RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/24/2012 7:30:50 PM

SlipSlidingAway

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucifyre

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlipSlidingAway

Actually, for me, vanilla sex is pretty much any sex that I have in a 'nilla relationship. It can be kinky as heck, or not. It's still vanilla sex...

It remains vanilla sex UNTIL I add in some form of power exchange. Then, the sex can be tame as all get out, plain old missionary, whatever, it ceases to be vanilla for me because of my mindset.

It's not so much what's happening at a given moment; it's about how much control I have over that and how much control I have over what ~might~ happen.

And, that probably does not make a whole lot of sense to anyone but me. lol

It made TOTAL sense to me.

Me too!

In fact, IMO kink has a lot less to do with the toys you add to mix than the midsent of the two (or more) people engaging. Which I suppose is just saying about the same thing as the last paragraph above, only rephrased a little bit.

Of course my twisted mind wants to make some fucked up comment about bondage that isn't kinky would be considered rape...but I won't turn this discussion in that direction so just ignore me.

Lucifyre

Some of the most NOT vanilla sex that I have had has been the least kinkiest. Strange, but true.

And, I suppose there could be non-kinky consensual bondage, no? Or does it just say too much about how abnormal I am to think that bondage in and of itself is not kinky? LOL, I dunno...

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/24/2012 10:53:46 PM

JeffBC

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So does using a bamboo back scratcher as an improvised crop on her nipples count? I dunno... Per that whole "you gotta be rich to be in BDSM thread" it just seems too low-rent to be kinky?

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/24/2012 11:02:50 PM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
For me vanilla means the most basic of flavor: straight on missionary sex.

Yay! I am not an alien!

Thank you.

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/25/2012 7:08:56 AM

angelikaJ

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For me, context is everything.
These can be vanilla or they can be kinky... depending on my head-space.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Actually, I got a few questions.

Are these things vanilla?

Deep throating
Spanking
Swallowing cum
Cumming on the girl where-ever, head, face, tits, cunt, wherever
Basically..., fingering her in public
Anal sex
Threesomes or more

Yes, those are all vanilla. As are spanking, choking, having someone watch, switching partners, snowballing, etc.

The bolded parts occur in my relationship with [my] Master... and for us, they are a part of the kink.

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/25/2012 10:45:13 AM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
For me vanilla means the most basic of flavor: straight on missionary sex.

Yay! I am not an alien!

Thank you.

Well... I didn't say THAT...

I mean, to draw that conclusion you're going from the assumption that I'm not an alien...

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/25/2012 11:12:08 AM

Salinedion

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For me, the pervvy stuff gives me a rock hard boner and that generally leads to a couple of hours of sex, followed by a cum so hard my eyes cross. So dominant blow job = good; OK-ish, vague blow job = I'll pass.

As to what the non-pervs are doing with their clothes off, I try to not to think about it and I'm good with the feeling being mutual.

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/25/2012 8:34:21 PM

xssve

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

wow. you've lived a sheltered life, haven't you?

I dunno how are some of those vanilla though when humiliation is involved?

Not everyone would find those things humiliating.

ETA: You reallllllllllllllllllllly need to accept that not everyone is as easily humiliated as you appear to be. and that the things you find humiliating would be considered abusive by a lot of folks.

Good point, I did all those things before I came out as "kinky", and it never occurred to me or anyone I was doing it with that it was in any way humiliating, it seems to me that vanilla's, particularly the hard religious right, are probably the kinky ones, they really milk that humiliation fetish to the bone, they probably have to do hail Marys after taking a shit.

In order for it to be humiliating for reals, I think you need to start with an unrealistically high opinion of yourself.

And I'm not just being facetious, people like sex, people are naturally curious, so naturally they tend to do weird stuff, and it's not even always like you started out with that in mind, you just find yourself doing it, but if you've been drilled in some rigid school that some things are good under proper supervision and everything else is a ticket straight to hell, it's an unrealistic expectation, and you better like humiliation if you want even a normal sex life.

< Message edited by xssve -- 8/25/2012 8:35:26 PM >

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/26/2012 10:26:01 AM

sheisreeds

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
Are these things vanilla?

Deep throating yes
Spanking yes (when light and occasional)
Swallowing cum yes
Cumming on the girl where-ever, head, face, tits, cunt, wherever yes
Basically..., fingering her in public yes
Anal sex yes
Threesomes or more yes

My answers are in green, and yeah I think most of that stuff is pretty vanilla, I also do not do most of the things on that list. I do however prefer knives during genital foreplay, and pull back my partner's head by his hair and slap his face senseless during sex.

In a vanilla relationship with my triggers and issues, and just pure dislike for a lot of things I'd be fairly useless. In a kinky and BDSM based relationship I am one scary bitch. Once I recognized this, life made a whole lot more sense. Sex for me involves giving and/or receiving pain, incredibly rough (to the degree of being a source of pain), and power struggle and/or power exchange. I really don't enjoy sex any other way and prior to embracing BDSM would at times find seek out impulsive and/or unhealthy situations to get that fulfillment.

Now that I know I can get my needs met in a healthy committed relationship so long as BDSM is involved I see no going back.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlipSlidingAway

I only speak as a woman in a vanilla marriage who has tried to make kinky vanilla sex into......well, whatever term anyone would like to insert for the opposite of it lol...

It just does not work for me. I don't care how kinky we'd get, it just did not get me into the same headspace. He's even tried to top me, but again, it's not real to him and I know it, so it does not push the same buttons. It took me a while to realize that the power exchange was really what was driving my responses. But, then again, the power exchange has so much tied up (pun intened) with it that I'm not sure which aspects of it actually flip that switch. I just know that, in my case, no denying it.

Been there, and that's definitely on of the reasons I am not married anymore . . . We'd wrestle some, played with bondage some, but it was just a game to my ex, something to spice things up on occasion. For me it was a need.

Even though my current relationship is switch, it is still power exchange based, it's just a coin perpetually spinning on it's side, and once it awhile it lands heads or tails and we go with that until one of us flips the fucker over and sets it spinning again. It's the natural progression and course of our relationship.

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/27/2012 6:01:19 AM

culareD

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SlipSlidingAway

I only speak as a woman in a vanilla marriage who has tried to make kinky vanilla sex into......well, whatever term anyone would like to insert for the opposite of it lol...

It just does not work for me. I don't care how kinky we'd get, it just did not get me into the same headspace. He's even tried to top me, but again, it's not real to him and I know it, so it does not push the same buttons. It took me a while to realize that the power exchange was really what was driving my responses. But, then again, the power exchange has so much tied up (pun intened) with it that I'm not sure which aspects of it actually flip that switch. I just know that, in my case, no denying it.

Been there, and that's definitely on of the reasons I am not married anymore . . . We'd wrestle some, played with bondage some, but it was just a game to my ex, something to spice things up on occasion. For me it was a need.

Even though my current relationship is switch, it is still power exchange based, it's just a coin perpetually spinning on it's side, and once it awhile it lands heads or tails and we go with that until one of us flips the fucker over and sets it spinning again. It's the natural progression and course of our relationship.

It is a need for me too. I can't believe it has taken so darn long to figure this out though...

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/27/2012 6:34:32 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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Using FR:

Really, I think the only time I've had vanilla sex was the first time, after that a power exchange was always involved.

Either the guy knew what he was doing, and dominated me (what I prefer), or didn't, and I had to tell him what to do. It's been this way since I was 15.

As others have said, it's not the action or the position, it's the mind set.

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/27/2012 7:03:31 AM

Alltiedup57

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CulareD, thank you now I understand why I was always so frustrated. I had to say no this r come on really loud.
You described my 8 yrs, I guess my dedication was my own fault.
Now that I crave it so bad an know I have to have it is a problem.

It's a problem as I want to find a Dom or Domme, yet it seems to be a challenge.
When I'm told to do something it just sparks something that I love!!

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/27/2012 7:41:59 AM

SlipSlidingAway

Posts: 223
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quote:

ORIGINAL: culareD

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlipSlidingAway

I only speak as a woman in a vanilla marriage who has tried to make kinky vanilla sex into......well, whatever term anyone would like to insert for the opposite of it lol...

It just does not work for me. I don't care how kinky we'd get, it just did not get me into the same headspace. He's even tried to top me, but again, it's not real to him and I know it, so it does not push the same buttons. It took me a while to realize that the power exchange was really what was driving my responses. But, then again, the power exchange has so much tied up (pun intened) with it that I'm not sure which aspects of it actually flip that switch. I just know that, in my case, no denying it.

Been there, and that's definitely on of the reasons I am not married anymore . . . We'd wrestle some, played with bondage some, but it was just a game to my ex, something to spice things up on occasion. For me it was a need.

Even though my current relationship is switch, it is still power exchange based, it's just a coin perpetually spinning on it's side, and once it awhile it lands heads or tails and we go with that until one of us flips the fucker over and sets it spinning again. It's the natural progression and course of our relationship.

"It is a need for me too. I can't believe it has taken so darn long to figure this out though..."

Me, neither, but I think it took me so long to figure it out because I was convinced it was the kink that was feeding the desire. It was not until I back-tracked, if you will, and had kinky sex outside of a power exchange relationship that I had my "aha" moment. It's not so much about what is being done to/with me and is EVERYTHING to do with the why (and, by association, the who).

< Message edited by SlipSlidingAway -- 8/27/2012 7:43:23 AM >

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