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RE: losing sub urges when jacking off - 6/17/2011 12:08:32 AM

HannahLynHeather

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quote:

i hate to jack off,

so don't fucking jack off!

christ's blood on toast!

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RE: losing sub urges when jacking off - 6/17/2011 12:18:41 AM

SexyBossyBBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay
I agree there is considerable difference between males and females with their response to orgasm. I have met a number of male subs whose submission turns off totally once they have cum, so the trick is to get them to do everything You want before You allow that! Have to say though I'd prefer a boy to also be motivated by a desire to serve rather than a purely sex-orientated desire.

This is what I feel. I don't care for chastity beyond, I say you must/must not, etc.... M

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RE: losing sub urges when jacking off - 6/17/2011 12:49:32 AM

Whiplashsmile4

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There are times after Jacking off when I'm feeling not so Dominant. Just a state of mind where I want to relax and totally unwind from it all. It's no big deal for me though. I think it's all rather natural. There's also a big difference between jacking off and actually being with somebody. There's far more to the D/s mindset that's not sexual and when you're with somebody, it's a also a state of feeling that way towards somebody. It's all not just sexual (at least for me). It's always nice to reach out and touch and connect with one that is mine. (hope that makes sense to you). While this is coming from the D side of things, I thought perhaps it might be of some help. My advice, is to actually experience things with somebody that means something to you and you might be shocked.

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RE: losing sub urges when jacking off - 6/17/2011 7:39:51 AM

leadership527

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I'm gonna guess that you are sexually submissive and when the sexual energy is drained out then you go back to just "normal". This seems pretty predictable to me. If I want to generate some huge sex scene in my head, I'll hold off on having an orgasm also. And yeah, then when I do, the sex is done along with anything attached to it.

Out of curiosity, is it really necessary to manage it in the way you do? What's wrong with being an "on again, off again submissive" depending on mood & sexual energy. Honestly, if I was looking for a partner, I'd rather have that than one who's totally celibate. As a dominant, it doesn't seem very problematic.... "want shit done? Get him turned on."

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RE: losing sub urges when jacking off - 6/17/2011 7:42:52 AM

Back2theFuture

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

christ's blood on toast!

I had that for breakfast, it was a little dry.

Anywho you under estimate the power of the penis. It can make us do stuff that we don't want to do. As long as we are men and we have working penises we will jack off, if there isn't a woman there to do it for us.

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RE: losing sub urges when jacking off - 6/17/2011 8:25:51 AM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

There are times after Jacking off when I'm feeling not so Dominant. Just a state of mind where I want to relax and totally unwind from it all. It's no big deal for me though. I think it's all rather natural. There's also a big difference between jacking off and actually being with somebody. There's far more to the D/s mindset that's not sexual and when you're with somebody, it's a also a state of feeling that way towards somebody. It's all not just sexual (at least for me). It's always nice to reach out and touch and connect with one that is mine. (hope that makes sense to you). While this is coming from the D side of things, I thought perhaps it might be of some help. My advice, is to actually experience things with somebody that means something to you and you might be shocked.

I agree with this completely Whiplash. There is a natural relaxed state that sets in for men after orgasm. But that shouldn't necessarily affect our submission. I think the OP is feeling that way because he's not in a D/s relationship, and so he's simply masturbating to alleviate sexual frustration caused by his fantasies. Once he cums, the sexual tension is gone, and he no longer thinks about his submissive fantasy.

But if he were in a real D/s relationship, I don't think that he'd find that his submission would disappear when he cums. For example, if he were with a Domme, and she had just allowed him to cum and then asked him to go get her a glass of water, I doubt that he would say "Go get it yourself, Bitch!"

There are certainly "bedroom only" submissives who might behave in this way. But a sub who is submissive outside of the bedroom should not find that his desire to submit completely disappears once he's had an orgasm.

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RE: losing sub urges when jacking off - 6/17/2011 8:39:15 AM

leadership527

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Is that really true Roch? Honestly I was just conceptualizing this entirely differently. I might think of it like this...

Carol is a love slave. Her submission is largely triggered by love... or at least the extremes of it are. Add in lots of love and she gets lots of submissive. I can only presume that if I took the love away entirely the submission would evaporate. With Carol, of course, I have provided an environment that is so filled with love that I needn't do any specific loving thing to get her to get me a glass of water. The baseline is already well covered.

So in this same way then, can't sex work for a sex slave. Wouldn't it be exactly identical to say, "The submission is trigged by sexuality and so if you put such a person in an environment where it is filled with sexuality then they will submit continually."

Historically I've considered sexual submission to be a vastly entirely different thing than social submission, but perhaps it's just a matter of different triggers?

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RE: losing sub urges when jacking off - 6/17/2011 9:01:15 AM

Rochsub2009

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Leadership,
I understand your theory. The difference that I see is that you seem to be describing a short-term situation, while I'm thinking more long-term.

A "sex slave" as you call them may view his work as done once he cums. However, I would think that if he wanted to have any hope of getting future sex with that particular partner, he might not want to completely toss out all submissive behavior.

The love that you pour onto Carol is long-term. You don't just "love" her when you want sex, and then remove all traces of love once you cum. If you did that, Carol probably wouldn't stay, and you'd be looking for a new sub.

So for the long-term health of the relationship, I think that anyone who is not a "bedroom only" submissive may want to retain submissive qualities even after they cum. It may take an act of will to do so, but it will be an act of will that is worth the effort.

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RE: losing sub urges when jacking off - 6/17/2011 10:06:51 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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The answer to your question can be illustraed via an old joke...

PATIENT: "Doc... it hurts when I do this..."

DOCTOR: "Don't do that..."

So there ya go... don't jack off. SOLVED!!!

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RE: losing sub urges when jacking off - 6/18/2011 12:43:33 AM

LadyPact

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<Gasp!>

What? Actually suggest that a person *not* jack off? You mean a person actually control their *own* orgasms prior to entering a dynamic?

What will they think of next?

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RE: losing sub urges when jacking off - 6/18/2011 7:48:12 AM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
I understand your theory.

And theory is all it is... I suspect it may even be a hair-brained theory. But that being said, as I toy around with this mental model I'm still not sure that it doesn't work although I readily admit that I myself wouldn't dream of building a relationship founded on sexuality this way. But...

The love that you pour onto Carol is long-term. You don't just "love" her when you want sex, and then remove all traces of love once you cum. If you did that, Carol probably wouldn't stay, and you'd be looking for a new sub.
And what I'm wondering is why can't I slip sex into that equation in exchange for "love". Sure sure, you can't fuck 24/7/365. But I don't see why I couldn't create an environment which was dripping with sexuality 24/7/365. Isn't that, in the end, what all the crawling around on the floor, sleeping chained to the foot of the bed, and related stuff is all about? So what I don't understand is why I couldn't just insert a lot of that sort of thing, probably coupled with endless lists of rules (for the protocol minded), etc. etc. and end up with a relationship that was based on and revolved around sex much like mine does around love.

This is, of course, the crazed musings of someone who really doesn't get the whole sexual D/s thing at all and really doesn't get sex at all in the way I'm writing about.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: losing sub urges when jacking off - 6/18/2011 9:46:35 AM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

<Gasp!>

What? Actually suggest that a person *not* jack off? You mean a person actually control their *own* orgasms prior to entering a dynamic?

What will they think of next?

I hear tell that "sliced bread" is next on the list.

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RE: losing sub urges when jacking off - 6/19/2011 1:47:06 PM

txurinal

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i agree with you, Rochsub. As guys, once we cum yes it does put us in a different mindset. However, my submissive tendencies are just as strong after cumming. i once had a MASTER who would often have me masturbate before we started our session. HE told me "you will appreciate the discipline more if you are not so anxious for it".

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