I am considering writing a series of short stories and would like some input (Full Version)

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MHAP -> I am considering writing a series of short stories and would like some input (8/26/2011 3:29:12 PM)

(This is just a a brief story outline) its a first draft...so forgive how short it is.


Its hot you lay in bed your husband alseep beside you.. its been a busy day but your not tired.... you slip out of bed and pad to the kitchen...you find nothing you want.wandering around in the dark you just feel restless....you open the front door and go outside..the air is warm.(you walk out into the yard) its comfortable..it smells like ozone and rain..you look up to watch the clouds....The Moon sines brightly behind the rolling clouds.

( And then as if stepping into a dream) you lean back into my arms..you feel the warmth of my body thru your long teeshirt, and the lingering exotic smell of spice and smoke ... i kiss your neck (i whisper "Hello") and my hands play softly over the curvs of your breasts... i lift off your shirt and roll your nipples between my fingers while my mouths kiss's your neck and shoulder.I let my mouth linger near your ear, you free an electric shiver shot down your spine. .. I push you forward over the hood of your car... your panties Just seem to just fall off .... i slide into you in one strong stroke...stealing your breath.... your heart flutter as my hard dick plunges into you.....I ride you slow... tugging first your nipple..then your hair as i pull you pack - and kiss your open mouth... you sqeal and shudder as you gush hot wet cum spilling down your trembling legs,... i take 2 more long deep stroke and i pull out... i drag you over to your front steps..... i grab your hands and make them cup your breasts..then i slap my hard dick between them and i pull your mouth onto the head of my dick as i thrust between your breasts... i fuck your mouth taking pleasure in your naked lust, and hungry mouth. Soon i tell you im cumming and begin to shoot hot cum over your breasts and face..i pull you to me and shot my last shot deep in your mouth....... your eyes close for only a moment as you rock back and enjoy your own private lustful orgasm...

then...like a dream or a psychotic episode.. you realize I'm gone...you blink and shake your head and find..your naked --,and outside your home, in your front yard under the lights where people might see you....... panting , and covered in sweat (like you have run for miles)... your legs and bottom are drippmg wet.... and the sun is coming up.... you jump up grabbing your scattered cloths and bolt into the house..you dive into the shower and pray no-one saw you... as you wash you can't help but grin, and worry.



Aylee -> RE: I am considering writing a series of short stories and would like some input (8/26/2011 4:10:12 PM)

Strunk & White's, The Elements of Style

http://www.amazon.com/Elements-Style-4th-William-Strunk/dp/0205313426/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1314400153&sr=1-1




hardcybermaster -> RE: I am considering writing a series of short stories and would like some input (8/26/2011 4:14:11 PM)

I you I you I you I you I you I you I you I you I you
I think you need some advice



Iamsemisweet -> RE: I am considering writing a series of short stories and would like some input (8/26/2011 4:18:18 PM)

Dear Penthouse Forum,
I never thought I would be writing a letter like this, but . . .



lazarus1983 -> RE: I am considering writing a series of short stories and would like some input (8/26/2011 6:25:02 PM)

So I used to be an editor for a newspaper, and what you're showing us is a spelling, punctuation, and grammar nightmare. Is that an excerpt? Is that the beginning, middle, end? Who are the characters?

Before you can run you must learn to crawl. Take some english classes. Not writing classes, because you're not even close to being able to write. Learn the basics first.



peppermint -> RE: I am considering writing a series of short stories and would like some input (8/26/2011 7:01:53 PM)

I have to agree with the others.  You need serious lessons in spelling, punctuation, and grammar before you even think about writing for others. 

Stories, even short stories are not merely a series of actions.  To get the reader interested you must flesh out your characters.  Otherwise you could have just written a list of actions someone might do to another.  What makes a story interesting are the inner thoughts of the characters. 



DarkSteven -> RE: I am considering writing a series of short stories and would like some input (8/27/2011 3:46:16 AM)

I'm sorry to be this blunt, but the market is flooded with stories better written than your brief sample.



Endivius -> RE: I am considering writing a series of short stories and would like some input (8/27/2011 3:55:40 AM)

After the fourth sentence my eyes were bleeding. This adventure into your creativity, was nothing more than a desperate cry for attention, through a cracked mirror of regret.





Edit Type-o damn these fingers.



lazarus1983 -> RE: I am considering writing a series of short stories and would like some input (8/27/2011 3:58:15 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I'm sorry to be this blunt, but the market is flooded with stories better written than your brief sample.


Don't worry, DS, you can't be any more blunt than the first sentence in the next post. :)



silvermuse -> RE: I am considering writing a series of short stories and would like some input (8/27/2011 4:11:47 AM)

I'd strongly recommend that you take a look at the Erotic Readers and Writers Association. They have an online writers group which might provide you with the level of constructive feedback you obviously need.

This isn't meant to be rude but truly, your writing needs a lot of work. Not just the obvious of punctuation, grammar, and sentence structure but how to use the senses in writing. How to build a scene, draw a reader in and how to avoid repeating sentences.

What you have here isn't a story doesn't come across as a story but your own personal fantasy and there is a huge difference between the two. For some good examples of shorts take a look at www.theeroticwoman.com, www.oystersandchocolate.com or www.justusroux.com, all three are paying markets, all be it low pay, for erotic stories and provide good examples of what's expected with writing style, structure, and content.

muse



bighappygoth39 -> RE: I am considering writing a series of short stories and would like some input (8/27/2011 6:30:26 AM)

To be fair to the OP, there's plenty of barely literate idiots in print who can't write their way out of a paer bag. It certainly hasn't done Laurell K Hamilton's career any harm...



MHAP -> RE: I am considering writing a series of short stories and would like some input (8/27/2011 10:14:44 AM)

OK thanks Idea is dead..lol

it was only a paragraph from a jailed Sado's letter, in a larger story.

was thinking and typing....



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