RE: Saying bye for a while, can't support backwards moderators (Full Version)

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DomKen -> RE: Saying bye for a while, can't support backwards moderators (8/30/2012 7:11:41 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdminAlpha

Out of curiositym why? Is it so more users can come and add to the wreckage?

This is a board with a fair number of sadists. Why not let us have a little fun?



VideoAdminAlpha -> RE: Saying bye for a while, can't support backwards moderators (8/30/2012 7:12:50 AM)

C O N S E N S U A L, pesky word that is [;)]



VideoAdminAlpha -> RE: Saying bye for a while, can't support backwards moderators (8/30/2012 7:13:48 AM)

And to the best of my knowledge, at the very least, none of the moderators are masochists, and thats who you are punishing, lol!, whether you think its the OP or not!



LaTigresse -> RE: Saying bye for a while, can't support backwards moderators (8/30/2012 7:14:46 AM)

I am of the mind that IF a consenting adult human types random stupidity on a forum with a whole bunch of other 'reasonably' intelligent consenting adult humans that also happen to be self admitted sadists...........dat pretty much equals 'consent' to abuse.

Just saying.

Now granted, the consentee must have some smidge of reasonable intelligence......at least double digit IQ........to figure that one out.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Saying bye for a while, can't support backwards moderators (8/30/2012 7:14:48 AM)

It's a public message board. If I post here, I just consented to have the rest of the public, whomever that may be, reply.

That's MY take on it.


ETA:

<high fives the Lady Tiger, in a totally consensual type way, of course>



LaTigresse -> RE: Saying bye for a while, can't support backwards moderators (8/30/2012 7:16:14 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdminAlpha

And to the best of my knowledge, at the very least, none of the moderators are masochists, and thats who you are punishing, lol!, whether you think its the OP or not!


Ya, but you are the silly ones that consented to be moderators![:D]



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Saying bye for a while, can't support backwards moderators (8/30/2012 7:18:03 AM)

But was it consensual non consent?

Users want to know.



LaTigresse -> RE: Saying bye for a while, can't support backwards moderators (8/30/2012 7:20:28 AM)

Ah haaaaaaa............the plot thickens!



DomKen -> RE: Saying bye for a while, can't support backwards moderators (8/30/2012 7:23:06 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdminAlpha

And to the best of my knowledge, at the very least, none of the moderators are masochists, and thats who you are punishing, lol!, whether you think its the OP or not!

How about if we all agree to tag our snark with something so the mods can see and just delete the post/thread without bothering to read it?

<train wreck> maybe?



Kana -> RE: Saying bye for a while, can't support backwards moderators (8/30/2012 7:37:13 AM)

Ya know, it's my life experience that 99% of the time, it's not what I say, but how I say it that counts.

There's an art form to communicating that often gets lost on forum boards-people come in firing and hammering away in posts and don't stop to think that with a different bit of phrasing, they could have many more people actually listen to their message and consider it than just turn them off from the start.
I've taken lots of stands here that ran against the grain of endemic thought in the forums (And will continue too)-I don't think I've been flat out attacked over it or modded once. I've had some heated discussions, I've agreed to disagree with many long time posters about some things (Her as an It, depersonalization, TPE, total ownership, things like that...) but they've never degenerated to the point where they turned into mudslinging modded arguments.

Hell, I flat out heckle people, regularly, and mock em to their face and nobody bitches, because I know how to do it.

Not to be a dick about it or anything, but I think that most people who have issues here cause their own problems because of how they go about things.
Come in soft, polite, be open to others thinking, listen and respond instead of ranting or shoving diatribes down folks throats, choose your words carefully (Don't say "You're wrong you lying cunt", say, "You might be right but have you considered seeing it from this POV...), you know, act with consideration and decency and you'll tend to do well here.
We have a wildly divergent populace. Sure, there are more fem subs on the board than anything else and occasionally a herd mentality is demonstrated, but as long as the person isn't a blithering idiot or a hypersensitive ass, if they say things the right way folk will at least give em some consideration.

Meanwhile, Doms, flouncing, drama, balls being taken home...sigh...words fail...



JeffBC -> RE: Saying bye for a while, can't support backwards moderators (8/30/2012 8:04:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdminAlpha
Out of curiositym why? Is it so more users can come and add to the wreckage?

Yes. It is the joy of internet discussion boards everywhere. I don't envy you your job VAA.

Karma. Unlike others I've always liked you. Your viewpoints are different and yes, from time to time you've gotten more combative than I would. But overall I think you're a positive addition to the boards. Take a break. Go explore. Maybe we'll see you back again. Lord knows I've done so a time or two. Sometimes a walkabout is good to clear your head. If you do come back don't feel like your tail is between your legs or any other such ridiculousness.

Have fun.



kdsub -> RE: Saying bye for a while, can't support backwards moderators (8/30/2012 8:06:36 AM)

Rather than respond to attacks and get yourself in trouble why not just state your case and leave it be. If what you are saying has truth those with an independent mind set will listen and those that don’t…will… who cares.

This is not the place to change the world but just a place to have fun. Don’t take it so serious because if you do then you are letting others have fun at your expense.

Butch



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Saying bye for a while, can't support backwards moderators (8/30/2012 8:08:25 AM)

I think it's more essential to not take it *personally*.



chatterbox24 -> RE: Saying bye for a while, can't support backwards moderators (8/30/2012 8:15:58 AM)

Chatterbox is still here and Karm speaks some truth here. Sadism can be used for an excuse, but I think it has more to do with self control, holding grudges, basing things on the past too. One of the hardest things to master is self control and I think people just cut loose on the internet because they cant dont do that at work, or the community without a much bigger backlash.
I can be a crazy bitch, I admit it and am pretty proud of it sometimes. Some days I have total self control, others Im like out of control like a train wreck. Depending on my mood and how much steam I want to let off.
SOme people need acceptance in a large way to feel strength, and others can stand alone and dont need it. Its whether you feel ok with yourself or not. SOme people wont post because of the gang mentality.
Nothing wrong with individual opinions, and its awesome to be different, if someone gives you greif for it TOUGH. thats their problem.



stellauk -> RE: Saying bye for a while, can't support backwards moderators (8/30/2012 8:28:54 AM)

As someone who doesn't fit in at all totally with anything mainstream I'm well aware of what it is like to be a minority.

I'm also aware that there are cliques here, a sort of a pack mentality or conformist, often there is a majority view on specific threads or even in certain sections, but really this is no different to what you encounter outside your front door.

So yes some people will not agree, they will not understand, and some will also snark, harrass, ridicule, discount anyone who challenges their opinions or way of thinking. But again, it's not really that much different than what is found outside your front door.

It's also important that bullies are aggressive attention whores who acquire external validation by putting someone else down. They get off on provoking an emotional reaction from their victim. The best way to deal with a bully is to disempower them and deny them the payoff, i.e. the emotional reaction.

A few years back one of my friends used to post here regularly.. some older posters might remember her.. Prinsexx. She doesn't conform, doesn't fit in, and she was adept at disempowering snark in a thread.

But then again another major determining factor which influences your experience on these boards is you - your attitudes, what you post, and how you interact with others.

It takes two to make a conflict, one to provoke and the other to respond. If you allow yourself to get involved in personal conflicts here, then it stands to reason that you're going to end up with gold letters.

Also this is a private website, a bit like a bar or a club. You can't rely on the mods to support you in your conflicts with others or intervene when there's a conflict.

That's what you have to deal with yourself and accept responsibility for.

The other thing is if you're going to leave then why start a thread on it? What were you hoping to achieve? What sort of response were you hoping for? Did you get it?

I'm not taking sides here, I'm not that interested in train wrecks or threads where people are bitching and snarking at one another. Therefore please excuse me if I don't go through your posts trying to determine who said what, when and on what thread.

Also bear in mind that if you do leave you're running away from the issue. That doesn't strike me as any sort of solution.



Kana -> RE: Saying bye for a while, can't support backwards moderators (8/30/2012 8:30:50 AM)

quote:

SOme people wont post because of the gang mentality.


Sigh
I hear this all the time and it's so fucking weak.

This ain't preschool. This ain't dixie cups, rainbows and unicorns, tiddlywinks or none of that shit.

This is freaking BDSM.
It's done by adults, to adults, between adults.
It's games played with potentially lethal consequences.
It ain't for the weak. It ain't for those who won't take risks. And it sure as hell ain't any 50 shades "inner goddess" nonsense.

You wanna live on the firing line of life, get all the joy and high that comes from that, that's fine, but understand that people are gonna take shots at you.
Don't wanna take the risk, don't wanna put yourself out there, don't wanna taste those highs, that glorious exultation? That's cool, stay a wallflower, cling to safe harbor, play in the kiddie pool and don't try swimming in the deep end, don't let go, don't take risks, don't taste the joy
Life is simple-ya get out of it what you put into it.
You wanna taste the nectar of the Gods. Fine, but first ya gotta sack up and climb Olympus.

And if ya don't, STFU and don't come crying to me. Cause I'll tell whoever it is to grow a pair and act like the adult they claim to be.

Fuck-I hate the nanny mentality. We do so many people a disservice by trying to shield em. People grow through love and pain, and sometimes folks need to feel the pain to grow.

I know, spoken like the sadist I am, right?



tj444 -> RE: Saying bye for a while, can't support backwards moderators (8/30/2012 8:36:24 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

I've been stalked and harassed on this board

I tend to avoid replying to your posts cuz imo its you that has the stalker posting style..

and of course, you are always right and everyone else that disagrees with you is always totally wrong.. imo you dont accept that other people can have different opinions for their reasons and just disagree with you.. FFS, it would be a boring world if we all thought alike..

so... bless yer heart.. & if you do come back (should we be so unlucky) I will continue to avoid replying to your posts..



nephandi -> RE: Saying bye for a while, can't support backwards moderators (8/30/2012 8:52:38 AM)

Greetings

I have never posted with you that I know of, please forgive me if I am wrong. I have no opinion of you personally but it is a shame for any forum to see an active poster go. Now I agree unfair moderation is very infuriating, but are you sure there is not some misunderstanding here somewhere. I do not agree with everything the mods on this forum do, among other things I think the forum is over moderated, but I have never experienced them to be directly unfair or to favor one poster over another, I have not often gotten a finger wagging from the mods, but when it have happened it have been because I knowingly or not have broken the rules and all except one time a long time ago all the times I have been told something by the mods they have been polite and friendly about it.

You also have to realize that to mod a board as big as this with so many posters from all walks of life that is not easy and unless aliens have invaded or there are monsters hiding in the shadows then the mods are human, they do make mistakes, if you feel ill treated perhaps you should PM the mod about it and speak up about it.

Once on the forum, not this one but another one I was treated pretty unfairly. I was discussing Gothic Lolita with another girl, she having a very traditional standpoint that you had to wear it like a uniform and me feeling that you had to be allowed to individualize all styles of fashion, the discussion got heated and it was right that the mod went in and stopped it, but she stopped it by saying to me obviously you do not know what you are talking about so shut up. I wrote the mod and told her that I felt it was wrong that she used her privilege as a mod on the forum, this was Norsk Goth Forum, to take sides in a argument and put one of the posters down, the mod apologized and the situation resolved. Now the point of why I am telling you this story is that most mods on most forums are reasonable people, and if they over react a polite conversation will usually resolve the issue.

Now like I said I know nothing about you or the situation you are mentioning or your conflict with the mod in question, I am not taking sides here. I am just saying that I would advice you to try to work things out with the mod for often conflicts are just based on misconceptions.

I wish you well



chatterbox24 -> RE: Saying bye for a while, can't support backwards moderators (8/30/2012 8:55:05 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

SOme people wont post because of the gang mentality.


Sigh
I hear this all the time and it's so fucking weak.

This ain't preschool. This ain't dixie cups, rainbows and unicorns, tiddlywinks or none of that shit.

This is freaking BDSM.
It's done by adults, to adults, between adults.
It's games played with potentially lethal consequences.
It ain't for the weak. It ain't for those who won't take risks. And it sure as hell ain't any 50 shades "inner goddess" nonsense.

You wanna live on the firing line of life, get all the joy and high that comes from that, that's fine, but understand that people are gonna take shots at you.
Don't wanna take the risk, don't wanna put yourself out there, don't wanna taste those highs, that glorious exultation? That's cool, stay a wallflower, cling to safe harbor, play in the kiddie pool and don't try swimming in the deep end, don't let go, don't take risks, don't taste the joy
Life is simple-ya get out of it what you put into it.
You wanna taste the nectar of the Gods. Fine, but first ya gotta sack up and climb Olympus.

And if ya don't, STFU and don't come crying to me. Cause I'll tell whoever it is to grow a pair and act like the adult they claim to be.

Fuck-I hate the nanny mentality. We do so many people a disservice by trying to shield em. People grow through love and pain, and sometimes folks need to feel the pain to grow.

I know, spoken like the sadist I am, right?



Spoken like a true sadist. ANd thats cool I dont have a problem with it...and as a sadist you wouldnt care if I did! lol. You have to feel alot of shit to grow and do grow the most in pain, unfortunately. But when you wake up from the pain, everything is a bit more rainbows and glitter cause well, you lived thru it.
I can empathize with people, and sometimes they need that though, when they are struggling, again thats my style, and if its no one elses , doesnt matter. ANyway yep ya gotta take risks in life, if you want anything to happen. sometimes its great sometimes it sucks and it hurts.



Kana -> RE: Saying bye for a while, can't support backwards moderators (8/30/2012 9:17:48 AM)

Really, when I said sadist, I was only referring to the last line.
The rest was about self empowerment- about getting rid of the, "I can't do it," "I might get hurt," "Someone may say mean things to me," victim mentality which I can't abide.
People wanna dance ? They gotta get off their chairs and onto the dance floor.
But don't sit there and whine about how much fun it would be while they refuse to take the risk of learning and/or looking like a fool....



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