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RE: outside BDSM - 8/8/2011 3:24:30 PM

DrElectro

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yeah you are all right I will work upto it slowly, ts difficult though because she blushes when I talk to her and when she blushes she looks wildly cute and I can only think of doing deeply perverted things to her hohum we shall see how it goes.

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RE: outside BDSM - 8/8/2011 3:31:26 PM

CrazyCats

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

Its a 4 step process
1. date a while
2. fuck a while
3. be kinky a while
4. own the bitch

Way better than the twelve step plan! That needs to be a sig somewhere...

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RE: outside BDSM - 8/8/2011 4:49:48 PM

subbingforyou

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First, you have to decide how important your fetish is to you -- can you be in a relationship without it?

Second, most women -- especially if you encounter them in a vanilla setting -- aren't interesting in exchanged details about yours and their fetishes quickly.

How soon you bring it up will partly depend on the first point. But sure -- some women won't share your fetish, and you will turn off a lot of women if you bring it up too soon.

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RE: outside BDSM - 8/8/2011 4:58:48 PM

poise

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DrElectro

yeah you are all right I will work upto it slowly, ts difficult though because she blushes when I talk
to her and when she blushes she looks wildly cute and I can only think of doing deeply perverted
things to her hohum we shall see how it goes.

I can only think of doing deeply perverted things to her hohum.
I can only think of doing deeply perverted things to her. Hohum, we shall see how it goes.

A great yet amusing reason why punctuation is sometimes necessary.

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RE: outside BDSM - 8/8/2011 6:22:37 PM

sunshinemiss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdminXi

Here is a novel idea......Stay on topic

VideoAdminXi

... 000oooo... Sarcasm.

To the OP:
Love is not something you can order up (nor is revenge - cold or hot, but I digress as I am often wont to do ... I just like using words like "wont" and giggling at the difference a lil ole apostrophe makes.

).

I've not read your profile, but if the other folks are correct, and I've no reason to disbelieve them, it sure doesn't sound like you are actually looking to fall in love. You want to break someone's heart, you want them to think of you as Satan, you are completely unbending. What on this green earth do you offer? Why would a woman WANT to be around you let alone get jiggy wid it?

Perhaps you are sabotaging yourself?
Lady MacSunshine

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RE: outside BDSM - 8/8/2011 7:01:36 PM

HannahLynHeather

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quote:

I've not read your profile, but if the other folks are correct, and I've no reason to disbelieve them, it sure doesn't sound like you are actually looking to fall in love. You want to break someone's heart, you want them to think of you as Satan, you are completely unbending. What on this green earth do you offer? Why would a woman WANT to be around you let alone get jiggy wid it?

psssst. sunny, that wasn't the op they were talking about. it was poster #2.

< Message edited by HannahLynHeather -- 8/8/2011 7:02:51 PM >

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RE: outside BDSM - 8/8/2011 9:40:40 PM

sunshinemiss

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oh. Woopsie! Ah well... I call a do over!

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RE: outside BDSM - 8/8/2011 9:50:34 PM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

oh. Woopsie! Ah well... I call a do over!

You might find some Sunny quotes in that profile if you would start doing the "Sunny most absurd quote" thread...

Just saying...

To the OP, get to KNOW her, when people fall for each other they are quite open to consider something new, don't rush her into it, give her ideas and let her ponder it and respect her limits, somebody who'll trust you will be much more open to exploring, she still might not like it or even hate the idea, but worth a shot.

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RE: outside BDSM - 8/9/2011 4:15:08 AM

Tristan

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While in the grocery store a few months ago, I saw an article in Cosmopolitan that said 64% of women want some form of power exchange at least in the bedroom. It sounded like most were interested in being spanked, but some were also interested in doing the spanking. The article went on to give advice on how women could ask their b/fs for a spanking without them sounding perverted or something like that. I did not have time to read the entire article.

In my limited experience, I have dated several vanilla submissive women who I had just randomly met in various ways. In each case, the D/s developed after several dates and love making. I'm not conscientiously aware of what attracted me to them or them to me. Maybe our personalities just clicked or maybe we were picking up on some subconscious cues.

I've wondered when the best time to bring up D/s in a relationship. I think it's best to give some indication of your interest in D/s early in the relationship so that you and your potential partner do not get too emotionally involved if there is no mutual interest in D/s. However, I think you also have to be careful about saying too much too soon. Often, as others have said, a mutual D/s interest develops, but saying too much too soon or saying it in the wrong way can scare off a potential date.

My ex used to have a pair of handcuffs on her refrigerator door. She said they were a Halloween prop, but they let me know her interests. I thought that was a perfect way to let me know of her interest right from the start. However, I suppose that if I was not into D/s, I might have missed the cue. It worked because the handcuffs confirmed other impressions I had of her.

What other ways have you let potential partners know of your D/s interests early in the relationship? If using a vanilla dating site, do you mention anything related to D/s? If you do, what do you say, and what are your experiences with finding dates that way?

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RE: outside BDSM - 8/9/2011 4:32:49 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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Nice post, Tristan.

I think it's fairly easy to tell how open people are by flirting around with them a bit. At some point you say: "Oops, I got that wrong ! I think I need a spanking!" and look for their reaction, especially body language.

It's not hard to tell those who would like to be the spanker or the spankee, and to weed out the shocked prudes who are not open to new experiences.

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RE: outside BDSM - 8/9/2011 4:50:38 AM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tristan

While in the grocery store a few months ago, I saw an article in Cosmopolitan that said 64% of women want some form of power exchange at least in the bedroom. It sounded like most were interested in being spanked, but some were also interested in doing the spanking. The article went on to give advice on how women could ask their b/fs for a spanking without them sounding perverted or something like that. I did not have time to read the entire article.

Unless Cosmopolitan has changed their track completely, I seriously wouldn't put much value on their "relationship based" articles, when they had a massive drop in circulation, they decided a slightly different approach, so it was celebrating curves and writing articles that men prefer women with curves (they realized making the readers feel inadequate and horrible about themselves - not successful enough, thin enough, rich enough, adventurous enough in bed, not juggling a super career and being super mom and super lover, etc. - was harming their circulation), so you had a few issues where they attempted to make women feel better about their bodies not being like catwalk models, while the cover and the photo spreads featured super skinny models...

As to the rest, yes I think you can pick up clues and give clues, I sometimes wonder how clumsy guys are, go window shopping with her (which will also make you quite popular) and then stop at a shoe shop, point out some shoes that have a slightly fetish look or boots and say you'd think they'd suit her and wait for the reaction, if she shows interest, you can always jokingly say "They'd even look better with a tight leather skirt and a pair of handcuffs!", in case she's shocked, you pretend it was a joke and you don't let the relationship go further...

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RE: outside BDSM - 8/9/2011 5:12:01 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

As to the rest, yes I think you can pick up clues and give clues, I sometimes wonder how clumsy guys are, go window shopping with her (which will also make you quite popular) and then stop at a shoe shop, point out some shoes that have a slightly fetish look or boots and say you'd think they'd suit her and wait for the reaction, if she shows interest, you can always jokingly say "They'd even look better with a tight leather skirt and a pair of handcuffs!", in case she's shocked, you pretend it was a joke and you don't let the relationship go further...

Great idea ! Although you might want to hang on a few weeks, even if she is shocked. My first dom rattled a set of handcuffs at me, and I ran scared. I remember thinking: "I could *never* get into whips and chains and all that!"

Let's just say the "shock" didn't last that long.

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RE: outside BDSM - 8/9/2011 8:22:22 AM

DrElectro

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Well today i spoke to her again and asked her if she would like to cometo lunch and she said yes, I was a good boy, didn't mention the size of my penis or making her beg for mercy ;-) I knew you would be proud of me.

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RE: outside BDSM - 8/9/2011 10:32:55 AM

kalikshama

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Good luck!

Putting a few lines about BDSM in my OKCupid profile has worked out very well for me.

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RE: outside BDSM - 8/9/2011 2:20:05 PM

LanceHughes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DrElectro
Well today i spoke to her again and asked her if she would like to cometo lunch and she said yes, I was a good boy, didn't mention the size of my penis or making her beg for mercy ;-) I knew you would be proud of me.

YEE HAW! Keep us informed. Maybe, just maybe, when people ask the same question in your OP (as they often do) we can have them come here for a lesson. Damn! That sounded WAY sarcastic and is NOT meant to be.

ETA: So, what DID you talk about?

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 8/9/2011 2:22:43 PM >

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RE: outside BDSM - 8/10/2011 7:15:31 AM

DrElectro

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I am not sure what we talked about, I burbled, she smiled.

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RE: outside BDSM - 8/10/2011 8:01:52 AM

littlewonder

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so you had a nice old fashioned date.

Good for you!

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RE: outside BDSM - 8/10/2011 8:09:13 AM

Iamsemisweet

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When I first started dating my vanilla man, I wondered this too. And finally I just flat out told him what my interests were. He was talking about how I probably liked it all gentle, and that gave me an opening to say "well, not exactly.". He has not exactly dove into this with enthusiasm, but he has definitely put his toe in the water, and we are continuing to experiment. I found it was a hard thing to talk about, but it was worth it.
So, is she worth you sticking your neck out?

< Message edited by Iamsemisweet -- 8/10/2011 8:11:09 AM >

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RE: outside BDSM - 8/10/2011 5:50:55 PM

Tristan

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quote:

Putting a few lines about BDSM in my OKCupid profile has worked out very well for me.

kalikshama, what specifically did you post?

I've tried variations of "I'm looking for someone who is honest, open, and passionate about life to explore everything from the erotic (I tend to be slightly dominant in the bedroom) to the nature of the universe." in a vanilla profile. While I haven't tried this long enough to get any dates, I found that I have gotten emails and responses to emails. Is this too much too soon? I don't yet know.

I am also not sure if I am scaring away potential dates who would be interested in the lifestyle. I experiment with the wording from time to time to see what works.

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RE: outside BDSM - 8/17/2011 1:03:19 PM

kalikshama

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I put "I like alpha men who are assertive in the bedroom but willing to negotiate outside of it. If you are dominant and know what SSC and RACK mean, drop me a line."

I was exclusively looking for kinky guys; you might not want to be so blunt. My new guy wrote and said:

"[snip]
P.S. (Safe, Sane, Consensual. and Risk-Aware Consensual Kink) my kinda girl!"

We had our first date 11 days later and have been having a fabulous time ever since :)

Back to the profile, tips for women:

As I was only looking for men close to my age I found the need to add this "18-35 year olds looking for kink will have more luck here: http://www.boston-tng.org/" which seems to have worked.

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