RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents

RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents (Full Version)

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mons -> RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents (7/31/2012 3:52:35 AM)
Hello to all I see I am not the only one with family things going on! I want to thank all of you for your answers and post! Myotherself, I never had compare the three it is now that they are adults they are so different and I never once say his to each of them! Your all so right, but I never let someone hurt me but when it is your children it is not something you can let go of! Thank you all again Best regards mons

fucktoyprincess -> RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents (7/31/2012 2:40:08 PM)
Just wanted to add a slightly different perspective. Children do no ask to be born into the world. If you bring a child into the world, I strongly believe that it is your responsibility to raise them to the best of your abilities (financially, emotionally, etc. - you do the best you can with what you have.) I also strongly believe that each of us is responsible for our own retirement and old age. I do not believe a child "owes" anything to a parent. I think the trouble begins when parents assume that they are "owed" (whatever it is that the parent feels they are "entitled" to - whether it is time, attention, money, care, etc.) The most important thing a parent can do is to raise a child to be an independent and responsible adult. To me, being independent and responsible as an adult does not necessarily imply anything about the relationship that someone has to their parents. I don't expect many to share my view, but this is how I feel. p.s. I love my parents and do many things for them. This is not coming from a negative view of my parents. I am simply encouraging a different view of the "rights" and responsibilities of parenthood.

mons -> RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents (8/1/2012 5:29:49 AM)
ftp Are you sure you would do anything for your parents? What if they became so ill you had to stay home with the? Now remember life hold so many card we are handed there is not way you can tell what may happen! Now with that said "this is how I rasie so very good citizens, none has ever been n trouble! They all finish a higher education! They are loved and care for forever! I am hurt not mad, no they are not to teke care of me at all! They are independent but with all children if they need help they know to come to and where they can still come and say what is one there mind! They are the best kids ever but something is wrong with my son, I saw now looing back he was stressed, even worried! This and this alone has me sick with worry, they have never come to bring trouble to our home! So many had misread what I said "the older one is an angel, he is more mature and understand things more, they all are angels with a touch of the devil ! We brought them up to be strong do not follow lead, and a friend does not get you to do things that will land you in Jail! They have listened and learned! When on of you parentis seriously ill, and when you can go home and stay and give up on things , then and only then can you say you will do anything for your parents my children did this for me! Without a blink or a thought of now staying to help me! All of our children were and are wanted, It was a joy to raise them they were not a problemm, we taught them well make no mistake about this! I bet your someone who does not have children and I thought is was strange to say "children do "not" ask to be born into the world"? What basic do you have to write this to me, do you have a child ? How were you treated as a child, I love my father but he tried to murder my mother in front of us!! So op You can love the ground you "parents walk on but did they beat you, us harsh words to you! When you said that statememt it say so many things about what you may feel about you and your own parents thank you for writing and I do wish you the best mons ( thank you for all of your post ) P.S. I am speaking to my son and I will never stop talking, helping him now matter what my love for him and the other two kids is unconditional love through good and bad times,make no mistake about the love Ihat I have for my children!!!

LillyoftheVally -> RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents (8/1/2012 5:48:18 AM)
There is a quote, I forget it now, something about parents being the people who mess you up even when trying so hard not to. I had a glorious childhood, amazing, I loved it, a big family no real problems. I became a teenager and it went to pot, I was a teenager, so were my two sisters and brother, we were awful honestly we really were but we were hormone ridden idiots, we didn't know. The problem was our mother prefered us when we were pliable, dolls that she could play with. Once we had opinions she had no interest. No more photos, no more conversation, heck I don't remember my mum being in my life until the moment she left with all the drama that threw up. Recently she attempted suicide, I was there the second I knew, I phone her for hours just to see how she is. Of course when I went through something she grunted and moved on. Sometimes being a kid is as thankless as being a parent.

fucktoyprincess -> RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents (8/1/2012 1:52:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mons ftp Are you sure you would do anything for your parents? What if they became so ill you had to stay home with the? Now remember life hold so many card we are handed there is not way you can tell what may happen! Now with that said "this is how I rasie so very good citizens, none has ever been n trouble! They all finish a higher education! They are loved and care for forever! I am hurt not mad, no they are not to teke care of me at all! They are independent but with all children if they need help they know to come to and where they can still come and say what is one there mind! They are the best kids ever but something is wrong with my son, I saw now looing back he was stressed, even worried! This and this alone has me sick with worry, they have never come to bring trouble to our home! So many had misread what I said "the older one is an angel, he is more mature and understand things more, they all are angels with a touch of the devil ! We brought them up to be strong do not follow lead, and a friend does not get you to do things that will land you in Jail! They have listened and learned! When on of you parentis seriously ill, and when you can go home and stay and give up on things , then and only then can you say you will do anything for your parents my children did this for me! Without a blink or a thought of now staying to help me! All of our children were and are wanted, It was a joy to raise them they were not a problemm, we taught them well make no mistake about this! I bet your someone who does not have children and I thought is was strange to say "children do "not" ask to be born into the world"? What basic do you have to write this to me, do you have a child ? How were you treated as a child, I love my father but he tried to murder my mother in front of us!! So op You can love the ground you "parents walk on but did they beat you, us harsh words to you! When you said that statememt it say so many things about what you may feel about you and your own parents thank you for writing and I do wish you the best mons ( thank you for all of your post ) P.S. I am speaking to my son and I will never stop talking, helping him now matter what my love for him and the other two kids is unconditional love through good and bad times,make no mistake about the love Ihat I have for my children!!! Mons, I'm not sure I understand your question. I guess my post was meant to suggest that I would not, necessarily, do anything for my parents. That was part of the point of my post. To suggest that children should not necessarily have those sets of responsibilities from a societal perspective. That a parent's role is to raise their children to the best of their abilities, but that the child does not necessarily owe anything back to the parents. Perhaps you could clarify and I can try to answer more fully. p.s. If it makes a difference to you, I have aging parents and am dealing with all of the aging parent issues. But to me, whether one is dealing with this issue currently or not, whether one has kids or not, etc., is irrelevant to the underlying point I'm trying to make. Which is simply that I do not believe that children "owe" anything back. Of course, children are free to do whatever they want to assist their parents - I am only saying they should not be viewed as "owing" this assistance back to their parents for "thanking" them for having raised them. When viewed through this lens, I think much of parent-adult child conflict becomes significantly reduced. Again, this is my opinion only. I am certainly not suggesting that you should share the perspective. Be well.

mons -> RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents (8/1/2012 4:42:00 PM)
ftp I am sorry I did not know your dealing with aging parents! My apologies to you I meant no disrespect to your or your love for your parents, I know you love them deeply! My question was oh I know if something were wrong my sons and daughter would be here and they have been here for all things, they love us I think the stress of something is making my son, angry! Sometimes we ask a question here and I have honestly insulted some peope " I hope I did not do this with you?! My twin is not well right now and she had to stop working but she does have a well paying (second) job! When she asked my son for help on somehing very small, (and it was so small) he did not hear what it was! She is deeply hurt I am embarrassed that he just walk out! Oh ftb I and my twin never want our children to ever take care of us in our (when it comes) old age, never!!!!! They are the most giving children ever! Many years ago we would pick a family to help during the holiday to help! They would amde money to the kitty and would go and buy the family things, we rasied the most wonderful children! I was so upset when I wrote that letter the first time! I am blessed they do not do anything illegal! Their work thrives because we taught them how to be strong if someone hit you or want you to do something you know it wrong (they are not your friend) and they still keep this up to this day! I have never been ashamed of them ever, just shock what was needed ftb was a ride to the store, yes and he left (my son) without helping! I made it so much bigger then it was! Your have answer my question already, please forgive me for asking you that question , your so bless to still have you parents!!!!! I must see I am blessed to have children one is an Engineer , one is an Attorney and the other is a gifted Artist of mixed medium! Some once told me with Shocked look on her face " and said " your children will one day be the boss of my children "! I am foolish to complain about my children !!!!! Yes my father was a true nut, I have nightmares of the things he did to my older sister I was the only one who saw It! But learned from him not to ever do or call my sons and daughter "damn fool" or bitched for my mother , the listed is endless , lol I think it may make not excels <(could possibly be the wrong word ) in school but it made me work harder in being the best artist in my city has a child teen and young adult and I am still doing my art! Now again ftp and all of you thank you for opening my eyes I am not my father, thank god !!!!!!!!!!! Best Regards to all Mons P.S. they do not own me a thing the years of their growing was the best years of our life and I would never take back the times of hungry(it hlep them to learn, I hated that part) and the joy of baking, yes a five star baker here home made apple pie and etc< I bake a pie and the person would not believe it came from my oven lol

mons -> RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents (8/5/2012 9:53:49 PM)
Hello everyone I am in desperate need of some information! I am so upset my heart is in a million pieces and I have not a clue of what to do? My twin says I should not call my son, he is adult and he owes us apologies for how he acted when he was here almost three weeks ago! I was never mean or did things too the children, he has just not called up at all! I am here to ask what advice anyone of you could give me, I know he is wrong but, how do I deal with no call! I want to call him and find out "what in the world is wrong with him"? My twin become so mad at me and I am his mother, this is not something I can deal with, and she does not want to hear me say anything about him! It is making her have anxiety attacks so everyone I have only you to speak to about this! I can not even cry, no tears have fallen at all, my heart feels like it have broken in two different places! I have not support here!!!! I can not believe it myself, to top it off a man jump out of his chair as if he would want to fight me!!! I had told them if they wanted to have my parking space I would rent it too them, they all said! I did find someone, as we were going to our storage space they were having a party there! I said "jokingly "where is my food? You have use my space without asking! He was made move his party to his open place , then when I came back he shove his chair back and he looked and acted as if he would strike me I was so shocked! I told him I ama woman your going to fight me?? I thought he was joking, he was not, they reason I am telling you this is because I told his daughter Your father wanted to fight me"!!!!! My twin went nuts and started to fuss at me! I am a strong woman, and this man was at least 4 inches shorter but still a man it could had hurt me seriously! This is all I can stand, no I will not fold but I have one very bad temper! I walk no back away and I do not live in a place where people act like this men here just do not do what he did!!! I have come to learn that people here help me so much more then my own family! What should I do, should I call my son, or wait until he calls????? I am older and wiser I feel I should be my twin told me to ask a man, but anyone can answer this bad scene for me , help me please! This is not just anyone, he is my child my son, he has never acted this way before, I hope he is not ill? Or something I feel is very wrong! I am begging for advice I do not want to lose him over something that we can talk about! My twin daughter said he said something, but later she said "well he did not really say it like that! What she said I could had called him and said something so wrong, then my twin does not want me to mention that her daughter our daughter said something that may had cost me my relationship with my son even more! I need to fix this before it goes any further? Ok this is it HELP He is a wonderful son, I never know what happen so again HELP Mons

pissdoll -> RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents (8/6/2012 11:42:16 AM)
give your son some space. i'm sure you love him very much, but your life story as well as your post are very chaotic. if he was raised in this type of chaos, then i can totally understand your son wanting to distance himself from you and all of your drama. it doesn't mean he doesn't love you, it just means your actions aren't healthy for him to immerse himself in. seek out some therapy or counseling before you reach out to your son. it would probably be beneficial to your relationship with him if you are able to show some emotional stability.

Winterapple -> RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents (8/6/2012 12:20:34 PM)
I agree give your son some space. Allow him time and privacy to work things out for himself. He's an adult but I assume he's a young adult and is still maturing. At that age we can all be harsh with our parents and expect them to be perfect. And parents can have their unrealistic expectations of how their children ought to be.

mons -> RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents (8/8/2012 3:43:19 AM)
Hello Thank you I will and have given him space, chaotic, but as for how we raised the children, with a father who was so mean! I did not do the things he did and i made sure he had good role models to look up too! Please never judge my writing, I am dyslexic! When I become upset my writing is a mess! It is hard not to call him , but I am one who can learn, and I will give him as much space as he needs! Pissdoll no he was not rasie as I was, I did not have anything but lots of toys for him and the other children! Being here as a dominant person , life can be a mess lol but no, he is loved! I am not my father way at all my mother is the one I followed and she was the greatest mom, I miss her dearly! Thank you winterapple ( love that name) and Pissdoll! Pissdoll do not judge anyone by their post many are despairs for answers, to help them, I am looking for anyway to reach out to my son! What a nightmare! Again thank you mons

LaTigresse -> RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents (8/8/2012 4:27:26 AM)
Mons, chill the fuck out. Your son, how old is he.......twenty something? Based on the two boys I raised, from somewhere in the middle teens to nearly thirty, they live a very self centred life. It is not mean, cruel, intentionally selfish.....it's just how their brain works. Not all guys are that way but my brothers were, my son and step son were/are. Generic Dude was moaning just last night about his son not returning his call of last week. I reminded him that A.) he is a great kid in his twenties B.) he has an all consuming job C.) he is a guy in his twenties! With a LIFE that does not always put family as priority. To them, family is more of a constant anchor in life, not necessarily one they want to spend a lot of time around.

DesFIP -> RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents (8/8/2012 7:32:51 AM)
Males under 25 are not yet adult. Their frontal lobe hasn't finished growing. Once it does, it still takes several years for things to then make sense to them. Females mature faster. Mons, why are you allowing your sister to tell you how to communicate with your child? You folks sound so enmeshed, I'm not surprised your son needs space. I have a cousin who didn't talk to her mother for ten years because her mother would not respect her boundaries. It's way past time that you learn to have some boundaries. Get some professional help. Change who you are and your children will change how they interact with you.

littlewonder -> RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents (8/8/2012 3:51:44 PM)
It's not just males. My daughter is 20 and living on her own. The only time I hear from her or see her it's because she wants something or she forgot Mother's day or something and now feels guilty lol or I call her and even then it's a short, quick call because she doesn't really like talking to mom for very long. It's quite normal for twentysomethings. They are still learning how to live life and at that age, they're just starting out as real adults and figuring it out and working towards getting things together in their own life so yeah, it's gonna be selfish. I do my best not to call my daughter very often or bug her because I realize this of her and I was the same way at her age. It's normal. Let him spread his wings. When he wants to talk to you he'll let you know.

mons -> RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents (8/9/2012 5:22:40 AM)
Hello to all My son is and please no one laugh he is 31, yes and on his own and is a good man, but he is still my cihild! Latigeress Your so right I am just not use to him acting this way, I feel like something is wrong! I need to give him space and your all right! He has never treat us anyway but good and respectful! So does everyone understand why I am worried and he is so closed with himself and we are all the same I rasied him to be a leader and not to follow anyone and he is just what he is a man who (mommy) Makes him nuts, I made it a plan to onl called him and he calls me once and awhile we talk about rt I had a nead injurer , he taught me how to relearn how draw again, i now can paint but not before I hit my head! He inspirers me and I him he is a gifted artist who work is on line and it is wonderful! I made the mistake of making it seems he was a disrespect son, my big mistake everyone! I just feel maybe, oh it is so hard to explain, I have this "caul" sign I was born with and I feel that something is so wrong and I can not shake it off! I need to wait for him to call me and he is one hell of a good man, hold a steady job and is a leader where he works! I wrote in angry and in pain and I was wrong for writing this! Thank you all of you It made a big difference with all of your help and a knock to my head from all of you and a wake up call to calm down!!!!!!! Thank you so much I have read each and everyone answer to my post !!!!!! mons ( my twin and I were rasied in a abuse home, we did not have toys , we had no childhood, we are adults but well we are just different! the kids told us they realized we were different when they saw other mothers! My son told me if your are a lesbian (which I am not) I would still love you I did not date until they were older! They love us but worry too much ! This was a foot note! I have dollhouse 7 and yes I play with them and there is nothing wrong with this , it is play therapy ! It is helpful, I had one male doll he stood in the bathroom for 3 years! LOl now he is in the hallway! I am ok, and oh m twin does know more then I do I do not let her tell me what to do it is a suggestion! I may take it or I may say no way! I am the stronger of my other side my twin thank so everyone mons

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