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stellauk -> The things people come out with (12/3/2011 8:27:56 PM)
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I've decided that I like cellphones and people using cellphones because of some of the stuff they come out with. Yes, I admit it, I eavesdrop, but in my defence sometimes you just can't help it. I have to admire the woman I travelled with on a bus across London who spent no less than forty minutes talking about a 'time consortium plan'.
But then sometimes you don't need a cellphone. Another gem but this time from a northbound train on the Victoria Line and two women talking. 'No no, you're getting confused. Simon's my new boyfriend. Frank and Ian are both just friends with benefits.'
Maybe I should stay in more.
Here's a selection of things overheard which people come out with.
'There's this grave with the name Mary on it. You can find lots of dead people in cemetries.'
'I keep confusing the new security guard with my mother in law. They have the same hairdo.'
'She got run over by a car. It's left her with a few health issues.'
''Ere mate, driver. Please. Can you stop the bus? I'm dying for a pee.'
'I don't see why you need to tidy up. Not with small children. It makes no sense.'
'It's a pyramid scheme. It's like those Nigerian scammers. Only these are Egyptians.'
'They wanted to take me off somewhere for a game of golf. Don't know why. Only perverts play golf.'
'Can you please let the passengers off first? Please can you let the passengers off first before getting on the bus. Can you please for the third time.. No sod it. Don't listen to me, I'm only the bleeding driver. Fight it out amongst yourselves.'
'It's the menopause. She keeps getting these royal flushes.'
'Excuse me for waking you up, but you were snoring rather heavily.'
'There's a good service on the Bakerloo Line, so please expect minor delays elsewhere.'
'Look at them. They're going out having fun because it's Friday. Fools.'
'She prefers Irish men. Nothing wrong with that I guess.'
'I don't see what that has to do with it. I mean after all we invaded Canada without any provocation.'
'Some people just get angry. I don't think they realize that they're making a scene in public.'
'But when they got home the cat wasn't having any of it, so they had to change their plans.'
'Hello Carol? I've just left the office and I'm about to dump the boyfriend, so I might be a little later.'
'Darling I know it's been in the fridge for three weeks but if you give it a quick wipe with the tea towel nobody will notice.'
'Do you ever get the feeling that you exist. Take a look at my face. It's a painting.'
'You know this is the first time I've managed to get a seat on the Victoria Line in over three months.'
'When she arrived the dog went crazy. That should be some indication.'
'Listen mate, do you enjoy having teeth?'
'She eats frozen chips. Straight from the freezer.'
Finally...
Witnessed at Vauxhall bus station.
Man in suit: 'Excuse me. Can you tell me where I can find Vauxhall railway station?'
Bus driver: 'Do you see that building there in the distance that's part of the railway viaduct with the sign saying Vauxhall on it?..'
Surely I'm not the only one.
What about you? What things have you overheard people saying? Anything weird or funny been said to you by some stranger?
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