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RE: Responsibility for a former slave - 4/26/2011 9:20:39 AM   
leadership527


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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
You seem intent on viewing things this way....perhaps a US thing, I don't  know.

Nope, more a "me" thing. And yes, I am intent on viewing things the way I view them till I've got a better way :)


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Responsibility for a former slave - 4/26/2011 9:21:36 AM   
gothikbutterfly


Posts: 484
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From: the deepest darkest recesses of your mind
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirRussellP

I am of the belief that I still have some responsibility for a former slave.  Almost all of my former subs or slaves know that I will help them if they need it and ask.

How do you feel about your former subs/slaves or Dom/Masters

Russell



I have zero responsibility to them.
But, as with most folks I love, if they needed anything, I would do my best to help. But that's not a dom thing, that's a decent people thing.
Nor does she to me. But I would like to think they don't talk shit about me, just as I don't about them.
Again, that's not a BDSM thing, that's a respect thing.



Well put Kana

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RE: Responsibility for a former slave - 4/26/2011 9:27:57 AM   
agirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

I have zero responsibility to them.
But, as with most folks I love, if they needed anything, I would do my best to help. But that's not a dom thing, that's a decent people thing.
Nor does she to me. But I would like to think they don't talk shit about me, just as I don't about them.
Again, that's not a BDSM thing, that's a respect thing.



Yes, a decent person thing. We'd never speak badly of each other...........I can't think of a single reason why we would.

agirl


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RE: Responsibility for a former slave - 4/26/2011 9:32:22 AM   
agirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

I have no responsibilities towards Carol now and I would have no additional responsibilities if we parted ways. We don't deal in "responsibilities" which sounds a lot like "entitlements". What I would do of my own accord is do the best I can to provide a transition for Carol and ensure she was on her feet emotionally, financially, and every other way.


Where does entitlement come into any of this Jeff?

agirl


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RE: Responsibility for a former slave - 4/26/2011 9:35:40 AM   
Sunny27


Posts: 140
Joined: 10/9/2010
Status: offline 		You know I say this as I am a slave/Sub to my Master/b.f. now I have a past b.f. who is into BDSM and I've seen him lots of times.
We broke up 5 years ago and though we only ever a completly vanilla couple, we havent stayed friends.
I'd still be mighty pissed off with someone if they hurt him treated him badly or whatever.
Granted I will say no problem that it could be because I still love him platonically.
Last year when he was with this other girl she said his real name on on my profile page saying
"Oh My God Treasure "Person" is not with you anymore, so get the hell over it, He's mine! so stay away ok!
Now this was on fetlife! a year ago and the minute I saw it I deleted it straight away because a) I had my own Master and I had said no-ones name.
I wrote back to her and said "don't you dare use his name again in a comment on my page or anywhere on fetlife. Your a moderater, fuck sake, read the rules, your not allowed to say anyones real name here.
If "Person" looses his job because of you outing him, don't say I never told you this now because it won't be me giving out, he'd do a better job of that!"This girl was besides his ex his sub and slave.
I don't talk to a girl that used to be my sub last year for a month because of how she got out of being my sub!
She ended up writing to me saying, I don't want to even be known to having known you!
Besides that she spoke badly about the girl who my ex had dated for a while and she didn't even know her!
She called her a hoe for show just because her hair was lots of colours but now their best buds!
This I think is just because they both know me and my ex sub despises me as I havent spoken to her at all for maybe a year and a half!The girl who my ex b.f. used to date I see her sometimes if I go to a nimhneach and she's sound.
I still think as last year she came up to me and gave me a hug and smiled at me.
You may think aww that could be completly false but if people are going to be false with me they talk for at least 5 minutes about whatever I'm wearing and say it looks really good!
I normally keep talking to people that have treated with respect and courtesy for a good while.
I am quite picky!

(in reply to agirl)
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RE: Responsibility for a former slave - 4/26/2011 9:52:32 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		That's far more dull than I could possibly express..and I haven't a clue what it has to do with the OP.  Isn't it a tale of very young girls biting the arse of the other?

agirl


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RE: Responsibility for a former slave - 4/26/2011 9:57:46 AM   
agirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
You seem intent on viewing things this way....perhaps a US thing, I don't  know.

Nope, more a "me" thing. And yes, I am intent on viewing things the way I view them till I've got a better way :)



I said a lot more than this one line and I asked this...

Why do you see responsibilities as entitlements?? It's the most strange thought to me/us.

You must have missed it.

agirl


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RE: Responsibility for a former slave - 4/26/2011 10:10:06 AM   
leadership527


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Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
Where does entitlement come into any of this Jeff?

I had to think about the answer to that one to "get it right". Entitlement comes in when the responsibilities are assigned by someone other than the person owning the responsibility -- which is generally how I see it used. But in the case of a person saying, "I assume the responsibility for x,y,z" then it's merely living up to one's own standards.

It's not that I'm stupid. I get the word "responsibility" and, in fact, I'm also the guy who says "responsibility is what makes authority non-corrupt." It's just that in this particular venue I find the word more destructive than constructive.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Responsibility for a former slave - 4/26/2011 11:14:31 AM   
agirl


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Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
Where does entitlement come into any of this Jeff?

I had to think about the answer to that one to "get it right". Entitlement comes in when the responsibilities are assigned by someone other than the person owning the responsibility -- which is generally how I see it used. But in the case of a person saying, "I assume the responsibility for x,y,z" then it's merely living up to one's own standards.

It's not that I'm stupid. I get the word "responsibility" and, in fact, I'm also the guy who says "responsibility is what makes authority non-corrupt." It's just that in this particular venue I find the word more destructive than constructive.



The part that's likely elluding me is why, or how, anyone else could be assigning *responsibilities* in OUR relationship. It doesn't make a fig of difference whether I'm talking about that here, or elsewhere....... What WE see, what WE do, how WE implement these things, is just the same, whether it's understood or not.

It doesn't matter to me how other people view or see it * in this venue* (which happens to have a lot of people that are FAR, far removed from my relationship with M.)

And yes, both of us would find your comment fair and decent..

."I assume the responsibility for x,y,z" ............

because thats all we're doing while we are living as we do .... living up to our own standards.

Does it matter how or what anyone else in CM understands?....and If I can get my point across, feck, surely you can.

agirl









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RE: Responsibility for a former slave - 4/26/2011 1:42:43 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
The part that's likely elluding me is why, or how, anyone else could be assigning *responsibilities* in OUR relationship.

I wasn't thinking "anyone else". I was thinking YOU assigning responsibilities to M or him assigning rights to himself or vice versa.

In addition, let's talk a few scenarios:

  • Slave comes onto CM and asks what the responsibilities of a master are. She then proceeds to run back to her master with a laundry list of responsibilities which she thinks she has and he's failing at.
  • Master and slave don't have a clear agreement in some area and one or both of them start making up a bunch of rights and responsibilities to support their point.
  • Master and slave have a crystal clear agreement and yet one of them unilaterally changes the terms. The other says, "But I have the rights assigned in the agreement..."

I just don't see how any of those situations produces any useful outcome. My feeling is "who cares?" Whether someone has a given right or responsibility does not in any way change the current reality of the situation. My question is "what is the purpose and point of such things? how do they help you when there's a disagreement? If there is no disagreement then who cares?" Carol and I don't deal in agreements, rights, responsibilities, obligations or any of that stuff. We deal in the here and now. When one of us wants something, the other has a clear and stark choice... provide it and make their partner happy or don't provide it and make their partner unhappy. Both choices have consequences. I don't really see how "responsibilities" or "rights" would help us to navigate.

Carol certainly had every right to expect monogamy. I unilaterally changed the terms of that agreement. So what?

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Responsibility for a former slave - 4/26/2011 4:12:39 PM   
agirl


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Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
Hi Jeff,

Ahh, I understand completely where you're coming from now.

I also would have a *who cares* attitude to the scenario's you outlined.

Responsibilities and rights don't help*us* navigate our way through any hitches, no. We do that the same way most people do, by looking at what the hitch is and working out how to sort it out.

However, if anyone asked M if he had the *right* to do such and such to me , his answer would be *yes*...........so we know we have them, even if they aren't stated.

To agree even further......It would be completely laughable and against the whole basis of what we have to get involved in any argy-bargy about rights and responsibilities. It's unthinkable and would be worthless.

Regards, agirl


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RE: Responsibility for a former slave - 4/26/2011 4:24:36 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline 		I am on good terms with most of my past paramours. I would help any of them any way that I could.

The few with whom I am not on good terms can go pound salt.




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RE: Responsibility for a former slave - 4/26/2011 4:31:26 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		like any relationship.. its likely to depend on how it ended and subsequent behavior on all sides...

its not different than any vanilla situation -- I don't do slave.. so perhaps that's different but I don't believe leather relationships
carry a larger reponsibility than others when they are over...

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RE: Responsibility for a former slave - 4/26/2011 4:38:12 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Depends.

I had one sub who wanted things I could not give her.  We stayed amicable and I kept her as a service sub until she found her current Master.

Another sub began acting out when she didn't get her way and trashed me to others because she disagreed with discipline I gave her.  She knows better than to ask me for any favors.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Responsibility for a former slave - 4/26/2011 6:36:36 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		I'm on good enough terms with certain ex's that if I sensed they might need some assistance, I would offer it. I have a feeling that they are all independent enough folks to turn it down unless the need was extreme.

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RE: Responsibility for a former slave - 4/26/2011 6:46:39 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirRussellP

I am of the belief that I still have some responsibility for a former slave.  Almost all of my former subs or slaves know that I will help them if they need it and ask.

How do you feel about your former subs/slaves or Dom/Masters

Russell



I think you are right to feel a certain sense of responsibility for a former partner after the end of a relationship. Of course, that sense of responsibility isn't without qualification. The length of the relationship, the amount of commitment each partner had to it, and the position of each partner at the end of the union are all factors that need assessment to determine the amount of responsibility of one person towards another.

If, for example, one person in the relationship passed up career advancements in the interests of their partner, well there is a much larger obligation that one person owes the other. If one person put forward all of their economic resources for the advancement of the couple (such as working to put one person through school, or investment into a home or business) then again, there is a larger obligation. If as LadyPact suggests, and one partner is on the medical insurance of the other (especially with preexisting conditions that came up during the relationship) there is an obligation.

These are financial obligations, which at the very least, right minded ethical people would consider at the end of a relationship. As to emotional obligations, well that is sometimes a much harder obligation to quantify, if such an obligation truly exists at all.

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RE: Responsibility for a former slave - 4/26/2011 7:29:46 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		ya know I can't even remember the name of my very first "bdsm dom". Kinda hard for him to have any responsibility over me yet when neither one of us even knows where the other is, nor cares.

Most of my exes have pretty much disappeared into the ether. None of us really had bad endings....we just don't see any need to keep in contact. It ended, it's done, we moved on and none of us care for each other or what goes on with each other.

It's just how it goes.



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RE: Responsibility for a former slave - 4/26/2011 8:50:54 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		With the exception of my ex-wife, who completely broke my heart..... if any of my former Mistresses or Masters were to call on me for anything, I would gladly do everything I could to assist them.  Given that we have all gone separate ways, and they all have full-time significant others, I do not hold them to any responsibility for me--especially since I was also in a couple for so many years.  Even so, if they called, I'd be there.

 

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RE: Responsibility for a former slave - 4/26/2011 9:12:53 PM   
AneNoz


Posts: 263
Joined: 4/26/2011
Status: offline
quote:

I am of the belief that I still have some responsibility for a former slave.
I am somewhat confused by the concept of a former slave. Slavery is a permanent status, is it not? A slave is your responsibility until they die, no?

Be at peace
Aneka

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RE: Responsibility for a former slave - 4/26/2011 9:14:42 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AneNoz

I am somewhat confused by the concept of a former slave. Slavery is a permanent status, is it not? A slave is your responsibility until they die, no?



Nope.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Profile   Post #: 40
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