Seeking Tips for play

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newsubmissive83 -> Seeking Tips for play (7/15/2011 9:45:23 AM)
Hello ladies (and gents), I have read several of the threads in this forum and honestly I'm slightly worried that I will get eaten alive for what I am asking for. ;) First I will give you a little bit of background on me. As you can see from my username I am (fairly) new to being a sub. I have always found myself to be the "dom" (without knowing it or owning it) in my previous relationships. Once I discovered more about the lifestyle I realized that I NEEDED a Dom. I had searched for one for a while and I have found an amazing Dominant. I am Owned, and we have recently moved on to a 24/7 aspect as we now live together. Thankfully He knows and understands that I do have a Dominant side to me as well, lol, He is fine with this as long as I continue to serve Him properly. He has also granted me permission to find a sub of my own. Now I know that some people may not agree with that (as I have gotten some nasty messages on the topic) but honestly that is neither here nor there. If this is what works for us then I feel that there is nothing wrong with that. I tried serving a Mistress for online play, but it didn't work out very well, yes I admit I was a bad sub for her. But it's because my heart wasn't it in. What I was really looking for were tips, advice, pointers on "assignments" since even though I have the personality to be a Domme I don't have enough experience in activities that I could have a sub do for me. Now I realize that it's all up to individual Dom/Dommes, but I also have little experience with on-line play because when I was searching for a Dom I purposefully searched for those that were accessible in real life. I did complete tasks for them and email about them but I also MET with them for assignments. So what I am asking for, is for You to share with me things that You have your subs or prospective subs do for You, both online and in real time. My plan is to start with online tasks/assignments and work my way up to real time as I get more comfortable with the tasks. I also want to point out that I understand I will not adopt all of the things You choose to share with me, some I may also tweak to fit my needs, some I may absolutely LOVE, and some I may not like at all. I promise not to judge because I believe in the philosophy of "to each his own" (or her [;)] ). But I would really appreciate any tips you could give me. Thank you, D

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Seeking Tips for play (7/15/2011 10:23:31 AM)
Okay, I'm going to be really helpful here: What you will enjoy doing to/with your new sub will depend on what you like. Which means you have to give some thought to that. Do you fantasize about being in the dominant role? What do you fantasize about? I am not necessarily speaking of a sexual fantasy. Here's one of mine: I'm in a scenic and scent filled garden, lolling in the shade, sipping an ice cold beverage especially prepared for me. Music plays gently in the background, and a number of (hey, it's a FANTASY, okay?) hunky males are attending to my every need. One is massaging my feet, another is brushing my hair, a third is lightly fanning the air around me Their total attention is on me and fulfilling my slightest whim. If you can't take this beginning fantasy and run with it, you need a lot more practice fantasizing about what you want !! Once you've got some good fantasies down, think of ways to turn them (the ones you can at least) into reality. It's not that hard. During the meantime I would be taking major steps at becoming technically adept at things like bondage and impact play. When you don't know what you are doing, you can seriously injure (like have to go to hospital injure) someone without meaning to. As far as online or in person tasks, I am not especially task oriented. Everything I ask a sub to do has a reason behind it. I may not share that with them, but I have an overall agenda and I am working toward it. Best, Chatte

Giermo -> RE: Seeking Tips for play (7/15/2011 10:30:11 AM)
I agree with Chatte. A part of experiencing the Dom/Domme role is being able to assume creativity by accessing your imagination and fantasies. If there was a manual for all the sorts of things one would be able to do, then you would be taking away from the experience or at least that is something I find to be true.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Seeking Tips for play (7/15/2011 10:49:47 AM)
Your own imagination is your best tool. Have a nice beverage, sit back and think about what you would like to do--OR have done to you! It is extra fun to live out my own fantasies on someone else's body [;)] I hate to be all airy-fairy with the "it's a journey" line, but it really is. I do things now that I never even thought of twenty years ago, and in another twenty, who knows? Explore your own mind, and have fun!

LadyPact -> RE: Seeking Tips for play (7/15/2011 11:09:08 AM)
I agree with the above. You need to tap into your own imagination or what you're attempting to do isn't going to be fulfilling to you. It's just rehashing what somebody else wanted to do.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Seeking Tips for play (7/15/2011 11:15:15 AM)
What turns you on about your own dominance? (That's a rhetorical question, don't feel that you have to commit the answers to a public forum.) What is it about being in control of someone that gets you hot and bothered? What is it that's driving you - is it when your partner's doing exactly what they're told? Is it when they're exposed or vulnerable? When they're in pain? When they're scared? Restricted? Struggling? Asking you for/to do things? Asking you not to do things? What? Work out what your own 'hey, I'm really enjoying this' triggers are. Work out what your partner's are. And then work out how you need to interact with your partner to trigger them. Anything that's just a list of tasks without any basis in both your own sexualities (which is the best a bunch of strangers on the internet will be able to give you) will be weak and lifeless in comparison. <ed because I thought I'd misread the OP and then realised I hadn't.>

mnottertail -> RE: Seeking Tips for play (7/15/2011 11:17:14 AM)
Why, were you offering tits, then?

DaddyBopper -> RE: Seeking Tips for play (7/15/2011 11:25:12 AM)
Good thread! I need all this advice myself.

Hisprettybaby -> RE: Seeking Tips for play (7/15/2011 11:26:44 AM)
Well, Daddy forgot to sign out of the messages boards again, so sorry. That post was MINE.

newsubmissive83 -> RE: Seeking Tips for play (7/15/2011 2:22:59 PM)
First, Thank You All for the great advice! I do realize that it needs to be what I enjoy, and I've known that all along. I've had some very deep conversations with people about what is standard protocol, and have always argued that there is NO "standard" protocol, because each and every Dom/Domme is unique in their desires. And for me it is just the simplicity of obedience that I enjoy. Telling someone to do something and them doing it, no questions asked, just because I said to do it. And I don't mean like "go jump off a bridge" or "go slam your cock in a door". Even at work, I'm not in management, but I do run a project, when I tell people what to do or how to do it and they just DO IT, I thoroughly enjoy that feeling. And I have been that way in all my previous relationships, I would even dish a form of "punishment" when they didn't obey, without really realizing THAT is what I was doing. Hindsight is always 20/20... I know that it takes a certain about of creativity and I'm not saying that I'm lacking that. I am just looking for a nudge in the right direction. Any ironically just reading the responses I know that I want to have someone paint my toenails in the nude (them not me). ;) I want someone to cook me dinner then clean up while I watch them. I know these are "simple" things which is why I was asking for direction for more in depth activities. VaguelyCurious....I agree that if all I took from this was a list of tasks and asked someone to do them that wouldn't be very fulfilling. And that wasn't my intention at all. I am interested in seeing what other people enjoy so that if it appeals to me I can tweak it to meet my own desires. Perhaps I'm trying to cheat, so to speak, because I'm asking people to share what they enjoy so that I know WHAT to try instead of figuring it out all on my own. But I just thought it would be a way to help me learn more about my own wants/needs/desires that have laid dormant for so long.

MissImmortalPain -> RE: Seeking Tips for play (7/15/2011 2:49:28 PM)
Online like long distance is always a bit different then the real world. And though I normally agree with what is said ahead of me in posts on this one I have to add a few thoughts. Online as I said is not like irl so you first have to start with knowing where the online realationship will end up. Is this play intended just as play or is it in the hopes of at some point living with this person. If it is just play (cyber) for the sake of play then fantasy is great. If you are trying to get a person to better understand you as a domme and have them learn before they enter your world irl then I suggest not going that way. My best loved pet and I met online. Not on an adult site but a normal old boring chat room. We spoke for years before the topic of bdsm ever came up. When he was so brave as to ask about being part of my life outside of chat he had to learn a different set of rules then the we are just chat friends stuff. He laughed awhile a go when I read him this topic then whispered the words "I want roses" to him. Back when he lived a few states away from me I told him that and he quickly went out, found roses, and asked a bystander to take a picture of him with the flowers that he then sent to me. I at a different time told him (while trying to quit smoking) that I would kill for a cig. He said nothing about it at the time, but two days later when I checked the mail he had mailed me one cig, horridly mangled at that point, and his favorite book. He learned quickly that it was a good idea to call me every night so we could talk about how our day went and to tell me goodnight. It reminded me that I was in his thoughts and made sure that I stayed in them. I hope you can see where I am going with this. There are a myriad of different ways you can teach a person both online and irl. Now with that in mind I do suggest you take the advice of tailoring whatever you have the person do so that it suits your needs and desires. Good luck.

Hisprettybaby -> RE: Seeking Tips for play (7/15/2011 4:21:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: newsubmissive83 I know that I want to have someone paint my toenails in the nude (them not me). ;) I want someone to cook me dinner then clean up while I watch them. Funny, those two are on my list too. lol And knowing that when I tell someone to do something, he/she will just say "Yes Ma'am" and DO it. ~Hisprettybaby~

DarkSteven -> RE: Seeking Tips for play (7/15/2011 5:19:48 PM)
I'd advise you against your plan to do OL first. That way you will have to learn this stuff twice. I suggest determining whether you want a man or woman, and make sure that your master gets to meet him or her and approves. good luck and have fun!

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Seeking Tips for play (7/15/2011 5:32:19 PM)
Speaking from the point of view of MANY years of experience....wanting someone to cook your dinner and clean up? Awesome and pervasive fantasy, and one few experience, b/c they do not have the cojones to ask for it and see it carried out. So I am going to say: if you want it, demand it. And don't for a second take no for an answer. If a male balks, move on. There are plenty more. I am 57 years old and I can have intelligence, education, great body, youth, etc, etc. There are so few females who can articulate what they really want -- you really can have it all. Just spend some time thinking of what that is.Then move forward.

MMasterMM -> RE: Seeking Tips for play (7/15/2011 6:01:03 PM)
quote: So what I am asking for, is for You to share with me things that You have your subs or prospective subs do for You, both online and in real time. My plan is to start with online tasks/assignments and work my way up to real time as I get more comfortable with the tasks. I also want to point out that I understand I will not adopt all of the things You choose to share with me, some I may also tweak to fit my needs, some I may absolutely LOVE, and some I may not like at all. I promise not to judge because I believe in the philosophy of "to each his own" (or her ). But I would really appreciate any tips you could give me. Thank you, D quote: ORIGINAL: newsubmissive83 Make a list of vanilla chores(yours) what can they help with...(they love to serve and please, 'remember???') then of coarse there is the 'lifestyle' activities there are mental tasks and, 'direct stimuli' try these for more ideas http://www.hardsextube.com/?search=Rain+Degrey&submit=Search http://xhamster.com/search.php?q=hardcore+sex+slave&qcat=video -careful what you wish MMM

Cloudz -> RE: Seeking Tips for play (7/16/2011 7:46:16 AM)
Hello, I have been off for a long while, though I do browse occasionally. I found ChatteParfaitt's advice to be excellent. As a Mistress we sometimes expect the man to read our minds...just like we tend to do in vanilla. The fact is your submissve needs you to tell him/her what you want done..so they can go and do it. I have all my meals cooked, all shopping done, all clean up done. I am going to have a shower and a massage after I finish this post. If I want for something, I ask. He finds joy in the service, and hopefully I offer some kind of substance in return as nothing is totally one sided...at least for long. Do not make this too difficult. There is no need for large dramatic displays. Just get your toenails painted, and as you enjoy that experience you may think of something else you want. Start with the small stuff. Be well.

PeonForHer -> RE: Seeking Tips for play (7/16/2011 9:17:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: newsubmissive83 First, Thank You All for the great advice! I do realize that it needs to be what I enjoy, and I've known that all along. Good. I'm always edgy about new (- ish) dominants getting that bit. It's ever so slightly crucial. That is to say: IMO, if you have that right, everything else will eventually follow; if you don't, nothing will. Re VC's post: it looks uncannily like a similar post I did myself once on the same subject. [;)] So, here, I'll just say, '"What VC said". Oh, and I liked the 'painting toenails while naked idea'. Funny - that hit the spot. Good luck!

SthrnCom4t -> RE: Seeking Tips for play (7/16/2011 11:35:07 AM)
Finding those triggers is key. Some submissives are service oriented, some are obedience oriented. OP, in one of your posts, you mentioned you liked telling someone what to do, and having them do it. That would be a good fit to an ' obedience-oriented' submissive. For myself, 70% of the time, I enjoy being served, without having to micro-manage. The 30% of the time I enjoy telling someone what to do, it usually involves a great deal of work/discomfort on their part, because I love playing on that person's 'edge'. I enjoy him/her doing something outside the 'comfort zone', so to speak. I also admit to 'a few' Sadistic tendencies. :) Much fun can be had online these days, with our current telecommunication options. Having your submissive go shopping, while trying on sexy clothing and sending you photos is just one. Having the manly man, sit in a mall cafeteria and paint his fingernails pink, then ask a stranger to take his pick could be another. After a decade of experience, I have learned that the sweetest connection is when both people involved 'create' the experience together. What I mean, is that I have enjoyed certain activities because of the reaction of my partner. For me, CBT unto itself is not my ultimate game....but boy did I have great fun when I played with a submissive and it was 'his' thing. His 'thing' gave me an open door, and then I got to drive, MY WAY. This is not successful with those who want to top from the bottom. And just to echo Dark Steven's post above because I believe it merits SERIOUS CONSIDERATION; do introduce anyone you connect with to your Owner, sooner rather than later. Even having the best intentions of keeping something 'only play/no emotional attachment', the Universe can ofttimes have other plans. Multiple partners can get complicated rapidly, so even though you didn't ask for this piece of advice, I would just caution you to be aware of potential complications. One more thing...also look for short story fantasy books written from the Domme perspective. These can be very inspirational. I have a favorite which you can see here: http://www.amazon.com/Shes-Top-Stories-Dominance-Submission/dp/15734426 If looking for reading material, try to determine from which perspective the book is written. For me, when written from the sub perspective, it doesn't work for me.

newsubmissive83 -> RE: Seeking Tips for play (7/17/2011 6:04:38 AM)
Wow! Thank you all again! SthrnCom4t....the amazon link did not work, can you tell me the name of the book/author? I love reading so I think that will be a great tool for me. If you have any other recommendations I would love to here them! Thanks again, D

shallowdeep -> RE: Seeking Tips for play (7/17/2011 12:12:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: newsubmissive83 SthrnCom4t....the amazon link did not work, can you tell me the name of the book/author? I think this page on Amazon was likely the intended link. The book is entitled She's on Top: Erotic Stories of Female Dominance and Male Submission. It's a collection from various authors edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel.

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