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Damn, we are all dying... - 8/20/2011 11:04:28 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		I don't know if it is because 50 is coming at me next birthday or what, but for a few days now, every time I lie down to go to sleep at night, my mind has gone to "Dammit to hell, I have less time left than I have lived. I am going to die some day."

I can't say it freaks me out, but yet it freaks me out. I know, not making sense, but what else is new.

It has me pondering many things about where I am, where I have been, and where I am going in life. It also has me thinking about things spiritual in ways I have never thought before.

Anyone else had days or weeks like this? I really do not think I am going to get obsessed with dying, but, normally when something like this takes over my thoughts, there turns out to be a lesson that I find out later.

I am just really at a loss as to why my head is going there. I wonder if it is because I haven't had weed for like a month?!

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RE: Damn, we are all dying... - 8/20/2011 11:14:57 AM   
Lockit


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Status: offline 		LOL... no you aren't the only one that has been there and although it may seem like a bad thing, I see it as a good thing. In 2001 I was given a death sentence according to the information or lack of it that they had at the time. I still had a minor child! Boy was I in for some new things to think about. I was to die within two years... I wasn't ready.. I asked the powers that be to give me two more years to raise her and set everything right.

Four years later, I could look back at all that went on then and saw my mistakes. The living as if I were dying... the trying too hard to help my children and get them set up. I also saw what kept me going and what others had gone through and how they kept going. Many start looking back at their life, reviewing it all and wanting to record it... wanting to make things right, pass on their knowledge or wisdom and come to terms with... I ain't livin forever.

I would ask myself each morning when I realized I lived through the night... If yesterday was my last day... was it worth being my last day in this life? My answers were no most of the time. I set out to change that.

I wouldn't say you are obsessed with dying.. but more likely you are obsessed with living and you are just going into a refinement of making sure you live... really live... the rest of it.

Hang in there.. I think you will find this an actual blessing.


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RE: Damn, we are all dying... - 8/20/2011 11:20:29 AM   
hlen5


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Status: offline 		Work on changing your thoughts so your anticipated life span is longer than 98 years.

I know this reply sounds flip, but I'm serious. I think it's good that you are questioning things. Maybe you are thinking your life needs a course correction?

Like your Pavese sig line implies, it's not the volume of years we live, it's how deeply we live them.

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RE: Damn, we are all dying... - 8/20/2011 11:27:37 AM   
littlewonder


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Status: offline 		welcome to my daily life for the past 16 years.

After my husband died at the young age of 24 it made me realize that none uf us know how long we are here. I still had a baby to take raise to adulthood. I knew I had to start making a life for her and to stop being foolish with my life.

When someone close to you dies it makes you take a big huge assessment of your life and where you're going and what you're doing with it.


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RE: Damn, we are all dying... - 8/20/2011 11:32:34 AM   
MissToYouRedux


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Status: offline 		The "personal best" in my family has been living till 90, so doing the math my "more life behind me than in front of me" moment came earlier. It continues to give me incentive for living in the moment.

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RE: Damn, we are all dying... - 8/20/2011 11:34:52 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
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Status: offline 		i haven't expressly had the "i have less time than i've lived" thought, but i used to think about the concept of mortality when i was a lot younger. lots of deaths in the family in a relatively short span got me thinking about what it might be like to face it, what it might be like afterward, if there is an "afterward," blah blah blah

sometimes i'd get myself wound up about it and other times it didn't seem so scary. after the last few major deaths, i'm not all that scared of it anymore.

i think it's a good thing to be aware of how fragile life is, and the possibility that it could all be gone randomly one summer afternoon. i think it makes you more likely to really invest in whatever time you believe you have. whether you're right or wrong, it's always worth it. 


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RE: Damn, we are all dying... - 8/20/2011 6:06:18 PM   
hlen5


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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

welcome to my daily life for the past 16 years.

After my husband died at the young age of 24 it made me realize that none uf us know how long we are here. I still had a baby to take raise to adulthood. I knew I had to start making a life for her and to stop being foolish with my life.

When someone close to you dies it makes you take a big huge assessment of your life and where you're going and what you're doing with it.



I'm so sorry for your loss.

When my Mom died, I made some changes in my life. I'm still not where I want to be, but am working on it.

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RE: Damn, we are all dying... - 8/20/2011 6:18:16 PM   
NuevaVida


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Status: offline 		I agree with hlen about changing your thoughts.

When I was divorcing I realized I was in my 40s and had never actually started living my life as I should. I grieved over all those wasted years, feeling like I had pretty much lost my 20s and 30s in an abusive situation, and now my life was half over and I had missed out on so much living.

And then I chose to redirect, and think Dang, isn't it great I have this new life to discover?  I can make whatever I want of it, and I'm old enough and mature enough to make healthy decisions for myself this time around. Instead of grieving years lost, I embraced the road ahead with excitement and a determination to live the rest of my life to the fullest.  Don't lament - enjoy what you have!  Because really, as littlewonder's post points out - there are no guarantees, and life can take us any time.  Don't worry about your final date, live today in a way that makes you happy.

We're not all dying. We're all living, until such time we aren't anymore.


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RE: Damn, we are all dying... - 8/20/2011 8:43:15 PM   
DomImus


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Status: offline 		I'll be 51 in a few weeks. 50 didn't even phase me just as 40 and 30 before it did not. For some inexplicable reason I was just about inconsolable on my 25th birthday. To this day I still have no idea why it affected me that way. While I do understand the feelings about mortality that you appear to have they evidently do not affect me the same way. I did reflect back on my life a little bit on my last birthday. I remember thinking "Man, I had a damned good time. If I drop dead tomorrow it was a fun ride." And that was that.

I don't ponder my own mortality. I cannot do things today that I could do 25 years ago with ease. In 25 years (assuming I am still here)  I won't be able to do some of the things I enjoy today. Worrying about how much or how little time is left is pointless. Looking back on the time you have already spent with a feeling that you squandered it sucks. Glad I don't feel that way. Enjoying life as it comes is far more important than worrying about how long you have left.


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RE: Damn, we are all dying... - 8/20/2011 11:08:19 PM   
Hippiekinkster


Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline 		Well, as I told CalamitySandra on my B'day thread,

"Vielen Danke, Sandra. Es ist wirklich nett von dir. Heute fühle ich paradoxerweise beiden alt und jung, du weißt? Normalerweise fühle ich sehr jung in meine Seele, und uralt in meinem Körper. Aber Heute wisse ich nicht warum, ich bin ganz verkorkst. Letztes Jahr war ereignislos. Dieser Geburtstag hatte mich hart geschlagen. Aber ich fühle besser jetzt. Dieser Morgen hatte ich viele Schmertz. Ich sah meine Schmertzartztin, und ich habe genug schmerzstillendes Mittle genommen, zu besser fühlen. Mehr ausgeglichen. Veliiliecht es war kein Schlaf und das Koffein, dass hatte mich verruckt gemacht."

At 58, I figure that, given the ages that my parents departed at, approx. 3/4 of my life is over. Interestingly, it has become easier to accept in the past couple of years. I'm more concerned about my cash flow for the next 4 years, which is when SS kicks in. After that, I'm cool, as the asset base is OK. I have some tickets to see Jerry Garcia that are (hopefully) going to help me explore Franklin's Tower, Touch of Gray, and especially Truckin'

BTW, TY, Greedy, and all the others who wished me "Froelich Geburtstag" (sp?) and once again, I think Poise outdid herself with her graphic. Very Cool, Sistah!



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RE: Damn, we are all dying... - 8/21/2011 6:16:47 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		I am sorry to read about the pain many have felt after losses. I am glad to not be the only one who thinks about such things though.

I am still trying to figure out what this is trying to tell me, patience is not my biggest virtue, but I have no choice. I really love the "we are all living until we are not" thing Nueva said.

Like Imus, the 25th birthday is the only one that has ever bothered me. I cried all day and my ex consoled me. It was the day my son was conceived-lol. Now it seems silly, but, I hope in 25 years, this I am going through now will seem silly to me also!


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RE: Damn, we are all dying... - 8/21/2011 6:34:23 AM   
Kaliko


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Status: offline 		We all face those feelings at some time or another, I think. It's good that you're thinking about things in a different perspective. Maybe it's a signal of good things to come (through your own doing).

I still am often not really aware of my ever-increasing age. I will stop myself and thing "Woah...I'm 38!" In my head, I'm still 21 and have yet to figure out what to do with my life.

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RE: Damn, we are all dying... - 8/21/2011 6:42:20 AM   
angelikaJ


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

We all face those feelings at some time or another, I think. It's good that you're thinking about things in a different perspective. Maybe it's a signal of good things to come (through your own doing).

I still am often not really aware of my ever-increasing age. I will stop myself and thing "Woah...I'm 38!" In my head, I'm still 21 and have yet to figure out what to do with my life.


I am glad to know I am not the only one. Time is so incongruous for me.

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RE: Damn, we are all dying... - 8/21/2011 6:59:29 AM   
myotherself


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From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I lost my father last week. I, along with my mother and sister, nursed him for his final week and I was with him at the end, when he took his last breath.

It made me think really hard about life, love and what it means to actually be alive.

I have decided that life is far too important and precious for me to waste it by hurrying myself into my grave. Master has had a similar epiphany recently, and together we are sorting out our lives and our health so that we can be together longer.

Death is a very natural thing and I've lost some of my fear of it, but I'd like to put if off for as long as possible, thankyouverymuch

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RE: Damn, we are all dying... - 8/21/2011 7:11:33 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		So sorry for your loss bunny. Been there, got the t-shirt. ((((Hugs)))))

quote:

We all face those feelings at some time or another, I think. It's good that you're thinking about things in a different perspective. Maybe it's a signal of good things to come (through your own doing).

I still am often not really aware of my ever-increasing age. I will stop myself and thing "Woah...I'm 38!" In my head, I'm still 21 and have yet to figure out what to do with my life.


I feel ya there. I think that is part of what got me to thinking. The number 50 just does not compute, I don't even feel like a grown up yet!

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RE: Damn, we are all dying... - 8/21/2011 7:24:20 AM   
Louve00


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Status: offline 		Just make sure your life counts, make sure you leave your mark, make peace with your "source" and all will be ok....

http://www.thedashmovie.com/


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RE: Damn, we are all dying... - 8/21/2011 7:36:52 AM   
Charnegui


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From: Puzzled
Status: offline 		My deepest sympathy for your loss Ron...

Well, I'm halfway I suppose and I do not think much about dying. I only know I am going to one day.
I only wish it will be without a lot of trouble.

But then, I still have another 45 years to go


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RE: Damn, we are all dying... - 8/21/2011 8:14:21 AM   
LinnaeaBorealis


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Status: offline 		My hardest birthday was 29. Have no clue why. I kept trying to die before I turned 35 & nearly succeeded a few times. Then there was that nearly dying in a split second that really drove it home that life really can be too short!! I don't live like I'm dying; I live like there is a finite amount of life to be lived. There are so many things that I want to know & do before I die. I've tried to make my life count. I've tried to experience as much as I can.

A few years ago, I was driving truck through Bum-Fuck, Nowhere & thinking. I began to worry that I didn't have enough life left to do & learn all the things that I want to. I also would get these feelings that the world had changed so much that I'd possibly lived way too long. LOL

Now I'm 65 & I've gone through some medical things this year that made me question who I was & how would I be able to live the rest of my life. I just kept fighting & finding another reason for the issues & it seems that an answer has been found. And I'm going to go out & do whatever I can to continue to enjoy this life I've been given. I'm not afraid of dying anymore, although it used to terrify me. But when I think about it I realize just how great a life I've had, how very blessed I've been.

So I can identify with what you're going through, JAS, I think. Because I really don't want to live til I'm extremely old. Therefore, I believe that at best I maybe have another 10-15 years left. The last 65 years whizzed by so quickly that I look ahead & see such a short time left. I hate wasting it!!

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RE: Damn, we are all dying... - 8/21/2011 8:41:38 AM   
zephyroftheNorth


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Status: offline 		I take the view that we are all LIVING. I can't imagine seeing myself as dying just because I'm a little older. Sure we all end up dead but before that happens why live your (general) life with such a negative outlook. It seems like a colossal waste of time. I like getting older it means I'm still alive - easier proof than trying to find my pulse sometimes.

#7

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RE: Damn, we are all dying... - 8/21/2011 8:46:28 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		Perhaps I should have said "we are all going to die". I don't have a negative attitude, I have just had some thoughts coming up lately that are new, and was wondering if I was alone in having them.



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