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Duskypearls -> RE: When is it ok to talk about kink? (12/15/2011 6:34:27 AM)
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When does one bring kink into the conversation?
To me, the creation and sustenance of any healthy relationship, regardless of topic, is based upon inquiry and balance, and revolves around the action of give and take, which I see as a form of mental, emotional, and spiritual currency. We all have different degrees of sensitivity, sensibility, needs and desires, and as no two people are ever in the same place at the same time, investigation and negotiation are key tools in mapping and navigating this divine dance. Ideally, the participants goal is that of a marriage of timing and fluidity, which requires strength, attention, intuition, generosity, and appropriate response.
Whether egalitarian in nature, or if one partner takes the lead to some degree, patience, delicacy, self-restraint, direction, correction, and the ability and willingness to support, guide and be guided are required by both to facilitate function, form, and success. For the individual and pair to flourish, each must tune into the other, and find and apply whatever skills, tools and steps will most potentize and enhance the dance. In other words, they must be in service to each other, otherwise imbalance and chaos will reign.
The ability to read the other, sacrifice, and provide supportive connection is paramount. Each person is a sacred thread, with the goal being that of intimately weaving each into the other in hopes of producing a joyful, strong and resilient fabric, that will stand for years to come, if not a lifetime.
While each tries and deserves to get their needs and desires met, there is no place for greed, selfishness, and insensitivity. It is never about getting what one wants, when they want it, at the expense of the other. The pressing of one's agenda against another before they are ready is that of putting the cart before the horse; a bull in the China Shop approach, so to speak, and rarely fares well for either.
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