BDSM newb

BDSM newb (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

Sinsir22 -> BDSM newb (9/10/2012 10:58:59 AM)
Hello everyone, I have a question and its an open question to anyone who reads this. After years of reading ive decided that i want to establish myself as a dominant figure, unfortunatly I have no idea where to begin. Theres just so much of this lifestyle to absorb, so rather than sitting and racking my brain out of comission, my first step i decided was to ask around. So does anyone have any words of wisdom for a novice dom such as i. You as the reader, be it Dom/Domme Sub/Slave, your knowledge to me is considered valuable so please, feel free. ~sin

LadyPact -> RE: BDSM newb (9/10/2012 11:14:32 AM)
Welcome to the forums. I'm going to try to answer your question. OK. At this point, you will be seen by others as doing research or book learning. To a lot of folks, that's a small step up from not doing squat. You are educating yourself with reading, but there's no hands on experience to back you up. That makes it hard to take you seriously. If you want to try to get that hands on experience, you may want to find your local munch group. That will help to educate you in the real/physical world side of things. Many munch groups have various learning opportunities through demos and such. There are also major events at various places throughout the country during the year that are fantastic gatherings. Best of luck to you.

Dunamis2009 -> RE: BDSM newb (9/10/2012 1:12:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sinsir22 Hello everyone, I have a question and its an open question to anyone who reads this. After years of reading ive decided that i want to establish myself as a dominant figure, unfortunatly I have no idea where to begin. Theres just so much of this lifestyle to absorb, so rather than sitting and racking my brain out of comission, my first step i decided was to ask around. So does anyone have any words of wisdom for a novice dom such as i. You as the reader, be it Dom/Domme Sub/Slave, your knowledge to me is considered valuable so please, feel free. ~sin Welcome! Quick question: Why is it that you want to establish yourself as a "dominant figure"? Is it because you've enjoyed fantasizing about tying women down, because it fits the rest of your personality, because you respect people with dominant personalities, or something else?

DesFIP -> RE: BDSM newb (9/11/2012 1:20:18 PM)
Be someone worth following. If you want her to do what you say, that means you need to demonstrate all those life skills. Control her finances? Better have yours in shape. Want her to clean her house regularly? Then you don't get to be a slob. Be someone whose word is his bond, no matter what.

ARIES83 -> RE: BDSM newb (9/11/2012 2:23:24 PM)
Be the man you want to be without any thought of the sex or D/s, if you want to be a dominant figure then I assume there are aspects of yourself that you arn't happy with, and you identify dominance as a solution. It's not a solution, it's a product of who you are, no point roleplaying... luckily it is posible to change the things about yourself that you don't like, but only you can identify them and do something about it. If you think you don't get enough respect, work on being someone worthy of respect. Set yourself goals, like quitting smoking for example, if you can't control yourself what makes you think your entitled to control anything. When you set your self goals and achieve them your not only getting self respect and self confidence your also moving towards what you want rather then sitting there wishing you had it. PS. I know there are a lot of dom's ect that smoke, I'm only using it as an example, I'm sure you know if your in control of it or a slave to it and how you decide to deal with it is up to you. -Aries And what Des said

Alecta -> RE: BDSM newb (9/11/2012 3:30:13 PM)
quote: After years of reading ive decided that i want to establish myself as a dominant figure, First of all, this is a poor way to go about it. What you're doing is like going up to the school football team and saying "after years of reading I've decided I want to establish myself as a center forward" without having ever played football. Go out and mingle and experiment, THEN decide what suits you. Join a local munch and participate in some workshops. Experience some of the stuff that interests you first, then decide what you want to do. By then also you'd have met people and hopefully made friends in the community enough to get you started in finding and growing your own relationship. The biggest thing about being anything is knowing what you want and what you can/can't do. Find that out, and the rest will follow.

RemoteUser -> RE: BDSM newb (9/11/2012 6:47:23 PM)
Maybe you should ask yourself what you want, find examples you respect, then figure out how to do what you admire for yourself. Then others can appreciate you for what you represent. Just don't be a representative. Live it.

culareD -> RE: BDSM newb (9/11/2012 7:11:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Welcome to the forums. I'm going to try to answer your question. OK. At this point, you will be seen by others as doing research or book learning. To a lot of folks, that's a small step up from not doing squat. You are educating yourself with reading, but there's no hands on experience to back you up. That makes it hard to take you seriously. If you want to try to get that hands on experience, you may want to find your local munch group. That will help to educate you in the real/physical world side of things. Many munch groups have various learning opportunities through demos and such. There are also major events at various places throughout the country during the year that are fantastic gatherings. Best of luck to you. Welcome to CM! I am also somewhat new...my pearl to you is to read the post I have quoted above, hang around the boards and get to know people, and stay away from the BS'ers in your CM mail...If you want to be a great DOM, then DO YOUR HOMEWORK so us subs can do our jobs! ;)

marcellarae -> RE: BDSM newb (9/12/2012 11:36:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sinsir22 Hello everyone, I have a question and its an open question to anyone who reads this. After years of reading ive decided that i want to establish myself as a dominant figure, unfortunatly I have no idea where to begin. Theres just so much of this lifestyle to absorb, so rather than sitting and racking my brain out of comission, my first step i decided was to ask around. So does anyone have any words of wisdom for a novice dom such as i. You as the reader, be it Dom/Domme Sub/Slave, your knowledge to me is considered valuable so please, feel free. ~sin Welcome to the lifestyle! I would give you some answers but I see others have given you plenty of good information. Best wishes and good luck! :)

Page: [1]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.015625