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Termyn8or -> RE: Soon to be published (10/6/2011 10:36:19 PM)
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Don't mind Nocky there, he's always like that.
Your site seems to only give a book report of sorts, not a glimpse of the actual story, like a sample. However I will comment nonetheless. you seem to have the great grabber, the eternal struggle between good and evil. This is the heart of all popular fiction. Your motivation is your own, but if it sells sometimes it's not just the money, but the fact that so many read and enjoyed it. A form of satisfaction that money cannot buy.
I wrote a story. I got some pretty good reviews and I actually sought criticism. I have a thick skin and I said it right out that I wanted it and why, to improve. Since then I have honed my writing skills, and/or started to pay more attention and as such have become my own critic. While I stil think the story line quite good, frankly, the writing sucked. I did plan on a rewrite but never got around to it. It's a very kinky scifi story. I can give you a link as it was actually published online and is available for free. While your critique would be welcome it is too late.
Since I wrote scifi, I drew on not only my knowledge of science, but of scifi. I mean I was the type of kid that used to watch scifi and find the errors in it, saying that this or that is totally impossible (even in their setting). I learned later to reserve that comment for very rare occasions.
Now Lillianna must be defined. Before even having a sample of the story, just what special abilities do the vampires in your setting posess ? What I have found is that scifi is more enjoyable if the fictional technology is palatable. Years ago I found[ed] a reconciliatory bunch of theory that made vampirism almost believable.
A couple of things had to go, turning into a bat and that stuff. But a hell of alot of it could stay, and I can prove it right now. Let's take for example the ability to fly.
If we humans had wings like birds we would not be able to fly. Birds have the muscle and flesh mass up front in the breast that gives them the specific strength in proportion to their body weight to literally be able to flap their wings and fly away. We cannot, because we lack that type of strength. But notice that other animals do have disproportianate levels of strength sometimes. Forget about insects that can be hundreds of times stronger than the strongest Man, think about lower primates. The strength of apes, orangutans etc. is many times that of Men and there really isn't that much differece in the actual design. A small chimpanzee can kick you ass.
There is a different distribution of muscle mass and a few other things but it isn't as alien as an ant for example. Why, really, are they so much stronger ? Also remember that humans are really about eight or more times stronger than they think. The documented effects of adrenalin over the years is enough. It doen't happen often, but that fight or flight bringing out the best in people is no joke.
Now consider a slight change in DNA or RNA or whatever. Not much different than a communicable disease. Perhaps even a virus ! Your digestive system changes and you no longer process food like others. In fact perhaps that is the need for meat and/or blood, because the preprocessed nutrients are there, and your body no long can digest the grilled cheeses sandwich for example. So you need raw meat and blood.
Your eyes become more sensitive and you are not comfortable in sunlight, hell neither am I ! I own three pairs of sunglasses and I swear I have considered wearing two at a time, at times. And of course some people sunburn easily. Not saying that they melt, but metaphorically for people who don't think these things out, they can imagine anything. Perhaps a vampire once said " I am burning up ! " and that could start it.
Take that last sentence. The assumption that they do exist. What else ? Because they're digestive system is shut down pretty much they can utilize all of their metabolic energy on building, repairing and operating the body. This would give them very formidable speed, strength and agility. And if there were some sort of ribs (like in an umbrella) in a cape, and stout handles for them to grip, they might well have the ability to fly using that device, by manual power. And if they fall, remarkable healing rates.
Hypnotic powers ? Ever been around peoiple who were very persuasive ? I have, and in fact I am one. There is a bit more to that than meets the "eye" so to speak, but if the rest of the body is operating much more efficiently, wouldn't the brain as well ? I think that would be a fair assumption.
So now, can you say that vampires cannot exist ? What's more I have had people assert this to me and offer to introduce me but I didn't buy it. I didn't go. It's not my job to blow them people's game, but was it a game ? What he said did not make sense to me. The reason I can even type all this is because I did seriously consider the possibility. Not that it was like in the movies, not at all. But something more rooted in reality. But maybe what this person said had been embellished, contorted a bit.........
If you can get it, watch a movie called "Innocent Blood". It is heavy on what a vampire's abilities might be but almost devoid of anyhting supernatural.
Oh, and this turning into smoke ? A few of the top martial arts masters have been accused of such things over the years. It's because they can just move so fast.
The only thing that is impossible is to prove that something is impossible.
And no, you cannot use that without permission. (it's free though)
T^T
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