Surprise visits from those you know

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Lockit -> Surprise visits from those you know (10/8/2011 9:15:59 AM)
There was a day, long ago, when there were no cell phones attached to most people and I did allow for surprise visits from people I knew. If I were dating multiple people, those I dated knew this and if they showed up when someone else was there, they came second and made small talk and left, even if I actually liked them best. They learned for their own sake that it was best to call before showing up, but I didn’t hold anything against them for showing up. Times have changed and so have I. Now it is best to call me unless you are a neighbor or a friend and only a friend. Anyone that wants to play with me, be with me or have a relationship better not just show up. I have a few reasons for this. I may be busy with someone else (I don‘t hide the fact I am seeing multiple people), I may be busy period, we are still not sure where we may be going and also, for some reason I may think you are trying to see what I’m up to from a jealousy or control base, etc. A man interested in me as a woman/dominant came to my door unannounced. I opened the door, stated that I was busy and he hadn’t called or been invited and that I don’t work that way. I let him know that he would have to go and that he wasn’t to dictate when, how and where we got together and closed the door to his rebuttal when I knew it was nothing but. (I didn’t want the flowers and didn’t see them as a good surprise or door opener.) I saw what he did as a way to make sure of his place expecting me to be nice and let him in because it was a friendly visit, but it wasn’t. (There were other indicators that lead me to believe this.) I hadn’t given him the time he wanted and he was trying to push it upon me. Let’s just say, because I did believe he was trying to control things he had no right to control, he wasn’t seen again or considered for anything including friendship. So next comes the man (not a specific man and more than one man) that lives far enough away that if he somehow found himself in my area, he might like to drop by. He calls, expecting to see me. Expecting is the key word here. As a dominant they are interested in, I don’t see this as appropriate for my possible prospective partners. No one should expect me to do anything spur of the moment until they have a right to expect something and that means, they would actually be allowed to drop in at any time. If I am not busy, up to it or want to meet, all is good, but if not, they won’t see me and if they expect me to drop everything, it won’t happen. I may like to see them or want to, but it may not be an okay time for me and all is well if they don‘t expect it by way of being upset if it doesn‘t happen. (Disappointed is fine, upset or angry isn’t.) These are people met in person and trusted enough to come to my home, but are on the newer side of things and some I haven‘t met yet and are calling expecting to meet because they are close by. This has happened enough times that I wondered how others thought about this and how they handled it if they are not in a committed relationship and are seeing more than one person. In all the years, this hasn’t been much of a problem and yet it has started to occur more often. I don’t agree, but someone said I was pretty off base on this, wasn‘t being nice, etc and he hadn‘t been in this position, just was around to see someone else in it. I am now going to explain this to people before coming to my home and as a condition of coming to my home. lol So what do you think? How would you handle these things? Would you see someone dropping in or expecting a visit in a particular way?

poise -> RE: Surprise visits from those you know (10/8/2011 9:28:08 AM)
Even outside of any relationship realm, D/s or otherwise, I have always found it rude for people to just drop by. I am a very warm and inviting person, (really, I am!) and I enjoying having guests in my home, but I like to be prepared for their arrival, like making sure I have beverages and food they would enjoy, and the time necessary to focus on them. So, please don't come unannounced. Even when my sons were living at home, they knew it was best to let me know they were having company over too!

GreedyTop -> RE: Surprise visits from those you know (10/8/2011 9:34:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: poise Even outside of any relationship realm, D/s or otherwise, I have always found it rude for people to just drop by. I am a very warm and inviting person, (really, I am!) and I enjoying having guests in my home, but I like to be prepared for their arrival, like making sure I have beverages and food they would enjoy, and the time necessary to focus on them. So, please don't come unannounced. Even when my sons were living at home, they knew it was best to let me know they were having company over too! THIS!! (well, except for the spawn thing. I dont have kidlets.. )

kalikshama -> RE: Surprise visits from those you know (10/8/2011 9:41:05 AM)
+1

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Surprise visits from those you know (10/8/2011 9:47:45 AM)
I live 20 minutes from the nearest town, 4 miles up a gravel road. I have 3 large dogs and carry a gun. All of this must make me seem extremely unwelcoming, because no one ever, ever drops by without calling. In fact, I don't give my address to people until I know them very, very well. I used to get kind of irritated when I was dating, and someone insisted on my address so they could pick me up for a first or second date. I much preferred to meet somewhere. However, even if I lived in a condo downtown, dropping by unnannounced is rude, and someone who does that should not expect to be accomodated.

Missokyst -> RE: Surprise visits from those you know (10/8/2011 9:54:26 AM)
Back when I was running stuff I got more than a few "I am going to be in town.." messages to hit my box. If I had the opportunity to visit, great. But I never went out of my way for someone who contacted me on the spur of the moment. And good grief, I barely let my non immediate family in my house. Friends are only allowed in by direct invite. I am very gaurded about my space. Even when I know someone and they have been in my home in the past I am often reluctant to let someone in who just happens by, flowers or not. And trust me I have kept a man on my doorstep while I put the flowers in a vase. I find that the culture of facebook/myspace has given people the idea that we are all in a room together and that our space should be shared. Phht to that crapola. Mine is mine. I share it on my terms. And I don't care that others might find that rude. That said I have met a few that found themselves in my area, IF I am not committed to doing other things. I have done it even when I don't have a particular interest in that person. But I only meet people away from my personal space. We might meet for coffee or a sandwich. I have even met someone at an adult toy store because that was why they headed to my town in the first place. But bring them into my home? NOT GONNA HAPPEN. Once, one of my members wanted to come by and see CSI and I allowed it. He was a nice enough guy but that feeling of his being in my domain was just not something I wanted to repeat. Your home, your rules. People either respect that or they don't quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit These are people met in person and trusted enough to come to my home, but are on the newer side of things and some I haven‘t met yet and are calling expecting to meet because they are close by. This has happened enough times that I wondered how others thought about this and how they handled it if they are not in a committed relationship and are seeing more than one person. In all the years, this hasn’t been much of a problem and yet it has started to occur more often. I don’t agree, but someone said I was pretty off base on this, wasn‘t being nice, etc and he hadn‘t been in this position, just was around to see someone else in it. I am now going to explain this to people before coming to my home and as a condition of coming to my home. lol So what do you think? How would you handle these things? Would you see someone dropping in or expecting a visit in a particular way?[/size]

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Surprise visits from those you know (10/8/2011 10:01:53 AM)
I don't mind people dropping in, I can always choose to answer the door or not, But they'd have to understand if I was busy or not in the mood for company, and they'd have to accept what ever condition they may or may not find my house, if I wasn't expecting people. But it's a moot point actually because I don't have any real life friends to just "drop in" and I am not dating any one other than Daddy, so dates just dropping by are not an issue.

urtoy -> RE: Surprise visits from those you know (10/8/2011 10:07:09 AM)
I'm always amazed at the number of men who feel that D/s somehow suspends common sense or basic good manners. I don't take kindly to unexpected company. Unless I'm expecting someone, I often don't even bother answering the door; if I do it may be to stick a loaded gun in someone's face. AS to those who expect me to be available at their whim, I say that unless we're in a committed RT relationship and you're paying the bills and shoveling snow/taking out the garbage/etc., no assumptions should be made as to my availability and I don't expect to have to make excuses as to why I'm unavailable. If that makes me a lousy sub, so be it. My home, my rules.

HannahLynHeather -> RE: Surprise visits from those you know (10/8/2011 10:19:49 AM)
i fucking hate people just dropping in, i usually just turn the fuckers away and tell them to call ahead the next time.

MissToYouRedux -> RE: Surprise visits from those you know (10/8/2011 10:50:52 AM)
Drop in's don't work for me either. Certainly from a lifestyle point of view, what would make a submissive think he should be able to interrupt whatever I'm doing because it's convenient for him? Actually I apply that logic to telephone calls, too. Text me first to see if it's convenient for me to talk. (I'm not a phone person.) And when a sub knows he's welcomed, he knows it's at the appointed time or later, never earlier. [:D]

heartcream -> RE: Surprise visits from those you know (10/8/2011 11:12:17 AM)
I wouldnt just drop by somewhere. I dont like it when people do it to me. I like to have a chance to tidy up a bit, me, the house. I do love spontaneity very much but a few moments notice is enough. Just a heads up. Otherwise I am usually unpleasantly shocked.

Kaliko -> RE: Surprise visits from those you know (10/8/2011 11:27:29 AM)
I don't mind drop-ins, but it never happens. I would love to be in the type of neighborhood/area in which I could leave my doors open and neighbors would be in and out at all times, as I've witnesses at my sister's house, but I don't believe I'm in the right environment for it. We're all just a little too stuffy around here. As far as prospective dominant partners, I would think that they themselves would have the good sense to check with me instead of putting me in a weird situation. If they didn't, then they're probably not right for me in the first place. Of course, if and when I am with one man, he has the right to drop in anytime he chooses.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Surprise visits from those you know (10/8/2011 2:20:59 PM)
Drop in? HELL NO. I do not lead a spontaneous life, and I certainly don't intend to drop everything for someoen just passing by. Call me, maybe I'll take the call. Surprises are BAD.

LaTigresse -> RE: Surprise visits from those you know (10/8/2011 2:57:09 PM)
I am the odd duck out here. I don't date casually, either we are involved or not and since I am poly to the bone, all involved would already know and there shouldn't be any discomfort over it. They had better get along well enough for it to be as enjoyable for them to see one another as it is for me to see them, etc. That aside, we rarely get people just dropping by unannounced. It just almost never happens. However......where we live, it is not considered rude to stop by at a neighbours to say hello, especially if you see them outside. It's not uncommon for someone to stop and give you some extra sweet corn or something like that. If I like the person I do not mind them stopping by. If they don't like the lack of food or beverage that might exist, or the condition the house might be in, that is their problem not mine.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Surprise visits from those you know (10/8/2011 3:00:42 PM)
Neighbors here stop by fairly often, and they are always made welcome, even when they are an imposition. That's hospitality. Family members, too, what ya gonna do? Sigh.

LaTigresse -> RE: Surprise visits from those you know (10/8/2011 3:07:04 PM)
The craziest here is after a big snow......the snow mobilers tend to stop by at weird evening hours. Occasionally, in the summer, I will end up with a yard full of horses, wagons, etc because of a trail ride.

littlewonder -> RE: Surprise visits from those you know (10/8/2011 4:38:57 PM)
I don't date casually or multiple people simultaneously but I've still never minded people just dropping in. I actually kinda like when people do because it's always nice to see friends and most family. It's warming and welcoming and to me it means they actually want to spend time with me and I'm more than just a part of their daily schedule, the grind of the day. I hate feeling like just another part of their busy schedule that they have to make time for. I also like being able to welcome someone into my home, offer them a cup of coffee or tea, a slice of cake or lunch or whatever, sit around and talk about our day, week, problems, adventures, etc...it feels nice to me.

soul2share -> RE: Surprise visits from those you know (10/8/2011 5:17:59 PM)
I'm with the call ahead crowd, mainly because for hte most part, I may or may not be sleeping. When I'm working my chosen career, I tend to try to work nights, and sleep during the day. And trust me, family and friends in the know will tell you I wake up slow and cranky as a hungry bear! It's best to just leave me be at that point. I can't even get my mom to call me because she doesn't want to wake me up. I don't sleep easily or long, so when I am asleep, it's 50-50 that I'll answer the phone or door. If someone's in the area, and I'm not busy, sure, I'll meet up with them. But as mentioned, a head's up is nice.....I look like a crazed hungry bear when I wake up, and it's not something I want people to see! [:D] And I'd like to pick up the house......not that it's like a pig pen or anything, but I tend to drop my clothes in the living room, and shoes by the door, and while I'm pretty comfy naked, there's just something icky about someone seeing my underpants on the floor! [8\|]

ashjor911 -> RE: Surprise visits from those you know (10/8/2011 5:24:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit There was a day, long ago, when there were no cell phones attached to most people and I did allow for surprise visits from people I knew. If I were dating multiple people, those I dated knew this and if they showed up when someone else was there, they came second and made small talk and left, even if I actually liked them best. They learned for their own sake that it was best to call before showing up, but I didn’t hold anything against them for showing up. Times have changed and so have I. Now it is best to call me unless you are a neighbor or a friend and only a friend. Anyone that wants to play with me, be with me or have a relationship better not just show up. I have a few reasons for this. I may be busy with someone else (I don‘t hide the fact I am seeing multiple people), I may be busy period, we are still not sure where we may be going and also, for some reason I may think you are trying to see what I’m up to from a jealousy or control base, etc. A man interested in me as a woman/dominant came to my door unannounced. I opened the door, stated that I was busy and he hadn’t called or been invited and that I don’t work that way. I let him know that he would have to go and that he wasn’t to dictate when, how and where we got together and closed the door to his rebuttal when I knew it was nothing but. (I didn’t want the flowers and didn’t see them as a good surprise or door opener.) I saw what he did as a way to make sure of his place expecting me to be nice and let him in because it was a friendly visit, but it wasn’t. (There were other indicators that lead me to believe this.) I hadn’t given him the time he wanted and he was trying to push it upon me. Let’s just say, because I did believe he was trying to control things he had no right to control, he wasn’t seen again or considered for anything including friendship. So next comes the man (not a specific man and more than one man) that lives far enough away that if he somehow found himself in my area, he might like to drop by. He calls, expecting to see me. Expecting is the key word here. As a dominant they are interested in, I don’t see this as appropriate for my possible prospective partners. No one should expect me to do anything spur of the moment until they have a right to expect something and that means, they would actually be allowed to drop in at any time. If I am not busy, up to it or want to meet, all is good, but if not, they won’t see me and if they expect me to drop everything, it won’t happen. I may like to see them or want to, but it may not be an okay time for me and all is well if they don‘t expect it by way of being upset if it doesn‘t happen. (Disappointed is fine, upset or angry isn’t.) These are people met in person and trusted enough to come to my home, but are on the newer side of things and some I haven‘t met yet and are calling expecting to meet because they are close by. This has happened enough times that I wondered how others thought about this and how they handled it if they are not in a committed relationship and are seeing more than one person. In all the years, this hasn’t been much of a problem and yet it has started to occur more often. I don’t agree, but someone said I was pretty off base on this, wasn‘t being nice, etc and he hadn‘t been in this position, just was around to see someone else in it. I am now going to explain this to people before coming to my home and as a condition of coming to my home. lol So what do you think? How would you handle these things? Would you see someone dropping in or expecting a visit in a particular way? quote: indicators that lead me to believe this.) I hadn’t given him the time he wanted and he was trying to push it upon me. Let’s just say, because I did believe he If I was you..... I dont answer the door or my phone, funny its still on..... PS: had to put my glasses & zoom in (200%) to see what you wrote........

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Surprise visits from those you know (10/8/2011 5:26:36 PM)
You wake up just fine, Soul! But I agree, unnerpance on the floor is a no. Though I had a friend whose cat would steal the unnerpance out of the laundry and just...leave them.

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