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RE: Have You Ever Held a Torch for Another... - 1/10/2012 1:46:37 PM

LadyHibiscus

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I heart Alanis!! Excellent for when psychoslave left me, though that was before the song!

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RE: Have You Ever Held a Torch for Another... - 1/10/2012 2:13:35 PM

LizDeluxe

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Duskypearls
...and if so, for how long, what was it like, how did it affect you, what did you learn from it, and how, if ever, did you heal from it?

Yes, I carried a torch for an old flame once. I can't honestly say that I don't still carry a small Bic Lighter version of it to this day but I was mostly over it years ago. I carried that torch for about four years... vacillating between wanting to go back and knowing it wasn't to be. It was eating me alive for all of those four years until I realized that the only way to stop it was to burn that bridge behind me once and for all so that I could never go back. I then did one of the meanest, nastiest and most thoughtless things I have ever done to another person. I'm not proud of it and I regret it to this day... but it worked. Once I destroyed any possibility of going back I was able to let it go and get on with my life.

Years later I sent a very heartfelt but cryptic apology and we did share some brief communication so I know they do not hate my guts totally.

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RE: Have You Ever Held a Torch for Another... - 1/10/2012 2:14:19 PM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Duskypearls
...and if so, for how long, what was it like, how did it affect you, what did you learn from it, and how, if ever, did you heal from it?

Yes.

too long.

it hurt like hell.. part was i tried to figure out why he treated me differently, that sorta drove me crazy.. i never did figure that out..

I changed my approach, i take my time now, I am much more cautious, i look for a good amount of compatibility and i dont waste my time if its not there, i pull back and dont get in too deep until i know its real and reciprocated.. knowing that i wont settle for less.. most importantly, i look for honesty and someone i can trust..

seeing him for who he was meant i couldnt be with him, i couldnt accept that behaviour- he was a liar, a cheat and not worth the "torch" i felt, there was no choice to be made, I had to walk away (knowing that let me heal), I never contacted him again, his loss..

< Message edited by tj444 -- 1/10/2012 2:40:31 PM >

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RE: Have You Ever Held a Torch for Another... - 1/10/2012 4:58:23 PM

lizi

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Sigh, yes.

There's a man I dated 4 years ago that still pops into my life occasionally. Thank goodness I have a great relationship now, because then when Old Flame turns up yet again I can keep my distance emotionally and physically, and carry on with life in the manner that I want to. Which is to be apart from Old Flame and not being constantly tempted to be naked with him, or share time with him. I absolutely hate knowing that there is someone out there that makes me lose my common sense and overrides my survival instinct. He's like kryptonite to me. He's so appealing and yet I know without a doubt that he's unable to give me what I need, and unable to stay with me. He keeps circling around me year after year, we do fit in many ways. However, he can't keep up with having a relationship, even when he wants it.

We'd have made good FWB except that our feelings always start getting in the way because we truly care for each other. We are the classic scenario of two people that should have just enjoyed time and sex with one another, but we actually do really care for each other, and then the issues start when he can't deliver on what he'd like to do about that. What a cluster fuck eh? Two people that genuinely get along, care for each other, and can't make it work.

I am eternally grateful for the awesome relationship I have with my current bf/Dom/life partner because it's amazing, and because it's shown me how pitiful things with Old Flame were. That does not however take away the appeal that Old Flame has for me....why is that? Whenever OF calls again I feel that tug. I know if I were single, I'd be yet again thinking of how we could make it work, and maybe seeing him once (yeah right) would be enough. Argh. I hate being illogical.

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RE: Have You Ever Held a Torch for Another... - 1/10/2012 5:29:09 PM

LadyHibiscus

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I wonder what I learned from my pair of disasters. That I can't trust my own judgment? That there is something essentially wrong with me? That no matter how much love someone takes, they don't have to give any back?

Yeah, happy thoughts!

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RE: Have You Ever Held a Torch for Another... - 1/10/2012 5:33:51 PM

Hillwilliam

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We got a lot in common Hibbs.

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RE: Have You Ever Held a Torch for Another... - 1/10/2012 5:44:48 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Yeah, and I think we're part of a pretty big club, Hilly.

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RE: Have You Ever Held a Torch for Another... - 1/10/2012 5:49:45 PM

SinFix

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I have been there, done that...
It hurts to not have what you feel returned in time..

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RE: Have You Ever Held a Torch for Another... - 1/10/2012 6:48:03 PM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Duskypearls

...and if so, for how long, what was it like, how did it affect you, what did you learn from it, and how, if ever, did you heal from it?

Yes......for a few years.

It was bearable.

It made me view other blokes with a more focussed view.

I didn't heal, he ended up owning me and still does.

What did I learn?....... Be careful what you wish for... for us BOTH... (it's not been an easy ride)

agirl

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RE: Have You Ever Held a Torch for Another... - 1/10/2012 8:27:01 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Duskypearls

...and if so, for how long, what was it like, how did it affect you, what did you learn from it, and how, if ever, did you heal from it?

I wanted to use a torch once....but my lawyer advised me against it.

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RE: Have You Ever Held a Torch for Another... - 1/10/2012 8:32:14 PM

Casteele

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Yes, I've held a torch to another.. Err, wait, FOR another? Hrmm..

That's really a difficult question, for what I feel inside me, I don't know if anyone I've ever met feels the same. I've loved some people deeply, and in a way, I still do. I say that because I don't love who they are now, who they've become, but who they are in my memory. I have never believed that you can just stop loving someone you once loved, like flipping off a light switch. But people are not always who we thought they were, and/or they can and usually do change. I think I realized that very early on in life, and it's given me a serenity within my heart and soul when it comes to others and how I love. I neither hold on nor do I let go, I just live life, remembering that the past is past, the present is where I'll be in a few more seconds, but only for a moment before I'm in the future of the past and it too is in the past. (Okay, confused yet? :-P)

Seriously though, I will never stop loving the memories of those I love (not have loved, but still love). But there is a reason they are no longer with me, regardless of the exact reasons or fault, so I know I will never love the person again as I love the memory. If that makes any sense. And if it makes sense, then you can understand why I can simply go on with life, without holding on or letting go, without even needing to heal or anything like that. It prolly also helps that I believe the capacity of the human heart to love is truly infinite, so there's little point to use it sparingly like a miserly scrooge, or allot "X" amount to this person or that, and so on.

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RE: Have You Ever Held a Torch for Another... - 1/10/2012 8:36:38 PM

Casteele

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie
I wanted to use a torch once....but my lawyer advised me against it.

Fire your lawyer.

With a torch.

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RE: Have You Ever Held a Torch for Another... - 1/10/2012 8:41:35 PM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

Yes......for a few years.

It was bearable.

It made me view other blokes with a more focussed view.

I didn't heal, he ended up owning me and still does.

What did I learn?....... Be careful what you wish for... for us BOTH... (it's not been an easy ride)

agirl

Wow, this intrigues me, agirl. Your story has always fascinated me. This post makes me want more details

Interesting.....

luci

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RE: Have You Ever Held a Torch for Another... - 1/10/2012 8:44:32 PM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Casteele

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie
I wanted to use a torch once....but my lawyer advised me against it.

Fire your lawyer.

With a torch.

ewwwww... dont say that!!! I am watching Criminal Minds right now and its about a guy that attacks people, sprays them with gas and burns them alive...

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RE: Have You Ever Held a Torch for Another... - 1/10/2012 8:47:56 PM

slaveluci

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As for me, I guess I could say "yes" I will always wonder what might have been with my first husband. I grew up never thinking I wanted to marry and when I met him, I fell completely head over heels. I won't go into the gory details again here but, suffice it to say, I wanted to be with him so badly that I accepted all his bad bahavior and even engaged in it myself leading to innumerable problems and life changing stuff. It was a toxic relationship if ever there was one and I HAD to get out. I eventually did but not really because I wanted to but because I knew I needed to and those who love me wouldn't allow otherwise.

It has been 5 years since we spoke or saw each other and we've been divorced nearly as long. I still love him and think I always will. I hope he's OK and I wish him only the best. I still feel guilty about leaving him and think of him frequently but it gets less and less with each day.

I love Master with all my heart and He's the best Man I've ever given my love to. He is the reason I finally made the break and He knows what I've dealt with. He loves me anyway and accepts my feelings. I've chosen what's best for me with His help and the help of my family but they all know I'll never be able to forget what I had and what could've been if the love I gave had been returned in kind........luci

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RE: Have You Ever Held a Torch for Another... - 1/10/2012 10:13:32 PM

AttitudyJudy

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I'm carrying one right now :) I guess I should blow it out, but my heart's not there yet.

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