Does the injection of fetish wear into mainstream culture make it harder to spot kinky people?

Does the injection of fetish wear into mainstream culture make it harder to spot kinky people? (Full Version)

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ParappaTheDapper -> Does the injection of fetish wear into mainstream culture make it harder to spot kinky people? (4/28/2011 9:32:47 AM)
We seem to be going through another cycle of fetish fashion breaking through and becoming acceptable in the mainstream, which is kind of confusing to my libido. There was a time when if I saw a woman wearing a pair of outrageously cruel looking shoes or dressing like the frontgrrl for an old band I could be pretty sure she was kink-accessible or kink-friendly. We're at a point again (this goes in cycles I know) where all it means is that she's fashion conscious. Now this isn't the end of the world by any means but I wonder if anybody else has found it harder to identify potentially kinky people in the wild lately? Also, since someone will bring this up, I'm totally aware that some of the kinkiest people don't give off any kind of "kinky fashion" vibes. I just mean there are periods when having "the look" is a halfway good indication someone is kinky and there are times when it doesn't mean much, and we seem to be in one of the latter times.

AneNoz -> RE: Does the injection of fetish wear into mainstream culture make it harder to spot kinky people? (4/28/2011 9:44:36 AM)
I have always found such fetish fashion to be distasteful and avoid the ones who wear it. Thus I have no thoughts if it is an indication of a kinky person or not. Be at peace Aneka

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Does the injection of fetish wear into mainstream culture make it harder to spot kinky people? (4/28/2011 9:49:29 AM)
I actually think bringing kink into the mainstream makes it a bit easier to find kinksters. Right now Rihanna's "S&M" is one of the hottest songs on the radio and Lady Gaga is making latex and pony boots fashion trends. (Ok, maybe not pony boots.) Somewhere out there, someone is Googling S&M or thinking "wow, that outfit is hawt; I want to try that!" And that person could be the partner someone like you has been seeking for however long you've been looking. But the new person might never have considered kink until she heard Rihanna singing about it or saw Lady Gaga's latest fashion weirdness.

NocturnalStalker -> RE: Does the injection of fetish wear into mainstream culture make it harder to spot kinky people? (4/28/2011 10:13:27 AM)
I don't hold some sort of ridiculous arrogance over this stuff and could honestly care less what they wear.

HannahLynHeather -> RE: Does the injection of fetish wear into mainstream culture make it harder to spot kinky people? (4/28/2011 10:32:17 AM)
NOT!!! fashion is your life and we all know it. Hannah Lynn

sexyred1 -> RE: Does the injection of fetish wear into mainstream culture make it harder to spot kinky people? (4/28/2011 10:41:20 AM)
Kinky fashion is cyclical; it just keeps coming in and out of fashion according to whatever designer deems hot that season. Most people realize it has nothing to do with the predilictions of the wearer; and more about how trendy someone thinks they are. There is no way to tell if someone is kinky other than communicating with them directly, as making assumptions based on fashion sense is probably not the most accurate way.

ParappaTheDapper -> RE: Does the injection of fetish wear into mainstream culture make it harder to spot kinky people? (4/28/2011 10:43:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan I actually think bringing kink into the mainstream makes it a bit easier to find kinksters. Right now Rihanna's "S&M" is one of the hottest songs on the radio and Lady Gaga is making latex and pony boots fashion trends. (Ok, maybe not pony boots.) Somewhere out there, someone is Googling S&M or thinking "wow, that outfit is hawt; I want to try that!" And that person could be the partner someone like you has been seeking for however long you've been looking. But the new person might never have considered kink until she heard Rihanna singing about it or saw Lady Gaga's latest fashion weirdness. Yeah, I think You're totally right about that. Whenever fetish interests are injected into pop culture it seems to help a lot of people awaken to their own half-buried urges. I'm just one of those submissive guys who looks for cues and one cue I respond to is fashion I associate with twisted minds and wicked inclinations. I do like the look, though, objectively, on people who know how to wear it. Though I always worry about women I see in the winter in New York and Boston and other icy places trying to schlep around wearing enormous spiky heels they're not accustomed to....

ParappaTheDapper -> RE: Does the injection of fetish wear into mainstream culture make it harder to spot kinky people? (4/28/2011 10:46:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Kinky fashion is cyclical; it just keeps coming in and out of fashion according to whatever designer deems hot that season. Most people realize it has nothing to do with the predilictions of the wearer; and more about how trendy someone thinks they are. There is no way to tell if someone is kinky other than communicating with them directly, as making assumptions based on fashion sense is probably not the most accurate way. I don't know if I agree with that entirely! When fetishy fashion is not "in" and a person still wears it around, I think it's natural to assume they're communicating something. Certainly there is no way to know what a person wants without direct communication. But I can't imagine not noticing and responding to cues and one of the cues people respond to is another person's fashion choices. For example, my linen vest and white sunglasses tend to scream out "Too many douchebags on the dance floor!" to some people. :)

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Does the injection of fetish wear into mainstream culture make it harder to spot kinky people? (4/28/2011 10:50:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ParappaTheDapper I'm just one of those submissive guys who looks for cues and one cue I respond to is fashion I associate with twisted minds and wicked inclinations. Then someone like me would fly right under your radar. I don't wear fetish fashion on a regular basis. I don't even wear heels most of the time. Nine days out of ten, I look like a soccer mom. I'm all about comfort so it's jeans, t-shirts and hiking boots for me. You'd probably never guess I'm a sadistic dominant and edge player.

sexyred1 -> RE: Does the injection of fetish wear into mainstream culture make it harder to spot kinky people? (4/28/2011 10:55:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ParappaTheDapper quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Kinky fashion is cyclical; it just keeps coming in and out of fashion according to whatever designer deems hot that season. Most people realize it has nothing to do with the predilictions of the wearer; and more about how trendy someone thinks they are. There is no way to tell if someone is kinky other than communicating with them directly, as making assumptions based on fashion sense is probably not the most accurate way. I don't know if I agree with that entirely! When fetishy fashion is not "in" and a person still wears it around, I think it's natural to assume they're communicating something. Certainly there is no way to know what a person wants without direct communication. But I can't imagine not noticing and responding to cues and one of the cues people respond to is another person's fashion choices. For example, my linen vest and white sunglasses tend to scream out "Too many douchebags on the dance floor!" to some people. :) Well that is what I meant about assumptions. :)

LaTigresse -> RE: Does the injection of fetish wear into mainstream culture make it harder to spot kinky people? (4/28/2011 10:57:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AneNoz I have always found such fetish fashion to be distasteful and avoid the ones who wear it. Thus I have no thoughts if it is an indication of a kinky person or not. Be at peace Aneka This is my point of view also. I am a dominant woman. This means I can and will, wear exactly what i want to. Most days that is jeans and t-shirt. If it is cool, like today, I've got a long sleeved, button up type, man's shirt tossed on over the t-shirt. It is comfortable and I wear it because I can. Just like I can and do, always wear makeup and have my hair done up. Not to mention the sparkly stuff I would feel naked without. Not exactly fetish wear..... It is ME wear!

ParappaTheDapper -> RE: Does the injection of fetish wear into mainstream culture make it harder to spot kinky people? (4/28/2011 10:58:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan quote: ORIGINAL: ParappaTheDapper I'm just one of those submissive guys who looks for cues and one cue I respond to is fashion I associate with twisted minds and wicked inclinations. Then someone like me would fly right under your radar. I don't wear fetish fashion on a regular basis. I don't even wear heels most of the time. Nine days out of ten, I look like a soccer mom. I'm all about comfort so it's jeans, t-shirts and hiking boots for me. You'd probably never guess I'm a sadistic dominant and edge player. Yeah, when it comes down to it there is no substitute for getting to know someone. That is the only way connections are forged. I totally pay attention to cues but always keep in mind that 1) Not everyone who dresses like a cross between a dominatrix and a punk rock chick wants to tie people up, 2) Even if they do want to tie someone up that doesn't mean there is going to be any connection between us in particular, and 3) There are a LOT of people who are deeply kinky and don't reveal it openly. I'm a pretty firm believer in other people's privacy so if my neighbor who dresses like Elaine from Seinfeld secretly has a guy hogtied and writhing around under her feet three or four times a week but doesn't particularly want to broadcast that fact except to people she's connected with in a certain way, then more power to her. The older I get the less open I become with acquaintances and the fewer cues and quirks I have on display too.

NocturnalStalker -> RE: Does the injection of fetish wear into mainstream culture make it harder to spot kinky people? (4/28/2011 11:00:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan quote: ORIGINAL: ParappaTheDapper I'm just one of those submissive guys who looks for cues and one cue I respond to is fashion I associate with twisted minds and wicked inclinations. Then someone like me would fly right under your radar. I don't wear fetish fashion on a regular basis. I don't even wear heels most of the time. Nine days out of ten, I look like a soccer mom. I'm all about comfort so it's jeans, t-shirts and hiking boots for me. You'd probably never guess I'm a sadistic dominant and edge player. Aw, you're so cute.

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Does the injection of fetish wear into mainstream culture make it harder to spot kinky people? (4/28/2011 11:02:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker Aw, you're so cute. Yes, yes I am.

BonesFromAsh -> RE: Does the injection of fetish wear into mainstream culture make it harder to spot kinky people? (4/28/2011 11:08:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ParappaTheDapper When fetishy fashion is not "in" and a person still wears it around, I think it's natural to assume they're communicating something. Of course they are...everyone communicates something with what they choose to wear. The confusion starts when someone makes assumptions about who a person is based on what they wear. Just because I like to dress up like Nurse Hatchett doesn't mean I'm a medical professional... [;)]

juliaoceania -> RE: Does the injection of fetish wear into mainstream culture make it harder to spot kinky people? (4/28/2011 11:31:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ParappaTheDapper quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Kinky fashion is cyclical; it just keeps coming in and out of fashion according to whatever designer deems hot that season. Most people realize it has nothing to do with the predilictions of the wearer; and more about how trendy someone thinks they are. There is no way to tell if someone is kinky other than communicating with them directly, as making assumptions based on fashion sense is probably not the most accurate way. I don't know if I agree with that entirely! When fetishy fashion is not "in" and a person still wears it around, I think it's natural to assume they're communicating something. Certainly there is no way to know what a person wants without direct communication. But I can't imagine not noticing and responding to cues and one of the cues people respond to is another person's fashion choices. For example, my linen vest and white sunglasses tend to scream out "Too many douchebags on the dance floor!" to some people. :) When I was 18 the nightlife scene was all about hair bands. We wore leather, chains, teased our hair out, and wore outrageous makeup. The only kink I was advertising is a predilection for heavy metal, and since I ran around with my musician brother a lot, this was what people in his social network were wearing... I even had a pair of handcuff earrings, and while I was and am kinky, what I chose to wear at that stage in my life had NOTHING to do with advertising for generic men to pick up on me for kinky sex. I think such assumptions are so 1950s. You know, "Of course she was looking for it, look how she was dressed", (big eye roll)

ParappaTheDapper -> RE: Does the injection of fetish wear into mainstream culture make it harder to spot kinky people? (4/28/2011 11:46:56 AM)
quote: I think such assumptions are so 1950s. You know, "Of course she was looking for it, look how she was dressed", (big eye roll) I'm not sure it's fair to equate "I sometimes read cues and approach women with whom I think I might be compatible based on their appearance" with an unutterably loathsome excuse frequently offered in one form or another with rape culture apologists. When I was younger I wore too much cologne, but other than having to breathe a little too much CK1 (hey it was the 90s and I was 16) no woman has ever been anything other than momentarily inconvenienced by my attempts to start a conversation! Shockingly, a few even enjoy them and wish to have more conversations in the future!

juliaoceania -> RE: Does the injection of fetish wear into mainstream culture make it harder to spot kinky people? (4/28/2011 12:04:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ParappaTheDapper quote: I think such assumptions are so 1950s. You know, "Of course she was looking for it, look how she was dressed", (big eye roll) I'm not sure it's fair to equate "I sometimes read cues and approach women with whom I think I might be compatible based on their appearance" with an unutterably loathsome excuse frequently offered in one form or another with rape culture apologists. When I was younger I wore too much cologne, but other than having to breathe a little too much CK1 (hey it was the 90s and I was 16) no woman has ever been anything other than momentarily inconvenienced by my attempts to start a conversation! Shockingly, a few even enjoy them and wish to have more conversations in the future! First, I never mentioned rape... I was speaking from personal experience... men assuming I was looking for something I wasn't because my shirt was low cut, or my skirt was too high... that something could be a comment, a proposition, or even grabbing me. Personally I would not think it was okay to assume anything about someone sexually because of the way they are dressed. If you do, have success finding sexual partners based upon such things... go you!

ParappaTheDapper -> RE: Does the injection of fetish wear into mainstream culture make it harder to spot kinky people? (4/28/2011 12:13:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: ORIGINAL: ParappaTheDapper quote: I think such assumptions are so 1950s. You know, "Of course she was looking for it, look how she was dressed", (big eye roll) I'm not sure it's fair to equate "I sometimes read cues and approach women with whom I think I might be compatible based on their appearance" with an unutterably loathsome excuse frequently offered in one form or another with rape culture apologists. When I was younger I wore too much cologne, but other than having to breathe a little too much CK1 (hey it was the 90s and I was 16) no woman has ever been anything other than momentarily inconvenienced by my attempts to start a conversation! Shockingly, a few even enjoy them and wish to have more conversations in the future! First, I never mentioned rape... I was speaking from personal experience... men assuming I was looking for something I wasn't because my shirt was low cut, or my skirt was too high... that something could be a comment, a proposition, or even grabbing me. Personally I would not think it was okay to assume anything about someone sexually because of the way they are dressed. If you do, have success finding sexual partners based upon such things... go you! Okay, that's fair. I misread you originally and we are talking about very different kinds of advances. What you've described is repugnant and justifying it with "She was asking to be groped being dressed that way" is inexcusable. My bad! That said, yes, I do make assumptions based on how people dress. Sometimes they're accurate, and sometimes they're not. They're never expressed rudely, boorishly, or aggressively. I don't believe there is anything wrong with paying attention to people based on how they look (people have all sorts of capricious reasons for first noticing someone else) I think it's simply a matter of the kind of attention one pays and how willing one is to stop paying attention if it is not welcome. I do feel silly misreading you at first though it's only that I've seen the "She was asking for it" line used too often to justify outright sexual violence that it was my first thought. Cheers!

DesFIP -> RE: Does the injection of fetish wear into mainstream culture make it harder to spot kinky people? (4/28/2011 3:23:06 PM)
You are also missing the fact that fetish wear originally came from the regular culture. The earliest use of corsets that comes to my mind was the Elizabethan stomacher. By the Victorian times it had evolved from outer wear to inner. And now it's moved back to outer wear again in many forms. I don't know if your local museum has a fashion wing, if so, you might find it informative.

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