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rawtape -> RE: How did I become to be this way?! (Submissive) (6/19/2011 6:54:10 PM)
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I was 12, so was she. With hindsight, it's easy to see that we weren't in love, just physically attracted to one another. Sex though, was out of the question -- she was the ____'s daughter, and she was always accompanied by her twin brother. Our games were basically rough-housing, playing our own more violent version of cops-and-robbers in the dark. I recall grabbing her (the robber), wrestling her to the ground, feeling her nipples through her thin T-shirt, twisting them viciously and asking "Does it hurt?"
"Yes," she said, "but I like it." And I realized I did too.
I suppose that was my first inkling that I wasn't quite vanilla... though I didn't really realize it until later. Unlike S/M, the D/S aspects of my personality had no such clear cut revelatory moments. I was the only child of the eldest son of the eldest son ad nauseam, growing up in a culture which was then quite class-conscious and hierarchical. Certain attitudes and behaviour were expected of me, and I appear to have taken to them like a duck to water.
It was only later, with hindsight, that I realized how fortunate I was in having my wiring match those cultural expectations. I have close friends, peers, who I figured out much later were potential subs -- being put in positions of authority made their lives a living hell. In an odd way that's just another facet of what LordOdhinn mentioned: growing "up in a world where being dom or sub meant for many of us that we felt very isolated and strange for being true to our natures." Or not being true to our natures and suffering because of that.
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