RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s

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RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s - 6/8/2006 10:05:57 AM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
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This is the same attitude i was dealing with. Can't tell you how many times i was told to just learn to relax. Which meant on my days off i couldn't clean the house but had to spend the days watching tv with him. Despite the mess and clutter. Despite the shame i felt if anyone saw it.
i was "freaking out" when my friends would call me and because i had to be on speaker phone, i didn't have any conversations, He took the conversation over. Neither my friends or i could hardly get a word in.

So yes i agree that stressing out is not a good thing and that it can and does cause health problems. i don't agree that because he was ok with living in filth and clutter and loved taking over all my conversations that i should have just learned to live with it. i tried

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

I'm not a stressful person. My companion is. I learned early in life that stressing about thing and just generally freaking out about them, causes health problems. You need to learn to deal with your stress, instead of getting disturbed at the fact that your dominant doesn't openly stressout.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

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Post #: 21

RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s - 6/8/2006 10:28:57 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

First off, I said you needed to learn how to deal with stress, not that you should just shut-up and get over it.

Secondly, you never gave any indepth information about the situation. So I made a general statement that fit what was given. Now you give one sided information for what? To think that it should change my statment? I doesn't. You still need to learn to deal with the stress. Seems to me, in this statement:

quote:

Can't tell you how many times i was told to just learn to relax. Which meant on my days off i couldn't clean the house but had to spend the days watching tv with him. Despite the mess and clutter. Despite the shame i felt if anyone saw it.

He wanted your company on your day off. I have a girl thats the same way as you. She needed to be doing something all the time. I finally sat her down and told her that sometimes, I just wanted her around because I liked having her around. Not because my toilet needed cleaning.

As for this:

quote:

i was "freaking out" when my friends would call me and because i had to be on speaker phone, i didn't have any conversations, He took the conversation over. Neither my friends or i could hardly get a word in.

Well, thats a straight up control freak. But telling you that you were "reaking out" wasn't invalidating your emotions, just telling you that you were expressing them in the wrong way.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to liljoy)

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Post #: 22

RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s - 6/8/2006 10:40:42 AM

Proprietrix

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: liljoy
ok i admit it's twisted because of the recent ending of a bad realationship.
This is how i see it at the moment, as lond as the Dom doesn't see it as a problem, there is no problem. There were things that caused me a great amount of stress. Beacause those things didn't cause him any stress, they weren't a problem and i was over- reacting. i'm not trying to whine and i'm not even talking about only myself. i've seen the same thing in other relationships

I'm not sure that I get it...
You have a twisted perception of the lifestyle because of a bad relationship that just ended.
Your current perception is "As long as the Dominant doesn't see a problem, there isn't one"
And you've seen this thought process in other relationships as well.

My question would be this:
If you feel that your own perception is twisted, what are you doing to change that perception? Do you even want to change it? Do you want to learn to accept your perception? Where do you want to go from here?

And I would submit this:
Other people who share the thought process that "As long as Dom's ok, all is ok." may be perfectly content with that philosophy in their relationships.

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to liljoy)

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Post #: 23

RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s - 6/8/2006 10:59:06 AM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
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i want to change it and that's why i posted here. Well that and the need to vent.
As i said i'm going to take some time to heal and figure out why so i can avoid repeating it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

I'm not sure that I get it...
You have a twisted perception of the lifestyle because of a bad relationship that just ended.
Your current perception is "As long as the Dominant doesn't see a problem, there isn't one"
And you've seen this thought process in other relationships as well.

My question would be this:
If you feel that your own perception is twisted, what are you doing to change that perception? Do you even want to change it? Do you want to learn to accept your perception? Where do you want to go from here?

And I would submit this:
Other people who share the thought process that "As long as Dom's ok, all is ok." may be perfectly content with that philosophy in their relationships.

(in reply to Proprietrix)

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Post #: 24

RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s - 6/8/2006 11:15:32 AM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline

i made my first post as general because i didn't want to air all my dirty laundry.
When i responded to your post it was not to change your statement but to further explain my feelings on this matter.

It's not like i'm a clean freak. i'm far from it but if almost every waking non working hour is spent watching tv for years the house will be and was a mess.

As for one sided information any and all information i've given is one sided because he is no longer here to give his side.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

First off, I said you needed to learn how to deal with stress, not that you should just shut-up and get over it.

Secondly, you never gave any indepth information about the situation. So I made a general statement that fit what was given. Now you give one sided information for what? To think that it should change my statment? I doesn't. You still need to learn to deal with the stress. Seems to me, in this statement:

quote:

Can't tell you how many times i was told to just learn to relax. Which meant on my days off i couldn't clean the house but had to spend the days watching tv with him. Despite the mess and clutter. Despite the shame i felt if anyone saw it.
He wanted your company on your day off. I have a girl thats the same way as you. She needed to be doing something all the time. I finally sat her down and told her that sometimes, I just wanted her around because I liked having her around. Not because my toilet needed cleaning.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

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Post #: 25

RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s - 6/8/2006 11:43:42 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: liljoy

i made my first post as general because i didn't want to air all my dirty laundry. When i responded to your post it was not to change your statement but to further explain my feelings on this matter.

Then why'd you start to air it in the second one? If you want to convey your emotion then state your emotions. The only emotion conveyed clearly in your second post was shame because you perceived your place to be always a mess.

quote:

It's not like i'm a clean freak. i'm far from it but if almost every waking non working hour is spent watching tv for years the house will be and was a mess.

Now this is an over reaction. No one said spend EVERY waking non-working hour on the couch watching tv forYEARS. Thats just an exaggeration on your part.

quote:

As for one sided information any and all information i've given is one sided because he is no longer here to give his side.

Now your just quibbling for the sake of it.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to liljoy)

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Post #: 26

RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s - 6/8/2006 12:16:18 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

I also wanted to say that just because the Dom doesn't validate your reaction to any given situation doesn't mean he's invalidating your emotions to that situation.

I like this line. There is a constructive way to express feelings. I have found that I am more likely to feel heard and appreciated when I express my feelings constructively.

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

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Post #: 27

RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s - 6/8/2006 1:46:08 PM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

i was trying to explain part of my situation and my current bitternes.

Then why'd you start to air it in the second one? If you want to convey your emotion then state your emotions. The only emotion conveyed clearly in your second post was shame because you perceived your place to be always a mess.

Now this is an over reaction. No one said spend EVERY waking non-working hour on the couch watching tv forYEARS. Thats just an exaggeration on your part.

i know you didn't say anything about that but that doesn't mean it's an exageration. You seemed to think i meant i wanted to always be doing something. That's not what i was saying at all.

You and i are clearly seeing things from such different perspectives that we will never agree. That's ok too. So agree to disagree?

quote:

As for one sided information any and all information i've given is one sided because he is no longer here to give his side.
Now your just quibbling for the sake of it.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

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Post #: 28

RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s - 6/8/2006 2:59:19 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

quote:

I would bet that there were signs of this at or near the beginning which you probably ignored. You fell for a jerk. It happens. Learn from this one.

if only ppl could be labeled on their forehead...
"Jerk"
"Twat"
"asshole"
"Player"

we'd all get along alot easier.. aye and am nominating Riotgirl to go around and do the labeling!

cmere Ron you first

(in reply to Estring)

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Post #: 29

RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s - 6/8/2006 3:07:17 PM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline

lol i second that nomination!!!

(in reply to RiotGirl)

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Post #: 30

RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s - 6/9/2006 4:02:54 AM

liljoy