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How out as kinky are you on vanilla date sites? - 9/19/2012 7:08:45 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I'm creating a profile on Green Singles and thinking about this thread: He's Clearly Vanilla. I'm completely out as kinky on my OKCupid profile, but OKC is very BDSM friendly. I'm tempted to just copy and paste my OKC profile, but am feeling drawn to be more circumspect on Green Singles and am curious about what other people do on vanilla sites.

I've been separated since 2001 and divorced since 2005, and via my dating experiences know that it's important that I find someone who is both kinky and shares my values about the environment, etc. Vanilla sex leaves me unsatisfied. Great sex is not enough to sustain the relationship when he doesn't share my values. I've learned it's not enough if he gives me free reign to recycle and buy organic but doesn't care about this as well.

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RE: How out as kinky are you on vanilla date sites? - 9/19/2012 7:30:42 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I've never used them but if I did..........I would be very clear as to my proclivities.

I don't like wasting my time, or anyone else's.

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RE: How out as kinky are you on vanilla date sites? - 9/19/2012 7:56:31 AM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline 		If you really are using your profile on vanilla sites to find a long-term partner, I feel it would be easier to find a match if you were somewhat up front about your interests. However, I also understand not wanting to put it all out there. I guess it depends on whether you have the patience to correspond with people separately about their interests before going too far down the path with someone. I think you would want to know this about someone before even agreeing to meet for a coffee - otherwise it would be a waste of time for you.

I don't know if you use face pics on the vanilla site, and whether you are open about your kink interests generally in life, and whether that privacy issue factors in here for you, or not.

I have friends who are on vanilla sites and more open about their kink interests - but in a circumspect way. I don't know anyone whose profile reads the same whether it is on a site like this or a vanilla site.

Ultimately, you should do what you feel comfortable with (and I'm not sure what anyone of us does or doesn't do should be a factor in how you choose to approach things.)

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RE: How out as kinky are you on vanilla date sites? - 9/19/2012 8:22:42 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I am not as out on vanilla sites as I am here. I have a line in my vanilla profile that says, looking for take charge type of guy, and it is interesting since some people "get" that and others are oblivious.

Sort of like everyone on dating sites.

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RE: How out as kinky are you on vanilla date sites? - 9/19/2012 8:27:02 AM   
VioletViolence


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/30/2012
Status: offline 		I don't put it *all* out there on OkC, but I have that I'm kinky and dominant. I just didn't see the point of having to go through that discussion at a later date.

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RE: How out as kinky are you on vanilla date sites? - 9/19/2012 8:46:59 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Original: fucktoyprincess

I have friends who are on vanilla sites and more open about their kink interests - but in a circumspect way. I don't know anyone whose profile reads the same whether it is on a site like this or a vanilla site.

Ya, my profile here is much more explicit than on vanilla sites.

quote:

Original: sexyred1

I am not as out on vanilla sites as I am here. I have a line in my vanilla profile that says, looking for take charge type of guy, and it is interesting since some people "get" that and others are oblivious.

That's how I started out on OKC but because of my Search Engine Optimization background, I decided to optimize it with more kinky keywords.

I just did a search and no Green Singles in my area use the keywords BDSM, assertive, or dominant :(

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RE: How out as kinky are you on vanilla date sites? - 9/19/2012 9:17:52 AM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline 		I've never used a vanilla dating site for dating, just perving.

I wouldn't break out the handcuffs and the syringes though. That comes up more often in casual conversation for me than anything I've ever written online...and I write vast amounts. o_O



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RE: How out as kinky are you on vanilla date sites? - 9/19/2012 9:32:11 AM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		I would say that I would a bit straight up, I would assume some of the things we enjoy might scare the shit out of nilla people. So maybe just a few hints here and there, enough to get folks to ask questions about it.
Like RU said, could you imagine a profile stating: "Hi, Dominant male here. I enjoy sticking you with needles while you're handcuffed, but don't worry, you will be trained to enjoy it". LOL Well I would find it to be a great profile but some one else might not.

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RE: How out as kinky are you on vanilla date sites? - 9/19/2012 11:16:01 AM   
Winterapple


Posts: 1343
Joined: 8/19/2011
Status: offline 		I've only been on a vanilla site once and it
was a experiment that didn't last long.
I didn't say I was kinky but in retrospect
I might should have. It might have brought
in different fish or maybe not.

People that do use them say you
can say it without saying it outright.
Buzzwords and dog whistles.
I'd communicate in privately very soon
if I connected with someone who seemed
interesting. I think I'd be tempted to
say ps I'm kinky. It might scare some
off, might attract a larger amount of
horndogs, might intrigue a interesting
guy or best of all be seen by a kinky
guy.

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RE: How out as kinky are you on vanilla date sites? - 9/19/2012 11:38:43 AM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline 		One more thought. In this post "50 Shades" world, the word "kinky", or however else you choose to describe your interests, could still read as kink as we know it, but could also read as "I am a bored housewife who masturbated to 50 Shades", in which case I'm not sure you are going to narrow your search in a meaningful way. I feel like those set of books have changed the landscape of communicating our interests - and not in a good way. I used to feel like the word "kinky" actually conveyed more. It has been diluted, if that makes any sense.

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RE: How out as kinky are you on vanilla date sites? - 9/19/2012 11:45:06 AM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		My match and OKC profiles both had tag lines that read: LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO IS NOT VANILLA.

I had more success finding kinky men to date from that profile than I ever did here. (However, the two men that I have actually had true relationships with since I split from m husband, I met here.)

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RE: How out as kinky are you on vanilla date sites? - 9/19/2012 3:52:33 PM   
Titaniya


Posts: 85
Joined: 9/9/2012
Status: offline 		I'm only on OkC otherwise, and I don't mention it outright, but my proclivities and the direction I lean are readily apparent in my questions and explanations. (The last date I went on was with someone who ended up being a masochistic switch, so it seems like it might be working?)

I used to have "I identify as a sadomasochistic Domme" on my profile, which mostly seemed to attract hetero dudes looking for kinky sex to the exclusion of everything else.

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RE: How out as kinky are you on vanilla date sites? - 9/19/2012 6:10:55 PM   
LizDeluxe


Posts: 687
Joined: 10/2/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I've never used them but if I did..........I would be very clear as to my proclivities.


Particularly about the social agenda stuff. That will chase away more people than the kink.


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RE: How out as kinky are you on vanilla date sites? - 9/19/2012 9:57:07 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I simply stated in my profile that I liked to take charge in bed.

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RE: How out as kinky are you on vanilla date sites? - 9/20/2012 3:58:31 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I simply stated in my profile that I liked to take charge in bed.



Yeah...I wrote things like "looking for a traditional relationship" and that I can sometimes be found "on the more adventurous side of the bed." The men that knew what I was talking about...knew what I was talking about.

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RE: How out as kinky are you on vanilla date sites? - 9/20/2012 4:06:04 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

My match and OKC profiles both had tag lines that read: LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO IS NOT VANILLA.

I had more success finding kinky men to date from that profile than I ever did here. (However, the two men that I have actually had true relationships with since I split from m husband, I met here.)


Interestingly, my experience in terms of dating is similar - On Guardian Soulmates (A dating site aligned with the left-leaning Guardian newspaper here in the UK), there are TONS of kinky types.. code like "old fashioned values", "not looking for vanilla" work a treat.

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RE: How out as kinky are you on vanilla date sites? - 9/20/2012 8:11:47 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I say bluntly on my profiles that I am submissive and masochistic. I also say bluntly that I am specifically looking for dominant sadists who are always in control. I have found more "normal" kinky people on vanilla sites than I have on kinky sites.

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RE: How out as kinky are you on vanilla date sites? - 9/20/2012 11:16:26 PM   
pyschosubmission


Posts: 1109
Joined: 7/6/2012
From: Glasgow, Scotland
Status: offline 		I'm not on any (I don't think so at any rate) but if I was I'd be all out

1. It's better than those god awful cock shots

and

well...

2. I'm desperate for "The Daily Mail" to say what an evil man I am having a healthy sex life, god forbid such a thing! Princess Diana would never... oh wait...

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RE: How out as kinky are you on vanilla date sites? - 9/20/2012 11:31:55 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I had about 4 profiles on vanilla sites at the same time when I had a profile here and another bdsm personals site. I met a lot of nice men from the vanilla sites, went out with a few and some are still my friends. For me the bdsm sites and vanilla ones were no difference at all. I even had the same profile on both types of sites because nothing in my bdsm profiles ever said anything about kinky sex and such. The only reason I never stayed with the men I met on the vanilla sites were the same reasons I never stayed with any of the bdsm guys on here. They failed in exactly the same ways.




< Message edited by littlewonder -- 9/20/2012 11:35:04 PM >

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RE: How out as kinky are you on vanilla date sites? - 9/21/2012 2:37:12 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		I don't think I would have profiles on non kinky dating sites now. When I was younger I did, and I didn't include a lot about being kinky, I focused on me as a whole and my personality and what I was looking for and likes and dislikes.


Now after doing it a few times, I'm not willing to date someone who's not seriously kinky, * should I find myself single again*or on some level as kinky as I was, and I wouldn't want the possible abuse from those who find it necessary to be nasty to strangers, that having a kinky profile on a vanilla site might bring.

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 9/21/2012 2:39:44 PM >

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