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RE: Micro manage.... are you closer because of it. - 6/23/2011 2:17:35 PM

LadyConstanze

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Joined: 2/18/2005
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I can see it, but to be honest, just not my thing. At work if I have to micromanage, it's causing more work and why do I need somebody working for me if I got to check them every step of the way all the time? I could be doing real work during that time, when it comes to personal relationships, I just find it incredibly silly, somebody who's not adult enough so I have to micromanage him/her - no thanks. I mean that's like the "service sub" who wants to clean the house but expects you to watch him all the bloody time and correct and punish him, instead of just doing a great job. I rather do the job myself, takes less time and is less frustrating.

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RE: Micro manage.... are you closer because of it. - 6/23/2011 4:09:49 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

While I personally find micro managing a negative, I wonder if this leads to a deeper bond in humans as well? I suppose it could also lead to enmeshment and unhealthy dependence. Thoughts?

I think Kalikshama asks and interesting question of wondering if Micro-Managing leads to a deeper bond. I definitely can see that this course can lead to unhealthy situations. But.... not every situations.

So... to add another question... how does one's micro-managing be healthy as opposed to unhealthy.... because I think both can create and lead to a deep bond..... just one has a destructive destination as compared to the other.

I really don't know what any universal idea might be. I KNOW I can get thrutchy if he's having TOO much say........when I already know what I'm doing...........but I also know he's only worried about the result and wanting it to be a good one for me.

I suppose it could be unhealthy if I couldn't ever squeak out that I had it sorted out. And to be fair, I have more than squeaked on occasion.

I'm not actually sure what micro-manageing is, but we seem to have this strange system where he directs and we live and love, blow up and calm down......and still remain owner and owned.

In Kalista's response........You can rest assured that I'd have more than enough attention to every detail needed. And that's what I mean about micro-maneagement....... when it's wanted.

M's annoying about everything I do..... from whether I went to the gym, how hard I worked, to how I feel about it. This is a GOOD thing..........and if he wasn't interested I'd probably be pissed off in a different way. It's NOT micromaneagement.....it's interest, it's wanting the best.......and although I find it annoying sometimes, I'd be a bit bereft if he stopped caring about this dull stuff.

agirl

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Post #: 22

RE: Micro manage.... are you closer because of it. - 6/23/2011 4:43:26 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I can see it, but to be honest, just not my thing. At work if I have to micromanage, it's causing more work and why do I need somebody working for me if I got to check them every step of the way all the time? I could be doing real work during that time, when it comes to personal relationships, I just find it incredibly silly, somebody who's not adult enough so I have to micromanage him/her - no thanks. I mean that's like the "service sub" who wants to clean the house but expects you to watch him all the bloody time and correct and punish him, instead of just doing a great job. I rather do the job myself, takes less time and is less frustrating.

I can understand that. It's circumstances though, isn't it?. I'm an adult and I can sink or swim with a fair degree of alacrity and fortitude.........but sometimes you meet someone that sees beyond that and is willing to shove you along a bit.

I'm beginning to think that micromanaging is a willingness to be involved in the attention to someone else's detail.

I'd be horrendously repulsed (and have been) by people getting involved in my herby-mayhem of a life. No matter how mishy-mashy we appear........we are rather lovely people and are swimmingly fine.

So I suppose you'd have to add to that, not detract.......M didn't wear square-pants........lol

agirl

< Message edited by agirl -- 6/23/2011 4:44:07 PM >

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Post #: 23

RE: Micro manage.... are you closer because of it. - 6/23/2011 9:13:32 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

While I personally find micro managing a negative, I wonder if this leads to a deeper bond in humans as well? I suppose it could also lead to enmeshment and unhealthy dependence. Thoughts?

I think Kalikshama asks and interesting question of wondering if Micro-Managing leads to a deeper bond. I definitely can see that this course can lead to unhealthy situations. But.... not every situations.

So... to add another question... how does one's micro-managing be healthy as opposed to unhealthy.... because I think both can create and lead to a deep bond..... just one has a destructive destination as compared to the other.

My simple answer is that healthy people make for healthy relationships.
Similar question would be "How does someone have a BDSM relationship that is healthy? It can create and lead to a deep bond or destructive etc etc"

So back to healthy people making for healthy relationships.

I am micromanaged, it is part of my kink and thankfully he is willing to indulge me in that. It is by far the healthiest, most stable, most loving and wonderful relationship I've had in my adult life.

No clue if it has led to a deeper bond and I can think of no way to actually know if it has or not. What I do know is that I'm thriving under his care so he must be doing something right!

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Post #: 24

RE: Micro manage.... are you closer because of it. - 6/23/2011 10:01:22 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

for me personally I don't think it makes a stronger or deeper bond, it simply makes me feel more in control of my life, it provides more stability....no guessing games, no trying hard to figure out what to do....for me it just simply makes my life easier to manage.

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Post #: 25

RE: Micro manage.... are you closer because of it. - 7/4/2011 7:49:44 AM

txurinal

Posts: 209
Joined: 9/26/2009
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When owned, there specific rules to follow, specific things that permission had to be asked, etc. So in a way, i guess my life was sort of micro managed.

However, it would have driven me crazy if i had someone standing over me or directing me while performing my houeshold duties. i am one who believes even in my professional life that a person should be able to do his job without someone looking over his shoulder. That is why you hire someone, to do a job. As a slave, i was taken in a household to do a job and did it very well without constant supervision

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 26

RE: Micro manage.... are you closer because of it. - 7/4/2011 11:17:14 AM

foxling

Posts: 34
Joined: 6/17/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
think of it like a zoo -- in the zoo you have animals whose environments need to be managed constantly, all the way down to the smallest degree of temperature and humidity. in another part of the zoo, you have animals that roam around like peacocks or ducks and more or less fend for themselves. and throughout the zoo, you have other animals who are scattered throughout the spectrum, some requiring special care or special diets, and others that are fine eating that funky dogfood from the 25cent vending machines. nobody supposes that any of those animals are "doing it wrong" just because they're different -- i don't know why this "you're doing it wrong" attitude gets applied to people for their kinks.

Not a lot to add, I just wanted to say that I really love this analogy. I think it's fab. Might file it away for future use, if that's okay!

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 27

RE: Micro manage.... are you closer because of it. - 7/4/2011 11:38:18 AM

orchid77

Posts: 125
Joined: 5/20/2011
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In this stage of my life, I find micromanagers who need to be doing it 24/7 probably need to do some serious reflection on their part. Usually it is a sign of being an unhealthy control freak and NOT a responsible dominant. Now, I can see using micromanagement as a training tool, but once you get to know the person you pretty much know them including all their quirks.

I am a pet owner and in the beginning, I was strict, watchful, and making sure my pet knew the rules, understood it, and corrected her when needed. Some micromanagement was definitely needed. Two years later, my pet knows me and I know my pet. When she gets too comfortable or forgets herself, I remind her, go over the rules again, restrict, discipline, and once my pet is back in line again...relax. There's no need for the 24/7 micromanagement.

< Message edited by orchid77 -- 7/4/2011 11:41:06 AM >

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Post #: 28

RE: Micro manage.... are you closer because of it. - 7/4/2011 11:58:45 AM

leadership527

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Joined: 6/2/2008
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OK, so I've always thought of myself as a laid-back sort of leader. Sure, when I get involved then it's with both feet. But in large part I'm very comfortable with delegation and trust and those things shape my leadership style. I have historically thought that this was also true of how I lead in my marriage. I would've called myself a laid-back owner. But recently I've gotten input from some others who think I'm smoking crack saying that. So right off the bat the term "micromanagement" seems to be open to a lot of interpretation.

But let's assume that our friends are right and I do, in fact, tightly control Carol. I really don't see how that makes my relationship dysfunctional. It certainly doesn't make me a control freak. And in terms of whether or not I'm "responsible", Carol's had 16 years not to size that up.

You, on the other hand, are just a judgmental asshat who still is new enough or dumb enough to think that your way is the right way. I should hope that by "your stage in life" you'd gotten a bit more actual life experience and gotten to experience some actual diversity.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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(in reply to orchid77)

Post #: 29

RE: Micro manage.... are you closer because of it. - 7/4/2011 7:54:40 PM

MaamJay

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Joined: 9/2/2005
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I find Myself agreeing with orchid - a bit of micromanagement (meaning attention to the details, not the over-supervision aspects) at the beginning means a lot less is required later. This has always been My way when supervising practising teachers for example - I'd put in a lot of hours with them in the first couple of weeks, using up all My free at-school time, but it paid dividends over the next 8 weeks when they could become more and more autonomous and I'd get way more than that amount of free time back! Master applied the same technique when we first moved in together, He was very willing to go over the details until we got it working right. Seven years on, very little management is required, though if i let things slip, they are brought to my attention. As i have said here before, the one bit of mm we have retained throughout is permission to go to the toilet (as long as He is nearby) ... and this has had the added and unexpected bonus of His being able to control my errant middle-aged-woman-bladder better than i can! Though we did have a near-disaster the other day when, arriving somewhere in the car i was aware of urgent pressure, and i turned to Him and asked Him for "a stern word". He, in devilish mood, came out with "Schnitzengruben!" whereupon i cracked up laughing ... not the best action in that situation! He saw my desperation and immediately said "No! Not till you are sitting on the toilet!" which mysteriously has the effect of reversing capillarity! Phew!

As to whether it creates a deeper bond or not, hard to say as this is how our bond has been created ... but there's no doubting this is the deepest bond i have had, having been through 2 husbands prior to this. He is One Very Special Man.

Ma'am Jay aka violet[A]

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Post #: 30

RE: Micro manage.... are you closer because of it. - 7/4/2011 8:56:05 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

~fast reply~

When I think of "micromanagement," I think of someone wanting to manage every little detail of things. Like if I were cooking, someone would be telling me not just the list of ingredients and the amounts, but standing over me telling me the exact size pieces to cut things, how to shake the salt, etc. I would hit them with a frying pan!

On the BDSM side of things, someone mentioned "how many times I can pee a day." Yes I consider that *mild* micromanaging. To me, not only how many times I can pee, but how long each time, how many sheets of paper to wipe with, how much to wipe, etc.

I consider micro managing a bad thing since my perception of it is extreme. But that is based on my perception of what the term means. I can't necessarily disagree with those who said that short term micromanagement (depending on what it was) might be interesting for a couple of hours if I was in a committed relationship with someone for a time.

It would seem that a good degree of micromanagement is specifically to cause a loss of autonomy in the s-type. Personally, I find that to be a bad thing.

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 31

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