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Play Partners - 7/6/2011 4:46:11 PM   
SashaSteel


Posts: 33
Joined: 4/24/2011
Status: offline 		I am asked a lot if I am looking for a ltr OR if I'm looking for an occasional play partner. Now being asked by mostly men (even though I am bi - it's mostly the menfolk asking) I always ask them what they mean by "play partner". Funny enough 99.9% includes some kind of intercourse or sexual involvement. So .. in otherwords .. "a fuck buddy". (though I am aware some do not want sex ... rare is the unicorn)

So my question is, well actually I have a few ... (go figure)
1. Does a play partner/fuck buddy mean there are nsa .. and you can have play partners with anyone at any time without explanation to other play partners or fuck buddies?

2. Do people get std tested when they have numerous people they are playing with ... (assuming they are becuase it already has been established that it is not a monogamous situation.) And do people actually go to the doctor, pay the money, wait the testing time in between the test and the results, to go back and forth between partners- and then that partner is fucking so and so, and then so and so is getting tested and waiting a week for results, waiting on the results to fuck so and so .. but then they want to fuck so and so but can't because they have to go to the doctors to get tested and wait on new results again ... I don't understand how this works.

3. When you enter into a play partner or fuck buddy relationship do you tell the person that they are just a "throw-a-way" because if Mr. or Mrs. right comes along, then that person already knows that they are discardable?

I mean I know people have commitment phobias but I'm seeing some problems here ....

Sincerely,
Sasha

< Message edited by SashaSteel -- 7/6/2011 4:48:00 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Play Partners - 7/6/2011 5:25:25 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		From my perspective as someone who had play partners last year but is now looking for a LTR:

quote:

ORIGINAL: SashaSteel

I am asked a lot if I am looking for a ltr OR if I'm looking for an occasional play partner. Now being asked by mostly men (even though I am bi - it's mostly the menfolk asking) I always ask them what they mean by "play partner". Funny enough 99.9% includes some kind of intercourse or sexual involvement. So .. in otherwords .. "a fuck buddy". (though I am aware some do not want sex ... rare is the unicorn)

So my question is, well actually I have a few ... (go figure)
1. Does a play partner/fuck buddy mean there are nsa .. and you can have play partners with anyone at any time without explanation to other play partners or fuck buddies?

That is my understanding, although play partners have not viewed favorably bruises left by other men.

quote:

2. Do people get std tested when they have numerous people they are playing with ... (assuming they are becuase it already has been established that it is not a monogamous situation.) And do people actually go to the doctor, pay the money, wait the testing time in between the test and the results, to go back and forth between partners- and then that partner is fucking so and so, and then so and so is getting tested and waiting a week for results, waiting on the results to fuck so and so .. but then they want to fuck so and so but can't because they have to go to the doctors to get tested and wait on new results again ... I don't understand how this works.

I get tested as part of my annual GYN exam and use condoms.

quote:

3. When you enter into a play partner or fuck buddy relationship do you tell the person that they are just a "throw-a-way" because if Mr. or Mrs. right comes along, then that person already knows that they are discardable?

We understood that we were Mr/Ms Right Now. No hard feelings.


(in reply to SashaSteel)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Play Partners - 7/6/2011 5:33:25 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		You seemed bemused by men interested in casual sex but don't appear to be doing anything to discourage it. For example, were you really surprised that replying "Awesome" to "I won't choke you but i will tie and fuck you" led to an invitation?

I'm going to reiterate what I said on your other thread: http://www.collarchat.com/m_3748365/mpage_2/tm.htm#

Your posts here give me the impressions of an intelligent and articulate woman. If you want to attract less HNGish men, I suggest you add vanilla stuff to your profile and pictures. It won't stop all the HNGs, but you might be able to up the quality of responses. There's currently nothing to indicate that you are interested in anything but sex. (Not that there's anything wrong with it, but your various questions indicate a sense of bemusement.)

(in reply to SashaSteel)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Play Partners - 7/6/2011 5:41:59 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SashaSteel
So my question is, well actually I have a few ... (go figure)
1. Does a play partner/fuck buddy mean there are nsa .. and you can have play partners with anyone at any time without explanation to other play partners or fuck buddies?

Any time you see Me use the term "play partner" I am referring to S/m play.  I do engage in casual BDSM play.  I do not engage in casual sex.

In My opinion, since it is *not* a sexual relationship and it is on a casual basis only, I don't see the need to inform people that I play with at one munch that I will be playing with someone else at the next month.  There isn't anyone that I've played with in darn near a decade that hasn't been aware of the fact that I do play with multiple people.  They would seriously have to have their head in the sand.

quote:

2. Do people get std tested when they have numerous people they are playing with ... (assuming they are becuase it already has been established that it is not a monogamous situation.) And do people actually go to the doctor, pay the money, wait the testing time in between the test and the results, to go back and forth between partners- and then that partner is fucking so and so, and then so and so is getting tested and waiting a week for results, waiting on the results to fuck so and so .. but then they want to fuck so and so but can't because they have to go to the doctors to get tested and wait on new results again ... I don't understand how this works.

I'm actually in what is called a poly-fidelity situation.  There is no casual fucking.  In our particular case, testing is free.

quote:

3. When you enter into a play partner or (I'm pulling the "fuck buddy" bit because it doesn't apply to Me) do you tell the person that they are just a "throw-a-way" because if Mr. or Mrs. right comes along, then that person already knows that they are discardable?

I mean I know people have commitment phobias but I'm seeing some problems here ....

Sincerely,
Sasha

A causal play partner is never going to be on the same relationship status as My husband.  Nor are they on the same level as My submissive.  Sometimes, casual play partners are friends who we both have a common S/m interest that we share.  They like to be flogged, I want to flog them.  Some are folks who happen to be at the same club that I'm at and we both want to play.  Some play partners have been in My life for years at a time, but if we are at the same party and they want to play with someone else, there's no problem.  Same as when I play with different people.

Look at it the same way you would as playing tennis.  If you play tennis with one person, are you obligated to tell them that next week, you are going to play tennis with somebody else?


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SashaSteel)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Play Partners - 7/6/2011 6:16:17 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		i have one play partner/FWB but we haven't really played or acted upon any "benefits" in a while. i'm looking for an LTR, he's married but his wife is a-okay with him playing. we are really good friends and are mutually attracted and it's just something fun. he's the only one i have, and we've been friends for almost 2 years now.
he plays with others besides me so he gets tested more often than i do. testing is absolutely necessary, and if i did find another play partner, i'd get tested more often, too.
there was never really any chance of an LTR there, so we both basically knew what the score was going into it, and that's fine. he's not a "throw away" to me, though -- i would hope to keep him as a friend for the rest of forever, because he's just an all-around great person to know. i can't really imagine being play partners with someone i could just "throw away;" if there's no friendship, i can't imagine there being anything beyond that.

i haven't been to a party/done any casual scenes with people at parties in aeons.


_____________________________

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"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Play Partners - 7/6/2011 6:26:59 PM   
SashaSteel


Posts: 33
Joined: 4/24/2011
Status: offline 		thanks for your responses ... its really helpful. In here and "out in message land" its very different sides of the pond.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Play Partners - 7/6/2011 11:11:22 PM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline
quote:

1. Does a play partner/fuck buddy mean there are nsa .. and you can have play partners with anyone at any time without explanation to other play partners or fuck buddies?
yes. but this applies to me in a relationship as well. i don't do monogamy, i fuck around. however, being a play partner/fuck buddy of mine usually requires a very limited amount of outside play for that partner. i know, not even the slightest bit fair, but too fucking bad. my ass, my rules. no fucking strings on me, some strings on them.

quote:

2. Do people get std tested when they have numerous people they are playing with ... (assuming they are becuase it already has been established that it is not a monogamous situation.) And do people actually go to the doctor, pay the money, wait the testing time in between the test and the results, to go back and forth between partners- and then that partner is fucking so and so, and then so and so is getting tested and waiting a week for results, waiting on the results to fuck so and so .. but then they want to fuck so and so but can't because they have to go to the doctors to get tested and wait on new results again ... I don't understand how this works.
yeah, i get tested pretty regularly, it depends on who i've fucked recently. new partners i like to see their results or go down and get tested together. that doesn't always happen, sometimes i just want to have her then and there. repeat partners get tested ragular even if they are monogamous.

quote:

3. When you enter into a play partner or fuck buddy relationship do you tell the person that they are just a "throw-a-way" because if Mr. or Mrs. right comes along, then that person already knows that they are discardable?
ms fucking right has already come along. they know that from the get go. they don't like it, they can go find another slut to bed. and i'm just as disposable as they are, and in fact more so. nobody new is going to come along and sweep me off my fucking feet, i've already been swept.




_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to SashaSteel)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Play Partners - 7/6/2011 11:40:58 PM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		Op, get off the internet and go to a munch.

I have several casual play partners. Those partners, like Lady Pact described are non sexual casual S/m or BDSM play partners.

There is no sex between me and any of the people involved, there is no genital touching, in fact the main number one rule to follow is my underwear stays on no matter what the play. Most of my play partners are male and have no problem with these restrictions. They play to my comfort level, and make sure its enjoyable for both of us.

I do not tell all partners involved who im playing with unless more then one person is on the play card for the evening. If I have more then one partner for the night i schedule them for this person before this or that. Otherwise the only person who knows everyone i play with is the owner of the house im in service to per our arrangement.

You dont have to accept, anything you dont want to, if casual sex or no strings sex or fucking outside of a relationship... isnt for you dont do it. If its not something you want explain that.

I still get tested regularly because i do involve myself in blood play, as well as needle play and theres always the chance of cross contamination no matter how safe you are.

Lastly anyone I date, (which seems to be a myth in my world) Knows up front who i play with casually, many of the times they meet the majority of the partners, because they are very good close friends of mine. Wither or not He wants or allows me to continue casual play will be negotiated and my friends know and understand that sure playing with me is great but if i need more i deserve to get it.


_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to HannahLynHeather)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Play Partners - 7/6/2011 11:48:47 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I have several people that I play with casually, but like SR it's strictly play, and the genitals remained covered and untouched at all times. I usually play in clubs, which makes that much easier to enforce.

However, I found all of these people in r/l. I've never met ANYONE online who agreed to 'play only' and 'no sex'. They all wanted the sex and the play, which was never on the cards. So munches, clubs and personal recommendations are the way to go if that's what you're looking for.

Sometimes I would have a guy get all snarky when I had bruises from someone else, but I always pointed out that I didn't restrict who they played with, and I wasn't going to restrict who I played with just to please them.

Now that I'm in a relationship, I don't play with anyone but him. So my 'play partners' are now 'friends'. And everyone is more than ok with that

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Play Partners - 7/7/2011 1:48:13 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		FR

I've got play partners who are friends who I'll beat for fun/as a favour/whatever, not involving sex. Whatever they do when they're not with me is totally up to them; if they've got bruises that's no problem, I'll work around them (or work WITH them - bruise play, I lurve eet!). It's very much a friends thing - some nice violence, however much of a cuddle they need afterwards, and then we'll go find our friends (because this type of play does tend to be in public.) Everyone involved knows it for what it is, and because generally speaking I'm talking about scene kinksters here they tend to know my partner just as well as they know me - they know exactly who I'll be leaving with at the end of the night.

But I also have on and off play partners who I do have sexual contact with. Most of them I've known since before I was on the scene, and although they don't know CreepyStalker they know that she exists and that they're welcome to come meet her any time. Again, they do what they like when I'm not with them, and everyone gets tested regularly (and since I got really excited and started telling everyone that you get a free hep b immunisation if you say you have sexual contact with someone who uses needles I think the majority are hep b immunised).

As for being "thow-away" or "discardable", these arrangements are things that have lasted a while (several years, in some cases). They wax and wane, depending on schedules and energy levels and how much stuff there is going on in our lives. But all these people are good friends, and that's not being thrown away for anything. The sex and the play are a small part of a whole friendship, you know?

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.




(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Play Partners - 7/7/2011 1:58:33 AM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SashaSteel
1. Does a play partner/fuck buddy mean there are nsa

Not for me

.. and you can have play partners with anyone at any time without explanation to other play partners or fuck buddies?

Not for me

2. Do people get std tested when they have numerous people they are playing with ... And do people actually go to the doctor, pay the money, wait the testing time in between the test and the results, to go back and forth between partners...

i don't have sex with my play partner. He doesn't have sex with His other play partners (except His wife). If He were frequently having sex with multiple people, and they were all frequently having sex with multiple people, then what you describe is exactly what i would expect. Or, actually, i just wouldn't get involved in a situation like that in the first place.

3. When you enter into a play partner or fuck buddy relationship do you tell the person that they are just a "throw-a-way" because if Mr. or Mrs. right comes along, then that person already knows that they are discardable?

Yes.


pam

< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 7/7/2011 1:59:18 AM >

(in reply to SashaSteel)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Play Partners - 7/7/2011 9:09:26 AM   
BurntKitty


Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline 		When I use the term "play partner" it never involves sexual intercourse. I play in dungeons because I enjoy pain/impact play. I enjoy socializing there as well. I don't engage in casual sex.

1. Most people in the dungeon are aware I'll play there with various friends. It's also a way to make new friends.
2. There's no exchange of fluids when I play.
3. I only play with friends there, and my friends are not "throw aways".

_____________________________

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(in reply to SashaSteel)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Play Partners - 7/7/2011 9:37:33 PM   
whipher1


Posts: 51
Joined: 3/31/2006
Status: offline 		Input input me and pam talk everything over before a scene and after she knows what coming this weekend maybe she dose like it but its coming anyway and she knows its going to be hard but yet its what she needs......................... Comunications its all about Comunications

(in reply to BurntKitty)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Play Partners - 7/8/2011 7:26:58 AM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SashaSteel

I am asked a lot if I am looking for a ltr OR if I'm looking for an occasional play partner. Now being asked by mostly men (even though I am bi - it's mostly the menfolk asking) I always ask them what they mean by "play partner". Funny enough 99.9% includes some kind of intercourse or sexual involvement. So .. in otherwords .. "a fuck buddy". (though I am aware some do not want sex ... rare is the unicorn)

So my question is, well actually I have a few ... (go figure)
1. Does a play partner/fuck buddy mean there are nsa .. and you can have play partners with anyone at any time without explanation to other play partners or fuck buddies?

2. Do people get std tested when they have numerous people they are playing with ... (assuming they are becuase it already has been established that it is not a monogamous situation.) And do people actually go to the doctor, pay the money, wait the testing time in between the test and the results, to go back and forth between partners- and then that partner is fucking so and so, and then so and so is getting tested and waiting a week for results, waiting on the results to fuck so and so .. but then they want to fuck so and so but can't because they have to go to the doctors to get tested and wait on new results again ... I don't understand how this works.

3. When you enter into a play partner or fuck buddy relationship do you tell the person that they are just a "throw-a-way" because if Mr. or Mrs. right comes along, then that person already knows that they are discardable?

I mean I know people have commitment phobias but I'm seeing some problems here ....

Sincerely,
Sasha


When I've done play partners, it's been a friends with kinky benefits situation - with an emphasis on friends. I do expect at least to care about each other and hang out outside of play. It's not a relationship, but it's not totally casual NSA sex either.

I've also never carried on with more than two sets (I'm one of those unicorns that digs couples) of play partners at a time, and am open and transparent with all parties (FWB and/or romantic) about any others.

Oh, and I don't do plain S&M without sex. I just find that boring! Sex is a vital part of D/s and play to me.

(in reply to SashaSteel)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Play Partners - 7/8/2011 9:03:51 AM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: whipher1

Input input me and pam talk everything over before a scene and after she knows what coming this weekend maybe she dose like it but its coming anyway and she knows its going to be hard but yet its what she needs......................... Comunications its all about Comunications


You know, You come across like a stalker sometimes. Just saying.

pam

< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 7/8/2011 9:06:06 AM >

(in reply to whipher1)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Play Partners - 7/8/2011 9:29:20 AM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline 		Which is NOT what You're like in real life. Oh, dear.

pam

< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 7/8/2011 9:34:28 AM >

(in reply to gungadin09)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Play Partners - 7/8/2011 9:49:41 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		My casual play partners are s/m play partners, there is no intercourse involved. THEY might get orgasms out of the deal, of course. I'm a giver.

There is no expectation from either side---we enjoy playing, so we play. We all play with other people. It's about the fun, and the friendship. If something develops out of that, spiffy.



_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to gungadin09)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Play Partners - 7/8/2011 10:23:38 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		I think the answer has to be "it depends".

For me, I wouldn't be interested in a totally casual playpartner. I've had play partners in the past, and it's always been on the basis that we're friends first, and sexy playmates second.

I'm also hopelessly busy, so simply couldn't maintain a stable of "playmates" even if I wanted to.

And if Mr Right rocks up, that's totally cool. I've had one very long term sticky-friend who has been through 4 relationships (with us stopping play while she dated and resuming when she became single again) and I'm off to her wedding in a couple of weeks.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to SashaSteel)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Play Partners - 7/8/2011 7:57:29 PM   
whipher1


Posts: 51
Joined: 3/31/2006
Status: offline 		smile I know
hugs
see ya in the morning

(in reply to gungadin09)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Play Partners - 7/9/2011 1:30:23 AM   
SimplyTwisted


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/20/2011
Status: offline
quote:

For me, I wouldn't be interested in a totally casual playpartner. I've had play partners in the past, and it's always been on the basis that we're friends first, and sexy playmates second.

I'm also hopelessly busy, so simply couldn't maintain a stable of "playmates" even if I wanted to.

And if Mr Right rocks up, that's totally cool. I've had one very long term sticky-friend who has been through 4 relationships (with us stopping play while she dated and resuming when she became single again) and I'm off to her wedding in a couple of weeks.


This sums it up in a nutshell, except my "sticky-friend" thankfully is not getting married any time soon.

(in reply to SashaSteel)
Profile   Post #: 20
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