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children who just do not care at all, for parents - 7/30/2012 5:29:41 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

Hello to all

I remember my mother would tell us a tale of caution!

It start with a mother who give everything to make sure the one
sone who happen to have then intelligence to be a doctor!

So she did all she could work long hours so he could go and be a doctor!

Then she had another son, he was not as intelligent as the other son
he had hard times, he had one room in which he lived in!

The other became a doctor and was very good and suscessfu!

TThe mother lived with him and as time when on and she became older he had married and
his wife felt her speaking voice was not good and she was embarrassed by her and did
not want her in the home any longer!

The son who had nothing was told about what his brother did to their mother!
He told her "I have one romm momma please come home with me I have only
a little but your welcome to stay here!

I wrote this because I find that two of our children are adult now and brats
One son is giving and helpful!

I have cried many tears no I feel them coming but it will not fall!

Has anyone ever had children like this selfish, and cold?

We raise them the same and no one was treat any different!

My son came over and well he act like a fool! I was so shocked and hurt I could not
stand it I thought I was dreaming!

No we did not need anything from him, but he was to help
me with an art project he is an artist as well!

I am to give up things to raise them, But that is my job as a mother and I would not change a thing,
but I would beat his ass like"there is no tomorrow"

LOL then he would have something to complain about!

Hit that boy "unitl the white meat shows lol" This mean his head would need stitches lol!!!!!!

He is old enough to know better, I raised him to respect me and others, I do think this boy has lost his mind!!????

So the tale in the beginning it can be real, and the one son is a blessing! I will not even
mention the daughter, I can not handle it at all!

thanks for listening

mons

Post #: 1

RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents - 7/30/2012 8:17:32 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

You can choose your friends but not your relatives.

Quit creating unrealistic expectations and don't allow your boundaries to be crossed.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to mons)

Post #: 2

RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents - 7/30/2012 8:22:13 AM

PrincessJessieJ

Posts: 159
Joined: 7/3/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

You can choose your friends but not your relatives.

Quit creating unrealistic expectations and don't allow your boundaries to be crossed.

I think it's worth saying that the same applies to the adult children as well.
Sometimes a person can work to give everything to their kids and still be a shitty parent, and i don't mean the 'oh s/he's never home/there for me' type.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 3

RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents - 7/30/2012 8:23:40 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

And some can simply be shitty parents!

I've got two of them.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to PrincessJessieJ)

Post #: 4

RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents - 7/30/2012 8:26:22 AM

PrincessJessieJ

Posts: 159
Joined: 7/3/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

And some can simply be shitty parents!

I've got two of them.

My sincerest condolences.

I've got one.
He still hasn't figured out why I dislike him so much.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 5

RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents - 7/30/2012 8:29:28 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessJessieJ

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

And some can simply be shitty parents!

I've got two of them.

My sincerest condolences.

I've got one.
He still hasn't figured out why I dislike him so much.

Thank you but it's not necessary. I am 50, long past over it. Even my adult children are over having shitty grandparents.

Truth be told, my parents are fabulous examples of how not to be......in many ways. For this I am actually quite grateful.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to PrincessJessieJ)

Post #: 6

RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents - 7/30/2012 8:34:46 AM

PrincessJessieJ

Posts: 159
Joined: 7/3/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessJessieJ

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

And some can simply be shitty parents!

I've got two of them.

My sincerest condolences.

I've got one.
He still hasn't figured out why I dislike him so much.

Thank you but it's not necessary. I am 50, long past over it. Even my adult children are over having shitty grandparents.

Truth be told, my parents are fabulous examples of how not to be......in many ways. For this I am actually quite grateful.

I.. would not have guessed. *Squint* I know what your profile says, but you sure as hell don't LOOK fifty! ..That or it's time for me to go figure out where my glasses went.

Well.. There is that. If they can't be an example one way, may as well use them as one the other.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 7

RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents - 7/30/2012 8:39:52 AM

LanaDeVille

Posts: 209
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessJessieJ

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

And some can simply be shitty parents!

I've got two of them.

My sincerest condolences.

I've got one.
He still hasn't figured out why I dislike him so much.

Pah. I have three. Three is fashionable nowadays.

(in reply to PrincessJessieJ)

Post #: 8

RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents - 7/30/2012 8:40:59 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

There is a recent photo, a bad one, of me in the 'finger and duck lips' thread.

I am fortunate in that, while my parents have been shitty parents, they are attractive people that have aged well, despite their many vices. I don't have their vices and lead a pretty healthy life.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to PrincessJessieJ)

Post #: 9

RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents - 7/30/2012 8:42:50 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanaDeVille

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessJessieJ

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

And some can simply be shitty parents!

I've got two of them.

My sincerest condolences.

I've got one.
He still hasn't figured out why I dislike him so much.

Pah. I have three. Three is fashionable nowadays.

I do have a few additions (step and in-laws) I've not counted.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LanaDeVille)

Post #: 10

RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents - 7/30/2012 8:45:12 AM

PrincessJessieJ

Posts: 159
Joined: 7/3/2012
Status: offline

[/quote]

Pah. I have three. Three is fashionable nowadays.

[/quote]

LOL
I do to but i don't dislike my mother and i don't count my sperm donor.

(in reply to LanaDeVille)

Post #: 11

RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents - 7/30/2012 8:53:00 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

My brother is mentally ill and reading Wally Lamb's I Know This Much Is True really helped me created realistic expectations (or lack thereof) of him. He's MIA at the moment and I am worried about him.

I've long accepted not being close with my sister. We're always nice at family events. I am very close with my mother and after many years, have come to peace with my father.

You can't always get what you want, but if you try, you just might find, you get what you need.

ETA - my brother finally checked in. He says he worries about me too, lol.

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 7/30/2012 9:21:02 AM >

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(in reply to mons)

Post #: 12

RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents - 7/30/2012 9:03:56 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

I was counselling a 12 year old student last term. He had an older brother of 16 who had just left school to go to college. His older brother was very quiet, polite and studious. An absolutely lovely young man who was a pleasure to teach.

His brother was loud, energetic and impulsive. He loved attention and often his behaviour was pretty over the top and required a strong talking-to to get him grounded again. But again, he was a pleasure to teach because I consciously took the time to talk to him, understand him and eventually became a bit of a mentor to him, the person he could go to when things got a bit much to handle and his behaviour became disruptive around the school.

One of the things we discussed was his parents. Lovely people who truly cared about their sons. However they made the mistake of making a set of rules and parenting guidelines based on how well they worked with the eldest son, and applying them to the youngest son and expecting the same results.

Something the youngest son said to me that has stuck in my head was "they're trying to make me into my brother, and I hate it. I'm me, and I don't think they understand that".

I'm not saying that is what the OP has done, but unless the 'problem' son has mental health issues, it's entirely possible that one child feels (consciously or unconsciously) that he's being compared to his brother and constantly falls short. A full and frank 'no blame' discussion to cover this old ground may well be the basis of a new relationship.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 13

RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents - 7/30/2012 9:13:52 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

It took me years to just accept my family as they are, I can't change them, so I just accept them as they are and have them only in small doses...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 14

RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents - 7/30/2012 12:35:53 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

when my daughter was a teenager she didn't respect me or anything I did for her. I gave up everything in life to make sure she had the best of everything but she never saw it that way.

Now she's an adult and on her own and now is realizing just how hard it is to be an adult and from time to time she will ask me how I did it all for her or she'll say she never realized the cost of things until now. lol

It's nice and funny when she says those things and makes me feel good that she is finally learning those life lessons.

My question is, the adult children, are they still living at home and/or are you still supporting them? If so, tell them to get out and get a job and quit paying their way. Let them learn to be adults.

If they are still teenagers, all I can do is give you sympathy. I consider teenagers to be the devil incarnate until they reach adulthood and are out on their own lol.

And the girl? Yeah, they're worse from my experience. I wish you the best of luck...like I said, mine was holy terror as an adult and my sister who has boys always used to ask how I handled her since her boys were nothing like my daughter. I told her very carefully and pleaded with her to take her for a few months or longer. It worked for a summer once lol. That was a beautiful summer! heh

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 15

RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents - 7/30/2012 12:43:52 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

What myo said, and in spades. If you always characterized one child as the good kid, then the others learn soon enough not to waste their time trying, because no matter what they do, it is considered useless in comparison to the other.

Value them for who they are, not for who they aren't.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 16

RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents - 7/30/2012 1:50:44 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I consider teenagers to be the devil incarnate until they reach adulthood and are out on their own lol.

Within six months of me moving out, my relationship with my mother drastically improved.

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Post #: 17

RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents - 7/30/2012 2:04:31 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Yup, same here and even Master predicted it would happen lol but I didn't believe it. Now I think we're closer than ever. Now we can have a civil conversation without screaming and slamming of doors lol and have a nice lunch and shopping together. It's nice. She still hates when I give her lectures and ask questions though lol. Hey, I'm still mom!

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 18

RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents - 7/30/2012 7:22:43 PM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

Hello everyone

This is what has happen!! My twin and I have seen what canwhen you have one parent who was crazy ! Tried to kill
my mother in front of us! She stood in the hospital for a Year I was 7!

So I knew from that experience how not to ever treat a child then also I had the best mom in the world!

We move so much this is why I had to relearn how to write, i was never in one school long enough to even
get a good how to get the key write or vowel instruction !

Now my sons and daughter are grown!

We made a plan for one of us to stay home and the other would work full time! My twin did a job that was very long hours.
not to mention we were never hungry ever again!

I do not not nor did we ever ask for anything from them, I am so hurt if I had did something
to him or her!

We raised them as our children but unknown to us they told each other "they were brothers and sister!

I do know when it fell apart with my son, he wrote to his father and he did not response! I had called his father and
he said something on the phone to my son to make it seems as if I did something to make him (his father) leave!

The moment and I could feel it he changed towards me, I felt his angry and dislike but he still loved me!

His uncle his father brother helped him, he came when he needed someone to see about the rest of his family!

When He uncle unexpectedly passed he found out his father and this was not known to me!

That his father had left three other women with children! This is when he came and told me he was so sorry!
He explained that he thought I was the cause of his father leaving (HIm)! I knew something was wrong at how
he acted towards me!

Sp when he came over I am in shock I had not cry I am numb, I was there for him in every way I could as with all of the kids!

My mother was home everyday when we came from school I want our kids to have that safe feeling also!

I learn from watching other who have raised children and wow beatings , name calling I seen it and felt it also!

We made sure not to ever do this to our kids, but the daughter and the son have made us crazy!

Both of them are successful kind but when it comes to anything like money they go nuts!

We were so poor but we made sure we did everthing legal to bring food home to them!

My sister is not well, and the saying is "when your sick you know whom your true friends are!

This goes for children too, one son is an angel they are all so kind this is why this is a shock I may not
get over!

My twin and we are not going to do this but if something were to happen to her or me , how could we live
when no one loves us as we love one another!

Let me explain when I was very ill she was there for me my other sister was a nurse she also helped
but she was missing for three days and they found her, I do not know what happen to her, I am still in shock!

This happen I must say I do not know which year it was but it was in 2005 or up I just can not remember it at all!

I wish I could say I have done things to my sisters and brother! I niece enjoy telling me my brother was in
love with me! He raped me when I was 20!

Then he was a nut case and just was mean, Christmas, Thanksgiving each time we invited him he never came!

I did not remember what he did until ma

ybe three years ago!

It is a nightmare when my family does not speak to us! They treat us (my twin and I ) as if we are aliens from
another planet!

When our son did this it was like the last straw, I am so hurt I do not feel it, numb and just broken!

I never thought they would act so rude crude and just plain inhuman!

I know it may seems as if I am going over board but I have been the best mother!! So has my sister he called her mom for
the first five years of his life, and lol it took me five years to make him know " I am your mother"!

My twin and I look so much alike the kids would be frighten when they saw us together and ask which one are you?

I am sensitive I hurt deeply! I just wanted someone to listen!

Thsnk you to all and to al of your post no matter what your opinions are!

mons

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 19

RE: children who just do not care at all, for parents - 7/30/2012 7:29:58 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Sounds like your entire family needs therapy along with you.

Therapy...seek therapy.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to mons)

Post #: 20

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