else.  If you are the Domme then you need to take control not her.  Also as stated in the above post she was probably jealous and accused you of things.



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