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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 10:30:59 AM

Hisprettybaby

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Many believe that a physical or mental illness is a weakness and if that is their take on it, they might assume that the ill will do things that compromise themselves, simply to find a relationship. I don’t happen to see either as a weakness and often times, the people that are ill are far from weak. I have seen those that I wondered about because they didn’t understand bdsm or d/s at all and were desperately seeking someone, but I have seen this in a church and other groups of people that gather for any purpose. I’ve found myself trying to find out if they were in fact so isolated and alone that they were trying anything to gain a friend. The majority of the time, I haven’t questioned a thing.

People may have some concept that certain groups will be more accepting of whatever they have going on. Like those that are married, complaining about the response they get when they find out that many that are into bdsm or d/s, don’t lose all morals or relationship skills and think that we accept anything. I knew many that joined biker groups or gangs to find acceptance and ‘family’. It is a fact that people search out what they need and will sometimes try anything to get it and misconceptions are everywhere.

However, most that are ill, withstand a lot. Some can be so challenged and other factors may factor in, that they will compromise themselves. Many are challenged and meet the challenge and will not compromise themselves. The difference is in how they view themselves and their own emotional health or view of whatever is going on. So it happens… but there isn’t any truth to the things that were implied by the poster that prompted this thread. Just as there are fallacies about any group of people, it doesn’t make them true and it isn’t like the ill, or mentally/emotionally challenged are flocking to bdsm to cure their isolation or supply their needs.

Physical and mental/emotional illnesses can be found anywhere in any group or gathering and anyone that sums them up and projects that they do this or that because of this or that, without a foundation and knowing the person is talking out their ass.

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 10:36:08 AM

gungadin09

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

It was brought up on another thread that kink might attract a larger proportion of folks that don't quite fit in "normal" society because there is supposedly this blanket acceptance that exists amongst kinky folks. No matter what a person's maladies, there's some supposed pipe dream that their hopes and aspirations can be fulfilled in the kink world.

One must ask themselves, is this really true? Do physical or mental disabilities no longer matter just because a person is willing to be kinky in hopes of satisfying their own hopes of a companion? Are the odds 'better' in some way?

i'm certainly no expert. i haven't done tests, taken surveys. But from my limited experience, i'm going to say, yes, it's greater. i think there are more emotionally damaged people in kink than in the general population. i think kink draws damaged people, and that a certain amount of neurosis is even seen as cool and interesting, instead of undesirable. To quote another poster, crazy people make good fucks. The odds of neurotic or antisocial behavior being accepted is better in the kinky world.

Just my two cents.

pam

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 10:47:03 AM

gungadin09

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Aside from your general premise, I have found some who grew up in unloving environments and find contentment in serving as a submissive.

i'm one of those. That's kind of my point. i think kink attracts certain kinds of people more than others.

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 11:24:05 AM

LadyHibiscus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Aside from your general premise, I have found some who grew up in unloving environments and find contentment in serving as a submissive.

i'm one of those. That's kind of my point. i think kink attracts certain kinds of people more than others.

pam

I have to think about this. It's an intriguing notion. I grew up in an extremely loving, but savagely critical, environment. And I am the daughter of matriarchs. I cannot imagine being anything but a dominant. Correlation? Feels more like coincidence to me.

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 11:27:46 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

One must ask themselves, is this really true? Do physical or mental disabilities no longer matter just because a person is willing to be kinky in hopes of satisfying their own hopes of a companion? Are the odds 'better' in some way?

Well, because my guy is so great in bed, I am willing to overlook his disability of sports addiction :)

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 12:52:30 PM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

It was brought up on another thread that kink might attract a larger proportion of folks that don't quite fit in "normal" society because there is supposedly this blanket acceptance that exists amongst kinky folks. No matter what a person's maladies, there's some supposed pipe dream that their hopes and aspirations can be fulfilled in the kink world.

Have you read the boards lately??? It has been my experience that there are just as many bigots and narrow minded ppl here as anywhere else. It seems as tho many ppll on here think my kink is OK, but your is NOT.

Matter of fact my statement just yesterday on here that I have been with girls 15 to 20 <The girls being of legal age> years younger than me was called "Sick" Hows that for tolerance???

BadOne

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 1:03:54 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
Have you read the boards lately??? It has been my experience that there are just as many bigots and narrow minded ppl here as anywhere else. It seems as tho many ppll on here think my kink is OK, but your is NOT.

BadOne

SB, I pay far more attention than some folks think.

Seems to Me that we're touching this subject during a number of threads. Not just the one that I pulled it off from.

I figure, if it's going to come up so much, why not address it directly?

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 1:06:28 PM

DesFIP

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Any group you join, there are socially maladapted people who joined it having the magical thinking that liking folk music, or knitting, or Star Wars or whatever will mean they don't need social skills in order to form a good and healthy lasting relationship. It never works. You always will find people who are not willing (nor should they) to overlook your deficiencies just because you have this one minor thing in common.

The ones who will, are lacking in their own way. Because healthy people don't settle for unhealthy relationships.

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 1:28:55 PM

seekingreality

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

It was brought up on another thread that kink might attract a larger proportion of folks that don't quite fit in "normal" society because there is supposedly this blanket acceptance that exists amongst kinky folks. No matter what a person's maladies, there's some supposed pipe dream that their hopes and aspirations can be fulfilled in the kink world.

One must ask themselves, is this really true? Do physical or mental disabilities no longer matter just because a person is willing to be kinky in hopes of satisfying their own hopes of a companion? Are the odds 'better' in some way?

I disagree with most of this. First, I don't think there is necessarily a separation between kink and "normal society." Most people who love kink hold down jobs, pay taxes, and do all the things "normal" people do. Of course, kink isn't so much a thing, but a spectrum. That aside, I think kinky people overall don't have different views toward mental or physical disabilities than any other random slice of society.

Basically, people who like kink just like kink. Other than that, they are just like everyone else - some bigots, some not; some smart, some stupid; some tolerant, some close-minded. I haven't found that the people I meet on CM are inherently better or worse than people anywhere else.

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 1:33:56 PM

Endivius

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

It was brought up on another thread that kink might attract a larger proportion of folks that don't quite fit in "normal" society because there is supposedly this blanket acceptance that exists amongst kinky folks. No matter what a person's maladies, there's some supposed pipe dream that their hopes and aspirations can be fulfilled in the kink world.

One must ask themselves, is this really true? Do physical or mental disabilities no longer matter just because a person is willing to be kinky in hopes of satisfying their own hopes of a companion? Are the odds 'better' in some way?

When it comes to kink, most people are generally accepting, there are a few people here and there who constantly come out and flip out over stupid shit like being into younger or older lovers, scat, rape fantasy, ect;. Based on what I've seen on the forums, most people here seem to accept spanking, bondage, caning, flogging, humiliation, ect; all the "basic" BDSM activities that would be considered taboo in vanilla society. It seems odd to me that people who have a problem with; for example scat play, would be perfectly fine with someone caning the hell out of another. I find this amusing, since a person can take a shower and wash the shit right off, you cant wash off bruises, and no one is making you participate.

A better question would be : Why is there a cap on kink tolerance? What is limiting your acceptance? If you are into kink, you don't have to be into everything, but why condemn others for thier desires? I don't care if you cover yourself in peanut butter and masterbate to cartoons, if it makes you happy more power to you. If you start a discussion on it, I don't see why people should come along and berate you for discussing your desires, provided it is intended to be provoking experience or thought, and not just a discussion intended to create wank material for the trolls.

Edit : Fucking typo

< Message edited by Endivius -- 9/23/2011 1:35:36 PM >

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 2:02:41 PM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
Have you read the boards lately??? It has been my experience that there are just as many bigots and narrow minded ppl here as anywhere else. It seems as tho many ppll on here think my kink is OK, but your is NOT.

BadOne

SB, I pay far more attention than some folks think.

Seems to Me that we're touching this subject during a number of threads. Not just the one that I pulled it off from.

I figure, if it's going to come up so much, why not address it directly?

My comments were not directed at you more of a general statement of the personal attacks because one person doesnt agree with other persons view. A sure sign of intolerance. It gets tiring to watch the constant sniping cuz someone felt slighted due to a disagreement over stupid shit like my kink is better than yours. And you know what... typically it's the SAME ppl over and over again.

It's cool that you started a dialog cuz just a few folks are ruining the fun on the boards. although my ignore list keeps growing.

BadOne

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 2:20:11 PM

zephyroftheNorth

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quote:

Matter of fact my statement just yesterday on here that I have been with girls 15 to 20 <The girls being of legal age> years younger than me was called "Sick" Hows that for tolerance???

I don't understand either. You're 99 years old, what's wrong with you fooling around with a 79-year-old babe? Unless of course the fear is that you'll drop dead in the middle of a flogging. Try explaining THAT to the cops.

Zeph

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 2:27:55 PM

wandersalone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

It was brought up on another thread that kink might attract a larger proportion of folks that don't quite fit in "normal" society because there is supposedly this blanket acceptance that exists amongst kinky folks. No matter what a person's maladies, there's some supposed pipe dream that their hopes and aspirations can be fulfilled in the kink world.

One must ask themselves, is this really true? Do physical or mental disabilities no longer matter just because a person is willing to be kinky in hopes of satisfying their own hopes of a companion? Are the odds 'better' in some way?

There are a few questions here and I will endeavour to give my viewpoints. I apologise if I am repeating anything as I have not read the other responses.

Does kink attract more people that don't fit into "normal" society?

first we would need to define normal but if I take that to mean anyone that has a disability of any kind and anyone that has been abused, to take just a couple of possibilities, I don't believe that it does. What I do believe and say whenever I get a chance is that people on bdsm forums seem to talk a hell of a lot about their histories of abuse, mental health issues and other health issues. I have been on a number of non-kink message boards and haven't learnt any of this type of information about people, even after talking for years.

Are kinksters less judgmental?

Hell to the no. For one person that is saying YKINMK there are 5 that are saying

Toilet slave anyone?? I do agree that there is a perception that kinksters are less judgmental, one only has to look at the threads by newbies, all hurt that someone has been mean to them.

I would like to think that people still choose partner/s based on commonalities and attraction and that if a person has a disability of some sort or is different in some way, that this is simply another factor to take into account when deciding to embark on a relationship or not rather than primarily as a screening tool, however I think I am a little pollyanna-ish to think this is true in the majority of cases unfortunately.

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 2:35:52 PM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Any group you join, there are socially maladapted people who joined it having the magical thinking that liking folk music, or knitting, or Star Wars or whatever will mean they don't need social skills in order to form a good and healthy lasting relationship. It never works. You always will find people who are not willing (nor should they) to overlook your deficiencies just because you have this one minor thing in common.

The ones who will, are lacking in their own way. Because healthy people don't settle for unhealthy relationships.

There are also a LOT of people into kink, into knitting, into Star Wars, whatever, and they may be very knowledgeable and have a small group of friends, or share their passions with their partners, but have no desire to belong to any community, attend a munch, a party. Yet there are some people who are so wildly into their niche that literally every single friend, peer or possible mate is IN that circle (in real life) at the exclusion of any other kind of relationship. It is, basically, their entire life and support system. And it may even impact how they relate to people and communicate with them. They may be known at work as "they are nice but kind of weird," and they keep to themselves and only really relate to people in that circle. Is that wrong or unhealthy? I don't know, I have no feeling one way or another. But I don't personally want to live my life that way.

There are plenty of wildly kinky people who practice it regularly but have no desire - and never will have any desire - to belong to any community or find partners that way.

Akasha

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 6:22:14 PM

seekingreality

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quote:

A better question would be : Why is there a cap on kink tolerance? What is limiting your acceptance? If you are into kink, you don't have to be into everything, but why condemn others for thier desires?

Kink is pretty much like everything else. People think what they like or do is fine, but they are fairly quick to judge different things that others like or do.

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 6:27:47 PM

seekingreality

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Any group you join, there are socially maladapted people who joined it having the magical thinking that liking folk music, or knitting, or Star Wars or whatever will mean they don't need social skills in order to form a good and healthy lasting relationship. It never works. You always will find people who are not willing (nor should they) to overlook your deficiencies just because you have this one minor thing in common.

The ones who will, are lacking in their own way. Because healthy people don't settle for unhealthy relationships.

There are also a LOT of people into kink, into knitting, into Star Wars, whatever, and they may be very knowledgeable and have a small group of friends, or share their passions with their partners, but have no desire to belong to any community, attend a munch, a party. Yet there are some people who are so wildly into their niche that literally every single friend, peer or possible mate is IN that circle (in real life) at the exclusion of any other kind of relationship. It is, basically, their entire life and support system. And it may even impact how they relate to people and communicate with them. They may be known at work as "they are nice but kind of weird," and they keep to themselves and only really relate to people in that circle. Is that wrong or unhealthy? I don't know, I have no feeling one way or another. But I don't personally want to live my life that way.

There are plenty of wildly kinky people who practice it regularly but have no desire - and never will have any desire - to belong to any community or find partners that way.

Akasha

Personally, I like to have a kinky partner, but I don't choose friendships based on people's kink proclivities. I really have no interest in socializing with the BDSM community. If I knew for sure there was no potential to meet someone who might become a real-life partner, a munch would be of absolutely no interest to me. By and large, I rarely talk to friends about any sexual matters. We are more likely to spend our time together talking about art, culture, business or politics.

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/24/2011 6:23:25 AM

JstAnotherSub

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I have always suspected it is just a feeling of not caring what others thought.

For some, once others know that they love being forced to fuck, suck a dick, drink piss, have orgasms controlled, <insert your kink here>, what is the harm of admitting you are afraid to go to the grocery store or that you have panic attacks.

It is the same, for me, in other parts of my life too. Once I quit hiding my panic attacks, and let others know about them, I discovered that many of my friends have them or have in the past.

With that info, I could state that folks who work in elementary schools have a greater incidence of panic attacks, folks who go to bars on Saturday nights have a greater incidence of panic attacks, and from my perspective, they would both be true statements.

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/25/2011 2:53:22 AM

SoulAlloy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

It was brought up on another thread that kink might attract a larger proportion of folks that don't quite fit in "normal" society because there is supposedly this blanket acceptance that exists amongst kinky folks. No matter what a person's maladies, there's some supposed pipe dream that their hopes and aspirations can be fulfilled in the kink world.

From my own experrience I would have to say 'no' in terms of the proportion, and "I wish it wer so" for the acceptance, but then I wish that of the vanilla world too. Latest figures in the Uk indicate nearly 1 in 2 for people who have suffered a mental illness, depression being the most common. I understand why people can find it difficult to understand or see through, hat's outside of your realms of experience can be hard to comment on.

quote:

One must ask themselves, is this really true? Do physical or mental disabilities no longer matter just because a person is willing to be kinky in hopes of satisfying their own hopes of a companion? Are the odds 'better' in some way?

I don't think being kinky has anything to do with thinking their disabilities don't matter, sometimes it is hard for a person to accept they are kinky due to a perceived stigma. I don't think people are 'trying out being kinky' just for the sake of finding a partner.

With that in mind I would say the odds are better of finding a kinky partner on who will accept you on a kink site than in vanilla life.

Apologies if the spelling's off, my phone browser has decided that the cursor shouldn't be where I am typing

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/25/2011 3:12:34 AM

mons

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I would not say I am damaged , but I was abused by a male relative! This is why I
am a Dominant woman! The need to protect one's self and one mind is so
important I shaped who I am just I thought I was a sumissive for a time and I wrote about it here!!
It helps to be stronger, other maybe submissive they are also strong as well, it does not matter, but I think it is true
the world of kink is full of kink :0)

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/25/2011 4:44:38 AM

LillyBoPeep

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i don't necessarily think there are more basketcases in the kink world than elsewhere, it's just expressed/justified in a different way. someone who has a difficult time taking personal responsibility, or who refuses to behave in an adult fashion can say "well i'm a little girl, so it's okay." someone who is demanding and petty, and overly arrogant can say "oh, i'm a Dominant, it's okay." people excuse racism as being a kink, or misogyny as being a kink, or any other thing that might otherwise be regarded as a character flaw.

that said, it's not as if those things don't happen in the vanilla world. there just aren't neat little labels for it. so i really don't think it's much greater. i think what happens is that it stands in contrast to this imaginary "sense of honor" that people believe exists with kinky people, just because we might be more upfront about our odd sexual tendencies. =p people sorta seem to think that they can turn off their common sense and let their crotches do the talking in the kink world. we've all heard that kinky folks are supposed to be more accepting, more open-minded, maybe even smarter than vanillas. =p (pfft.) so when someone fucks around or acts up, it seems like a greater offense because, no matter what, it still seems like this "sense of honor" is always playing in the background.

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