RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser?

RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? (Full Version)

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Missokyst -> RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? (8/25/2012 10:07:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: needlesandpins i'm not sure what it is that you do, calls that earn that much money don't make sence to me. I am a computer tech, security specialist. On my best day I have made as much as 400, that's one of the reasons I am SO not used to having an excess of cash. But, it is an on call job. If no one is sick, I don't make money. Some weeks were great, some not so much. And now given the increase if competition if I don't keep my face out there or am unable to be there on their time, any other tech can slip into my place. Keeping clients in this business means you have to be there when they depend on you. My clients tend to view me as a life/data saver. But I am not so vain as to believe if not me, there will not be another. quote: ORIGINAL: needlesandpins if you can earn so much money by making calls in a day then why not pay someone to sit with her while you work? I did try this after the first stroke. But mom couldn't stand it with the first try, the 2nd one drank all my liquor, and #3... I suspect that is where much of my mothers jewelry disappeared. At first I thought she would just forget it in a pocket or something, now having gone through I believe someone acquired them. And then there is the most important point. My making money. It has to be consistant and it isn't. She has government medical ins and a supplemental that takes the burden off of any hospital visits. I used to take her to outpatient visits for physical therapy but she dug in her heels once she could walk well again and refused any further treatments. quote: ORIGINAL: needlesandpins person concerned is selfish enough to put all the pressure on their family. and yes i do mean selfish. they don't realise just what they are asking of families, or usually one person in the family. resistance to going into a care home is usually big for all residents, however, after a little time they get over it. they settle into their own rooms, and the routine of the house which actually does them good. I believe here it boils down to ethnicity. We have grown up being taken care of by our parents with the full knowlege that at their end we will care for them. My family is all growing older. I only have one uncle and one aunt left of 12. Those that have ended up in care facilities usually die fairly rapidly after, in full dementia. My aunt could not recall her childrens faces though they visited daily. My mom was horrified. I won't do that to her. Daily and constant contact with us reinforces her memory. I have family that steps in now and then. My girls are invaluable when they are not working and can care for her. My sister takes her on Friday and usually Saturday. Sometimes my neice will take her for a few hours on Sunday. Still... they see her at her best. It is like they are the non custodial parent who gets to do the fun stuff while I am the one at home who sees to the day to day. And its a bit..hmm... discouraging to have her acknowlege them with such regard while I am I guess more like the house. Something that keeps her safe and comfortable. Oddly, this is not unlike my childhood. I am the youngest and the only one who was trained in a different way. My siblings were wild and often disciplined. Not so, I. I was expected to be the one they got right. My parents in effect trained me to be submissive because to be otherwise was to be nothing. quote: ORIGINAL: needlesandpins money brings you the opertunity to be happy. but i'd rather be miserable and rich, than miserable and poor. needles LOL oh HELL YES! And yes.. I do have one of those jars. I Only I keep dimes, quarters, half dollars, and silver dollars in that thing. One year it gave me two weeks in Vegas. I am aiming for enough now to rent a new place once mom passes on and the vultures come to say their last goodbyes and ask for their share of what ever she has left.

needlesandpins -> RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? (8/25/2012 10:58:05 AM)
the vultures are always there at the end. they are usually the ones we never see in the home coming to visit, but always there at the funeral crying their eyes out. we so loved so-and-so, and we tried to visit. one of my guys had two nieces that passed our place everyday, but we didn't even know they existed. they were in his room faster than you could click your fingers at the end though. dementia can do strange things to the mind. however, staying with family doesn't really mean they remember you more. once those memory cells have gone, they have gone. think of it as an onion. when we are born our memory is built in nice fleshy layers over the years. depending on the type of dementia depends on how it attacks those layers. however it attacks it does the same thing. each layer of memory starts to dry out, and just as we can't rehydrate dried out onion skins we can't rebuild those lost cells. they effectively burst. this is why they remember some things but not others, but forget the most recent of events, like your mum putting the corn on and then leaving it. most people will remember that they have a spouse, but not that that spouse is dead. they may mistake grandchildren for their own children because the layers have shrank back to when they were younger. that is what they remember so it must be true. one of my ladies was 89 when i started my job, when i asked her how old she thought she was she said 27. a couple of years later she told me she was 21. these were not wishfull thinking numbers, she truely believed she was that age. so medications can slow things down, but they can't prevent it happening, or reverse the process. dementia has a life expectancy of 12-15 years for a good term, but often people have been suffering for years before others accept that something is really wrong. my grandad for instance told our consultant that my grandma had only been suffering for about 6 months. i knew it was at least four years. hence why it seems to take some quicker than the time given. don't let what has happened to others in your family stop you doing what you need to for the best. some of my guys have been with us for alot of years. i seriously wish you both well, and that things go as easy for your mum as possible. special thoughts for both of you for health and finance. needles

Missokyst -> RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? (8/25/2012 11:42:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: needlesandpins the vultures are always there at the end. they are usually the ones we never see in the home coming to visit, but always there at the funeral crying their eyes out. This sickens me the most. One of my sisters who lives near me and takes her out on weekends already has her share. She borrowed 100,000 from my mom a few years ago and is slowly paying it back. However she has this weird delusion that in terms of loans 100,000 MEANS 100,000 and not also the interest it has acrued. As I pay the loan off in rent this is an irritation to me. When my mom dies the home sale splits between the 4 of us. No one will consider that I also pay the house taxes here and have for years. This means my sister who borrowed will get 1/4th even though she already got some. My other two siblings live in Ks and until she got sick had not been to visit in 20 yrs and called only on her Bday or Xmas, or if they needed cash. You know the vultures are circling when they call once a month now to see how she is. quote: ORIGINAL: needlesandpins one of my ladies was 89 when i started my job, when i asked her how old she thought she was she said 27. a couple of years later she told me she was 21. these were not wishfull thinking numbers, she truely believed she was that age. Yeah... my mom isn't that bad yet. She does believe she is 85 though. So far that hasn't changed in 3 yrs. lol I figure she is doing a Jack Benny. quote: ORIGINAL: needlesandpins medications can slow things down, but they can't prevent it happening, or reverse the process. dementia has a life expectancy of 12-15 years for a good term, but often people have been suffering for years before others accept that something is really wrong. special thoughts for both of you for health and finance. needles I don't like to consider this but I know she will be long gone before it gets to that point. Her kidneys are failing and she is not a good candidate for replacement. So with me she stays. Thank you for the special thoughts.

CRYPTICLXVI -> RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? (8/25/2012 11:49:47 AM)
I have no idea what you are going through. When I lost my father, I was in my teens and it was sudden. When my mother goes, she will stay with my sister... she and my sister have always been extremely close, whereas she barely speaks to me. In fact she moved to Alaska a few years ago to be closer to my sister. I have always been on the outside with both of them. Though I love my mother and will miss her deeply, she will gravitate to my sister... and I know it will be hard on my sister. I have nothing productive to add to this discussion except I hope the best for you in this situation.

kalikshama -> RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? (8/25/2012 3:36:38 PM)
quote: When my mom dies the home sale splits between the 4 of us. No one will consider that I also pay the house taxes here and have for years. This means my sister who borrowed will get 1/4th even though she already got some. I have two siblings and my parents are not leaving things to us equally. They are divorced. My brother has neurological and psychological difficulties and my sister is a lawyer married to a doctor. In the will my mother just updated, she upped my percentage, which is probably due to me moving back home to help out with my brother. I don't care what my father does - money has been a sticky subject with us over the years and I'm not going to get sucked in.

VideoAdminChi -> RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? (8/26/2012 6:17:11 AM)
FR, A considerable amount of posts have been removed from this thread. Please stay on topic. If you feel that other posters are posting inappropriately, do not address them within the thread - create a report. Thank you.

yourdarkdesire -> RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? (8/26/2012 6:31:47 AM)
my sympathies for your situations. As your Mom is now walking and talking, is there a respite program in your area where she could go for a few days every once in a while? Some areas also have, damn the tems has escaped me, but its like a doggy daycare - please excuse the analogy, but it is a day program where seniors like your Mom can go for a day, to socialize with other people, and give you a break at the same time. Please check with your local health unit as they would be the best ones to direct you to any available programs in your area. And it is very very important to make sure you get you time. Caregiver burnout is very common in your situation, especially when you don't have a lot of back up. As for your question about money and curveballs.....oh yeah. Kids come before you're ready. The home you're renting gets sold out from under you. We are a single income family with a 14 yr old and a 9 yr old (damn kids are expensive). We live basically paycheck to paycheck and just pray that nothing goes wrong, because if it does, we are screwed.

GreedyTop -> RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? (8/26/2012 6:43:45 AM)
adult daycare, I've seen it referred to in FL. Occupational therapy at a senior center might be an option? hugs MIsso agan, just 'cause

yourdarkdesire -> RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? (8/26/2012 7:19:57 AM)
LOL! Thanks greedy. Maybe I was over thinking it, I thought there was a better term for is than just adult daycare. I know my dad could have used something like this when my mom was dying.

GreedyTop -> RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? (8/26/2012 7:38:43 AM)
I don't know if that is a common name for it.. but in FL I did see quite a few places with front yard billboards announcing themselves as ADULT DAYCARE CENTERS!!!! (add lots of colours and stupid graphics). OK, to be fair, I DID see a few that were decidedly less flamboyent than that... I agree that there is a need for these places. My cousin Ted is a likely candidate. He is not so far gone that he doesn't know his kids, but IS beyond the point of safely being left on his own full time. (currently, his kids trade off time there. They DO both have their own lives, which is why the ADC is a semi-workable option for them).

Lucifyre -> RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? (8/26/2012 7:38:44 AM)
Oh Misso...I so feel for you. Not only can I relate to the money issue, but the parent issue as well. I took my father in about a year after he had his stroke. I would have taken him a lot sooner, but no one bothered to tell me (and he was too stubborn to admit) that he needed more care than any of the rest of them could provide. Sadly his health had declined way too far for any chance of recovery, he was paralyzed 80% in his left arm and about 60% in his left leg...he could walk, well, sort of, with a cane. While he kept all his "faculties" until the end, the stubbornness is what I can totally identify with. The whole time he was with me he kept insisting he was going to go back to his own home because he could do it himself (so he said) Sending him to a home for proffessional care was never an option I even remotely considered, though when he had his stubborn moments it was fun to threaten him with it (he knew I wasn't serious though LOL) I got a very precious 6 weeks with him. Both of my older children still lived with me so they and my youngest got to spend time with him as well and I am so thankful for that. My heart goes out to you. Only you can know what's right for you and your family. You make the best decisions you can and know in your heart you did what was right no matter what it was. I'm thinking about you! Lucifyre

GreedyTop -> RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? (8/26/2012 7:39:45 AM)
hugs Luci

Missokyst -> RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? (8/26/2012 12:59:12 PM)
Sadly, that is the case for most of America these days. It took me roughly 1.2 yrs to deplete all my funds and that was largely due to home upkeep. Lord help the non well off classes if ANYTHING breaks down. It used to be that families came together, living in one unit and making do with combined finances. That is still how we do things in my household, but most are single units and that has got to be more difficult. quote: ORIGINAL: yourdarkdesire We live basically paycheck to paycheck and just pray that nothing goes wrong, because if it does, we are screwed.

Missokyst -> RE: Keeping the universe in balance or justa pisser? (8/26/2012 1:06:12 PM)
Yep, its adult day care here too, though basically they are called "senior centers", where seniors can choose activities to do for the day. I couldn't drag my mom to one. I used to think of myself as a freak because basically I am a loner. But, loner or not, I can move into a group and adapt quickly. Not so my mom (I suspect my loner'ness comes from her personality), my mom simply will not join in unless she knows someone. And she makes no attempts to get to know people. lol... hence my referencing her as a stubborn old woman. I love her but her personality quirks are deeper than my own.. lol and that is NOT easy! and for anyone else in this situation, USUALLY senior centers are relatively cheap options for a bit of time out. Here they can just walk in and pay for what ever class they choose to take. quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop I don't know if that is a common name for it.. but in FL I did see quite a few places with front yard billboards announcing themselves as ADULT DAYCARE CENTERS!!!!

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