Just a thought (Full Version)

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MoonGoddessIsis -> Just a thought (5/21/2006 5:52:30 AM)

Hello to all in the group. 

Normally I just sit around and read all the topics.  I truely enjoy doing so and it is nice to read what others have to say.  I have yet... up to this point never felt compelled to start a thread on My own.  Perhaps it is because I am just too boring or not boring enough!  Either way this time... I felt the need to do so.

I recieved an email from a submissive man last night as I was in bed.  Sitting with My morning coffee I opened it and the start of the note was very knowledgable.  It was not until I hit this bit that it really got My mind thinking....

"You are very beautiful for a plus size woman.  You do not find that very often"

I simply leaned forward, sipping My coffee  and thought.... "huh?"

Is it just that he had met pehaps one time in his life a plus size woman who was extremly gross and now compares all plus size women that way?  I myself have always been a "heavier" woman, even as a child.  With that said I am one of those woman who take great care in the way she looks.   I just think so many people associate "plus size" with disgusting.  Someone who does not take care of themselves and just overeats to enjoy doing so.  For Myself that could be the farthest thing from the truth.

I myself have met some beautiful thin, plus size or whatever shape men and women that were lovely.  Of course with that said I have met some thin that weren't anything to write home about.   I am not really sure why it hit Me so funny but nevertheless I wrote back a very polite...
Thanks but no thanks.

Any idea why it hit Me so funny?  Any thoughts? Cause I sure can not wrap My head around it this morning.
Have a great sunday everyone!
In love, light and true Dominance,
Lady Moon



puella -> RE: Just a thought (5/21/2006 6:03:22 AM)

Hello MoonGoddessIsis,

Having once been a very very heavy woman (also, that was something that was true since childhood) and having lost the vast majority of that weight (you will never be thin enough, I have learned that quite painfully), I think you just have to understand that for the vast majority of people being thin, even if only on a subconscious level, is one of the greatest factors of what is considered beautiful.  Its preconditioned in our society. 

Having been on both sides of the spectrum now  (though I certainly can alway stand to lose more weight), fat is one of the few prejudices left in our society which is not only tolerated, but abetted.



xxmstrchasxx -> RE: Just a thought (5/21/2006 6:08:54 AM)

quote:

"You are very beautiful for a plus size woman


Here is my thought on that.  Apparently, he does think most plus size women are not beautiful or even good looking.  I think you did the right thing by tell him "no thanks".

I have several good friends that are plus size women and to tell you the truth their size has nothing to do with anything.  Matter of fact I don't even notice it until one of them says something about it.  What matters to me most is what that person is inside, not their body shape but their heart.

I had a plus size girlfriend and she was absolutely gorgeous and sexy both.

I have seen skinny women that I wouldn't give the time of day just because of their attitude.  Paris Hilton comes to mind. On the other hand I have seen skinny women that are as nice as they can be.  My point being......women can be beautiful regardless of their body shape whether skinny, plus or anything in-between.




LaTigresse -> RE: Just a thought (5/21/2006 6:18:35 AM)

MoonGoddess, I don't understand it myself. I have been in my lifetime and as the years keep moving forward at both ends of the spectrum, far too thin in my 20's and then far too heavy in my late 30's when my body decided to play head games with me. Now I am somewhere in the middle. I read something in the news the other day that the greater percentage of people in this country would rather be out of work than overweight. Given that the obesity rate in this country is at its highest ever, I have to wonder does that mean that most of us have such self loathing? For myself, my biggest concern is no longer what size jeans my ass fits in but my overall health and well being. I can only hope that at some point the advertising media swings the pendulum of example more towards healthy rather than underweight. I think its up to all of us as women to teach younger women to value themselves and find their strength and power based more on who they are rather than what they are on the outside........(and beat the men into agreeing with us......."yes Goddess, your cellulite puckered hiney is a most glorious site to behold!")



MoonGoddessIsis -> RE: Just a thought (5/21/2006 6:24:10 AM)

Giggles....

"Yes Goddess, your cellulite puckered hiney is a most glorious site to behold".
That is the cutest thing!

It is sad that it gets a bad rap... but then again so do sooooo many other things.  I have always been in touch and proud of My body. There comes a time where you have to accept yourself.  Thankfully I did that years and years ago!

Thanks for your replies!
Lady Moon



indybbwsubbie -> RE: Just a thought (5/21/2006 6:31:51 AM)

Obviously - i AM a plus sized woman.  And too often those of us that are a bit on the "plump" side can have issues of self esteem.  Having people around us who degrade us for size does not help at all.  For us - our self - esteem must come from inside.....hence "self"!  lol

It is a wonderful blessing tho to have others who see us for who we are inside - as well as the beauty we possess outside and in.  i had a wonderful compliment last nite by a Dom who told me that my picture didn't do me justice - and that i was much nicer looking in person.   And i had truly thought that my pic looked much nicer than i!  So that really made this sweet subbie smile!  Thank You, Sir!  xoxoxo

indysubbie



NeedInspiration -> RE: Just a thought (5/21/2006 6:33:48 AM)

I'm chubby.. I'm not HUGE.... I think (as others before me did) that overall presentation, cleanliness and personal pride are of paramount importance in bringing across sex appeal and attractiveness.

I've been shunned more than a zillion times (it feels) for my weight... <shrug> F' em! [:)]



LadiesBladewing -> RE: Just a thought (5/21/2006 7:00:56 AM)

I have an "off-the-cuff" ramble here... just something that struck me, for whatever it's worth.
La Tigresse said something here that caught my attention because of how what we -say- impacts what we think...

One thing that I truly feel is crucial in the quest to be authentic with ourselves, and to truly heal ourselves of the hidden "bruises" brought on by society's short-sightedness is to be truly aware of how what we say and how we say it can either further these ends or be subtly self-defeating.

In her post, which to me were the words of a woman who worked hard to respect and cherish herself as herself, La Tigress says:


quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

For myself, my biggest concern is no longer what size jeans my ass fits in...


It struck me that this particular statement is similar to ones that I've made myself on occasion, when out shopping for clothing, and that, while it seems supportive of respecting ourselves, the way it is phrased actually perpetuates a certain mythology regarding what is beautiful in our society.

I am generously gifted by the Universe, having been given a magnificently large vessel in which to house my spirit, but when I get into the clothing stores, that generous gift somehow seems diminished -- because it seems that society has pre-planned that I must attempt to force my generous self into wrappings that are insufficient to wrap such a beautifully expansive gift.

When I wrap a present, especially a large present, I measure the present and purchase the wrapping according to the size of the package, rather than purchasing the wrapping and hoping that it will fit what I eventually buy. In the case of the wrapping of this gift that is my body, it is not what size jeans my posterior fits into -- I should not have to conform my butt to the jeans, but should expect to be able to walk into a store and have the makers of clothing conform the wrapping paper to the package. For years, we have been letting designers dictate what we must conform to to fit their "wrappings"... perhaps it is time to turn the tables?

LZ



ehlovindom -> RE: Just a thought (5/21/2006 7:14:20 AM)

Maybe it was the coffee you were drinking? Have you thought about changing to tea?

Seriously, we all are "wired" differently. Some men gravitate towards "larger" women, some do not. Many women prefer taller men, some do not. Size has nothing to do with "beauty" whether it is outer or inner beauty. What this sub wrote was either a bad phrasing of words or just himself exposing his conception that "plus-size" women can't be beautiful, which of course is untrue but maybe not so in his experiences or within his conceptions and views, which of course have been shaped by his experiences. While you were most probably correct in telling him "no thanks", I am not sure if you should have responsed and asked for an explanation of what exactly he meant by that comment. As careful as we try to be with words when we communicate, we sometimes make mistakes.



MissyRane -> RE: Just a thought (5/21/2006 7:22:25 AM)

The more fascinating your inner person is the prettier you become on the outside...and vice versa... isn't that a saying[:)] I'm thin..but I can't say I've an issue with bigger men/women but when the "obese" has become to a state which's fatal then it's definitely a sickness n then I feel sorry for them, but no I don't despise them at all, and I can't really figure out why people come up with all these prejudices..they seem to squeeze them into everything[&:]



feastie -> RE: Just a thought (5/21/2006 7:34:23 AM)

I know a young man, a much younger man, who would climb into my bed this minute if I would allow it.  He loves my size, my curves and my shape.  He keeps encouraging me to seek younger men, as they are not as jaded regarding size and weight as older men.  I just have a personal problem with that, although I simply adore this young man.  He's also married and has two children, although his wife is just as anxious as he to involve themselves in a sexual relationship with me.  lol..she wants to watch and then she wants to have a blow job race, whatever the hell that is...lol.

I have an ex...things didn't work out for some very specific reasons, but he told me very recently a couple of things which make me smile and hold him dear.  One, that to know me is to love me.  Two, that it wouldn't matter how heavy I were to get, he would still want to be with me.

Another man, who unfortunately is unable to be with me just now, cherishes the person I am, as I am.

I thank God for these men, simply because they love the person I am, period.  They don't make caveats, even when I am hard on myself about my weight, they say instead that I am beautiful the way I am.  And they also tell me to ignore the assholes that would judge me as a bad person or undesirable person because of my size.  Those persons are not worth my time, they say.  They give me hope that I will find the right one for me someday, despite my current situation.

Saying someone is pretty for a "fat girl" (forgive the paraphrase, but let's not sugarcoat it), is like saying someone is attractive for being a black person, or an asian person or is goodlooking for a bald man, an older woman, etc. 

He might not have meant it as it sounded, but many times people will write exactly what's in their heart and mind when they are trying their best to give it a glossy finish.



MHOO314 -> RE: Just a thought (5/21/2006 7:41:34 AM)

This really struck a chord with Me this morning LadyB---unfortunately, is is not the designers---it is what sells and designers design to that--and what sells is sex and the pentultimate "sex"--the uber body, the uber face, the uber teeth  and when you have that you will have the uber man, the uber car and the uber kids living in the uber house---blah blah blah--until humans realize that the uber body doesn't exist and its the uber mind, heart and soul--life isn't going to change and I am still amazed that in the 21st century--people still buy that line of bull---
 
and oh guess what the difference is between a cemetery plot with an uber person--and one with a real person? The quality of the memories..
 
ahh I feel much better, thank You!



Level -> RE: Just a thought (5/21/2006 7:41:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MoonGoddessIsis

Hello to all in the group. 

Normally I just sit around and read all the topics.  I truely enjoy doing so and it is nice to read what others have to say.  I have yet... up to this point never felt compelled to start a thread on My own.  Perhaps it is because I am just too boring or not boring enough!  Either way this time... I felt the need to do so.

I recieved an email from a submissive man last night as I was in bed.  Sitting with My morning coffee I opened it and the start of the note was very knowledgable.  It was not until I hit this bit that it really got My mind thinking....

"You are very beautiful for a plus size woman.  You do not find that very often"

I simply leaned forward, sipping My coffee  and thought.... "huh?"

Is it just that he had met pehaps one time in his life a plus size woman who was extremly gross and now compares all plus size women that way?  I myself have always been a "heavier" woman, even as a child.  With that said I am one of those woman who take great care in the way she looks.   I just think so many people associate "plus size" with disgusting.  Someone who does not take care of themselves and just overeats to enjoy doing so.  For Myself that could be the farthest thing from the truth.

I myself have met some beautiful thin, plus size or whatever shape men and women that were lovely.  Of course with that said I have met some thin that weren't anything to write home about.   I am not really sure why it hit Me so funny but nevertheless I wrote back a very polite...
Thanks but no thanks.

Any idea why it hit Me so funny?  Any thoughts? Cause I sure can not wrap My head around it this morning.
Have a great sunday everyone!
In love, light and true Dominance,
Lady Moon



His comment indicates that he rarely finds full-figured women attractive... perhaps this struck an alarm within you, even though he seems to find you beautful (and you are, by the way)..... maybe this brought up bad thoughts or memories for you?
 
Let me add that there is nothing wrong with preferring one body type or another. It's when one becomes hateful about it that I have a problem with.

Level



MoonGoddessIsis -> RE: Just a thought (5/21/2006 7:58:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: MoonGoddessIsis

Hello to all in the group. 

Normally I just sit around and read all the topics.  I truely enjoy doing so and it is nice to read what others have to say.  I have yet... up to this point never felt compelled to start a thread on My own.  Perhaps it is because I am just too boring or not boring enough!  Either way this time... I felt the need to do so.

I recieved an email from a submissive man last night as I was in bed.  Sitting with My morning coffee I opened it and the start of the note was very knowledgable.  It was not until I hit this bit that it really got My mind thinking....

"You are very beautiful for a plus size woman.  You do not find that very often"

I simply leaned forward, sipping My coffee  and thought.... "huh?"

Is it just that he had met pehaps one time in his life a plus size woman who was extremly gross and now compares all plus size women that way?  I myself have always been a "heavier" woman, even as a child.  With that said I am one of those woman who take great care in the way she looks.   I just think so many people associate "plus size" with disgusting.  Someone who does not take care of themselves and just overeats to enjoy doing so.  For Myself that could be the farthest thing from the truth.

I myself have met some beautiful thin, plus size or whatever shape men and women that were lovely.  Of course with that said I have met some thin that weren't anything to write home about.   I am not really sure why it hit Me so funny but nevertheless I wrote back a very polite...
Thanks but no thanks.

Any idea why it hit Me so funny?  Any thoughts? Cause I sure can not wrap My head around it this morning.
Have a great sunday everyone!
In love, light and true Dominance,
Lady Moon



His comment indicates that he rarely finds full-figured women attractive... perhaps this struck an alarm within you, even though he seems to find you beautful (and you are, by the way)..... maybe this brought up bad thoughts or memories for you?
 
Let me add that there is nothing wrong with preferring one body type or another. It's when one becomes hateful about it that I have a problem with.

Level


Level,
Oh yes I would very much have to agree. In fact I just wrote about that in My journal.  That everyone has a preference.  As Mine is older men.  I find nothing wrong with someone having preferences, in fact I think it is what makes the world tick.
As far as striking a chord I do not believe so.  I suppose it just hit Me odd and knew that there must have been something that struck a chord... with perhaps him.

And yes... perhaps I think too much while drinking coffee. Perhaps tea is a good idea!

Smiles!

Lady Moon



NDulgance -> RE: Just a thought (5/21/2006 8:15:50 AM)

I can clearly understand your feelings related to what was written.

One thing I've learned over the last few years is that I have to be content with myself first. If my size causes ME discontent I need to do something about it. Weight for me has always been consistent (near the same size) for the past 30 years. It is only during the past couple of years that "I" have a problem with it, and moreso for physical reasons. Because of that I am doing something about it.

I am attracted to tall men, sorry that is what works for me. I am also attracted to someone near my own age, that works as well. When I politely reject someone outside of those parameters then I tend to get an email pointing out my weight. Well hell, you contacted me first. One such email pissed me off I flipped out a response about wanting a guy with an 8" dick.. but surely knew that was not the case with him.. then I blocked him. Yea, I waundered off track.. Sorry.. old age.



sweetbbwsub31 -> RE: Just a thought (5/21/2006 8:16:35 AM)

Good morning Lady Moon,
 
"Thanks but no thanks" was exactly what you should say to a subbie who obviously doesn't know beauty when he sees it. If i may be so bold you are a very beautiful woman.
 
i am a plus sized woman and was very unhappy with myself. i married a man who was not attracted to curvy women and was miserable for 9 years. He would always make comments about how i looked and ask me when i was going to lose some weight. It was like a switch- one morning i woke up and not only was i finished dealing with this man but i was finished not accepting myself.
 
i have been divorced for 2 years and in that time i have found that plenty of men are attracted to larger women. i had a collared relationship in which the Dom enjoyed my body so much i felt like he was worshiping me instead of the other way around.  Now, i am engaged to a man who looks at me every day like i am a model. Men who like plus sized woman are out there and what a relief to just be yourself around them and be accepted.
 
Let the men who don't find us attractive find someone they are attracted to. There are plenty of subbies out there who will find you stunning and will worship you to no end.
 
Good luck to you,
 
sub tara



juliaoceania -> RE: Just a thought (5/21/2006 9:39:27 AM)

What comes to mind for me is those women who do meth to be thin and their skin is all pasty, with open sores and pores, their teeth are falling out, and you could fall into the lines in their face... And they are only 30! Their hair is usually greasy and stringy from starving themselves.. But they are thin!...smiles.



TeeGO -> RE: Just a thought (5/21/2006 11:03:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MoonGoddessIsis
Hello to all in the group.

Normally I just sit around and read all the topics. I truely enjoy doing so and it is nice to read what others have to say. I have yet... up to this point never felt compelled to start a thread on My own. Perhaps it is because I am just too boring or not boring enough! Either way this time... I felt the need to do so.

I recieved an email from a submissive man last night as I was in bed. Sitting with My morning coffee I opened it and the start of the note was very knowledgable. It was not until I hit this bit that it really got My mind thinking....

"You are very beautiful for a plus size woman. You do not find that very often"

I simply leaned forward, sipping My coffee and thought.... "huh?"

Is it just that he had met pehaps one time in his life a plus size woman who was extremly gross and now compares all plus size women that way? I myself have always been a "heavier" woman, even as a child. With that said I am one of those woman who take great care in the way she looks. I just think so many people associate "plus size" with disgusting. Someone who does not take care of themselves and just overeats to enjoy doing so. For Myself that could be the farthest thing from the truth.

I myself have met some beautiful thin, plus size or whatever shape men and women that were lovely. Of course with that said I have met some thin that weren't anything to write home about. I am not really sure why it hit Me so funny but nevertheless I wrote back a very polite...
Thanks but no thanks.

Any idea why it hit Me so funny? Any thoughts? Cause I sure can not wrap My head around it this morning.
Have a great Sunday everyone!
In love, light and true Dominance,
Lady Moon



What's the old line? "You don't sweat much for a fat girl." What a dumbass thing for the guy to say. Maybe you should have wrote back to him and said, "Thank you, what a nice thing for someone who lacks basic intelligence and courtesy to say." (Just kidding.)

The odds are this guys a dolt, but maybe you should call him down for the comment and see how he reacts. That way you get a better gauge of him. It could have just been a brain fart.

Seriously, what's most important is what you think of yourself. Two years ago I was a mess. Right now I feel great, look better, and have a positive outlook on life. I do need to drop another 50 or so and that is important to me, but if I go no further I can be quite content with where I am at.. I always like to encourage folks to try and lose weight and become better fit. But if your happy with where you are at, that's the most important thing.

The mind...ah. That is where the true beauty of a person resides. And in reading your profile, I would say you are indeed a beautiful person.

To the Mod:  I don't see why this post was moved.  Collarme is a place where people do try and meet and this topic is all about people matching up.  Just my opinion.



LadiesBladewing -> RE: Just a thought (5/21/2006 12:15:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

This really struck a chord with Me this morning LadyB---unfortunately, is is not the designers---it is what sells and designers design to that----



I guess that my perceptions were that it was more in the hands of the designers. I modeled from 12 to 17, and had a few experiences with designers that probably have colored my impressions. It has always seemed to me that designers and high-priced marketing reps "create" a name and image for a given designer, and the more rude the designer is, the more outlandish and completely antithetical to the real human body the designs are, and the more outre the designer's behavior in public venues, the faster that designer becomes "popular", and the faster lower-end designers start to copy the style and behavior of that "top" designer.

In the end, it is all smoke and mirrors. For many women who happen to have starved themselves to fit into the current designs, I -still- have to ask why they bothered. It can't be because the clothing is so pretty... the clothing itself often seems ugly and overworked to me. Especially of late, the colors don't seem to flatter anyone -- even the people they were supposedly designed on and -for-, and yet, people willingly spend $3500 for a ripped skirt in a vile vomit color, with frayed edges and splashes of something that could probably pass for pureed pumpkin or spilled carrot juice -- as if the cost itself would make it attractive.

I'm a simple person. I like the classics. Silk, linen, and flowing fabrics in attractive, strong colors are a staple. I happen to like long skirts, tunics, and flowing pants for myself. I am a flowing, adaptive and somewhat chaotic person, and I like my clothing to reflect that -- bold, unafraid, full of movement, and with a hint of the unexpected. My dear SR likes jeans, long, Indian cotton dresses, broom skirts, and tailored blouses (which I can't touch with a 20 foot pole -- I look like I've been trussed for thanksgiving dinner in tailored clothes!). Neither of us is ever "in fashion", but we're always stylish, in our own way. I wish more women could be ok with just being themselves instead of stressing over a certain name brand clothing. Unfortunately, if they -did- get comfy with themselves, it would probably send the GNP of the clothing industry into the toilet. *laughs*

LZ




RiotGirl -> RE: Just a thought (5/21/2006 1:05:32 PM)

quote:

ny idea why it hit Me so funny? Any thoughts? Cause I sure can not wrap My head around it this morning.


sure it's one of you're triggers and prolly something you are abit sensitive about.  Just one of those things.  Example - last night ANOTHER DOM or Man as he can be called.. notified her that his doors were always open to her.  If she ever needed some where to go or if things didnt work out with Master.. cos it happens so much and so rarely with good intentions she immediately took it negatively and got pissed off .. he tried to clarify later that it was a "friendly " offer.. but this one wouldnt have it.  Huh.

This -


"You are very beautiful for a plus size woman.  You do not find that very often"

sounds like he didnt phrase his statement the way he ment it.  Should be "You are very beautiful for a plus size woman, i dont find that very often" 

Merely that his personal preference isnt plus size  Since attraction is all opionon based.. he cant decide for the whole world whether plus size women are more often then not attractive.  Sure there are 10's of 1000's of ppl who'd say the excat opposite.  "plus size women are more attractive to scrawny chicks.. more to love.. more cushion for the pushin ect." 

personally, would just take it as a personal preference stated wrong and then as a compliment.  Heck if some one said "most short girls have stubby legs but yours are beautiful"  then one would feel complimented .

dunno if the explaination is understandable..



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