RE: Old Fashioned D/s

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Old Fashioned D/s

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Old Fashioned D/s

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Old Fashioned D/s - 6/29/2007 12:51:35 PM

masterdstar

Posts: 160
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Since I assume W/we are speaking about slaves and not sub and since My only focus is slaves I will say that the “contract” comes after a period of time in which the slave has been allowed to see if this structure is indeed where her needs are: TPE
When that is determined to be the case the “contract” is to Total surrender in Exchange for Total Domination.

If the individual structure calls for a list so be it but for Me the “contract” requires two things; 1 Always obey and 2 no hesitation. This is pared down to this successfully because the Exchange IS Total and that fills A/all needs. in service to the structure.

It is a fact which a genuine O/p relationship is based on and so many fail to see or want to believe; The Owner and property are equals-equal surrender for equal Domination.

Enjoy your wonder-filled day

(in reply to Gabrielle)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Old Fashioned D/s - 6/29/2007 12:56:47 PM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

when Sir and i were first talking, he sent me copies of several different contracts, and i was to pick and choose between this bit and that bit, and see what would be the best fit for "our" contract.

i still havent done it. he accepted me in march.

i'd MUCH rather talk things out as they come up, and find a fit for both of us than to have to fit our relationship to the clicky-boxes of a formalized contract. and so far, this has worked.

kitten, whose stubborness is wrapped in cute.

(in reply to masterdstar)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Old Fashioned D/s - 6/29/2007 1:02:22 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

FR

What the OP is talking about is hardly Old Fashioned Ds- what she's talking about is romanticized idealized versions of reality that only occur a heavy helping of dumb luck.

That being said, there's a reason my screen name calls me lucky :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to adoracat)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Old Fashioned D/s - 6/29/2007 1:30:20 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gabrielle
I would love to hear from those who have a similar experience as myself. Where you met an amazing man, the relationship naturally developed over time where it only made sense to do whatever it took to make your partner happy and your partner would in turn do whatever it took to take care of you: guidance, discipline, setting rules, expecting respect at all times, but willing to give unconditional love in exchange

quote:

But I would love to meet others who never used those tools and experienced an "as it comes" situation in an "I own you and no one at any time will top you other than me" relationship.

Ok...you've met me. What do you want to hear?

.........slave luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to Gabrielle)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Old Fashioned D/s - 6/29/2007 6:59:14 PM

CitizenCane

Posts: 349
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gabrielle

I wonder sometimes what became of the romance of Dominance/submission. The idea, that things come as they will, that progress is taken one step at a time. Where two people fall in love and just by nature and instinct they fall into their roles. Where no contract is needed, no negotiations.

I do respect those who use contracts and the such. I think it is a good way to protect yourselves and be clear on where the relationship is going. It just seems to me, this is the only way things go for the lifestyle.

I would love to hear from those who have a similar experience as myself. Where you met an amazing man, the relationship naturally developed over time where it only made sense to do whatever it took to make your partner happy and your partner would in turn do whatever it took to take care of you: guidance, discipline, setting rules, expecting respect at all times, but willing to give unconditional love in exchange.

Yes, at many stages he talked with me about what was to come. But never was he particularly explicit. I would hear something like "You are ready for me to take you to the next level. Do you trust me to take you there without question or doubt?" This was my opportunity to say no, but it was never a place for me to say, "Can you give me details and I will decide what I will accept and do and what I won't?"

I have my outlets for personal expression, but it always done with absolute respect and as a lady who loves her Dom. Then, if, and only if, he decides my feelings/thoughts need clarification, will he make the effort the do that for me. But sometimes, I am not to know what is to come until a certain time.

I understand where in some instances negotiations and contracts are necessary. Especially in situations with online meetings and 'swapping' (for lack of a better term-obviously something I have never experienced.) But I would love to meet others who never used those tools and experienced an "as it comes" situation in an "I own you and no one at any time will top you other than me" relationship. To not know in advance what your limits are and if/how they will be pushed or eliminated.

Thanks for articulating this both clearly and gently. It's largely the point I was driving at in my posts about 'consent', but I seem to have been percieved as a predatory psychopath. I think that D/s is a dynamic, not an agreement. Sometimes it's mutually beneficial, when both parties are well-intentioned and sincere, and have some basic good sense; other times not so much- but either way, it's a kind of interaction that doesn't really have much to do with contracts, agreements and negotiations.

(in reply to Gabrielle)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Old Fashioned D/s - 6/29/2007 8:19:47 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear Gabrielle, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I would like to think that everybody approaches a relationship as to 'fall in love and live happy ever-after.' However, there are so many who are grasping for romantic sex as much as romantic BDSM and or D/s or M/s --that it really comes across as another porn romance novel.

There are many types of love. Not all love the same and some still do not know what love is. At times one person is 'in love' and the other has no feelings of 'love' in the same manner. Some have been hurt in the name of 'love.' Some may still mourn for that love that was and no longer exists.

If there is the matching that comes naturally, then I do believe contracts are just written to what already exists in the heart and creates the bond of that contract and relationship.

People do forget that one's word is one's bond/contract. Unfortunately, society has slipped from that old time honor system; just as the honor has slipped in government, society, friendships, warriors and other things that may be considered relics or antiques.

Even if there is a written contract, the enforcement could be challenged. There really is no easy answers as to the world's woes as far as honor, relationships, romance, love and so on.

If someone had all the answers, they would surpass Dr. Phil's popular status and perhaps the world would be different. I know I don't have all the answers and cannot answer why matching up with slaves is a very difficult process that takes years to create and minutes to end.

All I can say, that in my mind's eyes I see--those who have great success in matching with their 'one' or 'ones'--are blessed. At times I consider that being without a slave, gives an opportunity to avail ourselves to others in a teaching or mentoring capacity. I have had many blessings in the past. It can be considered not my 'time' to be blessed again.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to Gabrielle)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Old Fashioned D/s - 6/29/2007 10:27:05 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

I'm glad that a no discussion style works for you. For some of us, however, we have emotional triggers and physical problems as well. Springing stuff on us without warning would cause physical and emotional distress.

I'm flat out terrified of duct tape. Even the thought of it on my skin, or worse as a gag, can cause the beginnings of a panic attack. Just typing about it causes me distress. Had he said something nebulous such as that he was going to take me to the next level and then put a duct tape gag on me, he would have been fortunate to not have me so upset that I would have been afraid of him forever afterwards.

Had the topic of duct tape not been discussed ahead of time, he might have decided to use it. Without discussion it wouldn't have occurred to me that he might use it. We could each have been coming from our own viewpoints and never known ahead that they were diametrically opposed until after a very bad scene took place. By talking about it ahead of time, he learned about a phobia and switched to vet wrap instead.

(in reply to Gabrielle)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Old Fashioned D/s - 6/29/2007 10:34:07 PM

salilus

Posts: 201
Joined: 5/18/2007
Status: offline

When Daddy and I met this last time (we had met once before when we were both about seven years younger), we'd both sworn off BDSM, D/s, daddy/girl, etc. It wasn't really on our minds. We were not looking for it. We fell in love with each other long before there were any 'negotiations' of any kind. And even when that started, our negotiating was something along the lines of, "hey do you think this might be sexy/fun/interesting/intriguing; may we try it? --- oh yes, lets!" and so on.

It moved along gradually and it was over two years before he actually collared me as his property. It was over two years before I discovered how to honestly let go of control (and I still struggle with it sometimes). It was over two years before we really started getting down to the dirt of what makes us happily tick. The journey wasn't all romance and smooth sailing... but it's all been worth it.

There has never been a long standing contract... we tried it once, but we were both much too fluid for the rigidity it placed on our interactions. It has been about the very gradual climb to each new summit, getting our footing, setting up camp, and then moving upwards again when we're both ready for it. It's been passionate, messy, crazy, loving, gentle, fun, and brutal all at once. I wouldn't trade the experience for anything.

It may have just been dumb luck, but I always have considered myself incredibly lucky to be his girl.

< Message edited by salilus -- 6/29/2007 10:35:10 PM >

(in reply to Gabrielle)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: Old Fashioned D/s - 6/30/2007 6:56:33 AM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

fast reply..........i have always thought that the D/s dynamic isnt too far off the relationship my mom and dad had.....he was head of the household, she delighted in serving him and making his life more comfortable.....of course i prefer to believe they never had sex, and thats why i was adopted, but thats for another thread......

he adored and cherished her for what she gave him.......she adored and cherished him because of what he gave her.......it was simply beautiful.......and i hope to find it one day

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to salilus)

Profile

Post #: 29