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So.. how stupid am I? - 11/8/2012 8:50:37 PM

desire4flr

Posts: 1
Joined: 5/22/2012
Status: offline

I sent an introduction to a Miss and we started exchanging emails. At some point came the inevitable photo (on my part only) after which there was total silence.

After waiting for a couple of days I inquired as to whether the photo was not to her liking and was told she was just not feeling well.

I got a slightly irritated note actually over my "impatience" though the responses were quite quick prior to that point.

I apologized politely for my insolence and we exchanged some playful notes, and about 2-3 notes later, out of nowhere she sent a note, unsent it, then blocked me.

So..... am I REALLY stupid, or was it that she did not like the photo? I mean, really how stupid AM I? Do the rules of common courtesy NOT apply in this lifestyle?

< Message edited by desire4flr -- 11/8/2012 8:51:18 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: So.. how stupid am I? - 11/8/2012 8:52:28 PM

littlewonder

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RE: So.. how stupid am I? - 11/8/2012 9:08:39 PM

absolutchocolat

Posts: 1392
Status: offline

i'm not sure about whether or not she liked the photo...only she could tell you that. what's obvious, however, is that she doesn't want to communicate with you any longer. you shouldn't take it personally, it happens to everyone at some point.

(in reply to desire4flr)

Post #: 3

RE: So.. how stupid am I? - 11/8/2012 9:19:22 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I'm thinking the picture didn't do anything for her and she felt guilty about telling you she was no longer interested. It's hard to tell someone that you aren't attracted to them. Difficult to get right up in someone's space and say that you dont cut it for them. Maybe she tried for a bit after to see if she'd change her mind, and she just wasn't feeling it so she pulled the plug.

It would be nice if people always announced when they were moving on, but it's hard, sometimes the person you tell gets nasty, and it happens that people disappear. This is life. I'm not sure why you think disappearing or having a preference but handling it badly is contained only to kinky people.

(in reply to desire4flr)

Post #: 4

RE: So.. how stupid am I? - 11/8/2012 9:47:20 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
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Youre pretty fucking stupid ... NEXT -

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Post #: 5

RE: So.. how stupid am I? - 11/9/2012 1:23:00 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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1. She blocked you. That's a clear No.
2. I get the feeling you're asking if you could have done anything differently. You were correct in contacting her, but you should have talked about something else other than if she liked the photo. By doing so, you put her on the spot.
3. Either she was put off by your message, or she was a male wanker who didn't want to reciprocate with a pic.
4. What rules of common courtesy are you referring to? If you mean, was she obligated to respond to your pic, the answer is No.

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RE: So.. how stupid am I? - 11/9/2012 1:34:39 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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It could be she didn't like your pic. It could be someone else she was talking to turned out to be a better option. It could be she was just messing about and lost interest. Her partner got home. She found something you were saying to be irritating, pushy or whatever. She wasn't really a she and so had to abandon your chat before you figured it out. All we can say for certain is she wasn't interested in you anymore.

As for common courtesy, I'm afraid this is the internet, and this is how it goes. It's often easier just to block someone than have to justify your decision, and due to the large number of men and small number of women, a lot of women don't want to spend the time having that conversation over and over again. And then there are the people who get rejected and become abusive or whiny or argumentative, which put people off replying. Sure, you might have been gracious about it, but lots of people are not, so maybe she didn't want to take the risk.

Would it be more polite to say 'Sorry but I don't think we're a match'? Yes. Not worth getting upset over though.

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Post #: 7

RE: So.. how stupid am I? - 11/9/2012 3:52:17 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

My God man are you STUPID!................lol kidding.

I wouldnt like that either, nor would I do it, but on the the other hand I simply don't have a problem with spilling the beans. I mean how much time or guts does it take to say "This isn't working out good luck to you" then block if she felt like it. Its the internet and some people just tend to feel more comfortable being totally rude. Either way, she sent you a message by not sending you a message. Consider yourself lucky, little insight into the person. Carry on and good luck.

There are many many times I just havent replied to messages but if I took the time to talk to someone for awhile, I would at least have the curteousy to either say goodbye or fuck off. Gess.

< Message edited by chatterbox24 -- 11/9/2012 3:54:01 AM >

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RE: So.. how stupid am I? - 11/9/2012 4:06:21 AM

Toysinbabeland

Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
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did you consider that it might have been something that you said instead of the way you look?

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Post #: 9

RE: So.. how stupid am I? - 11/9/2012 4:46:40 AM

Killerangel

Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
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Was it a nude photo you sent her?

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Post #: 10

RE: So.. how stupid am I? - 11/9/2012 4:56:28 AM

descrite

Posts: 459
Joined: 5/14/2012
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OP, sadly, the standard here is "I am a woman, so even though this is the Internet, you are required to send me an initial message that is the verbal equivalent of wine and flowers, otherwise I am completely justified in ignoring or outright mocking your entreaty. Oh, and also, I am a woman, so if I get bored/sick of you at any moment, this is the Internet, so I can pull the plug without even the slightest amount of verbal interplay. Remember: you are required to comport yourself with dignity and grace and a modicum of social normality befitting a polite society, while I am not. See: privates. Also: supply and demand."

Hey-- at least it's a standard.

(in reply to Killerangel)

Post #: 11

RE: So.. how stupid am I? - 11/9/2012 5:37:47 AM

ClassAct2006

Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline

I think it's a people issue. We tend to like those who are good to us. If someone sends a short email wanting to see your bottom or something or who clearl isn't right for you or you don't find attractive then you aren't likely to take it forward.

It's often nothing personal. I am sure plenty of men don't want someone like I am - 50, children at home and with a very busy career. In fact OAPs with loads of time on their hands are better off with someone their own age without children and a job really.

it is also a matter of supply and demand. Some people near hear from anyone because they aren't very attractive in personality or words or looks. Others get a lot of emails and are having to sift through them to decide.

I don't like blocking though. I don't think I have ever blocked anyone. It's just a bit rude unless someone is being a total nuisance.

In general people's actions speak louder than words always. If he or she says they love you but they are virtually never in touch you can be pretty sure they are lying through their teeth. If they say they love you and they walk 2 miles through a jungle to get single to be in touch with you (something I've done and I'm sure a lot of us have) then you can be sure they mean it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite
OP, sadly, the standard here is "I am a woman, so even though this is the Internet, you are required to send me an initial message that is the verbal equivalent of wine and flowers, otherwise I am completely justified in ignoring or outright mocking your entreaty. Oh, and also, I am a woman, so if I get bored/sick of you at any moment, this is the Internet, so I can pull the plug without even the slightest amount of verbal interplay. Remember: you are required to comport yourself with dignity and grace and a modicum of social normality befitting a polite society, while I am not. See: privates. Also: supply and demand."

Hey-- at least it's a standard.

(in reply to descrite)

Post #: 12

RE: So.. how stupid am I? - 11/9/2012 6:19:20 AM

FrostedFlake

Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline

Long ago, it was difficult to walk to the next village. Then, we had few, deep relationships. People cared what others thought because they would likely be hanging out together for the rest of their lives. Today, we can theoretically directly contact most of the other folk on this rock. And live (move) anywhere in the World we like. We have therefore many, shallow relationships. People tend not to care what others think of them, because information overload is inoculatory.

Welcome to the future.

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Post #: 13

RE: So.. how stupid am I? - 11/9/2012 6:42:28 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: desire4flr

I sent an introduction to a Miss and we started exchanging emails. At some point came the inevitable photo (on my part only) after which there was total silence.

After waiting for a couple of days I inquired as to whether the photo was not to her liking and was told she was just not feeling well.

I got a slightly irritated note actually over my "impatience" though the responses were quite quick prior to that point.

I apologized politely for my insolence and we exchanged some playful notes, and about 2-3 notes later, out of nowhere she sent a note, unsent it, then blocked me.

So..... am I REALLY stupid, or was it that she did not like the photo? I mean, really how stupid AM I? Do the rules of common courtesy NOT apply in this lifestyle?

Yes, its probably your photo and no you are not stupid, she is just a pretty worthless human. Also, just because she didnt like your photo doesnt mean others wont.

(in reply to desire4flr)

Post #: 14

RE: So.. how stupid am I? - 11/9/2012 7:16:16 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

This has nothing to do with common courtesy, the lifestyle, or any of that junk. This is one of the potential outcomes when you choose the option of not having your pic up and send one only after an exchange has begun. It falls into that realm of doing ok online but the physical/visual doesn't do anything for somebody and then there's nothing left but some really uncomfortable choices. Is there really anybody who wants to be put in the position of telling another person they don't find them attractive? Yes, most people on the receiving end will say that they would prefer to be told the truth, but that doesn't make saying it any easier.

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Post #: 15

RE: So.. how stupid am I? - 11/9/2012 7:46:25 AM

Moonlightmaddnes

Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline

Na not stupid, just one of the downsides of online relationships.

When I met my husband the internet was pretty new so everyone still did things the old fashioned way. You saw someone and if they looked interesting you went and talked to them. Now days you talk to someone online and if they sound interesting you ask to see what they look like. I would be so lost if I ever had to go back to dating since I would have no clue how it is done.

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Post #: 16

RE: So.. how stupid am I? - 11/9/2012 7:47:54 AM

LonDom61

Posts: 196
Joined: 9/12/2007
Status: offline

What can be even MORE awkward...

No pix in profile. A few emails (can be too early to ask for a pic) lead to text chat.

Okay, now comfort level is established. Ask for pic. One or a few are sent. And you are in realtime contact with them.

You like the pic: great, you can be honest.

You dont like the pic: Um...er...whaddyagonnado.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 17

RE: So.. how stupid am I? - 11/9/2012 8:00:03 AM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

OP, sadly, the standard here is "I am a woman, so even though this is the Internet, you are required to send me an initial message that is the verbal equivalent of wine and flowers, otherwise I am completely justified in ignoring or outright mocking your entreaty. Oh, and also, I am a woman, so if I get bored/sick of you at any moment, this is the Internet, so I can pull the plug without even the slightest amount of verbal interplay. Remember: you are required to comport yourself with dignity and grace and a modicum of social normality befitting a polite society, while I am not. See: privates. Also: supply and demand."

Hey-- at least it's a standard.

There's that Molotov cocktail again!

I second what a few posters above mentioned; people (ok, men) can get really nasty/weird/threatening when someone takes the time to tell them directly that it's not going to work out. It is tempting not to put oneself in that line of fire and exit quietly.

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(in reply to descrite)

Post #: 18

RE: So.. how stupid am I? - 11/9/2012 8:10:54 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: desire4flr

I sent an introduction to a Miss and we started exchanging emails. At some point came the inevitable photo (on my part only) after which there was total silence.

After waiting for a couple of days I inquired as to whether the photo was not to her liking and was told she was just not feeling well.

I got a slightly irritated note actually over my "impatience" though the responses were quite quick prior to that point.

I apologized politely for my insolence and we exchanged some playful notes, and about 2-3 notes later, out of nowhere she sent a note, unsent it, then blocked me.

So..... am I REALLY stupid, or was it that she did not like the photo? I mean, really how stupid AM I? Do the rules of common courtesy NOT apply in this lifestyle?

Yes of course the courtesy thing for her to have said is "your to fat, ugly, short, skinny,tall whatever for me" If she had responded like that you would still be whining about how shallow and brutal she was to you. Either way you got the msg.

BadOne

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Post #: 19

RE: So.. how stupid am I? - 11/9/2012 8:16:01 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

No response is a response.

Look op, the reason women don't say no thanks is because of idiots with entitlement issues, like descrite.

Guys who get offended when they're rejected and then respond in a very negative manner. I'm sure that damn near every woman on here has rejected someone politely and gotten a nastygram in return. The most common one is 'your too fat to fuck' (sic). The ones that may give us nightmares are the ones where they claim they're going to hunt us down through our ISP and then slowly cut us up in pieces.

Since there isn't usually a way to know ahead of time if a guy we're talking to is going to do this, we protect ourselves by not rejecting. But just blocking. It's safer.

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Post #: 20

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