Moving on

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LDVixen -> Moving on (5/30/2011 7:07:20 PM)
It happens to all of us, we outgrow relationships. We move on. I am moving on at this moment, scared to death about it because I am soon going to need to move out, while unemployed. I will survive because I must. I will not allow my fear to stay in a relationship where I am being treated unfairly. I have no problems with an open relationship. I have a problem with him wanting to put his profile up on every board he can find, all the while telling me he is looking for "us", yet, guess what? Yeah, you guessed it, his profile says SINGLE. Gee, imagine that. Me? I'm just a biotch for actually being upset. I asked him why he was listed as looking for a LTR, he replied "I didn't mean that she was going to move in here". Hmm. I guess my stupid stamp wore off because I am just not buying it. Too old, too jaded, not going to live where I am not WANTED as a person. I'd rather be single.

pahunkboy -> RE: Moving on (5/30/2011 7:17:06 PM)
Ouch. It does sound like a downer.

pahunkboy -> RE: Moving on (5/30/2011 7:25:19 PM)
Have you met him in real life?

angelikaJ -> RE: Moving on (5/30/2011 7:30:12 PM)
PA, read it again: they live together.

LDVixen -> RE: Moving on (5/30/2011 7:30:35 PM)
Yeah. Living in his house for nearly two years. Seems kinda like a LTR to me. I am going to his family gatherings, cooking for Mother's Day lunch for his mom, etc. If it was just an online thing, it would be easy to just walk. Just wanted to note that I have no problem with him wanting to do a threesome or have another person to play with. I object to the lying about it. I am not stupid, don't treat me as such. I am very open minded until I hear someone reassure me that he will let me know if he has found someone else, and doesn't see a thing wrong with it that he will find someone first, then tell me he is looking. I think that's BS. If he wants to look, go, but have the balls to tell me before he starts. Seems more polite.

DeviantMan -> RE: Moving on (5/30/2011 7:31:52 PM)
I'm almost in the same situation you're experiencing LD... if not for the tens of thousands of miles, I'd propose we co-rent a place, until we can both get a decent job to take care of ourselves.... regardless, if you need an ear to listen, give a shout.

sexyred1 -> RE: Moving on (5/30/2011 7:33:57 PM)
Sorry, that sucks. But you sound very together and what you said about you would rather be single than put up with being an option; you go girl, seriously. You sound spunky and I applaud spunky women who refuse to take crap any longer.

TheHeretic -> RE: Moving on (5/30/2011 7:35:08 PM)
Having reached the point where I'd rather live in a car, than stay one more night in relationship that had turned to shit, I can empathize, but I'm still a bit curious. Was he actually getting any, or just playing at the online hunt, while giving you a different story?

sexyred1 -> RE: Moving on (5/30/2011 7:36:28 PM)
Does the answer really matter Heretic? He was still being deceitful, no?

LDVixen -> RE: Moving on (5/30/2011 7:38:04 PM)
Heretic, I don't know for sure. I am afraid to hunt too deep for fear. Better to not know the truth sometimes.

pahunkboy -> RE: Moving on (5/30/2011 7:38:07 PM)
...men can be - IMPOSSIBLE. Is there anything you are missing? What if he had posted to his friends- what would his story be? Is there another facet that is in his favor? He sounds like a jerk. And there are many of them around. If tho you 2 are - must have to share expenses- this sounds like a total train wreck. (been there! It is not fun and was destructive on us and those around us...I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel at all)

DarkSteven -> RE: Moving on (5/30/2011 8:33:24 PM)
LDVixen, my sympathies.

gungadin09 -> RE: Moving on (5/30/2011 8:38:53 PM)
Hugs. pam

NuevaVida -> RE: Moving on (5/30/2011 9:53:46 PM)
So sorry to hear of the betrayal. The lying and intention to betray is just as significant to me as if he physically went through with it. I'm glad you are being smart about it, difficult as it may be. I wish you a recovery filled with support and kindness.

TheHeretic -> RE: Moving on (5/31/2011 6:40:33 AM)
Well, if it is over, it's over. The only people who ever really know what goes on in a house are the people who live in it. I asked the question I did, because in the clear light of a new day, there are things which can be fought about and maybe fixed, and there are things which cannot be. Best of luck to you, however it goes.

LDVixen -> RE: Moving on (5/31/2011 7:24:13 AM)
There is a lot I will forgive and get over. (though perhaps not forget) There is no "getting around it" or "working it out". He sees nothing wrong with "I told you if I find someone else, I will let you know." I then clarified that "So that means that you will tell me AFTER you have been looking?" He responded, "Well of course, how else will I know I have found someone?" I was in a 15 year relationship that ended after I found out the Dom had been dating someone from his past for a year. I cannot and will not go through that pain again. I asked the current "Please, if you are going to start looking, tell me before you start so I can leave." He reassures me that he isn't looking to replace me. He states that he is looking to find someone for "us to play with", then I note he is contacting other women on line, making no mention of me. Perhaps I am simply naive and this is the way it is done now. The man looks for a woman with his profiles stating he is single seeking a LTR, then springs it on her that he has a LTR at home? If his profile stated he was in a relationship seeking (a unicorn) a third, I wouldn't bat an eyelash. Hell, if the third ended up becoming his LTR and I moved out, I would be okay with it. It wouldn't be going on behind my back. I am not leaving to be vindictive or to attempt to change his mind. I am leaving for my own sanity and self-respect. If I lose that, there is really no point in living. He has shown that we have different view points on this, and as neither of us is willing to compromise on it, it is time to walk away.

pahunkboy -> RE: Moving on (5/31/2011 7:51:17 AM)
Being that he wants a guarantee- he must not be sure he is marketable.

LDVixen -> RE: Moving on (5/31/2011 7:59:10 AM)
He has reason to worry if his LTR only means LTR while he looks for someone else he enjoys better.

pahunkboy -> RE: Moving on (5/31/2011 8:14:54 AM)
One of my exes had a gambling problem. Seriously- he was worse then the one who had a drug addiction. At least I knew what motivated the druggie- the gambler however was much harder to figure out. As -- he place "us" as a gamble.... it was all a gamble game to him. 7 years- 4 were good- 2 were so -so- the final year was HELL. There is a point to cut ones losses. With me tho- at the time I very much needed his 1/2 of the rent. I never seen someone wield $20 like it was a pile of gold. with the gambling- of course came to the fucks... a neighbor told me 6 guys were paraded into my place when I was out of town.

LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: Moving on (5/31/2011 12:27:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LDVixen There is a lot I will forgive and get over. (though perhaps not forget) There is no "getting around it" or "working it out". He sees nothing wrong with "I told you if I find someone else, I will let you know." I then clarified that "So that means that you will tell me AFTER you have been looking?" He responded, "Well of course, how else will I know I have found someone?" I was in a 15 year relationship that ended after I found out the Dom had been dating someone from his past for a year. I cannot and will not go through that pain again. I asked the current "Please, if you are going to start looking, tell me before you start so I can leave." He reassures me that he isn't looking to replace me. He states that he is looking to find someone for "us to play with", then I note he is contacting other women on line, making no mention of me. Perhaps I am simply naive and this is the way it is done now. The man looks for a woman with his profiles stating he is single seeking a LTR, then springs it on her that he has a LTR at home? If his profile stated he was in a relationship seeking (a unicorn) a third, I wouldn't bat an eyelash. Hell, if the third ended up becoming his LTR and I moved out, I would be okay with it. It wouldn't be going on behind my back. I am not leaving to be vindictive or to attempt to change his mind. I am leaving for my own sanity and self-respect. If I lose that, there is really no point in living. He has shown that we have different view points on this, and as neither of us is willing to compromise on it, it is time to walk away. This is the most important thing you have said in this entire thread, as far as I'm concerned. Because this is the best reason to leave a relationship that I know of. Self-respect is the number one value to have in life!! Never ever compromise to the point that you no longer respect yourself!

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