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Donor card/living will when do you discuss!! - 4/17/2012 2:45:23 PM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		I have a donor card, my family while not particularly ok with it, will respect my wishes.

When do you discuss this with your "new" significant other!!!

I have allergies that could go "oops" in a minute, and while wanting him to know the reality of the situation, discussing death and my wishes, seems a tad morbid.
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RE: Donor card/living will when do you discuss!! - 4/17/2012 2:49:34 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		I have a donor card and a health care serrogate. I discused donor cards with my children when they became of age to get a license. I would discuss it with a new significant other before I moved in with them. I would discuss my health care suragate at the same time, and again if I ever thought it was time to make it them (the new S.O.) instead of my sister. I also have a mental health contract that my sister keeps for me, that has been maintained by Master's in the past, that I would discuss, as a health need, before moving in together. moving in together is the LATEST I would discuss these things. earlier is fine. You might discuss allergies when you talk about going out to eat, for instance.

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RE: Donor card/living will when do you discuss!! - 4/17/2012 2:50:06 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14449
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		We discussed these things when we became engaged and were living together. He wouldn't have had any input anyway, until we were married.

Unless you have a domestic partnership, POA or a marriage, your SO can't make any decisions.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 4/17/2012 2:51:21 PM >

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RE: Donor card/living will when do you discuss!! - 4/17/2012 2:53:48 PM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		i know he would have no legal rights, It horribly came up in conversation, because his friend just died in a motorbike accident and the family had never talked about it.

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RE: Donor card/living will when do you discuss!! - 4/17/2012 3:14:43 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5175
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		When he became my Significant Other it was time to discuss those sorts of things. 

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RE: Donor card/living will when do you discuss!! - 4/17/2012 3:56:05 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Meh, morbid though it may be is no reason to not discuss it calmly rationally and on point.

if you had a daughter who was depressed and going to commit suicide, is that morbid, and would you talk about it?

If a man lives, it is a certainty he will die...
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RE: Donor card/living will when do you discuss!! - 4/17/2012 4:06:57 PM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		Thats maybe the difference. it has to be discussed before a first meet. morphine actually kills me, so everyone i know, has to know incase of an accident it cant be administered.

It goes on every form for a new job. and working in catering is a must.

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RE: Donor card/living will when do you discuss!! - 4/17/2012 4:07:02 PM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		I have talked to my family about it. If I hook up with someone, I suppose I would discuss it when and if we moved in together. Maybe sooner if the subject came up. But I think it is very important to do. A family friend of ours just lost her husband and they had not discussed it. He didn't feel well and went to bed and never woke up. She had no clue what he wanted and had to make the decisions herself. Everyone wants to think they have years to decide but you just never know what tomorrow will bring.

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RE: Donor card/living will when do you discuss!! - 4/17/2012 4:11:51 PM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		My family are absolute No's. My son doesnt like it but will respect what i want. and until im not his next of kin, they can slice and dice him and use any useable parts.

yes thats callous, but he actually wont sign anything to say otherwise. He likes that i will make the choice, he doesnt have too.

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RE: Donor card/living will when do you discuss!! - 4/17/2012 4:37:38 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		Told my family and other half about it, they're OK with it, in fact other half went and got a donor card too. We have a friend (I'm staying with him at the moment to help him through) who recently went through a heart transplant - he wouldn't be around if not somebody had filled out said card, my point is, if you think you deserve an organ transplant in case you need it, you should be carrying a donor card, or else it's a bit hypocritical!

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RE: Donor card/living will when do you discuss!! - 4/17/2012 4:50:53 PM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		Agreed.

I hear too many people going on about people they know needing transplants, but any of them on the donor list!!!

Its all meant to be done by someone else.

I cant even give blood, because i was born in Hong Kong, at the time a high malaria and TB zone. 46 years later with no symptoms im deemed a risk.

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RE: Donor card/living will when do you discuss!! - 4/17/2012 5:06:15 PM   
kitkat105


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/29/2011
From: Eating dutch crunch in the Silicon Valley
Status: offline 		Our westernised culture has made talking about death a "morbid" thing. As a nurse, I have physically seen people in hospital planning their funeral with their family. And you know what? Families & people who talk about death, usually cope much better with it afterwards because they known & accept that everything went how it ought to. There's no point pretending death doesn't exist. There are 3 phrases in your life: the day you are born, the day you die and the 'dash' between those 2 days is everything in between.

My parents have known my wishes to become an organ donor (if dying in such a way occured) since I was a child. I also wiill also have an advanced directive outlining my end of life wishes.
I would tell my significant other as soon as possible, really.

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RE: Donor card/living will when do you discuss!! - 4/17/2012 5:08:13 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I think it got discussed after he moved in when one of us had to renew the driver's license. In NY they ask on the driver's license form if you wish to donate organs.

I used to give blood, but after getting turned down the last four times in a row, I've quit trying.


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RE: Donor card/living will when do you discuss!! - 4/17/2012 6:07:31 PM   
soul2share


Posts: 7084
Joined: 12/18/2007
From: somewhere out there.....
Status: offline 		The couple of times I've been in a serious relationship, it just sort of comes up in the conversation, and when it does, I just tell him what I want, and there's no debate about it. Unless or until the SO was my husband, he'd have no say in my wishes anyway, or any legal ground to stand on when it comes time to make that decision.

I carry the organ donor notice on my license, my family knows what I want, and they are good with it. And anytime I go into the hospital for anything, I maek sure the forms are signed for the whole process. My sister is always my medical power of attorney. Since I don't really have one single doctor I go to, and I go only when I'm dying (no pun intended, I just hate docs!), I don't have anything in my medical records. The only problem I have is that I'm in FL and they are all in NY. No one in the family believes in prolonging life if there's no indication that we'll be as good as we started as.

Frazzle, I do have one question for you. Do you wear some sort of medical ID indicating your allergy to morphine? Like a medic alert bracelet? Might not be a bad thing.....you can't always count on someone finding your purse or wallet to gain access to that info. Morphine is the go to pain drug here, it seems.

Personally, if any of my worn out body parts still have some mileage on them, and I'm not going to need them, then pass 'em on to someone who will. I've been kicking around the idea of just leaving the whole kit and kaboodle to a hospital or college for students to poke at, anyway.

< Message edited by soul2share -- 4/17/2012 6:08:45 PM >

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RE: Donor card/living will when do you discuss!! - 4/17/2012 7:38:23 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I think it just came up in small talk one day...not sure exactly when but it wasn't that far from when we first started dating. It wasn't a major sit down conversation, just something that came up over small talk, I think while we were watching a movie or something...not sure. That's pretty much how all our conversations go. We talk about everything under the sun so stuff just comes up lol.

I know what he wants, he knows what I want.

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RE: Donor card/living will when do you discuss!! - 4/17/2012 8:44:16 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I was just thinking of the allergy thing. I think I mentioned it to Master on our first date because we were at a Thai restaurant and he ordered the food, not me. So I just mentioned to him that I couldn't eat scallops and why. Like I said, that stuff just comes up in small talk conversations or situations that arise at the time with us.


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RE: Donor card/living will when do you discuss!! - 4/17/2012 10:02:43 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

I have a donor card, my family while not particularly ok with it, will respect my wishes.

When do you discuss this with your "new" significant other!!!

I have allergies that could go "oops" in a minute, and while wanting him to know the reality of the situation, discussing death and my wishes, seems a tad morbid.


How about the next time that you two are in the car or walking somewhere, just say, "Hey, if one of these crazy drivers kill me, ya know I am an organ donor."

I think that our particular conversation went something like, "I went and donated blood today (or I was on my way to do so for a blood drive.) Do you donate? I am also on the marrow list and have my organ donor box checked."

If you would like your SO to know you are an organ donor, just tell them. "By the way, I want my organs donated before baking my ashes up into bread cakes for the funeral lunch sandwiches."

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RE: Donor card/living will when do you discuss!! - 4/17/2012 10:18:16 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		Actually no matter your political opinion, Dick Cheney having the heart transplant would be an excellent starter for a conversation regarding carrying an organ donor card (only him getting a new heart - surprisingly his body didn't reject human tissue - might put a lot of people off from becoming a donor)

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