quote:

ORIGINAL: Invictus754
What if your mate THINKS about fucking someone else, but doesn't tell you? Did he cheat?  What if he fantasizes about someone else during the act and doesn't tell you?  Did he cross an emotional line and should be horse-whipped for even considering that you are not the supreme end-all significant other?  [/quote
All of my partners are allowed to do whatever they want, with whoever they want, whenever they want.  So, that's all been covered on the basic foundation stuff.

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So if the guy TELLS his girlfriend, "hey, I love you, but I'm gonna fuck this woman who has the hots for me" you are saying that even if she doesn't want him to do so, is it ok now anyway, because he communicated his intentions - and only LYING about fucking is cheating?

Lying is cheating.  Doesn't matter what they are lying about.  It's breaking a commitment to the other person.

If they have an agreement in their relationship that he can fuck someone, even if she doesn't like it, then it's acceptable.  Everyone knows the score.

If they have an agreement in their relationship that he can fuck someone ONLY if she is happy with it, then it's not acceptable.  He's breaking his commitment to her.

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what if suddenly one of them decides that you shouldn't fuck someone?  Should he tell you, or because he knows 'exactly who you (are), that (you) will fuck someone if (you) feel like it' should he just keep quiet? 

My partners will tell me if they feel someone isn't good for me.  And they accept my choice to do what I feel is best.  They have the choice to stay with me or leave.

The important point is that we're all honest about it and give eachother the freedom to choose.

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 And if he voices his concern...who wins...you or him? 

We both win- because we're both being honest and true to ourselves.  In getting involved with me, they accepted that I would fuck who I wanted.  If that becomes a problem for them down the road, we will re-evaluate the situation as to whether it's still right for them. 

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And why shouldn't the OP's guy have the same ability to fuck who he wants?  What is so wrong with having a fling and then going back - is he now Beelzebub incarnate, minion of hell who only sucks her life dry because he put his dick in someone else, or is he just her boyfriend who is basically the same guy as the day before who got a little strange - which shouldn't be a life altering catastrophe laden event?  (I vote for scene #2)

He can fuck anyone he wants to fuck.

But it's completely lacking in stability, honor, security, commitment and respect to the other person to not be fully open and honest about it.

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 You guys are spitting nails on this still-yet-to-be-committed-adultery and this transgression should be treated like jaywalking - yeah, it's against the law but everyone does it and it shouldn't be the death sentence to the relationship.

Jaywalking- yet another completely false analogy in your long string.

No, not everybody does it.  I don't do it.  My partners don't do it.

We entered this relationship knowing what the playing field is.  If someone doesn't like the playing field, they leave the field.  Love means not making another person compromise their sense of self, love means respecting someone enough to let them seek their true happiness- even if that means it's not with you.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Invictus754)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Invictus754

I guess I shouldn't have gone to sleep last night...
 
I find it interesting that this went from cheating, to lying about cheating to cybering ... and all were intolerable forms of behavior.  What if your mate THINKS about fucking someone else, but doesn't tell you? Did he cheat?  What if he fantasizes about someone else during the act and doesn't tell you?  Did he cross an emotional line and should be horse-whipped for even considering that you are not the supreme end-all significant other?

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And Lucky...you bragged about your moresum relationship

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I am a whore.  I am an active slut.  I have long term relationships with three people right now, all of whom know eachother.  In fact, I'm in the process of moving to live with TWO of my partners together, where I will be fucking both of them quite regularly.  I also fuck other people randomly at events and on dates for pure pleasure.

Nothing justifies lying to your partner and breaking a commitment.  You want to fuck who you want to fuck, go for it.  But don't lie to the other person.  My partners know exactly who I am, that I will fuck someone if I feel like it.  We have a solid relationship.

what if suddenly one of them decides that you shouldn't fuck someone?  Should he tell you, or because he knows 'exactly who you (are), that (you) will fuck someone if (you) feel like it' should he just keep quiet?  And if he voices his concern...who wins...you or him?  And why shouldn't the OP's guy have the same ability to fuck who he wants?  What is so wrong with having a fling and then going back - is he now Beelzebub incarnate, minion of hell who only sucks her life dry because he put his dick in someone else, or is he just her boyfriend who is basically the same guy as the day before who got a little strange - which shouldn't be a life altering catastrophe laden event?  (I vote for scene #2)

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Every situation has so many angles, so many nuances of relationship history, personal backgrounds, and power struggles that NO advice we can give to someone asking this question is going to be sound advice and all the caveats we have to include would almost sound like an ad on TV after pitching medicine: this advice may cause diarrhea, nausea, abdominal pain, dizziness or headache (if she clips you with the rolling pin after she finds out you fucked her rival after she told you "no").

I'd like to point out that so far, no one had mentioned the fact that I brought up: What if he gets the offer, and says, 'NO'?  Is he an 'almost-cheater' to be shunned forever for letting her into his bedroom without a chaperone?   You guys are spitting nails on this still-yet-to-be-committed-adultery and this transgression should be treated like jaywalking - yeah, it's against the law but everyone does it and it shouldn't be the death sentence to the relationship.

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This is a response to the thread...not to any one person in particular.

I'm a bit surprised at a lot of the responses here. The OP is who we are trying to answer here right?

LA can attest that she and I don't often see eye to eye on many subjects, but I believe her original advice to the OP was sound. I know she pointed it out but I am not sure how many followed the link to the other thread that the OP has currently on the boards....so just to make you all aware she has another thread where she is asking if she should continue sleeping with her ex even though he has found a new partner.

I think it's fairly evident in her words that we are dealing with an 18 year old OP who lacks the maturity to make decisions based upon what is right for HER in regards to sex and intimacy. Now that may be an "out of control hormonal issue", or that may be that she is so starved for love and affection that she is willing to accept any crumb that is offered her because it fills her immediate need and she is not looking at what would fulfill her in the long term.

If the OP was YOUR 18 YR OLD DAUGHTER I wonder how many of you would be advocating her to go get her nut wherever and whenever she can.....or would you be trying to send her a message that she is worth more than allowing herself to be used simply as some testosterone laden men's fuck hole who don't give a shit about her beyond the orifice she can provide? 

edited to add that I think the fact that she is coming on a message board to ask who she should sleep with is a fairly clear indicator that she lacks the maturity to make such decisions.

mistoferin

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ORIGINAL: candystripper

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...but...is fucking online cheating?  I met a Dom who told me to get on my knees and suck him right there.  I really want to... but... is it cheating if it's online?  If I do fuck him online, can I still say I'm a virgin?  What if I only suck him online?  Is that okay?  Am I cheating if I only suck him online???

Okay... I've been reading too much online crap.  Sorry; my sense of humor has been warped today.  I'll be better after I sleep.  I promise.  <wanders off giggling>

Bearlee

IMHO, yes, cybering is a form of cheating.  Particularly in a cyber-buddy relationship, where emotionality becomes entangled.  There is no doubt the cyber-cheater is draining time, energy, sexual interest, and emotional availabity in this fashion.  Also, IMHO, the cyber-cheater is s'times working up the nerve for the real deal; whether with His/her cyber-buddy or with A/another.
 
i rarely cyber; i find once a Man's aroused the first time, the convos everafter are sexual in nature, and no further information is forthcoming.  in my vanilla life, i had a cyber-buddy with whom i had a very intense, nightly chat and then discovered he was living with a woman.  For various reasons, this woman seemed to be his girlfriend, rather than just a roommate.  i was upset when i found out -- with him, with myself -- and ended our contact pronto.
 
This is by no means a condemnation of cyber altogether.  It can be loads of fun, and can keep P/pl who are separated by distance or who are both unattached quite amused.  i consider myself a very accomplished cyber-er.  i also consider myself the Best BJ Giver East of the Mississippi, but i don't give bjs to all comers.
 
candystripper