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RE: How close do you let strangers get... - 3/25/2012 5:32:23 PM

midmichiganguy

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Joined: 11/8/2008
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Well it is simple law of the jungle. I have very strong situational awareness at all times (call it the former Marine in me) and if I get the sense that I am being followed I can immediately react in one of two ways. 1) I can try to move faster (I can't run due to pins in my knees) and in so doing I will assume that I am going to trigger that predator/prey response with me being the prey. Or I can 2) Turn around and immediately assume a semi-crouched stance with my back against an object while I look directly at the person following me and thereby trigger the predator/predator encounter instinct which most people are unprepared for. The two times I have had to act that way when I was younger the person stopped, saw I was prepared, and went away quickly.

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Post #: 21

RE: How close do you let strangers get... - 3/25/2012 5:43:11 PM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hlen5
That's what's recommended by Gavin DeBecker, in the book "The Gift of Fear". I CAN NOT recommend that book highly enough if one is interested in their personal safety.

i did a search for that book to learn more of what its about.. found the wiki on it.. I found the PINS interesting.. can any female say they havent gotten various first emails of all those tactics? Cuz I sure have..

"PINS (Pre-Incident Indicators)
Forced Teaming. This is when a person tries to pretend that he has something in common with a person and that they are in the same predicament when that isn't really true.
Charm and Niceness. This is being polite and friendly to a person in order to manipulate him or her.
Too many details. If a person is lying they will add excessive details to make themselves sound more credible.
Typecasting. An insult to get a person who would otherwise ignore one to talk to one.[clarification needed]
Loan Sharking. Giving unsolicited help and expecting favors in return.
The Unsolicited Promise. A promise to do (or not do) something when no such promise is asked for; this usually means that such a promise will be broken. For example: an unsolicited, "I promise I'll leave you alone after this," usually means you will not be left alone. Similarly, an unsolicited "I promise I won't hurt you" usually means the person intends to hurt you.
Discounting the Word "No". Refusing to accept rejection."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gift_of_Fear

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RE: How close do you let strangers get... - 3/25/2012 5:45:04 PM

hlen5

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The biggest thing is not accepting "no". You won't regret reading the book.

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Post #: 23

RE: How close do you let strangers get... - 3/25/2012 5:52:22 PM

tj444

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it does sound like an interesting and informative book on human behaviour, manipulation and various ways to handle that.. although a knee hard and swift at the guys man parts has been known to work..

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Post #: 24

RE: How close do you let strangers get... - 3/25/2012 5:57:22 PM

angelikaJ

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I was a home health aide in a city for over 9 years.

I worked in some of the rougher neighborhoods.
One was a project and the reputation was so bad (regular shootings and stabbings on the weekends) that newer nurses sometimes called me on the phone so that I would meet them outside.

I only encountered feeling afraid for my safety once.
I was walking near dusk on one of those bad neighborhood streets and a group of young men followed me.
I crossed the street and they crossed with me.

Fortunately, I was pretty close to the bus stop (around the corner at the next intersection).

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RE: How close do you let strangers get... - 3/25/2012 7:10:02 PM

Iamsemisweet

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I carry concealed, and I would make that known if they were obviously following me. And I would have my hand on my gun even if I didn't think they were following me

quote:

ORIGINAL: farglebargle

If you're walking alone at night, and someone starts following you. When you turn or walk faster they obviously follow you.

How close to you let this stranger get before you're concerned about your safety?

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
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Post #: 26

RE: How close do you let strangers get... - 3/25/2012 7:14:15 PM

Iamsemisweet

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Me too, until recently. I got extremely nervous and instantly hostile if anyone came close to my house. Even during the day

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

I live in the country, the only people I have to worry about following me at night are coyotes and other nocturnal animals. If I see a person, I am instantly suspicious since I have no close neighbors

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

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Post #: 27

RE: How close do you let strangers get... - 3/25/2012 7:33:09 PM

erieangel

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I live in one of the rougher neighborhoods in my city. Once, when my son and I decided to go to the corner store at 2 am to get milk and snacks and we walked the two blocks, the cops stopped us to ask why we were walking in that neighborhood at that time of night (a lot of prostitutes, drug dealers around). Two years ago, some guy got stabbed and robbed not 50 feet from my front door, I had a knee-jerk reaction and had a security system installed. That turned out to be more of a bother than it was worth because on the 4 occasions the alarm sounded and sent the police to my house, it was a false alarm.

The house I own was given to me by my grandmother. I lived with her for a time when I was teenager. Back then, I worked nights at a nearby greasy spoon, getting off work around 3 am. I always walked the 6 blocks back to grandma's alone and nobody ever bothered me. I don't know if I was dumb back then or if the neighborhood really has gotten so much worst, but I hesitate to walk around the neighborhood anytime after dark. But I'm not as bad as one of my son's friends. She grew up in a nice quiet suburb and thinks the entire city is a den of criminals.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 28

RE: How close do you let strangers get... - 3/25/2012 7:46:47 PM

tj444

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In some cities people will be charged a fee if police respond and it was a false alarm, some they wont send the police unless the alarm is verified by an alarm company or maybe a neighbor.. I have never had an alarm system myself..

I think many people just naturally become aware of their mortality so become more cautious as they get older.. and too, if you have kids you want to be around for them so perhaps that makes people more cautious as well..

And too, you start to believe negative stuff, in the news, what people tell you, eventually you get brainwashed? or come to your senses? depending on your viewpoint..

When i was younger, like 17, 18, I used to hitch hike and my boyfriends mother kept telling me that was dangerous and that i shouldnt do that, that they would find my body in a ditch, etc etc.. one day hitch hiking a car with several young guys pulled up, I thought about it for a second, thought about how out-numbered i would be if it turned out bad and turned them down.. I think that was the very last time I hitch hiked...

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RE: How close do you let strangers get... - 3/25/2012 8:05:02 PM

Real0ne

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quote:

How close do you let strangers get...

depends what she looks like

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RE: How close do you let strangers get... - 3/25/2012 8:14:30 PM

hlen5

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

.............And too, you start to believe negative stuff, in the news, what people tell you, eventually you get brainwashed? or come to your senses? depending on your viewpoint.. When i was younger, like 17, 18, I used to hitch hike and my boyfriends mother kept telling me that was dangerous and that i shouldnt do that, that they would find my body in a ditch, etc etc.. one day hitch hiking a car with several young guys pulled up, I thought about it for a second, thought about how out-numbered i would be if it turned out bad and turned them down.. I think that was the very last time I hitch hiked...

These things fit in perfectly with the premise of the Gift of Fear book!

(in reply to tj444)

Post #: 31

RE: How close do you let strangers get... - 3/25/2012 8:20:06 PM

LadyHibiscus

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I really have to look for that book!

I know that my absolute lack of fear is certain situations is why I'm here today.

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Post #: 32

RE: How close do you let strangers get... - 3/25/2012 8:30:22 PM

hlen5

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You could probably find it at yard sales!

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RE: How close do you let strangers get... - 3/27/2012 5:14:01 AM

Exidor

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Joined: 12/31/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444
it does sound like an interesting and informative book on human behaviour, manipulation and various ways to handle that.. although a knee hard and swift at the guys man parts has been known to work..

I applaud your attitude, but if you let them get that close you're already in trouble.

Kicking range is close enough.

"Personal space" varies by situation, and in a crowded area it might be hard to maintain your distance. "Back off!" may sound abrupt and unfriendly, but it gets the message across. If they don't back off, take a step back. If they step forward, spray them, kick them, or shoot them, as appropriate for the situation.

(in reply to tj444)

Post #: 34

RE: How close do you let strangers get... - 3/27/2012 6:11:27 AM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
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My philosophy that the best defense is a good offense is why I'm here today

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I really have to look for that book!

I know that my absolute lack of fear is certain situations is why I'm here today.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 35

RE: How close do you let strangers get... - 3/27/2012 6:26:41 AM

LizDeluxe

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Joined: 10/2/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: farglebargle

The location: A place where you have every lawful right to be. You are going about your lawful business.

Let's say you're walking home from the candy store at about 7:30 pm.

I would do my best to lose them and then turn around and sneak up on them and try to beat the shit out of them... and hope they don't have a gun.

(in reply to farglebargle)

Post #: 36

RE: How close do you let strangers get... - 3/27/2012 6:41:08 AM

farglebargle

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Why would you do that? What motivation would you have?

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Post #: 37

RE: How close do you let strangers get... - 3/27/2012 7:09:31 AM

Hillwilliam

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It depends on where I am. I've lived in large and fairly dangerous (for the US) places and I've lived in small towns.

It requires a totally different mindset. In this town, even at oh dark hundred on a saturday morning, if I see a stranger, I wouldn't have a problem approaching him and asking "Can I help you?" while keeping an eye on his hands.

In a place like miami, where I lived for 18 years, the mindset is totally different. Firstly, situational awareness needs to be ratcheted up tenfold if not more. If you notice someone purposefully headed your way, the first reaction should be to E&E. (Escape and Evade). EVEN IF YOU ARE CARRYING. Pop into a store, restaurant or bar. Find a large group of people. Don't be alone. If you are driving and think you are being followed, Dont go Home. Circle the block a few times and make sure you don't get boxed. Countless home invasions began with someone noticing they were being followed and they drove for what they thought was safety at home. Once in the driveway, the game is over.

In an urban environment, tight clothes aren't a good idea. I don't care if you have biceps as big as your head and love to show them off. Tight clothes show that you aren't armed. You can have an Nth degree blackbelt in any martial art you care to name and bench 400 pounds but if some little fatassed punk with a gun wants to fuck up your evening, he can and will.

In any armed conflict, 3 things are important. Numbers, firepower and terrain. In an urban environment, you probably have none of the above working for you. Even special forces with all their training and firepower hate urban environments because of that terrain thing.

The most important thing you can have in an urban environment is attitude. Criminals prey on the weak and the lost. If you look like neither, your odds of being a victim go way down. Create doubt in the potential assailant's mind. Even if you ARE lost, walk with a purpose and a direction. Don't stop and stare and make it obvious you're trying to get your bearings.

I've carried a weapon when I had to work in Liberty City and Overtown and noone ever knew about it except one police officer that was wondering what I was doing in that neighborhood at that time. I made sure he knew what I had, where it was, what I was doing and that I was allowed. Remember, the most important weapon you can carry is your brain. Don't make a firearm a replacement for your brain.

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RE: How close do you let strangers get... - 3/27/2012 8:15:14 AM

LadyPact

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I stand 5'2". I know that I can't overpower most men.

Due to this, if I get a bad vibe, I don't exactly let people get "close".

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Post #: 39

RE: How close do you let strangers get... - 3/27/2012 8:45:06 AM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Exidor

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444
it does sound like an interesting and informative book on human behaviour, manipulation and various ways to handle that.. although a knee hard and swift at the guys man parts has been known to work..

I applaud your attitude, but if you let them get that close you're already in trouble.

Kicking range is close enough.

"Personal space" varies by situation, and in a crowded area it might be hard to maintain your distance. "Back off!" may sound abrupt and unfriendly, but it gets the message across. If they don't back off, take a step back. If they step forward, spray them, kick them, or shoot them, as appropriate for the situation.

Of course i wouldnt deliberately let anyone get that close if at all possible.. I would run like hell first..

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

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Post #: 40

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