RE: Should bottoms/subs be responsible for educating themselves about safety?

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RE: Should bottoms/subs be responsible for educating th... - 6/22/2011 3:34:15 PM

LadyConstanze

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FR

I'm with LP on that one, 100%

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RE: Should bottoms/subs be responsible for educating th... - 6/22/2011 3:34:41 PM

sexyred1

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Ah...my guy never drank in his life or did drugs.

His only excuse what that he thought everything was hot and that justified whatever happened.

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RE: Should bottoms/subs be responsible for educating th... - 6/22/2011 3:40:50 PM

kalikshama

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I was relating to the parts regarding losing trust and not allowing bondage.

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RE: Should bottoms/subs be responsible for educating th... - 6/22/2011 3:44:28 PM

sexyred1

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I hear you. I only wish he had an excuse like drinking.

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RE: Should bottoms/subs be responsible for educating th... - 6/22/2011 9:30:28 PM

LinnaeaBorealis

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I really appreciate everyone's input to this thread. I have to agree with LadyPact. She said everything that I would say, only she said it much better than I ever could.

When I rode a motorcycle, I had a mentor, an older biker with more experience. He made me do my own repairs to the bike. He'd be there for me to consult but that was it. When I thought I was finished, I'd tell him & he'd take a wrench & turn a nut & say, "Really?? You really think you're finished here???" I'd pout & tell him that I wasn't as strong as he was & therefore I couldn't get the nuts as tight as he could. He'd just shrug, put down the wrench & say, "Ok. It's your ass on this bike out there on the road. If you think you're done, go ahead & stop." Every single time, I'd find the strength to turn those nuts as tight as I could until he gave it his approval.

I feel the same way when I'm bottoming: it's MY ass on the line, not the top's. Sure, if the top fucks up & I don't know enough to stop him or her, they'll feel badly that they harmed me, but I'm gonna be the one who is living with the harm. So I am responsible for knowing as much as I possibly can about anything that I allow a top to do to me during play. I am currently not in a relationship & I don't really play casually either. But I do bottom sometimes for a couple of local tops who I know & trust. But it's my responsibility to know everything there is to know about how to stay safer during play. Yep, it's all risky, but that doesn't mean I should just throw caution to the winds & allow the top to do whatever they fuckin feel like doing to me.

In this local community here, there are workshops & seminars & people to talk with & roundtables & lots of play to observe. I have no excuse for not being as knowledgeable or even more so than any top I choose to play with. Because it's my ass out there!!!

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RE: Should bottoms/subs be responsible for educating th... - 6/29/2011 4:19:38 PM

lovetoslave

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Yes. I read about that story, and I saw the photos too. Yikes.

I believe it is very important for subs, especially newbies, to educate themselves. It's all very good to trust that your new partner will take care of you, but sometimes, I am concerned that people don't really understand what they are getting into.

Yes, there can be physical repercussions, but the mind is too often forgotten. Wounds may heal quickly. Mental scars are more difficult to overcome.

Some new subs I have come into contact with are so eager to please their "Master". While this is admirable, the mental repercussions can be forgotten. It is all too easy to fool yourself by telling yourself you are in love and will do anything it takes to get them to love you back.

Submission and love can be confused.

I really think it is important to keep your eyes open, state your limits clearly and ask questions before play. If something is nagging at you, chances are you are right to question it.

But that is just my opinion.

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RE: Should bottoms/subs be responsible for educating th... - 6/29/2011 4:47:20 PM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LinnaeaBorealis
What say you? Do you tend to abdicate responsibility when in a scene? Do you expect the top to do all the research & have all the information on what is safe & what isn't? Or do you do your own research also?

Well, after being with the Dom I was seeing, I have backed off being a slave and 24/7 sub. I just dont feel comfortable giving someone that much control again. I wanted to use a safe word and while he initially agreed, he basically ignored my request since no word was ever chosen. He was into paddling my butt extremely hard and having me crawl on all fours on a hard tile floor, both were extremely painful for me as a new, never-before sub (& not a pain slut).

My point being that a sub can educate herself but it requires the Dom to also be educated and to agree to do things in a safe manner. He must listen to her and not do things or make her do things she can not handle. Some Doms lie, and its hard for a new sub to know that. I just decided that I would not put myself in a position where I can be hurt again so pain of any kind is a limit.

Imo, it requires both Dom & sub doing research and learning and agreeing on every aspect of how things will be done and then doing things only in accordance with what was agreed upon.

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RE: Should bottoms/subs be responsible for educating th... - 7/1/2011 2:01:06 PM

Canaille

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Gotta say, I'm all over RACK. I love electric play, can't get enough of it, but even when I was with a partner that I've done electric play with before, and often, we went over a safety checklist. From the batteries in the unit to make sure that they haven't corroded to any leads for nicks in the plastic to positions that can circumvent the built-in safeties. Even though I know the precautions by heart, and even though my former play partner could repeat them all back to me, it's still a conversation that we had every single time.

Yes, giving your trust over completely is a heady experience, but it doesn't take away from trust to educate and protect yourself. I can't think of a higher compliment for a Dom than a sub that knows all the risks and still offers the trust it takes to be played.

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