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I love my Mom.... - 6/29/2012 8:20:03 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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When do you have this conversation?

My Mom is 78% "there"....she's funnier than shit...occasionally bat shit....but still there....

When is the time?

Here's what I sent her tonight....I love her so unbelievably....

****

"Mom....(all following said in full and total love....):

It occurred to me.....you're moving on in age....you're 112 years old now (for those of us in CM...she's only 78....she just acts like she's 112)...(we won't discuss all the hilarious things you do, since this could later become a court document...but you DO get batshit occasionally)....(and by the way....I'm laughing now hahahahahahaha).

:)

Soooo.....there's going to come a time....you know it too....don't know where that trigger point is.....

Would you like to consider moving up here...to my property? I can move out of my place (3,200 sf....3 times your place) and I could move into one of my rental properties...on site....where I could keep an eye on you....you can rent your place out for some good cool cash....fridge $$$$ and you can move in to my home....all one level.

You can have all the wicker you want. :)

My place has a great fridge (I'll remodel it entirely as you desire) where you could keep your green (cold cash) as you go up to the casino's and entirely spew both of your sons heritage (which, by the way, we need to discuss....I think you should put 2/3rd's of your winnings towards my potato crop....as a debenture....something akin to a 401K as to a JJ party fund...only to be used on Friday's as I see things...we can discuss the particulars of this later).

Is this something we should give some thought to? (Maybe?). I know you're not loopy but...should we be discussing this now or in the near future? Am I stepping on landmines?

I kid you, but the truth is....you are pushing the edge Mom and we're getting close (truly) to where there's a transition to be made.

Should we talk about this?

Am I intruding?

I love you Mom....I'm crying as I write this but I love you so much.....this discussion has to take place some day.....am I too early?

JJ""

(Fuck....I love my Mom....she's everything to me.....gawdammit...here I go again....shit....she's the best ever....I feel like such a fucking traitor for even having this discussion!)

< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 6/29/2012 8:24:06 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: I love my Mom.... - 6/29/2012 8:22:33 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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This is why you're my henchman.

All the wicker she wants. What a thoughtful guy.

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Post #: 2

RE: I love my Mom.... - 6/29/2012 8:38:50 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

This is why you're my henchman.

All the wicker she wants. What a thoughtful guy.

We had a fight 30 years ago about wicker....we'd bought a house together...first house for me...she bought half to help me....she had the upstairs...I had the downstairs....she was then my age now....she had some kind of gawdamned fetish for wicker....there was fucking wicker EVERYWHERE!!!!!......one day I came home (to too much fucking wicker) and I had reached my limit (on wicker) and I told her...."Mom....tomorrow I'll be home at 5:00 p.m. (we'd discussed this before....more than several times....on a fairly heavy level....too fucking fucking gawdamn much wicker)....and...tomorrow, when I come home....there will be NO WICKER in this house!!!!"

She knew I'd reached my breaking point on wicker.

I further stated that "if there's ANY wicker in the house....my entire staff will be here and within 30 minutes, all wicker will be removed, placed on the front lawn and.....burned".

When I came home that (next night)...god bless her (1980 constructed homes had VERY small rooms) she had EVERY bit of ALL wicker stuffed in every cranny into one bedroom.

She'd spent the entire day (probably sweating her ass off) stuffing every bit of wicker in the entire house (and trust me...there was a SHITLOAD of it) into the smallest bedroom we owned at the time.

Now I feel like a total dick (even though she laughs about it now) because I think..."why didn't I give her that?"

Now I'm old and want to love on my Mom.....and she can have wicker.

All kinds of wicker.

(I'll even buy her some gawdammed wicker).

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 3

RE: I love my Mom.... - 6/29/2012 9:05:12 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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My mom is 73 and her mind is completely gone but her mind has always been gone so it's not a surprise for us. Thankfully we have one sister who still lives back in our hometown and lives like blocks from my mom so my sister just goes over everyday and takes care of her and takes her anywhere she needs to go.

However, before my father passed away, he was very ill and he just couldn't live on his own but he fought us on it all the way until he had no choice due to his health and couldn't even stand on his own. We asked which one of us of his children he would like to live with. He didn't want to leave our hometown so once again, the same sister took him in to her home.

It's not fair to her so we do try to take the load off of her from time to time and always ask her if she needs anything.

I would say it was good of you to have this conversation with her. She's at that age. Even if they think they are still able and energetic, at that age it's just a reality that even what others would consider a minor fall, can cause major problems for them.

I hope your mom understands and takes your offer. You seem to be a wonderful son.

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RE: I love my Mom.... - 6/29/2012 9:06:05 PM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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3200 sf of wicker is a lot of fucking wicker, JJ.

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Post #: 5

RE: I love my Mom.... - 6/29/2012 9:16:00 PM

LookieNoNookie

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Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

My mom is 73 and her mind is completely gone but her mind has always been gone so it's not a surprise for us. Thankfully we have one sister who still lives back in our hometown and lives like blocks from my mom so my sister just goes over everyday and takes care of her and takes her anywhere she needs to go.

However, before my father passed away, he was very ill and he just couldn't live on his own but he fought us on it all the way until he had no choice due to his health and couldn't even stand on his own. We asked which one of us of his children he would like to live with. He didn't want to leave our hometown so once again, the same sister took him in to her home.

It's not fair to her so we do try to take the load off of her from time to time and always ask her if she needs anything.

I would say it was good of you to have this conversation with her. She's at that age. Even if they think they are still able and energetic, at that age it's just a reality that even what others would consider a minor fall, can cause major problems for them.

I hope your mom understands and takes your offer. You seem to be a wonderful son.

Thanks...I've been having this conversation with myself down the freeway every morning for the last 2+ years....she's all there....but....occasionally she's like a clown college...funnier than fuck....almost missing something...not quite tipping over...but I can see it coming.

Thank you for your comments.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 6

RE: I love my Mom.... - 6/29/2012 9:19:03 PM

LookieNoNookie

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Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

3200 sf of wicker is a lot of fucking wicker, JJ.

Yeah well...get to know my Mom...she's a fucking loon (on occasion).

And frankly...I'm scared shitless of giving her my home because....she has money...which means she can buy more wicker (and I have the space)!

However....she's still cognizent enough to know that if she does....I'll make her sleep in my spare Mini Van.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 7

RE: I love my Mom.... - 6/29/2012 9:51:24 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

My mom is 73 and her mind is completely gone but her mind has always been gone so it's not a surprise for us. Thankfully we have one sister who still lives back in our hometown and lives like blocks from my mom so my sister just goes over everyday and takes care of her and takes her anywhere she needs to go.

However, before my father passed away, he was very ill and he just couldn't live on his own but he fought us on it all the way until he had no choice due to his health and couldn't even stand on his own. We asked which one of us of his children he would like to live with. He didn't want to leave our hometown so once again, the same sister took him in to her home.

It's not fair to her so we do try to take the load off of her from time to time and always ask her if she needs anything.

I would say it was good of you to have this conversation with her. She's at that age. Even if they think they are still able and energetic, at that age it's just a reality that even what others would consider a minor fall, can cause major problems for them.

I hope your mom understands and takes your offer. You seem to be a wonderful son.

I think I just wanted to start the conversation. I think she's capable of grasping the issues...she's really actually altogether but....I think her days are numbered, whether it's 2 years or 20....I think it's time to start having this talk....Thanks for everyone's comments....this is new territory for me.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 8

RE: I love my Mom.... - 6/30/2012 4:43:53 AM

kalikshama

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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Now sounds like a great time to have this conversation with your Mom.

My ex lives in FL and his mother in NC. Since he's father died a few years ago, he's been suggesting she move down near him. She is now at the point where she is considering it. So if she tells you No now, revisit it periodically.

My Mom is 74 and has been quite pro-active about things like a health-care proxy, will, and purchase of cemetery plots. I don't like thinking about her death but am glad she is making these decisions now while she is of sound mind. She's bugging my father, who is older and in poor health, to do the same. (They've been divorced since the 80s but have remained on good terms.)

I gave up a great job in FL to move back to MA to be closer to Mom, who was at her wit's end with my mentally ill brother. (He's much better now, but they both appreciate me driving him around, etc.) Some parts of my move have been hard, but I'm really glad to be here.

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RE: I love my Mom.... - 6/30/2012 5:33:49 AM

JstAnotherSub

Posts: 6174
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Fuck, ya made me cry in my coffee this morning. Missing my mom so badly.

And laughing at the completely crazy shit she used to do that would make me roll my eyes.

You are a good kid, but, since you have made me cry, I hope your mom makes you sleep in a bed with a wicker headboard!

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RE: I love my Mom.... - 6/30/2012 5:38:22 AM

JstAnotherSub

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quote:

My Mom is 74 and has been quite pro-active about things like a health-care proxy, will, and purchase of cemetery plots. I don't like thinking about her death but am glad she is making these decisions now while she is of sound mind.

My mom dragged me, kicking and screaming, to the funeral home to make her arrangements.

She picked out the casket, the music, the pallbearers, even the little "In Memory" thing to have printed.

I think I shuddered and freaked out for the entire time, gawd I was mad at her for making me go there!

Years later, when she died in home hospice, all I had to do was give them a dress to put her in and show up at the funeral home when she was ready. It was the greatest gift ever given.

Gawd I hate yall for making me cry this morning!!!!!

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RE: I love my Mom.... - 6/30/2012 8:40:52 AM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
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I need to have this conversation with my mom. I don't know quite how to do it, she won't take it well.

< Message edited by Iamsemisweet -- 6/30/2012 8:41:41 AM >

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The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

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RE: I love my Mom.... - 6/30/2012 8:42:57 AM

mnottertail

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Tell her it ain't for her, honey, it's for you....

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Post #: 13

RE: I love my Mom.... - 6/30/2012 8:49:02 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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My Mom has been forcing me into this chat for ages. Bits and pieces, because I always fall apart. She has her wishes laid in legalese. some of it may change (especially after I had an awakening after my Dad's death), but it may not. It's up to her.
Mom has it specified in her Living Will (I think that is what it is called...) about how to handle things if she becomes non compos mentos (or however the hell it is spelled...)

Lookie, don't badger her about it, but do make sure she is absolutely clear on her wishes, if only with her attorney.

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RE: I love my Mom.... - 6/30/2012 9:35:08 AM

tj444

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Joined: 3/7/2010
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FR-

My mother died about 2 years ago.. she was very realistic about things.. she lived in my brothers basement in her own suite and he is a lawyer

so she made him the executor of her will & he had power of attorney if required.. she had instructed him not to resucitate if something happened (she had almost died twice a few years earlier).. she had a fear of being kept alive on machines, especially since she had been a nurse.. She got her wish and died quickly of a heart attack/failure..

One problem i dont think she foresaw was that by making my brother her executor, he has been using his position in that capacity as a power trip and been a total jerk.. My mothers will is still going thru the process and he has already told me in one email to "go to hell" and in another email never to contact him again (even tho there still needs to be contact)..

Imo, unless a parent has only one child/beneficiary, use an independent professional third party to be executor.. JMO..

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RE: I love my Mom.... - 6/30/2012 10:17:59 AM

kalikshama

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Ya, I have two siblings and Mom is using a respected family friend as the executor.

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RE: I love my Mom.... - 6/30/2012 10:29:32 AM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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Better you do it now when she's still legally able to understand and sign documents. My father wouldn't consider any of this until too late. Had he done so earlier, things would have been placed in trust and we would all feel better.

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RE: I love my Mom.... - 6/30/2012 10:30:54 AM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
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From: The Great Northwest, USA
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That won't work. You don't know my mom. She is, ummm, difficult. Or a total bitch, depending on how tolerant I am feeling

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Tell her it ain't for her, honey, it's for you....

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

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RE: I love my Mom.... - 6/30/2012 6:36:45 PM

hlen5

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

That won't work. You don't know my mom. She is, ummm, difficult. Or a total bitch, depending on how tolerant I am feeling

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Tell her it ain't for her, honey, it's for you....

5-6 years ago I would have asked you if your mom was missing a twin brother. My Dad is mellowing now and not AS difficult. I find that I have changed in that his issues don't aggravate me nearly as much as they used to.

He IS still difficult enough that the thought taking care of him when he becomes unable to live alone makes me shudder.

ETA: He is 81. Don't know how old your Mom is but maybe she'll mellow too.

< Message edited by hlen5 -- 6/30/2012 6:38:07 PM >

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RE: I love my Mom.... - 6/30/2012 6:39:47 PM

hlen5

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Joined: 3/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

.....I hope your mom understands and takes your offer. You seem to be a wonderful son.

Agreed.

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Post #: 20

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