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lizi -> RE: Is this cheating? AND .. (1/27/2012 6:28:35 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: slaveloser69
Thanks for all the great responses people. I have come to the conclusion (well i've really always thought it was wrong just needed validation) that i'm not going to do anything near/close to paying other online domme's or anything that could be thought of as cheating so that part of this post is DEAD, -- hang it up-- flat screen.
I will try talking to her after a few weeks and tell her this is what i'm into. If she bounces, or thinks i'm a weirdo (has happened a lot) then she obviously isn't the right one for me. If I look past my desires and try to fight my bdsm urges sooner or later it's going to come back to me and bite me in the ass.
Someone said not to tell her about the SPH until she undersrands it or she'll bounce. That's probably true, so I really have to be slick with my words, and not go too far, or tell her in the wrong way.... I just hope this works. I'll tell her a little (not everything like i'd like to be forced to be a cuckold, etc)
First of all, you might be done with your original question but it's kind of like people will keep posting on it as they won't read all of the thread to see that. They won't know you're done, or they might have something else to say. Kind of an exercise in futility to keep saying "don't post on that anymore."
Secondly, you say you're going to talk to her about SPH and kink in general in a few weeks. I would be seriously pissed at that were I the gf in question. In other words, you're going to keep interacting with her, having sex, before letting her know what might be a deal breaker for her and she might feel used. You knew you were kinky when you met her, you went into it anyway hoping for the best, you seem to be finding out that while you like sex with her it's not your wet dream, you don't want to lose her however so you're going to pass on telling her what would make sex better for you.
If I were her I'd feel that you had been dishonest with me while taking advantage of the situation to be intimate with me as well. First of all, if I truly cared for you, knowing that you'd been rather unfulfilled by our attempts at sex so far, I'd feel humiliated and mad that I couldn't provide things to you of my own free choice because I didn't know of them.
I'd also be ticked to find out that you let me get that much more attached and spend more time, energy etc before letting me know what the deal was so I could choose to stay or not. It's not really consensual on her part if she doesn't know your preferences here. People tend to get pissed if you take their consensuality away. Like finding out after having sex or spending time and getting attached that someone is married, or someone is bi, or someone has a medical/psychiatric condition, or has a bad history with the law, or has kids, etc. If anyone in the examples I just mentioned told their bf/gf about them after being intimate and spending weeks/months with them, it would suck and may make the untold person upset over not having consented to those things. You may think your sexuality is a side issue, I'd find it a major thing, and I'd be mad that I didn't get to pick if I wanted to be involved with it or not.
You could try gently to bring up the conversation outside of sex. You could try during sex to guide her into doing something that flips your buttons and hope that when she sees how turned on you are that it works for her too. You could search the boards here - there have been a lot of threads on introducing kink to a newbie. You could both read something like "When Someone You Love is Kinky." I do think however that letting things lie until you feel ready to broach it, whenever that is, may not be your best plan.
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