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Does this sound familiar? - 4/5/2011 12:35:30 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		So many times, we get newbies here asking questions that can be answered by reading this:  http://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/spotting-the-signs-of-emotional-abuse.aspx?xid=aol_eh-emo_1-1_20110327&icid=main%7Chtmlws-main-n%7Cdl5%7Csec3_lnk2%7C208664

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RE: Does this sound familiar? - 4/5/2011 1:45:25 AM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline 		I find the article helpful for the newcomer who is still trying to find his/her footing within wiitwd, and set some parameters in play/life. It's a good cautionary tale, and information for pelple who are prone to abusive relationships, and certainly can be used as a tool to assess where one is.
It's a good article, however, one that can be confusing to people who have engaged, and are relatively comfortable in D/s relationships/rules.

To people who've taken the jump, and trust they can assess a partners' potential to be there, and play within comforting parameters, it may be not much new information. M

< Message edited by SexyBossyBBW -- 4/5/2011 1:49:12 AM >

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RE: Does this sound familiar? - 4/5/2011 2:24:55 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		If you mean the myriad of noob's posts about moving in with a guy and discovering he is emotionally unbalanced, I would hope the article helps.  But so often we see their 1st thread, "I met Mr. Perfect and now I am his no limits whore and loving it . . . BDSM is just awesome and I want to live it 24/7!!!"  You see many replies warning about rapture and to take it slow. 

Then the 2nd thread "Halp, I am trapped in Buttfuck Egypt with a bastard that doesn't respect my limits and he is making live like a slave 24/7"

That shit cracks me up.  I mean, I sorta' feel sorry for them, but they asked and didn't listen.  Then they jump in over their head and drown.  It's like telling someone they are on thin ice.... then it cracks and they fall in.  You end up laughing at them even as you toss them a life line.


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RE: Does this sound familiar? - 4/5/2011 3:50:40 AM   
liveinposs4bislv


Posts: 11
Joined: 3/15/2011
Status: offline 		There are many people who are drawn to the lifestyle, it is a very non-judging community.
Certainly some people who have been damaged by their childhood experiences then go on and play it out in adulthood.
Self esteem or the lack of it often is the stem of depression.
People with poor self esteem cannot take compliments and much prefer to be abused.
Huniliation is often handed down in the lifestyle and when used uncaringly can reinforce the victims own shaky sense of self.

There are of course people with poor self esteem, who play at being Dominant to bolster themselves against thatinner sense of a lack of self worth.
IMHO people who declare themselves to be Master of at least ten universes or the best clit licker in the world - or from the year dot, fall into this category.
Another tell tale sign, is the (kid) master who demands 'kneel bitch' as his openner.

It's ok to be good enough!

The first person a Dominant should be able to control is himself.

My, somewhat unkind, advice to subs is that they make a date with a potential Master and then break it! They can judge by the response whether that person shows his true colours in his emotional response. Is he in control of himself?


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RE: Does this sound familiar? - 4/5/2011 5:18:15 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

If you mean the myriad of noob's posts about moving in with a guy and discovering he is emotionally unbalanced, I would hope the article helps.  But so often we see their 1st thread, "I met Mr. Perfect and now I am his no limits whore and loving it . . . BDSM is just awesome and I want to live it 24/7!!!"  You see many replies warning about rapture and to take it slow. 

Then the 2nd thread "Halp, I am trapped in Buttfuck Egypt with a bastard that doesn't respect my limits and he is making live like a slave 24/7"

That shit cracks me up.  I mean, I sorta' feel sorry for them, but they asked and didn't listen.  Then they jump in over their head and drown.  It's like telling someone they are on thin ice.... then it cracks and they fall in.  You end up laughing at them even as you toss them a life line.




You toss lifelines?
Why, when it's so much more fun watching them drown. Plus, think of the good drowning does the gene pool, kinda like the Darwins.
Some kind of sadist you are, must be the modern, plastic, retro-fitted, made in Taiwan version....:-)


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RE: Does this sound familiar? - 4/5/2011 12:08:15 PM   
Palliata


Posts: 371
Joined: 8/9/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: liveinposs4bislv
My, somewhat unkind, advice to subs is that they make a date with a potential Master and then break it! They can judge by the response whether that person shows his true colours in his emotional response. Is he in control of himself?


Because if there's two things you want to start out a new relationship with, it's headgames and unreliability!


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RE: Does this sound familiar? - 4/5/2011 1:04:11 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

So many times, we get newbies here asking questions that can be answered by reading this:  http://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/spotting-the-signs-of-emotional-abuse.aspx?xid=aol_eh-emo_1-1_20110327&icid=main%7Chtmlws-main-n%7Cdl5%7Csec3_lnk2%7C208664

I think understanding emotional abuse is far easier if the term 'abuse' is understood first...as a component of physical abuse. Then as a component of psychological abuse.  and then finally as a component of emotional abuse. In my understanding of abuse all three types often come entangled together and whilst physical abuse is the easiest to evidence and psychological abuse the easiest to report in terms of what she said, he said and so on....it's emotional abuse which is the most difficult to define. Simply because what is emotional abuse for one person is emotional attention, emotional norms, and satisfaction for another.
Try understanding emotional masochism.
THE most difficult aspect of emotional abuse, (foregive the capitalisation which I hardly ever do) is that it leaves a wake of long term dysfunction behind it. I think emotional scars take far longer than psychological ones to heal. In my own experience of emotional abuse whilst i had learned cognitive mechanisms to deal with psychological flashbacks those unwarranted flushes of emotional fear were impossible to find any solution to.
I'd list the scars of emotional abuse as: an inability to find an appropriate affect (feeling emotionally deadened even in the midst of joy for example), over reacting (finnding something hilarious when others didn't), emotional flattening (similar to depression) and most of all a failure to feel any emotional connection with those one should (friends, even one's kids and indeed new relationships).
So emotional abuse leaves a long term failure to function adequately.
And here I may differ; but as a component of consensual use, as a component of wiitwd? Then emotional masochism can be healing. It can be skillfully illicited by the D type. It's rather the same as giving pain. One gives pain because one can also be the one to take it away. To heal it.
The problem here, not only on a site like this, but for newcomers in general, is an inabilty to distinguish use from abuse.
There's nothing more powerful than a s type who understands the depth of their need for any type of pain...emotional pain included.


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RE: Does this sound familiar? - 4/5/2011 1:10:56 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

If you mean the myriad of noob's posts about moving in with a guy and discovering he is emotionally unbalanced, I would hope the article helps.  But so often we see their 1st thread, "I met Mr. Perfect and now I am his no limits whore and loving it . . . BDSM is just awesome and I want to live it 24/7!!!"  You see many replies warning about rapture and to take it slow. 

Then the 2nd thread "Halp, I am trapped in Buttfuck Egypt with a bastard that doesn't respect my limits and he is making live like a slave 24/7"

That shit cracks me up.  I mean, I sorta' feel sorry for them, but they asked and didn't listen.  Then they jump in over their head and drown.  It's like telling someone they are on thin ice.... then it cracks and they fall in.  You end up laughing at them even as you toss them a life line.




You toss lifelines?
Why, when it's so much more fun watching them drown. Plus, think of the good drowning does the gene pool, kinda like the Darwins.
Some kind of sadist you are, must be the modern, plastic, retro-fitted, made in Taiwan version....:-)


RS's idea of a lifeline is probably barbed wire.


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RE: Does this sound familiar? - 4/5/2011 4:46:57 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Palliata

quote:

ORIGINAL: liveinposs4bislv
My, somewhat unkind, advice to subs is that they make a date with a potential Master and then break it! They can judge by the response whether that person shows his true colours in his emotional response. Is he in control of himself?


Because if there's two things you want to start out a new relationship with, it's headgames and unreliability!


How true- immature, deceitful behavior at its best!  Ugh, if someone did that to me to see my reaction I'd no longer be interested in them. I cannot stand crap like that.

You can tell if someone is in control of himself by being observant. Watch how he treats the employees when you're out somewhere having a bite to eat or ask his views on wide range of subjects including politics, religion, or family. In short, be an adult. There's the whole golden rule thing going on of treating others as you'd want to be treated yourself. It's crazy, but I believe in it, therefore you won't find me contriving situations for fear that it'll come back to bite me in the ass somehow.

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RE: Does this sound familiar? - 4/5/2011 5:14:25 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: liveinposs4bislv

There are many people who are drawn to the lifestyle, it is a very non-judging community.
Certainly some people who have been damaged by their childhood experiences then go on and play it out in adulthood.
Self esteem or the lack of it often is the stem of depression.
People with poor self esteem cannot take compliments and much prefer to be abused.
Huniliation is often handed down in the lifestyle and when used uncaringly can reinforce the victims own shaky sense of self.

(snip)


You're new around here, aren't you? Kinksters are no more and no less judgmental than anyone else.

The idea that kinksters are "damaged" is a load of horseshit, in my opinion.


NonOpinionatedCali


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RE: Does this sound familiar? - 4/5/2011 7:47:41 PM   
weaselwelder


Posts: 72
Joined: 6/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Palliata

quote:

ORIGINAL: liveinposs4bislv
My, somewhat unkind, advice to subs is that they make a date with a potential Master and then break it! They can judge by the response whether that person shows his true colours in his emotional response. Is he in control of himself?


Because if there's two things you want to start out a new relationship with, it's headgames and unreliability!


Great idea. That way you can show him that you don't care about his emotional state, are passive-aggressive, will never do anything as far-fetched as to talk to him about your concerns, and really only care about yourself.

I actually mean it. If more of my exes did this, I wouldn't have dated them past that and would be a happier person as a result.


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RE: Does this sound familiar? - 4/5/2011 8:13:32 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

If you mean the myriad of noob's posts about moving in with a guy and discovering he is emotionally unbalanced, I would hope the article helps.  But so often we see their 1st thread, "I met Mr. Perfect and now I am his no limits whore and loving it . . . BDSM is just awesome and I want to live it 24/7!!!"  You see many replies warning about rapture and to take it slow. 

Then the 2nd thread "Halp, I am trapped in Buttfuck Egypt with a bastard that doesn't respect my limits and he is making live like a slave 24/7"

That shit cracks me up.  I mean, I sorta' feel sorry for them, but they asked and didn't listen.  Then they jump in over their head and drown.  It's like telling someone they are on thin ice.... then it cracks and they fall in.  You end up laughing at them even as you toss them a life line.




You toss lifelines?
Why, when it's so much more fun watching them drown. Plus, think of the good drowning does the gene pool, kinda like the Darwins.
Some kind of sadist you are, must be the modern, plastic, retro-fitted, made in Taiwan version....:-)

That's funny, I didn't think I looked Taiwanese.  Maybe all those threads about tea are giving me an Asian slant? 

Well Mr. round-eye, I don't mind hogtying a slave face down in the bath and doing a little drowning now and then but when they start drowning themselves . . . well, that's my job dammit!  I confess to dispensing a lifeline or two in my day.  However, not all were just to save them for my own tortures.  You are right about the ones extended purely out of empathy fucking up the gene pool, don't tell the Darwinians.


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-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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RE: Does this sound familiar? - 4/6/2011 4:49:19 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

That's funny, I didn't think I looked Taiwanese.  Maybe all those threads about tea are giving me an Asian slant? 

Well Mr. round-eye, I don't mind hogtying a slave face down in the bath and doing a little drowning now and then but when they start drowning themselves . . . well, that's my job dammit!  I confess to dispensing a lifeline or two in my day.  However, not all were just to save them for my own tortures.  You are right about the ones extended purely out of empathy fucking up the gene pool, don't tell the Darwinians.



Fuck me. This is quality!



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RE: Does this sound familiar? - 4/6/2011 5:32:46 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		ML!! *hug* good to see ya~!

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Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: Does this sound familiar? - 4/6/2011 7:48:45 AM   
maturedomestic


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/5/2011
Status: offline 		Being new here myself I expect that I'm going to post questions that have been asked before. Surely though there are new people joining all the time, and to them the question might be new. Not wishing to give offence, but old warhorses like yourself can quite easily ignore the question. But whether a newbie or old sweat, we all have the right to post, then surely it's up to individuals to decide whether they want to reply.

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RE: Does this sound familiar? - 4/6/2011 7:51:46 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		the point is, mature,  that some folks mistake domestic violence (whether emotional or physical) for BDSM.

which is why I posted the link, for newbies, on how to identify emotional abuse.

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
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Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: Does this sound familiar? - 4/6/2011 7:52:17 AM   
maturedomestic


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/5/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

So many times, we get newbies here asking questions that can be answered by reading this:  http://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/spotting-the-signs-of-emotional-abuse.aspx?xid=aol_eh-emo_1-1_20110327&icid=main%7Chtmlws-main-n%7Cdl5%7Csec3_lnk2%7C208664


Being new here myself I expect that I'm going to post questions that have been asked before. Surely though there are new people joining all the time, and to them the question might be new. Not wishing to give offence, but old warhorses like yourself can quite easily ignore the question. But whether a newbie or old sweat, we all have the right to post, then surely it's up to individuals to decide whether they want to reply.



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RE: Does this sound familiar? - 4/6/2011 7:58:13 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		so you have already said.

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: Does this sound familiar? - 4/6/2011 8:00:03 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		No wonder it sounds familiar then.

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RE: Does this sound familiar? - 4/6/2011 8:01:28 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		love the repeat themselves posters.

Hey!  I wonder if this is BM's sock puppet?

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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