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Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? - 8/24/2012 2:04:45 PM

Missokyst

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I finally found a buyer for an official police restraint chair I had in my garage for a few years. It went to one of our local group members so I know they are going to enjoy it the way I had intended to when I bought it for myself. I paid 80 for it, but sold it for 60 because I wanted to know it would go to a home that would appreciate it for the full intent.. keeping someone restrained from head to foot, unable to move, unable to escape. mmmmm

When I put it up for sale I hoped the cost would help my cash flow because lately it has been one thing after the other, from my moms stroke, to a new washer and only last month I had to have my AC repaired for a few hundred bucks. Because I have had to cut my work hours cut due to taking care of mom (she is fully functional but stubborn as heck and prone to doing stuff she can't), my former good fortune moneywise has depleted to the extreme low end. Never having done poor before I found it a difficult adjustment. My savings left sometime around April along with a lot of my security.

So.. 60 bucks.. mmm.. doesn't seem like a lot in comparison to what I used to have but it meant I could buy stuff that has been lacking lately. And what happens? My car battery died, or at least was near death as I started it up to go to work. Fridays is one of the few days I have of freedom because my sister takes my mom for the day. Freedom for me means I can work. YAY!
But not today. At least not till 3, the only call I could schedule given the way the day went, any other call I might have had went to other workers.
*sigh*
This is a rant, this is a groan and this is a question.

Did you ever notice how if you happen to get extra money SOMETHING happens to use it up? My new battery cost me 91 bucks.

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 8/24/2012 2:06:59 PM >

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

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RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? - 8/24/2012 2:11:33 PM

Karmastic

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that used to be me when i was younger. i'm lucky enough to have attained some financial security and stability *knock on wood*

ps - re keeping universe in balance, i'm a big believer in that. but that's not to be confused with making choices and having consequences. and, making life choices that lead you to security, if that's what you're after.

< Message edited by Karmastic -- 8/24/2012 2:14:27 PM >

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RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? - 8/24/2012 2:21:53 PM

Missokyst

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I used to believe in choices. I seriously thought I would work, be paid, save money, have stuff if I wanted it. And I did. Lots of it. And then life happens quite unexpectedly. There was no way I could predict having to care for a stubborn old woman in poor health that needs constant survailence.
Lately security for me has been a balance beam held up with ropes from the ceiling. Dec 21st is looking better to me all the time.

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

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RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? - 8/24/2012 2:25:15 PM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I used to believe in choices. I seriously thought I would work, be paid, save money, have stuff if I wanted it. And I did. Lots of it. And then life happens quite unexpectedly. There was no way I could predict having to care for a stubborn old woman in poor health that needs constant survailence.
Lately security for me has been a balance beam held up with ropes from the ceiling. Dec 21st is looking better to me all the time.

You can do all the right things in life, but it is never linear...curves come from all angles, all the time. It is just the way life is and the best laid plans sometimes have to be changed. Your strength in how you deal with it all is the only thing that matters and learning from it all.

It is always a work in progress and what they told us when we kids is not always the way things turned out to be.

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RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? - 8/24/2012 2:27:44 PM

Karmastic

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i hate to be cold about it, but that was a choice. i'm not making value judgements on what's right or wrong, just observing choices, especially in relation to boundaries/parents.

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RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? - 8/24/2012 2:35:49 PM

JstAnotherSub

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Choices? Parents and boundaries? She is caring for her sick mom. I guess she could make the choice to say fuck you mom, I choose to let ya rot, but, only a dickhead would do that.

Missokyst, no matter what we do, stuff happens. I know folks who do everything "right", and life kicks them in the head. I know folks who can fall in a pile of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

Hopefully, it helps you to know you are caring for your mom, and, this too shall pass in one way or the other. Hang in there chickie.

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RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? - 8/24/2012 2:38:37 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Life is a series of curve balls! Good for you, Missokyst! It's a rough road.

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RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? - 8/24/2012 2:43:32 PM

Karmastic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

Choices? Parents and boundaries? She is caring for her sick mom. I guess she could make the choice to say fuck you mom, I choose to let ya rot, but, only a dickhead would do that.

Missokyst, no matter what we do, stuff happens. I know folks who do everything "right", and life kicks them in the head. I know folks who can fall in a pile of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

Hopefully, it helps you to know you are caring for your mom, and, this too shall pass in one way or the other. Hang in there chickie.

perhaps you know a lot more about her situation than what she shared here, so I'll defer to your knowledge on that. i agree with how you articulated your support, and kind words for her situation.

re the actual words written here, i was observing her mentioning a stubborn old woman who seemed to needlessly be making her life miserable. my comments re choices and boundaries applied to that.

edit: let me be even more clear...when dealing with parents who have subverted to children, one must be consistent and strong about boundaries.

< Message edited by Karmastic -- 8/24/2012 2:45:57 PM >

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RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? - 8/24/2012 7:04:44 PM

Missokyst

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For the record my mom is nearing 89, has had a quadruple in the last 7 yrs, had her first stroke last year when I had to slow down working a bit, and her second stroke in February. She can talk, she can walk, but she was always stubborn and that has intensified greatly. We almost had a house fire 2 weeks ago because I was doing an over the internet call in my room and she decided she NEEDED to make corn on the cob. It was 9:30 AM. She totally forgot about it until I could smell it in my home office.
Stubborn, yes. But also falling into alzheimers rapidly. She asked me the other day where my room was, and it is next door to hers.
I cannot abandon her nor hand her off. Hell... I hand fed my german shepard his favorite food, salmon, in the last 4 months of his life.

On a brighter note I was able to make 130 today on a couple of calls I grabbed after I got my new battery. And my car is running great. So weird.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

Choices? Parents and boundaries? She is caring for her sick mom. I guess she could make the choice to say fuck you mom, I choose to let ya rot, but, only a dickhead would do that.

Missokyst, no matter what we do, stuff happens. I know folks who do everything "right", and life kicks them in the head. I know folks who can fall in a pile of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

Hopefully, it helps you to know you are caring for your mom, and, this too shall pass in one way or the other. Hang in there chickie.

perhaps you know a lot more about her situation than what she shared here, so I'll defer to your knowledge on that. i agree with how you articulated your support, and kind words for her situation.

re the actual words written here, i was observing her mentioning a stubborn old woman who seemed to needlessly be making her life miserable. my comments re choices and boundaries applied to that.

edit: let me be even more clear...when dealing with parents who have subverted to children, one must be consistent and strong about boundaries.

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 8/24/2012 7:09:34 PM >

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

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RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? - 8/24/2012 7:18:13 PM

kallisto

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Lots of good thoughts going out to you Missokyst. Life does seem to throw us curves when we want or need them the least.

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RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? - 8/24/2012 7:35:09 PM

Karmastic

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From: Los Angeles
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

For the record my mom is nearing 89, has had a quadruple in the last 7 yrs, had her first stroke last year when I had to slow down working a bit, and her second stroke in February. She can talk, she can walk, but she was always stubborn and that has intensified greatly. We almost had a house fire 2 weeks ago because I was doing an over the internet call in my room and she decided she NEEDED to make corn on the cob. It was 9:30 AM. She totally forgot about it until I could smell it in my home office.
Stubborn, yes. But also falling into alzheimers rapidly. She asked me the other day where my room was, and it is next door to hers.
I cannot abandon her nor hand her off. Hell... I hand fed my german shepard his favorite food, salmon, in the last 4 months of his life.

On a brighter note I was able to make 130 today on a couple of calls I grabbed after I got my new battery. And my car is running great. So weird.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

Choices? Parents and boundaries? She is caring for her sick mom. I guess she could make the choice to say fuck you mom, I choose to let ya rot, but, only a dickhead would do that.

Missokyst, no matter what we do, stuff happens. I know folks who do everything "right", and life kicks them in the head. I know folks who can fall in a pile of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

Hopefully, it helps you to know you are caring for your mom, and, this too shall pass in one way or the other. Hang in there chickie.

perhaps you know a lot more about her situation than what she shared here, so I'll defer to your knowledge on that. i agree with how you articulated your support, and kind words for her situation.

re the actual words written here, i was observing her mentioning a stubborn old woman who seemed to needlessly be making her life miserable. my comments re choices and boundaries applied to that.

edit: let me be even more clear...when dealing with parents who have subverted to children, one must be consistent and strong about boundaries.

i'm sorry to hear about your mom and all, i can definitely relate to many details of your situation.

sorry if i came off as suggesting you should abandon her - you shouldn't. part of what you said struck me as how i replied, and it's unfortunate how some reacted.

but for your own health, you should consider at what level of care you realize you need help. whether it's in-home care (Medicare or Medicaid?), or eventual placement in a safe environment where she cannot do harm to herself or others. your fire story is classic red flag.

i'm thinking good thoughts for you and your mom and wishing you all the best.

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RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? - 8/24/2012 9:42:26 PM

GreedyTop

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*hugs Misso*

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RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? - 8/24/2012 10:01:04 PM

Missokyst

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Thanks sweetie :) I am glad the day ended with money in my pocket and my mom not fighting her meds.
Tomorrow is another day. I think I wil make some jewelry, at least I can feel cute.

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“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

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RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? - 8/25/2012 12:28:59 AM

CynthiaWVirginia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

This is a rant, this is a groan and this is a question.

Did you ever notice how if you happen to get extra money SOMETHING happens to use it up?

Yep. With me, things come in clusters. It's like the universe saves up shiite and dumps it on my doorstep and laughs. While I was taking care of my friend for a year while she was dying, most days were a hell that never seemed to end...but it was MY decision to put myself in this situation. No regrets but glad it's over.

My bo is going through the same problem with his mother. She is set in her ways and is losing her ability to take care of herself...and is fiercely against going into any nursing home. She doesn't want a stranger living in her house helping her out either. She lives across the street from bo, and every third week, bo's sister takes over so he can come to my house for about a week. It's going to really get rough when his sister will start needing caretaking too.

Glad to hear that you got a financial break today...yay...sometimes the universe does try to balance itself out. It's nice to have a small respite from getting clusterf*cked instead.

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RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? - 8/25/2012 1:27:47 AM

DeviantlyD

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Did you ever notice how if you happen to get extra money SOMETHING happens to use it up? My new battery cost me 91 bucks.

It doesn't happen all the time, but it does happen now and again.

As a side note, I highly recommend getting a car battery from Costco. They are cheaper than any other place I've checked out. Then again...limited availability on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. ;)

I'm sorry to hear about your Mom, but I completely understand your want and need to take care of her. When it comes to our loved ones, oftentimes there are no options. I hope things get better for you, and for your Mom. :) I know she isn't in a good place...so saying I hope things improve for her may seem like a futile wish, but I almost always keep hope, even in the direst of situations.

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RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? - 8/25/2012 5:15:01 AM

needlesandpins

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can you not get help with your mum? i'm not sure what it is that you do, calls that earn that much money don't make sence to me. however, if you can earn so much money by making calls in a day then why not pay someone to sit with her while you work? i'm not sure how your systems work over there, but here we can claim a carers allowance. the alternative is to use respite care for her. you should never feel that you shouldn't do this. i work in care and it's damned hard on families. it's even worse when the person concerned is selfish enough to put all the pressure on their family. and yes i do mean selfish. they don't realise just what they are asking of families, or usually one person in the family. resistance to going into a care home is usually big for all residents, however, after a little time they get over it. they settle into their own rooms, and the routine of the house which actually does them good.

it's a great thing to be able to have the time and resourses to look after our own, however, it can be to great detriment. no-one should ever feel, or be made to feel guilty about finding care for a relative. it's hard word emotionally and physically. when dementia is involved it can sap every ounce of you.

as for the financial comments; yep that is my life all round. i like saving money, so even when i only have a little i am trying to save in some way even if it's only coppers in a jar. you can virtually guarentee though that if i get a good sum stored up something will blow big time and use it all up. life is a bitch, and again i go back to what i said in the 'i admit' thread. anyone who has money and thinks you can be truely happy without it, give it all to me and we'll see how long that romantic view lasts when you've got fuck all to pay your bills with, or wondering if you can eat for the next week.

money brings you the opertunity to be happy. but i'd rather be miserable and rich, than miserable and poor.

needles

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RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? - 8/25/2012 5:27:24 AM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

For the record my mom is nearing 89, has had a quadruple in the last 7 yrs, had her first stroke last year when I had to slow down working a bit, and her second stroke in February. She can talk, she can walk, but she was always stubborn and that has intensified greatly. We almost had a house fire 2 weeks ago because I was doing an over the internet call in my room and she decided she NEEDED to make corn on the cob. It was 9:30 AM. She totally forgot about it until I could smell it in my home office.
Stubborn, yes. But also falling into alzheimers rapidly. She asked me the other day where my room was, and it is next door to hers.
I cannot abandon her nor hand her off. Hell... I hand fed my german shepard his favorite food, salmon, in the last 4 months of his life.

On a brighter note I was able to make 130 today on a couple of calls I grabbed after I got my new battery. And my car is running great. So weird.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

Choices? Parents and boundaries? She is caring for her sick mom. I guess she could make the choice to say fuck you mom, I choose to let ya rot, but, only a dickhead would do that.

Missokyst, no matter what we do, stuff happens. I know folks who do everything "right", and life kicks them in the head. I know folks who can fall in a pile of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

Hopefully, it helps you to know you are caring for your mom, and, this too shall pass in one way or the other. Hang in there chickie.

perhaps you know a lot more about her situation than what she shared here, so I'll defer to your knowledge on that. i agree with how you articulated your support, and kind words for her situation.

re the actual words written here, i was observing her mentioning a stubborn old woman who seemed to needlessly be making her life miserable. my comments re choices and boundaries applied to that.

edit: let me be even more clear...when dealing with parents who have subverted to children, one must be consistent and strong about boundaries.

There are things that can look like alzheimer's and aren't.
Unless she has been given a hard and fast DX it is a good idea to rule out some of those other things like a B-12 deficiency.

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RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? - 8/25/2012 5:47:36 AM

kalikshama

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Is your Mom receiving all the social services and benefits to which she is entitled?

Does she have insurance that would pay for caregivers? Does your state of California have a program for this?

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RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? - 8/25/2012 6:06:09 AM

MissKittyDeVine

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I´m taking a break from my break to urge you this: PUT YOURSELF FIRST: If you really want to look after your mum then that´s good (if difficult), but the issue of caring for a parent is one that is surrounded by a ton of guilt, some of it self-imposed, some from outside. I am well aware that I could not be a full-time carer, and I´ve seen it destroy people. Being a carer is a hugely demanding job with huge implications to financial, emotional and physical health. People make you feel that it is your duty to look after your parents, no matter what the cost to you. To them I say, judge not, lest ye be judged.

< Message edited by MissKittyDeVine -- 8/25/2012 6:07:56 AM >

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RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? - 8/25/2012 7:04:59 AM

JstAnotherSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

Choices? Parents and boundaries? She is caring for her sick mom. I guess she could make the choice to say fuck you mom, I choose to let ya rot, but, only a dickhead would do that.

Missokyst, no matter what we do, stuff happens. I know folks who do everything "right", and life kicks them in the head. I know folks who can fall in a pile of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

Hopefully, it helps you to know you are caring for your mom, and, this too shall pass in one way or the other. Hang in there chickie.

perhaps you know a lot more about her situation than what she shared here, so I'll defer to your knowledge on that. i agree with how you articulated your support, and kind words for her situation.

re the actual words written here, i was observing her mentioning a stubborn old woman who seemed to needlessly be making her life miserable. my comments re choices and boundaries applied to that.

edit: let me be even more clear...when dealing with parents who have subverted to children, one must be consistent and strong about boundaries.

In my world, no subversion is in the OP's situation at all, it is quite simply the way that life goes. Parents care for us, we care for them later in life.

Doing the right thing tends to make it easier for me to look at my self in the mirror. Always wondering if I was doing the right thing because of trickery would drive me mad.

I think that missokyst will never regret taking care of her mom. I know I never did, even though I cursed under my breath at her stubbornness almost daily.

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