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fucking where you work - 12/18/2011 9:26:09 AM

Missokyst

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I didn't want to derail iamsweet's breaking up thread but a few people brought up the old adage of not dipping the ink in the company well, or as anyone else might call it, not fucking people at your workplace.

I don't know about the rest of you but work is usually where I spend most of my time unless I am home. And the only people I meet at home are my family, somehow dating them just does not seem right. With 3 exceptions, one being my marriage (he was my brothers friend comrade in the Nam war), and Mike, who I met in a bar, and my most recent X, who I met because I ran a BDSM munch, all the men I have dated and/or fucked I met in my various work environments.

So, if (as someone said on the other thread) you are smart enough not to fuck where you work, where do you meet people?
I have found my brothers friends to be just like him (not a good match for me), the bar connection was a good fuck but he partied too much, and now I no longer run a munch but honestly in the decade I did that only one man went out of his way to pursue the leader. I don't attend church. So what is left?

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
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Post #: 1

RE: fucking where you work - 12/18/2011 9:33:03 AM

xxblushesxx

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I met HM on CollarMe.

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RE: fucking where you work - 12/18/2011 9:34:29 AM

LaTigresse

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I think you've touched on why internet dating has become so popular.

I don't really have any solution other than the tired old chatter. Get involved, volunteer work, groups that share other hobbies, yada yada yada... I've met a lot of people that could be potential partners hiking, riding, doing various horse related activities, at the gym, etc. I actually met a previous partner on a local hiking trail. She approached me via my dogs.

And no, I don't fuck where I work even though there are two lesbians working for the other company we rent space to. I actually fired someone that began fucking around with my graphics guy. Not because they were fucking but because she was unable to focus on her work and only on him.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 12/18/2011 9:36:42 AM >

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RE: fucking where you work - 12/18/2011 9:35:00 AM

Kana

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When it comes to fucking at work, all I can say is that even a dog has enough sense not to shit where it sleeps.
Try a munch.

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RE: fucking where you work - 12/18/2011 9:44:45 AM

Missokyst

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Oh I am not talking about me specifically. I am still buddies with all my x's despite having met them at work. The way I see it is that you already have something to talk about or to avoid. Plus I could never see hanging in until things get ugly. I would end it long before if I could and if not I am adult enough not to let things get nasty. Bad breakups in my view are for people who have bad breakups, it has nothing to do with whether or not you are still working around them.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

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Post #: 5

RE: fucking where you work - 12/18/2011 9:49:14 AM

Missokyst

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Just wanted to comment on this. I ran a munch that is where I met one of my x's. But in general I have noticed that people who meet at munches may mate up for a while, but breakups happen... A LOT. And then you have one or both of them that drop out of munching because they don't want to be uncomfortable.
Once again an issue of people not knowing how to remain friendly or even civil after a breakup.
Still seems like a personality issue to me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

When it comes to fucking at work, all I can say is that even a dog has enough sense not to shit where it sleeps.
Try a munch.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 6

RE: fucking where you work - 12/18/2011 10:03:08 AM

LizDeluxe

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
So, if (as someone said on the other thread) you are smart enough not to fuck where you work, where do you meet people?

I am the one who said that. Where do I meet people? Everywhere. Where do I meet people to be involved with? Everywhere but work. I have heard that tired old excuse about the workplace being the place where people spend so much time blah blah blah. I have heard that excuse used so many times I could barf. I'm betting your employer does not consider their business to be a singles bar. While I am friendly and pleasant to my co-workers and most of them are nice folks I don't even socialize with them. Work is for work.

Honestly, I meet people everywhere. Online. At BDSM events. In bars and restaurants. At the grocery. In Home Depot (Home Depot is a good place to meet guys - usually very little competition.). If I see a guy and he looks interesting I conjure up some reason to talk to him. On occasions when I can't think of some ruse or can't be bothered to invent one I'll just walk up and introduce myself and start talking to them. Men love the very things that put off so many women who then subsequently complain that they don't have a date.

I would hate to be a man out in the single dating world trying to meet women but if you are woman tying to meet men and you have complaints... then you just aren't even trying, in my honest opinion.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 7

RE: fucking where you work - 12/18/2011 10:04:51 AM

ashjor911

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From: balcony, having a Smoke
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I play, eat, smoke, use the toilet, have drink, hang out, use the internet, 90% of my sleeping gose where i work..... so where should i fuck .. ?? !!

PS: I work in a hotel

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Post #: 8

RE: fucking where you work - 12/18/2011 10:11:56 AM

Missokyst

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Actually, I have never tried, save for a few attempts at craigslist and even then I cannot bring myself to follow through. I am not a hunter and never will be, and I am happy that way. But I have never really "needed" to be in a relationship and I have never had a problem with a bad breakup, even when I divorced.
What I don't see is the logic in the reasons behind not dating people from work, unless there are a shit load of people who simply cannot be civil after a breakup. I would find that to be intolerable.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LizDeluxe
but if you are woman tying to meet men and you have complaints... then you just aren't even trying, in my honest opinion.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to LizDeluxe)

Post #: 9

RE: fucking where you work - 12/18/2011 10:13:26 AM

littlewonder

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I think fucking at work causes way too many complications. I've always met past partners either in bars, parties, through friends, met one at home depot who helped me and he asked me out, another was a contractor who worked on my first home and of course, online.

You'd be amazed where you can meet people. You just have to be friendly and make small talk and flirt a little.

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Post #: 10

RE: fucking where you work - 12/18/2011 10:14:25 AM

Kana

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Joined: 10/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Just wanted to comment on this. I ran a munch that is where I met one of my x's. But in general I have noticed that people who meet at munches may mate up for a while, but breakups happen... A LOT. And then you have one or both of them that drop out of munching because they don't want to be uncomfortable.
Once again an issue of people not knowing how to remain friendly or even civil after a breakup.
Still seems like a personality issue to me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

When it comes to fucking at work, all I can say is that even a dog has enough sense not to shit where it sleeps.
Try a munch.

Yeah, but I think what you say is true of BDSM as a whole, not just munches. Folks meet, get their adrenalin, among other things, up, kinda lose track of their senses and rush headlong into shit.
They key here is keeping hormones behind common sense, not running way ahead.
Go find friends, network, wait around until someone really stands out.

But as for seeing breakups split groups, nods, yep, seen that happen more than a few times. I've seen shit get downright ugly too, lawsuits, divorces, public scenes, not kosher at all.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 11

RE: fucking where you work - 12/18/2011 10:18:41 AM

ashjor911

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From: balcony, having a Smoke
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I think fucking at work causes way too many complications. I've always met past partners either in bars, parties, through friends, met one at home depot who helped me and he asked me out, another was a contractor who worked on my first home and of course, online.

You'd be amazed where you can meet people. You just have to be friendly and make small talk and flirt a little.

as i said, i fuck where i work.
that dose not mean that i fuck people i work with.. !!

_____________________________

"operative" working undercover for the federal government of bangladesh.

my name is : bonsh ... jamesh bonsh.
code name : 009.5
licensed to give formla

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 12

RE: fucking where you work - 12/18/2011 10:57:28 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Actually, I have never tried, save for a few attempts at craigslist and even then I cannot bring myself to follow through. I am not a hunter and never will be, and I am happy that way. But I have never really "needed" to be in a relationship and I have never had a problem with a bad breakup, even when I divorced.
What I don't see is the logic in the reasons behind not dating people from work, unless there are a shit load of people who simply cannot be civil after a breakup. I would find that to be intolerable.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LizDeluxe
but if you are woman tying to meet men and you have complaints... then you just aren't even trying, in my honest opinion.

So really your purpose in this thread is to say how wonderful you are with breakups and anyone who wouldn't want to continue to see the person every day at work, or regularly attend social functions with them has "personality issues" that you simply don't have.

Nice.

Many companies don't want people to fraternize with their co-workers. Some people have no issues with people they end relationships with, others just don't choose to continue to have contact with them, it makes them uncomfortable.

Since you can't be the "hunter," then you can wait for "prince charming" to knock at your door looking for you, or stay alone, or eventually meet someone.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 13

RE: fucking where you work - 12/18/2011 11:35:53 AM

Missokyst

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No, though I do find that people who do break up well seem to find each other. I was serious about where to find people if you don't look at work. Most people I know, including my own daughters only meet people when they are at work. At the gym they are generally busy, with headphones intact, and when I look around that is also what I see of other people, they have headphones on. This is also true when I see people out jogging. If I go to starbucks I see a lot of people but they are generally sitting there with other people. For me, the bar scene probably had the most unattached people around and would be likely to ask out other singles.
Many people I know met their SO at work. Shoot, when I was working for walmart, that was practically an incestuous place with all the hookups and related bodies. And breakups or not, those people kept right on working at wallyworld even though they didn't hang out together anymore. Work relationships can work, I just hate to see so many people who piss all over the idea because it might not have worked "for them".
And btw, for me, I have chosen not to be in the market. I still prefer being unattached.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Actually, I have never tried, save for a few attempts at craigslist and even then I cannot bring myself to follow through. I am not a hunter and never will be, and I am happy that way. But I have never really "needed" to be in a relationship and I have never had a problem with a bad breakup, even when I divorced.
What I don't see is the logic in the reasons behind not dating people from work, unless there are a shit load of people who simply cannot be civil after a breakup. I would find that to be intolerable.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LizDeluxe
but if you are woman tying to meet men and you have complaints... then you just aren't even trying, in my honest opinion.

So really your purpose in this thread is to say how wonderful you are with breakups and anyone who wouldn't want to continue to see the person every day at work, or regularly attend social functions with them has "personality issues" that you simply don't have.

Nice.

Many companies don't want people to fraternize with their co-workers. Some people have no issues with people they end relationships with, others just don't choose to continue to have contact with them, it makes them uncomfortable.

Since you can't be the "hunter," then you can wait for "prince charming" to knock at your door looking for you, or stay alone, or eventually meet someone.

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 12/18/2011 11:37:35 AM >

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 14

RE: fucking where you work - 12/18/2011 11:39:11 AM

littlewonder

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I'm just confused on why you asked then if you prefer to be unattached.

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RE: fucking where you work - 12/18/2011 11:49:56 AM

sheisreeds

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Originally I thought this was a post about literally fucking at work . . .

Anyways, I can meet people in real life, though love playing the six degrees of separation game online.

Many of my long term partners I met online, and turned out we had a lot of mutual friends in the real world and for whatever reason our paths just didn't cross. Which is nice because we automatically get along with one another's friends, but less mess if things don't work out.

I'd never, ever, date a coworker. Mostly due to the field I'm in.

I love my kinky friends and we love to play with them, but I'd never date them or ever use our gatherings to meet serious partners. Because when I have in the past it's just made a big fucking mess.

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RE: fucking where you work - 12/18/2011 11:58:49 AM

Missokyst

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Mostly because most of the people I know met their mates at work. My sister married her co-worker and they have been married for 12 yrs now. I have met a lot of people who date where they work and some work, some do not, just like regular relationships. The only difference is that people may stay in contact after a breakup.

Unless there is some work related bans involved I just can't see eliminating someone who may be compatible and who might make you happy for a time, even if it begins at work.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I'm just confused on why you asked then if you prefer to be unattached.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 17

RE: fucking where you work - 12/18/2011 12:10:21 PM

SoulPiercer

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quote:

I would hate to be a man out in the single dating world trying to meet women but if you are woman tying to meet men and you have complaints... then you just aren't even trying, in my honest opinion.

I've held this opinion for years. I used to think that having a job and not living with my mom would give me an edge, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I do think that the "where to meet people" question is the reason internet dating is on the rise, especially for us kinky folks. Munches aren't for meeting partners. Munches are for eating usually poorly prepared food, catching up on gossip and trying not to be caught up in group drama yourself.

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RE: fucking where you work - 12/18/2011 12:25:00 PM

Missokyst

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I can definitely see this.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulPiercer
I do think that the "where to meet people" question is the reason internet dating is on the rise,

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to SoulPiercer)

Post #: 19

RE: fucking where you work - 12/18/2011 12:35:47 PM

RexDarcy

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Joined: 6/23/2010
From: Arizona
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I have never fucked anybody I've worked with. I have seen to much drama come of it when things don't go well for one or both people involved.

I have met females I have been in relationships with or fucked by going out. There is a local coffee shop that I frequent. I've met women by going to one of the theaters here that a couple of My friends have performed in plays. I have met one through an event that I go to a couple times a month.

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