New to this whole experience

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Sublime39 -> New to this whole experience (7/26/2012 11:56:16 AM)
Hi! First, I would like to thank all of the people who took the time setting up the forums and the members that took time to make constructive posts. There is such a wealth of knowledge here. I am new to this whole experience. I wanted to ask this question, and I do understand that this is a very broad question. For someone that is just starting out, what was the deciding factor for you to be either Dom or sub, Top or bottom. From reading the constructive posts that I have been able to locate, I would think I am a top that would love to learn more about being a Dom. The idea of another person trusting me enough to totally submit to me, is erotic and pleasurable. Earning that trust through consistency, stability, caring, nurturing feels like it would be hugely rewarding. But, the question that keeps raising its nasty head is this. Do you think of yourself as a Dom / Top because that is who you are? Or, because the flip side of the coin scares the hell out of you. Does everyone have that initial thought? Does going the other way scare you or just not interest you. If it does scare you, should that be something you should attempt to venture into if not for the experience alone? Thank you, again, for all wealth of knowledge I have been able to locate on these forums and for any constructive feedback to my albeit broad question.

Dresproperty -> RE: New to this whole experience (7/26/2012 2:35:56 PM)
Welcome to the forums [:)]

SirLangsdorff -> RE: New to this whole experience (7/26/2012 2:42:14 PM)
You might get a better answer in Ask a Master or Ask a sub (not in both, cross posting is frowned on) this is more for introductions and not much more. It's also heavily monitored for Fresh and happy people. I hope that helps a little. As for your question, how does one "know" he's gay or straight, truly male or female. Sometimes it's trial and error, sometimes they just know. I'm not sure there is a surefire way to explain it.

DarkSteven -> RE: New to this whole experience (7/26/2012 3:37:38 PM)
I like being in control. I like having people do what I say. I love to spank and to get my way in bed. That's all.

crazyml -> RE: New to this whole experience (7/26/2012 3:49:24 PM)
Hey there, There wasn't a deciding factor. In that there was no decision... I'm dominant and kinky, that's all.

CRYPTICLXVI -> RE: New to this whole experience (7/26/2012 11:04:54 PM)
Good introduction, I am certain if you continue to seek out answers to sincere questions, that you will find well thought out answers. Some of which may help you on your journey and some of which will not resonate for you at all. Welcome again to the forums, no mocking or sarcasm in this post, I am failing. Cryptic

leatherknight925 -> RE: New to this whole experience (7/26/2012 11:21:58 PM)
One thing to consider that may not be apparent just starting out, is that the person in control has to be ready to expend a lot of personal energy to maintain and establish a scene. That is how it is for me anyway. Once you have begun to travel down that road with a partner, there is a heavy responsibility that must be nurtured which includes safety, monitoring the emotional state of both yourself and your partner, responding to the needs of your partner on an ongoing basis which may involve altering a scene all together, then of course there is all of the technical skill that has to be poured over with a fine tooth comb in order to bring your scene to life properly. After playing, I sometimes feel like falling on the ground next to the person that I am playing with and go into recovery mode myself while they are dwelling in their own subspace...but of course you cannot do that, as you will have to monitor them especially close at this time in particular. It is not my intention to discourage you Sir, and it is indeed extreemly rewarding to be able to bring a scene to life and experience the power exchange that takes place; but you have to be ready to pay for that power with your own effort. Like wise, the person who plays from the bottom also goes through alot but it is my understanding (and I apologize if I am wrong in this) that it is a burden of trust and endurance which also has it's own toll to pay. I suggest reading and participating in a multitude of different forms and find what clicks with you, then do extensive research into whatever entices you...continue to do what you are doing now though...ask questions, that is how I started out. It is a gift to be able to learn from others who have spent the time perfecting their art over many years. be well

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