RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy

RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy (Full Version)

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myotherself -> RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy (7/22/2012 11:39:46 AM)
I'm not looking for perfection. I'm looking for a man who can fulfil the most important needs of mine, and who could fill the wants in time. And that's the most important phrase - "in time". I don't want 'instant love and perfection'. I want a relationship that challenges us so that each time we achieve the goal (or don't achieve it), we grow a little bit more as a couple. I'm wired for monogamy. I don't want someone to say "you cannot full this particular need/want of mine, so I will find someone else who can give it to me NOW". I don't want someone to take away the opportunity to aim for these goals together. I don't want short-cuts and instant fixes. I want the challenge of making a strong relationship that we've built from the ground up and that will last us a life time. YMMV.

DarkSteven -> RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy (7/22/2012 12:58:40 PM)
We're able to choose between mono and poly. Despite what you lamented, neither one is that bad. Much better than solitude.

OneKinkyArtist -> RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy (7/22/2012 9:39:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven We're able to choose between mono and poly. Despite what you lamented, neither one is that bad. Much better than solitude. this was a very powerful quote!

DaddySatyr -> RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy (7/22/2012 9:42:56 PM)
I have always believed that monogamy flies in the face of love because love is supposed to be unconditional while monogamy says: "I love you as long as you don't stick your dick in/spread your legs for someone else" Peace and comfort, Michael

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy (7/22/2012 9:51:51 PM)
Love is supposed to be unconditional? It's not usually, is it? And when monogamy breaks a relationship, it's the dishonesty that does it, not the sex. Sex is trivial, lying and breaking a vow is not.

OneKinkyArtist -> RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy (7/22/2012 10:00:56 PM)
Thats true. Im often lost at times of how much emphasis gets put on sex though

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy (7/22/2012 10:23:14 PM)
All my life I took what is considered a 'masculine' approach to sex. I was never promiscuous, but I did some very selective sportfucking, and had an FB for years. Sex was just an activity, and fun, and not deeply meaningful. That being the case, I absolutely understand how betrayed a person can feel if the person who swore to be faithful to them felt the need for some strange. Because shouldn't we, as evolved human beings, be able to control those kinds of urges? Yes, we should. I gave up married guys when I turned 40, and never looked back. Gave up sportfucking when I turned 45... now that I'm 49, I'm not sorry about either decision.

ElleStClaire -> RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy (7/22/2012 10:25:53 PM)
I feel the need to reply, but admit, I only scanned through the convo.. I am Poly by nature I work as a professional in the adult entertainment / sex industry (including Pro Domme) and more.. (porn star, producer, escort, PSO & Webcam performer.. you name it) I am married to someone who also has worked in the industry also (and still does at times) and we have worked together including films for big name companies. We are happily monogamous.. Here's the thing to avoid any "disputes" or arguments... To me and us.. being Poly means you share equal, although maybe different, but EQUAL Love between more than one person.. Being Monogamous means you share Love with only One person.. It has little to do with SEX. Being IN a relationship is a choice no matter what type it is. when we got together (going on 8 years now) she asked if I could be monogamous, and I CHOSE to be so.. even though that is not my nature. I made a choice and have stuck by it and don't feel a 'loss'.. but that's me.. Just like being Bisexual does not mean you must be poly or cheat.. it simply means you "Could" be happy with either a male or female.. to me, it is all a choice.. and. just like in ALL relationships.. sometimes things change which amounts to a divorce anyway.. just my thoughts :) (PS. sorry about CAPS - i don't know how to B or I here yet)

OneKinkyArtist -> RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy (7/22/2012 10:53:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus All my life I took what is considered a 'masculine' approach to sex. I was never promiscuous, but I did some very selective sportfucking, and had an FB for years. Sex was just an activity, and fun, and not deeply meaningful. That being the case, I absolutely understand how betrayed a person can feel if the person who swore to be faithful to them felt the need for some strange. Because shouldn't we, as evolved human beings, be able to control those kinds of urges? Yes, we should. I gave up married guys when I turned 40, and never looked back. Gave up sportfucking when I turned 45... now that I'm 49, I'm not sorry about either decision. I think weve all done a reasonable amount of sportfucking , but then you matured!

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy (7/22/2012 11:25:56 PM)
I didn't stop because I got old! I stopped because empty physical experiences were no longer good for me.

OneKinkyArtist -> RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy (7/23/2012 12:35:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus I didn't stop because I got old! I stopped because empty physical experiences were no longer good for me. I feel like that now...its like I can get pussy ...thats no problem...I want fulfillment and a nice set of toes in my mouth as I go

BitaTruble -> RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy (7/23/2012 1:06:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr I have always believed that monogamy flies in the face of love because love is supposed to be unconditional while monogamy says: "I love you as long as you don't stick your dick in/spread your legs for someone else" Peace and comfort, Michael I'm poly. I'll love you till you get drunk and start beating the hell out of me without my consent. That's a condition, too. It's just a different condition.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy (7/23/2012 2:21:52 AM)
Even as someone who has been in poly relationships and found them very fulfilling for the majority of their duration I do not agree with the OP. It is, I suppose a complicated issue because love is so complicated. There are so many different kinds, sometimes you love someone because they turn you on just to look at them, sometimes you love someone because you can sit and talk about films or books for hours and sometimes you love someone because you know they will be there for you always. Any time I have loved someone for those reasons that is why I love them, I do not sit and think about where they are not perfect where things could be better what is the point (although I do occasionally imaging being ravished by Johnny Depp but then who doesn't?) Polyamory for me happens, I don't look for it I just look for the opportunities to be happy, thats what relationships are about. You need to feel better with someone than when you are alone or else you should be alone. What I believe is that all people should feel able to love in that way if they want to, monogamy may be the norm but that doesn't mean it is the only way.

searching4mysir -> RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy (7/23/2012 6:49:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr I have always believed that monogamy flies in the face of love because love is supposed to be unconditional while monogamy says: "I love you as long as you don't stick your dick in/spread your legs for someone else" Peace and comfort, Michael His sticking his dick in someone else doesn't stop me from loving him, but it does stop me from trusting him, and I can't be with someone I don't trust. ETA: Love, to me, is wanting the best for someone. If he is dipping his wick elsewhere, then I'm not the best for him and he is best off seeking happiness elsewhere.

OsideGirl -> RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy (7/23/2012 7:27:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Love is supposed to be unconditional? It's not usually, is it? And when monogamy breaks a relationship, it's the dishonesty that does it, not the sex. Sex is trivial, lying and breaking a vow is not. Exactly. I don't care if he fucks someone else. Sex does not equal love. However, lying to me or hiding it is a deal killer. Next, I'm happily monogamous. I'm happily married. He is not responsible for my happiness. I don't understand the concept that your SO is supposed to fulfill your every want or need. We're imperfect human beings not omnipotent.

MalcolmNathaniel -> RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy (7/23/2012 7:31:40 AM)
Perfection only exists in mathematics, physics and the dreams of poets. Only one of those is real and it has a very grim conclusion (heat death of the universe.) Stop looking for perfection, it is depressing. You've got a very short amount of time on this planet, if monogamy doesn't do it for you then look for something else; just because it doesn't work for you does not mean it isn't a good answer. I envy the people who have found happiness that way. A relationship requires compromise on both sides, even in D/s. Everyone who says differently is lying; whether to the listener or to themselves.

sexyred1 -> RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy (7/23/2012 7:34:01 AM)
I think love is cursed by individual actions, not monogamy. Monogamy is great when you are happy with someone. I also think that cheating in any form, physical or emotional, signifies a problem in the relationship or person. If you are having a great sex life with someone and you care about them, why go elsewhere? I never understood that. If there is an issue, communicate first, do not lie or cheat. I find I am getting more old fashioned the older I get.

OneKinkyArtist -> RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy (7/23/2012 12:10:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel Perfection only exists in mathematics, physics and the dreams of poets. Only one of those is real and it has a very grim conclusion (heat death of the universe.) Stop looking for perfection, it is depressing. You've got a very short amount of time on this planet, if monogamy doesn't do it for you then look for something else; just because it doesn't work for you does not mean it isn't a good answer. I envy the people who have found happiness that way. A relationship requires compromise on both sides, even in D/s. Everyone who says differently is lying; whether to the listener or to themselves. quote: Perfection only exists in mathematics, physics and the dreams of poets. thats a kick ass quote!!

LadyPact -> RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy (7/23/2012 1:27:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr I have always believed that monogamy flies in the face of love because love is supposed to be unconditional while monogamy says: "I love you as long as you don't stick your dick in/spread your legs for someone else" Peace and comfort, Michael Who on God's Green Earth (sorry, Hib) ever told you that? There's a shitload of things that people can do besides sex that most certainly are conditions that would end a relationship.

OneKinkyArtist -> RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy (7/23/2012 2:24:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr I have always believed that monogamy flies in the face of love because love is supposed to be unconditional while monogamy says: "I love you as long as you don't stick your dick in/spread your legs for someone else" Peace and comfort, Michael Who on God's Green Earth (sorry, Hib) ever told you that? There's a shitload of things that people can do besides sex that most certainly are conditions that would end a relationship. very true @LadyPact...emotional fuckery is a precursor to physical fuckery

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