RE: Lesbian Sex Wars (Full Version)

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Madame4a -> RE: Lesbian Sex Wars (6/3/2011 12:50:25 PM)

Red

I'm a dyke ... although generally Idescribe myself specifically in this order.. femme, leather... dyke.. I'm a femme dyke.. and can't speak for lesbians... they're really a different breed, at least the ones I know... I'm femme to the core of my being and in my advanced age *cough* I still couldn't get deeply into what that means.. its not a description, but its certainly a part of my orientation, just as leather is.. and dyke is. The butch/femme dynamic, (there are tons of books and websites out there about it) has also raised the ire of many a lesbian in that its considered but some.. who are clueless.. heteronormative.. very much like a hetero male/female dynaic. Nothing could be further from the truth... b/f is most definitely dyke (or even lesbian) dynamic. When I first came out, it was very very hard being a femme.. others would say I was catering to the patriarchy, trying to pass -- funnily enough, Ihate passing for straight -- in my early dykedom, I never went anywhere without some kind of rainbow thingy on my person, or purse.. or bag. You can always look up butch/femme... or even "femme invisibility" .. yet another movement

The older I get, the less I care -- pretty settled and happy in who I am.. but you knew that... :)

I realize this doesn't tell you much, but its a lot of learning and self exploration and relationships that bring me to who I am right now.. and I think you'll just have to come here and I'll buy you a beer and we'll talk...

L.




RedMagic1 -> RE: Lesbian Sex Wars (6/3/2011 1:01:27 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a
I think you'll just have to come here and I'll buy you a beer and we'll talk...

You are so on!!! ... though I'm flying the exact opposite direction in two days, so I don't know when I'll swing it. We've been threatening to meet each other for far too long.

I actually have a glimmer of an answer to my own question, though I haven't given it the thought you have, much less tried to live it. A les (gay?) poster (not sure how she identifies, that's intriguing) started a thread a few days back, saying how shocked she was about the conservative atmosphere toward anything non-hetero on this message board, and I was hoping you might open a window into a universe many people posting and lurking here have never encountered. Which you did.

Take care.




Madame4a -> RE: Lesbian Sex Wars (6/3/2011 1:14:33 PM)

I personally think of this as a straight site... first.. then perhaps a bdsm thing second -- but I've always felt there were very few of us homo types around. I've asked the powers that be, twice since I've been a member here, to start at least a gay/les discussion folder but its not ever happened. It would be nice.. but there are lots of other outlets for that.. and personally, I have a lot more friends who are members of fet than here...

There are other places... but as with most things.. they are not going to be all things to all people.. fet is the best for that... I belong to a B/F website and it doesn't have the leather aspect very strongly so it doesn't fit that bill.. this place... doesn't have the gay/les stuff..

*shrug*

ETA ... I'll buy.. bring it on.. *grin*

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1


quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a
I think you'll just have to come here and I'll buy you a beer and we'll talk...

You are so on!!! ... though I'm flying the exact opposite direction in two days, so I don't know when I'll swing it. We've been threatening to meet each other for far too long.

I actually have a glimmer of an answer to my own question, though I haven't given it the thought you have, much less tried to live it. A les (gay?) poster (not sure how she identifies, that's intriguing) started a thread a few days back, saying how shocked she was about the conservative atmosphere toward anything non-hetero on this message board, and I was hoping you might open a window into a universe many people posting and lurking here have never encountered. Which you did.

Take care.





mnottertail -> RE: Lesbian Sex Wars (6/3/2011 2:33:58 PM)

Two pages, not one goddamn video.  This is the lousiest Lesbian Sex War yet.




RedMagic1 -> RE: Lesbian Sex Wars (6/3/2011 2:39:13 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Two pages, not one goddamn video.  This is the lousiest Lesbian Sex War yet.

I don't think any thread I have ever started has gone past two pages. I am kinda boring.




sexyred1 -> RE: Lesbian Sex Wars (6/3/2011 2:40:49 PM)

I once attended a meeting of LSM (Lesbian Sex Mafia) in NYC. It was awesome. All you had to do was be a woman of any type, straight, gay, bi, transgendered, whatever, but you had to be into BDSM.

They had some cool philosophical discussions, but really, the whole idea behind it was getting laid and hooking up.

Which there should be more discussions about, SEX damn it and not the politics of sex.

[:D]




mnottertail -> RE: Lesbian Sex Wars (6/3/2011 2:40:52 PM)

Thow in a Lesbian Sex War video, and if they are in prison as well, you're talking 30-40 pages, my good man.




HeatherMcLeather -> RE: Lesbian Sex Wars (6/3/2011 3:07:54 PM)

As promised I have done some thinking (and the dishes are clean and the laundry all folded) and a bit of research to clarify my ideas. Here's the results.

The basic premise of the anti-porn group is that porn, particularly violent porn, causes sexual objectification of women which in turn leads to violence against women. I don’t subscribe to this view.

First I’ll look at the idea that porn leads to women being viewed as sexual objects. I think it’s more the other way round. I think it is the view that women are primarily sexual objects that leads to porn.  We all do it, even in a non visual text-based medium like this one, we find ourselves liking some posters because they have a sexy avatar, or because they are flirty, or because they talk openly about fucking and other risqué topics in an open and raunchy manner. We may not agree with their views, but we like them. I’m as guilty of it as any man on here, perhaps that’s due to being a lesbian, but I don’t really think so. In the Avatar thread, several straight women made flirty comments about other women’s avatars. So we make and use objectifying porn, because we, as a culture, objectify women. Even vanilla advertising and mainstream television does this. In most ads and sitcoms, couples are presented as slim, sexy women, partnered with buffoonish men, often out of shape. The men are presented as caricatures, true, but caricatures of real people. The women are not, they are not representative of real women in the slightest. It also extends to film. There are many male actors who are not attractive (Ernest Borgnine), and the physical variety among male actors is enormous, ranging from skinny girlish, through muscle bound he-men, to the fat and even verging on obese. Female actors, on the other hand are almost all of a particular “type”. They are almost all slim, sexy, and at least to a degree large breasted. As well, male actors continue to work well into their 60s, 70s, and even beyond, while female actors rarely do, most of them vanishing somewhere in their 40s.

From this I get that the sexualization of women is something built into in our culture. And I don’t just mean modern western culture. Porn has been around from the very beginning of human history, with “dirty” rock paintings appearing alongside depictions of hunting. It may be that these were actually some sort of fertility ritual, but given the fact that such depictions continue and grow ever more prevalent as “civilization” develops, I find that idea far fetched.  It seems pretty clear that men all over the world have been thinking about women as walking, talking vaginas all along, and drawing/writing/painting/photographing them in a way that reflects that view. Even the Vatican at one time had pornographic frescoes on its walls.

Now to the idea that violent porn leads to or causes violence against women. I also disagree with this. If this were the case, then why would Japan, which has a long tradition of violent rape porn (particularly of the schoolgirl type) and bondage porn have such a low rate of rape and sexual assaults (1.5/100,000), while South Africa, which bans all forms of violent porn has one of the highest sexual assault and rape rates (113.5/100,000) in the world. This alone would in my mind at least disprove the connection between violent porn and sexual violence against women. Again, I think it’s a cultural thing. Japan is famously law-abiding, while South Africa has a more wild-west damn-the-law tradition.

Well, that’s my thinking on it at this point.

The rape statistics come from this site: http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/cri_rap-crime-rapes





RedMagic1 -> RE: Lesbian Sex Wars (6/3/2011 3:38:41 PM)

Thank you, Heather. That is an excellent post. Here is a cm thread about us porn.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2356209/mpage_1/tm.htm




HeatherMcLeather -> RE: Lesbian Sex Wars (6/3/2011 4:37:25 PM)

Oh crap! Now you tell me. So much for my long brilliant and insightful dissertation on porn.  Rather than reply to each post, I'll reply to what has been said while I was busy all in one post.

OK, first of all, my remarks on the Dworkin quote were specific to that discussion, I wasn't saying that I believed what she was saying, just clarifying what she was saying. My reading that night was focused on you-know-who's statement that feminists held the view that male-female sex is basically rape and male dominant. I was trying to find the statements that he claimed existed (and in fact didn't). But I'm not going to get back into all that.

As far as less heteronormative, well OK, I guess that's a laudable aim, though one I don't happen to really care much about. In all honesty, I find I don't have any more in common with lesbian woman than I do with straight women. The fact that we share a particular sexual orientation doesn't makes us any more alike in our thinking, beliefs or experiences than that same love of women makes us similar to straight men. F/F sex is not better or worse than M/F sex or M/M sex, its just the form of sex I like. Hanners is into pretty much any form. Neither of us is right or wrong, as Hanners is fond of saying "its all just fucking".

Many lesbians have experienced discrimination and oppression, I haven't. Its just not part of my life experience, my being gay has just been accepted by everybody in my life, even before I was really sure of it myself. Yes of course I was teased and called names now and then, but when it happened other people usually jumped in and told whoever was doing it to shut up and leave me alone.

I'm not terribly interested in the politics of the gay movement, or its various philosophies and sub classes. Madame4a's statement that she is a femme leather dyke as opposed to a lesbian is to my mind foolish.  However I've never been accused of catering to anything, or of being any particular flavour of lesbian, so perhaps that's why those sorts of distinctions and their importance are not that clear to me. I'm a gay woman who likes to be feminine and I like tomboyish but still feminine women. I'm not sure if that makes me a lesbian, a dyke, a gay woman, a femme, or a groundhog. And to be honest I don't really care. I don't like compartmentalizing labels, they only serve to limit us and divide us.

Its no surprise to me that CM is a predominantly straight site, its a predominantly straight world. Now granted I haven't been here that long, but I can't say I've noticed any real opposition to gays, except from two posters. One has contempt for them, and the other hates them. I've been made to feel very welcome and nobody has really objected to my being gay, even though I am very upfront about it and flirt with women on here. I find CM to be a very welcoming place, and very accepting of my orientation.

Now to the idea of a separate gay/les forum, well I think that's a bad idea. The less compartmentalized we are the better.  The fact that anybody and everybody who has something to say is welcome to do so in any thread is one of the things that makes CM superior to many other sites. By limiting the input we get to specific groups of people we hamper our growth and understanding. Its only by being as inclusive as possible that we can hope gain a true perspective on things.

Now back to the thread to see where it has gone while I have been thinking about all this stuff.





SailingBum -> RE: Lesbian Sex Wars (6/3/2011 8:04:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

Damn....I thought it might be a new show on G4...or Spike...  [:-]



HELL YA nuttin turns me on more than watching Jerry and the brawling Bitches

BadOne




MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Lesbian Sex Wars (6/3/2011 9:13:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Lesbian Sex Wars



Now there's a movie I'd rent... wondering if RedBox has it?!! [;)]





xssve -> RE: Lesbian Sex Wars (6/5/2011 6:03:08 AM)

I think CM has a more heteronormative "atmosphere", largely due to the heavy emphasis on PE - i.e., it's  an exaggeration of your more average types of power exchange, where there is some give and take, in here, it's much more likely to be expressed one way - nothing wrong with that if it's your thing, I like it myself, I find myself wasting a lot of time on games otherwise, but it is somewhat different than focusing on kink for example, like fet, where PE is just one among a number of fetish's: i.e., here, kink is subordinate to PE, whereas on fet, the ethic is the opposite, PE is just another kink.

But, PE is a very competitive ethic, and it leads to a lot more drama and dick slamming contests, get's like a locker room in here sometimes, when the testosterone starts oozing - and in that, any less competitive attitudes are going to start out at a disadvantage, including women and homosexuals, switches (who often gripe they get no love in here), etc. - Domme bashing threads are far more common than Dom bashing threads for instance, and that's presumably male subs.

i.e., it's overall a more masculine ethic, so that even the Dommes have to adopt more masculine attitudes in order to get respect.

There is no official reason for that I don't think, it's just the site culture, there were a lot more of the Old Guard types floating around when I first joined, and for a long time that was the BDSM community, i.e., before the internet enabled more diffusely and diversely kinky types to get together and commiserate - you had to be hardcore to even be out in the open.




xssve -> RE: Lesbian Sex Wars (6/5/2011 6:26:51 AM)

It's funny 'cuase it flips sometimes, I was getting slammed by the female subs in here not real long ago for expressing my distaste for yuppie Princess types which made me some kind of loser, etc., and there ended up being many counter accusations being flung about and assumptions made, i.e the usual bullshit.

Eventually it calmed down, but that snarky attitude creeps back in here if you don't nip it in the bud, and it tends to become an obstacle to any real communication - nobody wants to open up when that shit's goin' down.

I found that Fet thread that led to my being banned from that group, it's kinda funny really, here it is if you want to look, it's fairly short - I mentioned my dick, which was apparently the same as saying masculinity=penis. [8|]

For the record, I was in the Nav and worked alongside women, I've worked a lot of very physically demanding jobs, i.e., "mans work" alongside women, and never noticed them having problems keeping up in spite of not having penis's, so it isn't an issue with me, in fact I'm probably more comfortable with butchier women than with femmes. Been accused of being "gay" becuse of that, but even the Butchiest of women has a feminine side, in my experience, and it's somehow cathartic for me when it comes out.

In fact I'm kinda fascinated by FtM - throw in forced feminization and it becomes  almost irresistible- a woman who wants to act like a man but forced to act like a woman? That just appeals to my sense of perversity like you wouldn't believe. [8D]

They never had shit like that when I was a kid. [:D]




LaTigresse -> RE: Lesbian Sex Wars (6/5/2011 7:48:44 AM)

I've been kind of ignoring this thread since it began. To MANY lesbians, I am not one and don't have any right to call myself one, or have a discussion about it.

If I had to make any kind of real statement, it would be to echo what Heather has so eloquently written. Except......my life couldn't be any more different than her's.

Many of the people in my life are likely clueless as to my sexual preference. Those that do have a clue, most have never even discussed it with me. It's not a subject I tend to bring up and, for whatever reason, no one has really had the balls to ask me about it. A lot of that has been the way things in my life have unfolded. Generic Dude's existance, and the fact that the women in my life have never lived with me for long periods of time. They've been gypsies of a sort. It has never been my intention to hide anything, but it probably would appear that way to anyone that took a hard look.

I am private about most aspects of my life. People that have known me for over 20 years have said things like "LeeAnn I don't feel like I really know you at all." and I am not surprised.

I just go about living my life and doing what I need to do. It's not a political statement, it's just my life. The fact that I find women more appealing sexually has never been anyone else's business or the basis of my socializing, politics or who I choose to spend time with.




xssve -> RE: Lesbian Sex Wars (6/5/2011 7:59:15 AM)

That's commendable - where I live however, if my date wore a collar, or dressed like a man, people would notice. [:D]

Homosexual men have a rough time of it around here, periodically they just disappear en masse, and kinksters in general tend to lay low, though I recently observed what I think was a whole poly house out for some nightlife recently - at the C&W bar no less.

Bisexuality/homosexuality in women seems to be acceptable however, in spite of a general bias towards theocratic social mores. Might have something to do with a slightly higher ratio of women to men here.




Rochsub2009 -> RE: Lesbian Sex Wars (6/6/2011 12:34:24 PM)

Red,
I haven't read your thread.  But I have to say that you came up with the best thread title EVER!  Just reading it gets me all tingly.  Well done!  [:D]

Edit:  Okay, I just skimmed the thread, and I see that there aren't even any pictures.  I was hoping for graphic (and perhaps even violent) lesbian sex. 

Seems like false advertising to me, Red.  What a ripoff!!!!!  




HeatherMcLeather -> RE: Lesbian Sex Wars (6/6/2011 1:38:36 PM)

quote:

To MANY lesbians, I am not one and don't have any right to call myself one
There's no such thing as to many lesbians, that's an oxymoron, it's simply an impossibility.

And you could be a lesbian if you tried, you know. We of the Extensive Lesbianism Front have the skills, resources and know how to help you. Come join us...don't be shy.




mnottertail -> RE: Lesbian Sex Wars (6/6/2011 1:39:16 PM)

send me some brochures and some training camp videos and I will review.......




HeatherMcLeather -> RE: Lesbian Sex Wars (6/6/2011 2:16:47 PM)

Lesbianism. By definition, that means no blow jobs.




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