Interracial whatever

Interracial whatever (Full Version)

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LillyBoPeep -> Interracial whatever (5/11/2011 4:13:00 PM)
There have been a couple of race threads bouncing around lately, and they got me thinking about all sorts of things. 1) ever since i was a kid, i've been primarily attracted to white guys. i really have no clue why, and i don't think there should have to be a reason, but in the "black community" (honestly, i hate that phrase), however, you're kind of seen as a "traitor" for dating non-brown people, and i've gotten my share of weird stares and negative remarks for having white boyfriends. i can only imagine the flack i'd take if people know i like flogging and single-tails, bondage, chains and such -- to me it has nothing to do with The Past, but more to do with this person i really like, and an activity we both like together. 2) i've met people who felt they couldn't act out sadistic fantasies with me because of some deep-set guilt about perpetuating something that happened a bajillion years ago and to which neither of us were direct parties. (note: i say that not to minimize the past, because the past is still something that many people minimize or try not to even acknowledge, which makes more trouble, not less.) 3) i've also met loads more people who use BDSM/kink to justify very negative attitudes and behavior in all sorts of ways, race not excluded. and even after saying as explicitly as possible "i am not interested in any of that," i continue to get loads of messages assuring me that a. "oh, i really actually LOVE black people," b. "you'd like it if you tried it," and c. "you can't say that you don't get something out of being dominated by a White Man," which is just insanely offensive. * To the white Tops/Doms/Masters -- have you ever had issues with feelings of wanting to do something "mean" to a brown bottom/sub/slave because of some assumed perception or feeling of guilt? if so, why? what did you do about it? * To any brown person who cares to reply -- have you ever personally experienced race-based fetishism? what did you do about it? * To anyone -- have you ever even had an interracial relationship? Issues of attraction and such are mostly involuntary and personal, so no one can really be judged for that. i'm just wondering who actually has had one. =p how did you end up with the person? how'd it all go? did you have "issues" to deal with? those are probably slightly odd questions for now, but i remember one moment in particular, sitting in an airport with an ex, this black guy literally turned around and STARED at us. we decided to make out to piss him off, and eventually he turned back around. but that's been a fairly common experience. when M and i were together, we got stared at a lot, and while he was averse to using the terms Master and slave, i remember him saying once that he especially didn't want to use it to refer to me. it wasn't elaborated on; he didn't want to use it so we didn't, but sometimes i'd wonder about it (especially the more i wanted to call him Master. =p) and some people find it really funny that i've never actually dated a black guy. it isn't so much that i find them unattractive because i've met some very attractive black guys. they just generally aren't into what i'm into -- and i'm not even talking about kink. many of them are raised very urban, while i grew up rural. many of them listen to rap and are into that whole culture, while i prefer rock or metal, or "classical" (used as a general term, not a specific period =p). so i just find that i don't have much in common with them. to me, a fetish is different from just being attracted to someone. you're attracted to features, or you grow up in a particular peer community, or you have interests that sorta set you up to "go shopping" in a particular store. i think that's different than fetishism because fetishism is generally about having ANYONE/ANYTHING that fills that gap, rather than actually getting to know someone or having anything in common with them. it's more of an objectification than an actual interchange or relationship. anyway, these are just some ramblings. feel free to disregard.

couple4life -> RE: Interracial whatever (5/11/2011 4:27:33 PM)
Hiya! Not that it matters (or should matter) but I am a white female who is married to a white male and has never sexually been with another race. I dated a black man, and an Indian man, but nothing grew out of these relationships. I personally feel I am more attracted to white men. It is not really me being racist though. who you are attracted too is based on SEVERAL different things. hormones, pheromones, the way they sound, smell and look. So honestly, it is apart of your DNA and make up to be attracted to who you are. I say go for what you want, who cares about the color. I was born and raised in the south, by grandparents who are VERY racist, and I have heard some of the horrible comments they have said about others behind their backs. I would never dream of uttering those words, or starring at someone else because they are with a different race. Who says you have to date a black guy? I say live and let live. If you want to be with a white man, and if you fall in love with a white man, then F***k the rest of the haters! We still live in a racist world. That won't change in our lifetimes no matter how hard everyone tries. Go for what you want and ignore the rest. Sorry, had to go off on my rant lol. Anne

Delilya -> RE: Interracial whatever (5/11/2011 4:42:27 PM)
I have dated all across races and countries. I've learned a lot, had a ton of fun, and enjoyed from each what they had unique to offer.

weird123m -> RE: Interracial whatever (5/11/2011 4:47:08 PM)
From my brief experience of being open about my interests in the lifestyle I've experienced a bit of race based play. While I can't judge everyone interested in that kind of play, I can only say from the few I have talked to or who have tried to convince me to join them, I've walked away from it feeling cheap. Like the whole reason they were interested in me is because I happen to be Black. I've always reacted by stating that a) I do not wish to join any couple and b) I am a Dom who simply happens to be black. There is more to me. To go off of your comment, I know that I've been primarily attracted to white girls. I've always dated redheads and brunettes. None of my past relationships have been with blondes like some people would assume the stereotype to be. But I can definately relate to getting the awkward looks and off hand comments, especially from family or friends who assume I am simply trying to "move up and out."

NocturnalStalker -> RE: Interracial whatever (5/11/2011 5:07:02 PM)
quote: * To the white Tops/Doms/Masters -- have you ever had issues with feelings of wanting to do something "mean" to a brown bottom/sub/slave because of some assumed perception or feeling of guilt? if so, why? what did you do about it? Nope. A hot female is a hot female. The more flavours, the better.

sirssubk2008 -> RE: Interracial whatever (5/11/2011 5:22:51 PM)
I was married to a native american, I didn't feel it was interracial since I have cherokee in me, but my family certainly did. They are the only ones who had ever said anything about it. I also dated a spanish gentleman for awhile, again no one really said anything. I wasn't attracted to either one because of their race but because of who they were.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Interracial whatever (5/11/2011 5:30:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep * To the white Tops/Doms/Masters -- have you ever had issues with feelings of wanting to do something "mean" to a brown bottom/sub/slave because of some assumed perception or feeling of guilt? if so, why? what did you do about it? I'm not exactly white, but I guess I'm light enough for the purposes of the question. No, I haven't - but I wonder how much of that is to do with being in Britain rather than America; the majority of 'brown' families here came post-WW2, so there's a whole lot less of an association with slavery. quote: * To any brown person who cares to reply -- have you ever personally experienced race-based fetishism? what did you do about it? I'm not exactly brown either, but I'm definitely brown enough to answer this one. Yes I have, but only in a vanilla context. When I had long hair I was pretty obviously 'ethnic' (although often people couldn't identify an actual origin). It would be pretty much the first thing any guy would say to me (less so with women, for some reason) - 'where do you come from with that hair?', followed by an assumption that I was easy and promiscuous and available. It was horrible, and ultimately it lead to me chopping my hair off - which has made a big difference to the way strangers treat me. But at the time I dealt with it by cutting people dead. If someone asked about my ethnic origin with that look in their eye then the conversation was over as soon as possible and there was a big black mark (no pun intended) against their name my head. My mum used to find my distress really frustrating - she'd say that people were just curious, but being on the receiving end of it felt nastier than plain curiosity, somehow (and I'm not sure she really understood what it was like - even though she's 100% Arabic and I'm the 50/50 one, she looks completely white). quote: * To anyone -- have you ever even had an interracial relationship? I guess all my relationships are by definition interracial - ain't many Arab Jews around, yanno? But even if we pretend I'm white, then yes I've had interracial relationships. And boy, there have been problems. A guy from Barbados who I saw for a while used to insist on taking my hand in the street - that got us spat at a couple of times (and it's funny, 'cause at the time I remember being angry at him for being so bloody attached to physical contact and refusing to let go even though it caused trouble - now I'm wondering if I bought into the stigma as much as the lads in the street - I know he didn't see me as the cheap white girl but I think maybe I did.)

CreepyStalker -> RE: Interracial whatever (5/11/2011 6:04:02 PM)
I find this sort of topic interesting, so excuse me while I go off on a tangent... A few years ago I had a conversation with a certain group of friends from a predominantly white area; the vast majority said they were mostly or pretty much exclusively attracted to white people. I found this really odd, I've never had any particular preferences and I'd assumed that was normal. The really interesting thing though, was that the people expressing this opinion weren't just white people, so it couldn't be concluded that it was a 'dating within one's race' issue. Because I found this so weird, I mentioned it a few days later with another group of friends, this lot being from a much more diverse area. The general consensus was 'LOL, your new friends sound a bit racist'. They're not, obviously, it's very much an involuntary thing; you can't choose who you're attracted to and all that. The stark difference between the two groups really interested me though. I mentioned the areas they live in as that's the only factor I can really think of to differentiate between them. Even then I'm curious as to what aspect of that could affect dating preferences/attraction so much and how. It can't be something as simple as the racial make-up of one's available dating pool, as that removes the involuntariness and renders it a deliberate pragmatic preference. It probably can't be an exposure/familiarity thing either, as attraction extends beyond people in one's immediate social circle. Research on this sort of thing tends to be rather crap though, socially sensitive stuff is always very tentative and a lot of it seems to make odd assumptions about segregation. Definitely space for some much better investigation, but meh, I'm not a social scientist, someone else can do it. (Sorry I haven't actually answered any of your questions.)

ClassIsInSession -> RE: Interracial whatever (5/11/2011 6:17:23 PM)
I think people should be free to love/date/play with whomever they want, and really everyone is, stigmas are just people with nothing better to do, causing mischief. We all have our preferences, and there is nothing in the world with liking what you like. We never hear about lawsuits from Coke because someone prefers Dr. Pepper. So why should who we choose to "be" with be any different? That said, what irks me is those people who want to talk about supremacy based on race, whatever the race may happen to be they are talking about. This isn't preference talking, it's an insulting and radically immature perspective that a person's worth could possibly be based on what ethnic origin they happen to be. I've always felt that a person's value, subjective as it may be from any external perspective is based on their character, not their color. I've had the pleasure of having friends from over 17 different countries in my life, and the cultural differences, the difference of opinions and beliefs, all of it, has been incredibly beneficial in my own self growth. What marked every friend though as the same, was integrity, kindness and intelligence whether it was academic or just the wisdom of good ol' common sense. It's hard for me at times to even imagine racial bias because I see so little of it in the world around me. Life is just too short to care what anyone else thinks...in 100 years most of us will be forgotten. Just follow your heart..

sunshinemiss -> RE: Interracial whatever (5/11/2011 7:03:31 PM)
Hello Bo Peep - I have dated quite a lot of people of different races. I make no secret of the fact that I prefer darker men - Italians, Jews, Latinos, Blacks. This is not to say I haven't cared for the white people I've dated, but to say more that I gravitate toward a darker skinned person for better or worse. For me it is a melange - the person's culture, way of looking at the world, the color of their skin, the way they smell - all of it together makes for a more interesting package than the wonder white bread that I was brought up in. I don't eliminate white people from my radar, but they really need to stand out for me to see them. Here in Korea, all the white men look alike - they are all tall with some kind of darkish hair, big noses, and craggy profiles. It's true! The Germans I know are different to me - they are often together, and because they walk together (and each is over 6 feet tall), they look formidable. They hit my radar. As individuals, I doubt if they would. The rest of the white folks? Not so much. I have been lucky enough to have loved and been loved by a wonderful man who set the standard for men in my life - he was/is of foreign ancestry. In fact, he is an international living in the USA, and that is where we met and fell in love. We did run into some racism at times, but it wasn't overt, and I got right up in people's faces about it. He was the best man I knew and how dare they treat him like that! For him, he was always so positive and pleasant (and in his head) that it didn't faze him. I would say, "Honey, they aren't seating us - this is what racism is." He'd look up and say, "Oh is that what's happening?" G*d love him, he was amazingly patient. (I guess he had to be since he loved me! [:D] ). The part of racial issues that comes into play for me is more about language than anything. Oh, sure, I love how my lovely pale skin looks against someone else's darker skin - I love the contrast, but it is the rhythm of the language, hearing someone talk to me in another language (particularly one I don't know) that gets my heart all a flutter. I once asked Mr. Love to talk to me in Spanish (this was before I understood Spanish), and he was shocked. "But you won't understand," he said to me. Oh, I understood. He understood that I understood after the first, "puta" came out of his mouth! There is something about language - and not understanding the words, but understanding the intent, that I dig. I've had the same kind of experience in a room filed with people who were British or were from places of recent British colonization - I hadn't a clue what they were saying, the slang made no sense to me, and I loved that I was sitting there the only one not understanding. I may have gotten a little... moist. But I'm not saying. Also, there is just a different attitude or way of interacting sexually as well that is refreshing for me. This ain't Hollywood, baby! This is reality, and sex and attraction are primal, feral... yummy. That said, I'm sure there's room for more research. Oh yes, I'm sure there is. Let me get my lab coat. best, sunshine

LillyBoPeep -> RE: Interracial whatever (5/11/2011 7:07:54 PM)
i think sometimes it IS about familiarity. if you grow up with all the same people, sometimes people who aren't the same are "scary." you grow up learning what "beautiful" and "desirable" mean to the people you grow up around, and so you absorb that and it becomes part of who you are and how you relate to the world. in more diverse areas, people have more experience with more types of people, so the "stay with the group" mentality is a little less (at least in my experience) than it is in areas that are predominantly one type or another. and sometimes, while attraction itself may or may not be a choice, the attitudes that make "the others" undesirable definitely ARE choice. sometimes those attitudes are very negative. if, for instance, a person only dates white people because they think white people are better, and all those other people are just gross or uncivilized or something, then that's negative, and their attraction is based on something negative. for me, i have loads of negative feelings towards all kinds of people from how i grew up, so i don't think that really influences me. on one hand, i was made fun of by black kids because i did really well in school, i didn't talk or dress like them, and i didn't do the same things they did. on the other hand, i was made fun of by white kids because my hair or my nose was different, or i sounded different or they just flat out didn't like me around. =p a lot of them picked up shit from their racist parents and brought it with them. so, growing up, as far as i was concerned, EVERYBODY sucked. =p and if you look at the world today, EVERYBODY still sucks. =p for me it isn't about any silly idea of who's "better" or "more desirable," and it's definitely not about "moving up." and i really don't feel more or less familiar with anyone. my upbringing resulted in a lot of ambiguity for me -- as far as i was concerned, i was just a kid who lived on some land and went to school -- it was everyone else who reminded me that melanin was supposed to matter. i've listened to a lot of people spout off about how those kinds of relationships are actually bad, even if you don't think they are, and i just go "uh... puh-lease." lots of psychobabble about mixed messages or simply parroting back what's been fed to you by the media blah blah blah. i get irritated by anyone who stands on either side and says "this is the only way you should do anything." =p

NuevaVida -> RE: Interracial whatever (5/11/2011 7:27:10 PM)
I tend to be attracted to men with darker pigmentation. He who owns me is Native American and just beautiful to me (besides being a beautiful soul, too). I did go out with a black man for awhile - he was gorgeous. But he was the one very concerned about race and cultural differences. When he asked what my family would think about me seeing a black man, I said they would ask if he treats me well - that's their only concern. He, on the other hand, would not introduce me to family and friends, because I'm "white" (I'm Spanish with very pale skin). They would not accept me, he said. The issue came up a lot. He was a nice man, and we had fun together, but we were not a match.

Hillwilliam -> RE: Interracial whatever (5/11/2011 7:40:00 PM)
When I was in college, I dated an absolutely lovely, intelligent lady who happened to be black. My friends thought she was great. My parents thought she was lovely and intelligent. Her family thought I was really nice (her old man forgot more about bass fishing than I ever knew). The only ones who were problematic were her black male friends. The strange thing is that a significant number of them had white girlfriends. Go figure.

CarpeComa -> RE: Interracial whatever (5/11/2011 7:55:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep * To the white Tops/Doms/Masters -- have you ever had issues with feelings of wanting to do something "mean" to a brown bottom/sub/slave because of some assumed perception or feeling of guilt? if so, why? what did you do about it? No. quote: * To anyone -- have you ever even had an interracial relationship? Issues of attraction and such are mostly involuntary and personal, so no one can really be judged for that. i'm just wondering who actually has had one. =p how did you end up with the person? how'd it all go? did you have "issues" to deal with? Yes. A couple of them I met through here. The last one I met through work. There haven't been any issues on my end (that I know of) related to race. In my experience, I have noticed that it has been the other person worrying about being accepted due to race or being too ethnic.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: Interracial whatever (5/11/2011 8:10:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam The only ones who were problematic were her black male friends. The strange thing is that a significant number of them had white girlfriends. HAHAHAA!!!! now THAT is spot on =p chortle snirk chortle some more =p

felicitousdove -> RE: Interracial whatever (5/11/2011 8:20:48 PM)
I have dated and played with both men and women of many races. I am used to stares. MH is a white man 23 yrs older.. Often we get stares and assumptions that he is my father LOL But at least that is understandable. I have dated 2 black women, and am currently interested in pursuing a relationship with a Black Dominant man. I got a couple odd looks when my ex girlfriend (who was quite butch) and i showed up at a formal AIDS benefit dinner dance. She wore a tux and I wore a dress. Not sure if if it was the interracial thing, or the fact we were 2 women, or what. Frankly we didn't let it bother us, and we had a great time any way! I dont tend to see things like race, age or gender. I personally fall for a person's personality, how well they treat me, and their spirituality.

ResidentSadist -> RE: Interracial whatever (5/11/2011 8:24:01 PM)
There are enough problems in the world that I just don’t have time to adopt someone else’s guilt. Girls are all pink on the inside. I have no racial guilt . . . or religious guilt . . . or gender guilt . . . or any predisposed guilt at all really. I have to earn my guilt by actually doing something dumb. How did I meet the last black girl I was with? She was helping push a dead motorcycle down the street. I stopped to offer the couple some help. I gave them a jump start and the guy drove off thanking me and the girl for our help, leaving her behind. WTF? She said she was just helping him push because the bike looked heavy. She was really cute, friendly and obviously kind hearted. So I started flirting with her, while making my taste for leather known. She flirted back, and I learned she was a 18 year old stripper. I told her I would make a point of going by her club and tip her $5 because Lincoln’s portrait was on the bill and he freed the slaves. She said I didn’t have to go to the club to see her naked, pulled up her shirt, leaned into me and we kissed . . . so I took her. Yes, my wallet was still there in the morning and so was she. We became lovers and had a wonderful and kinky tryst that lasted a few months. I have had interracial relationships with black, brown, yellow, red and olive skinned girls. Everhope is a 54 year old white submissive and she has lived with me for the past 2 years. Neither age nor race affect my choices. I like a woman with really big brains!

Aynne88 -> RE: Interracial whatever (5/11/2011 8:34:58 PM)
Lived with and married to a Korean man for 23 years. Not really encountered a lot of overt racism here, but damn, when we go to NYC or Boston or any major city, the Asian women were evil to me. I have been completely ignored in restaurants, or been blatantly rude to my face, it was shocking at first. This is usually from older Asian women, the ones that called him a "banana". White inside, but yellow outside. Not nice. On occasion we encountered the same kind of shit from older white males here, but I had no problem telling them how ignorant they were if need be. I just found it odd we had much less racist nonsense in this small town in Maine we live in with almost no interracial couples then huge cities. I am currently with a much older Italian man, obviously my tastes lean towards ethnic dark olive skinned dark eyed men, it always has. Probably becasue I have very fair skin and auburn hair, I like the contrast and a lot of dark men love redheads, in my experience, so it's okay with me ;-) I have never been with or dated a black guy, I lean heavily towards Asian/Italian purely for aesthics, but not to say I wouldn't, however....my girlfriends that have do seem to have a lot of stories of black women giving them a hard time over it.

littlewonder -> RE: Interracial whatever (5/11/2011 8:40:29 PM)
For the most part I've only ever dated white men and the ones I fell in love with all seem to be about as white as you can get....pale Irish. I never chose it that way, just seems to be the type I'm attracted to. I had a short fling with a Brazilian man once but it was all about the sex and fun we had when he was in town and we both knew that so he wasn't relationship material and I had a crush on my former pastor who is black and who asked me out but it was just too wierd for me to date because of the whole pastor thing not because of his color. I just find that while I might find a man of another race to be hot from time to time, I can't say that I'm attracted to them for anything deep or meaningful. I also have seen the problems that my brother and his black wife and their children have had over the years, everything from family and friends disowning them to our town telling them they couldn't come into the stores and such to their kids being teased and harassed and called names. It's just a lot of stress that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

Tantriqu -> RE: Interracial whatever (5/11/2011 9:11:19 PM)
First serious crush was Japanese. Had black, went back ;-) Also dated a guy whose parents were East Indian; I make the distinction because he himself was a Brit through and through. Fortunately never had any problems in Canada with minor PDAs. BIIIIG shock when went down to the Southern US: like going back in time 50 years. I even dated an American! I find Latinos and Mediterraneans too macho and conservative, and too twitchy-switchy conflicted about being a sub male, so that's the only group I haven't sampled. Mmmmm, Maoris . . . I find race play offensive myself, so I would honestly be too PC to do it if requested. So 'my type' basically boils down to common interests and common languages, which is mostly white guys. So, heck, if anyone has a spare tall, lean cowboy poet or two, pass 'em up north here!

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