RE: Subs who top

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SimplyMichael -> RE: Subs who top (6/17/2011 10:10:59 AM)
I have always thought it would be fun to force someone who absolutely hates to top to top me. The potential for mindfucks is endless. Screaming how much it hurts and if the slow down, tell them they are going to be punished for disobedience and if they don't, punish them for hurting you. If they are really service oriented you could drive them nuts telling them they aren't doing it right but give vague instructions so they can't quite get it right. Or you could suddenly "flip" and pretend to enjoy it and make them fear that you too are one of those dominants who is really a secret submissive. I don't normally do scenes to fuck with people outside of it but there is some serious potential for mindfuckery there too. Especially if you go to some more isolated community outside of a major S&M scene. It would SO fuck with peoples heads seeing the "bottom" yelling commands at the "top" and just doing the whole scene "wrong". Yep, lots of potential there for fun!

gothikbutterfly -> RE: Subs who top (6/17/2011 10:14:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Submissive tops are FAB!! And so often, SO EVIL! Guilty as charged [;)]

Muttling -> RE: Subs who top (6/17/2011 10:30:22 AM)
Most of those who I know that have been into the lifestyle for many years have both topped and subbed at one one time or another. I find the dynamics of the relationships to be quite interesting and widely varied. Here's a few examples.... I have met several women who are submissive to men, but dominant to other women. I have met several submissives who Topped other play partners. They tended to be "service Tops" who enjoyed Topping when they were comfortable that was they were doing pleased the bottom (I fall into this category.) I have known a LOT of Dom/Dommes who were masochists and needed to release from time to time. The list goes on and on. I find the varied shades of gray to be quite intriguing and what I love most about kinksters.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: Subs who top (6/17/2011 1:34:16 PM)
SimplyMichael, that's frakin' meeeeeannn!!!!

MrHCurious -> RE: Subs who top (6/17/2011 2:59:02 PM)
quote: I think she likes the effect of getting people to make pretty noises and things without actually having to be in authority. That's basically it. I love her, but she's terribly indecisive and generally doesn't do being in control of a situation. A scene in which she's middling means she can be as mean as she wants without actually taking control, because she knows I'm in charge. I suppose you can think of it as taking the pressure off her - VC can attest to how gleefully she took to biting CreepyStalker when she was given the opportunity because she didn't have to worry about being in control.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Subs who top (6/17/2011 3:09:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrHCurious VC can attest to how gleefully she took to biting CreepyStalker when she was given the opportunity because she didn't have to worry about being in control. Well ahead of you there - I already sent her a link to the journal entry in question. [8D]

foxling -> RE: Subs who top (6/17/2011 11:44:11 PM)
Oh, that's me! The thing is, right, I'm actually quite 'good' at Topping: I just lack the confidence of my convictions. Being fully responsible for a scene like that rather terrifies me. But free reign to bash someone and make them squeak and squirm - whilst knowing that it's not ultimately my decision - that really works for me. Middling is the new black for this indecisive sub.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Subs who top (6/18/2011 12:26:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: foxling The thing is, right, I'm actually quite 'good' at Topping: I just lack the confidence of my convictions. So do you reckon that once you've got more middling experience under your belt you'd be comfortable topping solo? (Also: yay! You're posting! [:)])

mic2serveher -> RE: Subs who top (6/18/2011 3:50:18 AM)
I do not like Topping but have done it at command of a Mistress. She liked fear games on both sides and ordered me to scare her. She had given me a knife, So since she ordered me to scare her. Well we were walking down the street one night like real real late, we went down one of the narrow alleys and I got an idea. So I pushed her against the wall and told her if she scream,ed I would slit her throat then I kissed her passionately. That was actually as far as it got, She got so worked up over it she took command of the situation and it got rather intimate very fast. I could not believe I even got that far n the game she wanted and felt sick for a long time after even though she liked it and it was what she wanted. The only other things which I do which anyone might consider even a bit dominant is I tend to claw and bite real hard during sex if my hands are free or I can reach with my teeth, donuts know why just do.

agirl -> RE: Subs who top (6/18/2011 5:58:56 AM)
We don't even think about topping/bottoming/switching. Here comes that word again....We explore whatever we want to explore, in whatever way we like, with whatever we want, however we want. He's the boss of me......... whatever wild and mad things we do when we are ensconced in our room with the bolt drawn. We just DO whatever comes along, laugh a GREAT deal and generally have a passionate time without a single thought about who's doing what to who or why. We have absolutely NO definitions or labels for what we do when we close that door. No hang-ups, no concerns other than two bodies doing what hell we fancy. We don't top, bottom or switch. We get lost in a hot, sweaty, exhausting, funny and agreeable time together. For US, the fact that he owns me is just that. We don't have to pay attention or give so much as a momentary thought to HOW we tangle bodies. We go in with him owning me...we swing from the rafters for a few hours and he still owns me.... we unlock the door, exhausted and grinning and he STILL owns me. We're just disgustingly passionate when we get naked and alone:) agirl

foxling -> RE: Subs who top (6/18/2011 6:18:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious So do you reckon that once you've got more middling experience under your belt you'd be comfortable topping solo? Comfortable? Yes. Would I want to? Probably not.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: Subs who top (6/18/2011 6:25:50 AM)
okay well then apply the question this way -- would you ever consider topping someone else? (wherein you're actually thinking of it as topping, like being mostly in charge of a scene, planning something specific or having some general idea of what you want to accomplish, picking what toys to use, etc etc) would you if he told you to? like if he said "i want you to make up a scene with X person," or it's your own independent desire? it's speculative probably (i think i remember you saying that you guys don't play publicly or with other people, but i might be wrong) in a committed relationship the words/definitions may not mean anything at all, while for others they do. (people who use definitions aren't less exploratory than others just because they use them, either.) i'm just interested to know what people's different motivators are. there are a lot of subs who are really good at topping, who have confidence issues preventing them from doing it, like foxling mentioned. and there are some who just don't really want to, like me. haha i have no idea if i'm good at topping or not. also, it can be about switching, but a lot of subs who top don't consider themselves switches at all, because their definition of that is more relationship-based. no matter what we did in my last relationship, i never had any desire to take control or being the one with the roadmap, and he wasn't interested in anything that would've required any specific "service top mode" in my brain. that was just the way we worked together. some people do have service topping aspects to their relationships. some people have an independent desire to top and get that out via playing with others. other people may work in completely different ways in relation to each other, which is perfectly fine. p.s. foxling's shoes are super cute!!

ranja -> RE: Subs who top (6/18/2011 6:34:26 AM)
Yes i could top, and i can dance the male lead quite good aswell i think i am mainly just kinky and i don't really care whether i am top or bottom, i am just greedy. My situation however is that my Husband is Dominant...so i have to be submissive to Him to please Him... and so get what i want

agirl -> RE: Subs who top (6/18/2011 10:32:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep okay well then apply the question this way -- would you ever consider topping someone else? (wherein you're actually thinking of it as topping, like being mostly in charge of a scene, planning something specific or having some general idea of what you want to accomplish, picking what toys to use, etc etc) would you if he told you to? like if he said "i want you to make up a scene with X person," or it's your own independent desire? it's speculative probably (i think i remember you saying that you guys don't play publicly or with other people, but i might be wrong) in a committed relationship the words/definitions may not mean anything at all, while for others they do. (people who use definitions aren't less exploratory than others just because they use them, either.) i'm just interested to know what people's different motivators are. there are a lot of subs who are really good at topping, who have confidence issues preventing them from doing it, like foxling mentioned. and there are some who just don't really want to, like me. haha i have no idea if i'm good at topping or not. also, it can be about switching, but a lot of subs who top don't consider themselves switches at all, because their definition of that is more relationship-based. no matter what we did in my last relationship, i never had any desire to take control or being the one with the roadmap, and he wasn't interested in anything that would've required any specific "service top mode" in my brain. that was just the way we worked together. some people do have service topping aspects to their relationships. some people have an independent desire to top and get that out via playing with others. other people may work in completely different ways in relation to each other, which is perfectly fine. So what difference are you trying to draw here? I don't need to think of topping at all. All and everything happens already!.........and what difference would it make to M and my situation? I'm perfectly capable of having my own ideas, yee-hah moments, downright dirty sexy ones that involve his gorgeous body. So what would alter if it was someone else? We don't DO topping/bottoming....... neither of us. If someone else is involved, they are abiding by M's guidelines as I always am. I'm not submissive, I'm not dominant.........I'm just a person who doesn't find any of it odd. I already do all of that........I'm NEVER in control, not remotely ever with M. Wasn't it clear that M and I DO this stuff? Or do we not do it in a way that fits the topic? You're correct that we don't splash about publically..........well, not in any bdsm community sense, no. Life itself manages to provide a varied and rather satisfactory group of open-minded people. It's no bigger question than * would M bottom?..... it's really not relevant to our life. Our motivation for anything is what leaves us happy, content and satisfied to an agreeable extent. In answer to your direct question.......... I don't dismiss anything out of hand*. agirl

Sunny27 -> RE: Subs who top (6/19/2011 9:55:42 AM)
Sorry I have to ask what is topping exactly I used to think it was domming but I guess I'm wrong please do tell, thanks!

LillyBoPeep -> RE: Subs who top (6/19/2011 10:06:08 AM)
Some people keep Topping/bottoming as scene-specific/S&M terms, while Dom/sub are more relationship terms. (Note: that's not true for EVERYONE, but that's how it works for me.) A sub can be a Top, and a Dom can be a bottom.

BurntKitty -> RE: Subs who top (6/19/2011 10:10:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sunny27 Sorry I have to ask what is topping exactly I used to think it was domming but I guess I'm wrong please do tell, thanks! At the dungeon I go to, "topping" is the one giving the pain whereas "bottoming" is the receiver. It doesn't have to have any d/s involved. Now, don't get me wrong. Many of the couples are already IN d/s or m/s relationships. For me personally, I'm a maso & I go to get my pain on. I've been "co-topped" by males, females & even a couple of submissive women who were instructed by their dominant to get topping experience.

NuevaVida -> RE: Subs who top (6/19/2011 11:45:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 I would never want to top in real life, however, these boards oftentimes make me want to slap the shit out of people. Ok that just made me laugh. [8D] Here's my little scoop on the subject. In my "past life", I had to top a male sub. I was very uncomfortable with it, but over time I adjusted and felt more comfortable. There wasn't much involved beyond spanking him and having him massage me, but it was a good start. I think my discomfort was more due to him being a "he" rather than a "she" - He was a cool guy and I have nothing against submissive men, but my lifetime experience has been for men to be on the top side of the equation, so that shift was a little unnerving for me. I'd say because of that, it was good for me. On the other hand, I have very sadistic thoughts when it comes to other women. I have never topped a woman but I'd love to. I would also love to bottom to a woman. Between the Mister and I, he's always in charge but there are times when passion rises and I go nuts on him - usually biting and clawing. We've been known to compare "injuries" together the next morning, laughing over it. But I don't consider that "topping" him. I haven't used any implements on him, just nails and teeth. Heh. Sitting here right now, I might say if he handed me a paddle and said "Spank me" I might have a mini internal freak out moment, but yanno, when you're in the heat of things, anything can happen and if he said "Paddle me" while our adrenaline and endorphins are flying, while we're drunk in each other's passion, I can see just grabbing it and wailing on him with it, without thinking that was topping at all.

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