Beyond the 'Smart'. (Full Version)

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LaTigresse -> Beyond the 'Smart'. (4/1/2011 8:11:38 AM)

In the Master section of the forums is a thread about smarts. Which lead to some interesting discussion and less interesting posturing.

I understand that many s-types have stated they prefer their partner to seem to be 'smarter' than they. I also have read that it appears some dominant types seem to want an s-type that is....less smart than they. I have also read that some 'enlightened' dominant types actually prefer a smart s-type, but don't really state whether or not they feel they still want to have the personal perception that they themselves are still 'smarter' than said smart s-type.

In reading the thread and having shared a few emails with someone I think is 'smart'[;)], I began to think 'outside the thread'.

There are qualities that many seem to have a higher over all perceived value of, than I do. IQ and formal education being two of them. I believe this to be in large part, because of where I spend a great deal of my time......in a Big 10 college town that has no shortage of degrees walking around. Yet there seems to be an awful high level of per capita stupidity.

So, given the above, there are other qualities that I tend to look for in a human being in determining whether or not I want to spend very much time with them. If I was looking for a life partner, my criteria would be even more exclusive. While 'smarts' is certainly on that list, it is how they utilize it that matters even moreso to me. How does a person prioritize their life? To me, getting degrees means next to nothing if they are not going to use them in a way that I see as constructive/productive.

If I meet a person near my age, great college education, but no career, no home, no roots, nothing they've BUILT with their education......I am going to wonder about their abilities that have very little to do with their formal education.

Certainly, each of us will have a different criteria. For one person, a 48 yo with no owned residence, no steady career, and a stellar formal education, might be awesome. For another, a steady job, home and strong roots in one location might be of greater value than a super vocabulary, education and stellar IQ.

For some, I am certain, they want the whole package. Stellar education but proof the person knows how to utilize it. Good career and income, with all the trappings.

So I am curious as to what is important to others. How is it different for dominant, submissive, slave, or play partners.......or is it? How does age play a role in it, if indeed it does. If so, how does the perception of what a person 'should' have accomplished at their age, factor in? How, if so, does that age accomplished perception factor into choices in a partner?



sexyred1 -> RE: Beyond the 'Smart'. (4/1/2011 9:00:30 AM)

You bring up some interesting points, especially about perception vs. reality.

As it relates to your last point, about the perception of what a person "should" have accomplished by a certain age. Who determines what "should" happen in someone's life?

I think it depends on the person and the reality of that person's life. I am very educated but chose a field that has changed drastically over the last few years and thus many of my companies went out of business or were acquired resulting in downsizing. I have always been the top salesperson at my companies and that still did not protect me from being laid off, most recently, a month ago.

I got married and divorced. I always wanted kids, but did not have any. MY perception of what I "should" have accomplished was based on what I saw growing up; get married, have 2.5 kids, get a job, a house and live the American Dream.

Well, it does not always go that way for everyone, despite being "smart", either by education or educated by life.

If someone were to judge me on not accomplishing what they perceive as a woman my age needing to have accomplished, then I am not interested.

Now, I have had men say to me that I was too "smart" for them and I took that to mean they felt too challenged to communicate with me. Often, someone will use that as an excuse when they are unable to communicate effectively or they just do not want to be challenged on anything they say. Again, those men are not for me either.

On the other hand, I have been with men who were super educated and idiotic in other ways, and I have been with men who were not as educated as me but they handled their lives very well and were successful. Either way, I only expect to be able to communicate and have similar interests.

I would not judge someone on what the world has deemed appropriate for them to have accomplished by a certain age, until I looked deeper and found out the individual story. Just as I expect someone truly interested in me to do.

Only when I heard the story would I evaluate if they would be a good partner for me.



porcelaine -> RE: Beyond the 'Smart'. (4/1/2011 9:45:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

So I am curious as to what is important to others. How is it different for dominant, submissive, slave, or play partners.......or is it?


Greetings,

First of all, this is a great thread and i'm glad you started it. Secondly, i'm going to admit a few things off the bat that will have a large influence on my response. The answers provided were generated from a different position than mentioned. While the various stations were noted, slavery is not indicative of how i view myself as a whole. It is merely one slice of the proverbial pie called me.

At the end of the day, i'm simply a woman that finds a great affinity in pleasing her Man. One feeds the other not the reverse. i won't touch on the virtues of honesty, trust, responsibility, etc. Because that's a given. Instead, i'll note the key things that generally stand out for me. Well, a few at least. i can't tell everything. :)

ᴥ i appreciate a man in possession of great mental aptitude that is ever expanding. This implies a conscious commitment to lifelong learning in all its guises. The mind is a tool meant to be fed and maintained.

ᴥ i'm noticeably biased about self-improvement and look askance at anyone that believes they know it all or have every answer. i believe we continually evolve and find those that seek to do this in a positive vain to be company worth entertaining.

ᴥ The possession of formal degrees has its own merits. But if the individual lacks wisdom he's merely a learned fool in my eyes. It's the ability to bring both worlds together that i find most engaging. Problems don't always require complex solutions. Sometimes the simple is overlooked because the individual is too busy searching for the obscure.

ᴥ i respect those that can admit their shortcomings and do so without embarrassment. It's the man that understands his failings are temporary and uses them as a springboard to betterment that usually gets my attention. His strength is made perfect in weakness. If he can wrap his mind around this concept we'll probably get along.

ᴥ Life rarely functions in boxes and circles. i prefer men that avoid seeing things in limited capacities that is balanced with realistic optimism. Lateral thinkers that are visionary executioners are definitely my cup of tea.

ᴥ Assertiveness and aggression are notable attributes when applied in the right measure. It isn't the fact that he utilizes them that i find most appealing, but his ability to exercise restraint and recognize when a different course of action is required. The virtues of temperance are generally ignored.

ᴥ While charisma is very attractive, it's opposite is truly endearing. The man who's in touch with his charismatic self that exudes its attributes while maintaining some measure of humility in the process is priceless. He recognizes that the scale will always extend beyond and beneath him and is comfortable in his current position.

ᴥ i value real leadership over well marketed hype that is highly suggestive in its presentation but wholly lacking in substance. Theories and postulations are all well and good, but can you troubleshoot? Or does a gust of wind blow your well crafted concept to smithereens? Show me the man that can design the framework and finish it to completion. Especially those that take pride in ownership over notches.

ᴥ Authenticity requires an honest assessment of ones self and a realistic evaluation of our respective tool belt. i am in awe of the man that is transparent to the degree where he recognizes when something will blossom in his clutches or languish from lack of nourishment. In his wisdom he accurately discerns the difference between possessing something one will value but never use, and keeping a treasure you can derive great pleasure from. He does not seek the best at the expense of his own happiness.

ᴥ Give me the alchemist that has endured his own sublimation that desires true coagulation with his partner. He inspires through the power of who is he and the that man he'll become; and compels, demands, and produces the same in his slave. He has little desire for the ordinary, but aspires towards the extra-ordinary in all he does.

That's all for now. [;)]

Namaste,

~porcelaine



windchymes -> RE: Beyond the 'Smart'. (4/1/2011 9:45:54 AM)

I would never gauge a person's "smartness" by degrees that they may hold. In today's world, it's become awfully easy to get degrees by taking online courses with open-book assignments and tests. (Now, don't blast me, I'm not saying this is true of ALL online courses, but I do know of a few online universities that allow this.) And, in my workplace in Northern Virginia, I've seen way too many people come in waving advanced degrees around who can't carry on a decent conversation, and certainly can't even offer you effective solutions to problems you might be having with the work in the department, because they never obtained any work experience past turning the pages of their textbook.

I gauge smartness by the appropriateness of what people know, how interesting the subject matter is, and how they use it in their everyday lives and conversations. It's one thing to sit and spew facts that go over most people's heads, and quite another to bring the subject matter into an interesting and relevant conversation. When I walk away from a conversation smiling, thinking about what they said or did and feeling as though I just learned something, rather than wanting to get out of Dodge as my head is spinning, then I feel as though I just interacted with a "smart" person.



JstAnotherSub -> RE: Beyond the 'Smart'. (4/1/2011 10:59:32 AM)

I guess it depends on your own definition of smart, but....most "smart" people I know give me a headache.

I want someone that can make me laugh more than anything.  If someone is smarter than me, that is ok too.  If they always feel the need to use big words and talk in a manner that most folks would sit with their head cocked to one side thinking wtf are they trying to say, no thanks.

Some of the smartest folks I have ever known had a hard time with reading and writing.  In a place like this, I would imagine they would come off looking like quite the maroon.  Ask them to fix a car or a water heater or install doors or windows and they would amaze you though.

I am a simple chickie, and I like other simple folks.  I have no desires to go to the opera or to spend a lot of time expanding my mind.  I just enjoy life and the simple things. 

Nothing wrong with being smart in an academic way, but, for me, someone with good old common horse sense would catch my attention more quickly.



LaTigresse -> RE: Beyond the 'Smart'. (4/1/2011 11:18:11 AM)

Thank you all for your replies.

I wasn't sure if I was getting my thoughts out into written form well. I am not quite feeling 100% today and I am at work.....double posting trouble there.

It's not that I don't love intelligence. I actually get 'brain crushes' on people. I love surrounding myself with people that have more knowledge than I or who's way of thinking I admire. There are people on here like that. I am sure I've mislead a few, or made a few straight people uncomfortable,  in my communications, having them assume my interest was beyond the limitations of gender/sexuality. The fact that I am a shameless flirt doesn't help/hurt matters.

Add a great sense of humour, a way with words, to that intelligence and I am entranced.

It's just that, as one of my crushes has so eloquently put it......the practical application of the intelligence, combined with humility and hunger to continue learning. There is so much more that goes into the package.

I appreciate the conversation......even with my slight impairment today.[:D]



DomImus -> RE: Beyond the 'Smart'. (4/1/2011 11:53:11 AM)

I tend to be drawn to people whose identity isn't centered around their things or what they have built (or more often "accumulated") in their life. I work with a guy who is the quintessence of "keeping up with the Joneses". He's built quite an estate for himself but he's the most vapid human being I think I have ever met. Formal education in and of itself does not impress me. The ability to think does and as you pointed out that does not always go hand in hand with IQ. The are plenty of Mensas who probably couldn't change a tire if their life depended on it.



heartcream -> RE: Beyond the 'Smart'. (4/1/2011 11:58:36 AM)

Ahhh La T you is divinely cute! I loves you!

I like smart people but for me their smarts needs to permeate out from their hearts. I have read some folks on here, for example, with a big degree or several and achieving more, they gross me out with their false superiority and pretense. Name dropping their degrees is a bore. It feels like insecurity to me.

I dont care too much about someone's formal education because I feel our education system is pretty fecked from the get-go. I like people who learn as part of their MO, folks who get off on learning. Life is a great school and I know plenty of people who got the equivalent of a Phd in the process of living their lives.

I like books, I like art. I like fashion, style and how things work. I like good design. I like a sense of humor.

I will take a smart heart over a well tooled brain any day of the week.

I dont care if someone owns their home or has a big fat career. I care more that people care about what they do, that they live their lives with kind attention and can suss out a situation in the moment. Some home advice I have heard recently is that it is wiser not to own a home these days. I like a person to be street smarts and kind over many other things.

Honestly there is not much security we can truly nail down as much as we crave it and strive for it. I think live your life the best you can and surround yourselves with people who make you feel good and you make them feel good too.

Enjoy your life, do what you want, eat well, sleep and have a laugh. That is my kind of person.

I feel bad for people struggling with getting their lives together, I know how painful that can be. It doesnt always mean someone is not smart. Some times so-called smart people are really really, really stupid.



NocturnalStalker -> RE: Beyond the 'Smart'. (4/1/2011 12:04:50 PM)

If you're so smart, why aren't you rich?



stellauk -> RE: Beyond the 'Smart'. (4/1/2011 12:08:46 PM)

For me it's a matter of authenticity, personal integrity and the feelings that are inspired between me and someone else.

Life is about energy, not about substance, form or convention.



FukinTroll -> RE: Beyond the 'Smart'. (4/1/2011 12:57:36 PM)

First off LaT... I'm not Italian or pork! But I get ya Darlin and don't mind being the example.


For me, I have a lot of points of attraction and when those points are hit upon I am all slurpy over it. Intelligence is nice, however I will take ignorant over stupid any day. Stupid is a hard limit for me, I can educate ignorance within reason, but can only help them reach their potential plateau.


The mind is a complex creature... I don't feel it is necessary to walk off onto that topic, everyone here gets it (I hope). One of the biggest turn offs for me is the blank cow stare. It creeps me the fuk out man! Because all too often it is followed by stubborn stupidity, a closed mind or just feeble lip service. Nevertheless the pursuit of an intellectual is not the entirety of the package I am looking for. I can be very happy with a pair of ignorant girls that can be educated, than a stupid pair that think they already know it... regardless of how wrong what they know is.


Back to the points of attraction... LaT baby, you get my freak on bad! That said, I know I am not good for you because, attraction aside, we are in vastly different places in our lives. I am beginning a path that you are over and done with. So I can lust after you for the rest of my life and find a great deal of solace in the fact that you are my friend and know that I would have to do something very uncharacteristic, of me, and drastic to fuck that up. It gets my happy on to have so much attraction for you, and to think you have some for me. Although I am one of those sucky friends that flitter in and out of your life, you can always bank on the fact I will flitter back and be as invested as always.

The brain power of the girl does not intimidate me. I would be absolutely happy to have a girl in my life that was a great deal smarter than me. That is a sense of awe I could get behind. I play a game with my ums; Stump Dad. There is a $100.00 reward if they can ask me a question I cannot answer. It gets them exploring the world, googling anything and everything, digging through the dictionary, encyclopedias, studying other languages, etc... etc... to win the $100.00. I haven't had to pay out yet, cuz I do know a lot of stuff, but feel no need or desire to toss that around here or anywhere for that matter like it was a wrecking ball or a shiny suite of armor, I am happily affable and goofy.


My current girl, DemureDancer, is a collage girl, intelligent, beautiful, and naturally submissive that gets all giggly and gooey when I put my hands on her. There is a possible future there because she does hit on a lot of points of attraction for me and we have many of the same interests. However she started school all on her own to stand up on her own and I refuse to damage that, take it away or divert her from her path. In three years it may be a very viable future, she will have her medical degree and if she want's to travel around the country she will be welcome to. She knows what she is signing up for, and knows she cannot sign up yet. I wont allow it and, fortunately, she is steadfast on her path.


For me the smarts thing is not the end all and be all, the buffet is bigger than that and as long as there is no stupidity the intellectual level is workable. The most important part for me is that she/they are coming from the same place I am... touch is the meaning of life (to me) and I need to touch a lot, often and in many ways. I guess it is the connection, on many levels, that I am after and SMRT is not the deal breaker.


I have finally arrived at a point in my life that I can pursue what I need and I wrote my profile concisely to attract that. Do I have any hopes of making an e-connection with what I am looking for... nope, but it is out there nonetheless.


YMMV
Slurp~

P.S. Sorry if iz rambling... I haz big tired and a big adventure tonight. Off to nap.



DesFIP -> RE: Beyond the 'Smart'. (4/1/2011 1:35:45 PM)

I read a lot. Voraciously. I was an English major. That means I like words. I tend to use big words instead of small, as does my daughter. We don't do it to make others feel less, we do so because we like to be exact in our speech. Different words have different meanings and different nuances, different emotional attitudes attached to them.

Neither of us will dumb ourselves down, honestly I don't think we could if we tried.

Personally I like a man who is college educated and who is good with his hands. I feel safer with someone who can identify what the noise in the car is. I don't much care if he fixes it or if I take it to the shop, what upsets me is not knowing what's wrong. Being able to have him say the struts need replacing but not for a year yet allows me to tell the mechanic, no it isn't the power steering pump, it's the struts. Although if he wants to fix it himself that's a plus in this economy.

Beyond that, I looked for a man who had had some therapy and who believes in the efficacy of it as I do. And a man who was a single parent as I was, and was as intimately involved with his kids as I am with mine. I've known too many men who begrudge child support, who spend no time with their children, who don't welcome them to their home after the divorce. One of the questions I asked The Man early on was what activities did their kids do, who their best friends were and when did they last need new shoes. A man involved with his children knows these things, others don't. Points were given for coaching sports, being a Scout leader, attending meets.

The Man made an effort to attend his daughter's gymnastic meets despite the fact that he is ignorant about gymnastics. Considering the fact I am on the end of attending 12 years of my son's games and still don't understand sports this meant a lot to me. It's a lot easier to go out to all the football games if you like football. It's harder to sit through them when you don't know what's happening.



Missokyst -> RE: Beyond the 'Smart'. (4/1/2011 1:40:27 PM)

I used to think value was based on how much I knew, how much I had, and how well I used it. I have a few too many degrees with which I have done nothing. And I had absolute talent which was wasted through lack of use. I have also lived VERY well, acquired things, lived comfortably and felt trapped in cage of my own making.
Now when I wonder what I want in life I think of living in my car, taking off and disappearing.
I am in my mid 50's and the probability of continuing to live in captivity chaffes and binds me. So when I see people who have no ties, no roots I think.. free. I don't see it as horrifying situation to be in, whether they are in their 20's or in their 50's, as long as they enjoy where they are.
For me, as long as they have a decent brain and the ability to think out of the box and survive, they are worth my time.



LaTigresse -> RE: Beyond the 'Smart'. (4/1/2011 2:13:28 PM)

Ohhh heart, I am so glad you found my thread and added to it. Reminding me of another quality that I adore...a creative, artistic mind and soul. A whole nother kind of smart.



LaTigresse -> RE: Beyond the 'Smart'. (4/1/2011 2:31:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

First off LaT... I'm not Italian or pork! But I get ya Darlin and don't mind being the example.

Well now, you were not really the example, moreso just a small part of the jumping off point.


For me, I have a lot of points of attraction and when those points are hit upon I am all slurpy over it. Intelligence is nice, however I will take ignorant over stupid any day. Stupid is a hard limit for me, I can educate ignorance within reason, but can only help them reach their potential plateau.

I agree.

The mind is a complex creature... I don't feel it is necessary to walk off onto that topic, everyone here gets it (I hope). One of the biggest turn offs for me is the blank cow stare. It creeps me the fuk out man! Because all too often it is followed by stubborn stupidity, a closed mind or just feeble lip service. Nevertheless the pursuit of an intellectual is not the entirety of the package I am looking for. I can be very happy with a pair of ignorant girls that can be educated, than a stupid pair that think they already know it... regardless of how wrong what they know is.

Agree again.

Back to the points of attraction... LaT baby, you get my freak on bad! That said, I know I am not good for you because, attraction aside, we are in vastly different places in our lives. I am beginning a path that you are over and done with. So I can lust after you for the rest of my life and find a great deal of solace in the fact that you are my friend and know that I would have to do something very uncharacteristic, of me, and drastic to fuck that up. It gets my happy on to have so much attraction for you, and to think you have some for me. Although I am one of those sucky friends that flitter in and out of your life, you can always bank on the fact I will flitter back and be as invested as always.


Ah well....you give me too much credit. I am not that grand of a friend myself. Ask those with the tolerance and patience to put up with me.

As for attraction....fun flirtation for sure.....but I know myself well enough to know it would have had to have been a good 30 years ago. The only thing that really trips my lust trigger now is going to be female and mine....and I mean MINE. I've just gone too far down a path that feels like Me, to retreat into a mindset that isn't me. I've got the male companionship thing too well covered, to entertain the idea of looking for it elsewhere. And yes, I think even if it were otherwise, I am definitely at a different place, about 30 years for me, different. And for that I am happy. But certainly nothing against your place.


The brain power of the girl does not intimidate me. I would be absolutely happy to have a girl in my life that was a great deal smarter than me. That is a sense of awe I could get behind. I play a game with my ums; Stump Dad. There is a $100.00 reward if they can ask me a question I cannot answer. It gets them exploring the world, googling anything and everything, digging through the dictionary, encyclopedias, studying other languages, etc... etc... to win the $100.00. I haven't had to pay out yet, cuz I do know a lot of stuff, but feel no need or desire to toss that around here or anywhere for that matter like it was a wrecking ball or a shiny suite of armor, I am happily affable and goofy.


My current girl, DemureDancer, is a college[;)] girl, intelligent, beautiful, and naturally submissive that gets all giggly and gooey when I put my hands on her. There is a possible future there because she does hit on a lot of points of attraction for me and we have many of the same interests. However she started school all on her own to stand up on her own and I refuse to damage that, take it away or divert her from her path. In three years it may be a very viable future, she will have her medical degree and if she want's to travel around the country she will be welcome to. She knows what she is signing up for, and knows she cannot sign up yet. I wont allow it and, fortunately, she is steadfast on her path.

And that is good. Good for you and where you are in your life. It fits.

For me the smarts thing is not the end all and be all, the buffet is bigger than that and as long as there is no stupidity the intellectual level is workable. The most important part for me is that she/they are coming from the same place I am... touch is the meaning of life (to me) and I need to touch a lot, often and in many ways. I guess it is the connection, on many levels, that I am after and SMRT is not the deal breaker.


I have finally arrived at a point in my life that I can pursue what I need and I wrote my profile concisely to attract that. Do I have any hopes of making an e-connection with what I am looking for... nope, but it is out there nonetheless.


YMMV
Slurp~

P.S. Sorry if iz rambling... I haz big tired and a big adventure tonight. Off to nap.



It's all good because each of us, owes it to ourselves and those in our lives, to be honest about our own needs and where we are on our own path. What works for someone else will possibly be exactly the worst thing for us.



LaTigresse -> RE: Beyond the 'Smart'. (4/1/2011 2:49:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I used to think value was based on how much I knew, how much I had, and how well I used it. I have a few too many degrees with which I have done nothing. And I had absolute talent which was wasted through lack of use. I have also lived VERY well, acquired things, lived comfortably and felt trapped in cage of my own making.
Now when I wonder what I want in life I think of living in my car, taking off and disappearing.
I am in my mid 50's and the probability of continuing to live in captivity chaffes and binds me. So when I see people who have no ties, no roots I think.. free. I don't see it as horrifying situation to be in, whether they are in their 20's or in their 50's, as long as they enjoy where they are.
For me, as long as they have a decent brain and the ability to think out of the box and survive, they are worth my time.


I completely relate to the bit I bolded.

I also can relate to the desire for freedom in the way you see it. Only, at least right now, for me........I need a home base. My little farmette on the hill is my refuge. I yearn for the gypsy caravan (ideally a lovely silver bullet of an Airstream!) but I know I also need my home base. I am working towards a time where I can have both.



NuevaVida -> RE: Beyond the 'Smart'. (4/1/2011 2:50:16 PM)

I was very touched by sexyred1's post, because I pretty well could have written it myself.  Those things I set out to accomplish in my life did not happen for me, and were a source of great heartache I had to (and did) recover from.

I am also one who places a greater emphasis on what one does with the smarts he/she has, rather than how much smarts one has (how much smart would a smart one have if a smart one could be smart...).  I've posted that in the past, as well.

My ex owner had two MA's, ran his own law practice and was a law professor.  All those certifications paled in comparison to his certified asshole-ness, when all was said and done.  I don't like speaking negatively like that, but it just seemed appropriate here ;)

As for what one has accomplished, again I agree with sexyred1 in that it really depends on life circumstances and what one did with those circumstances.

The man I have given myself to has a high school education and no college education.  A divorce left him bankrupt not too long ago.  And yet I stand back and really look at him - a man who has been gainfully employed without interruption for the past 22 years, and who took on a second, seasonal job to continue to rebuild what was lost in the divorce.  A man who, despite the divorce, is an active and loving participant in his teen daughter's life, and who does all he can to raise her in a loving, disciplined, and healthy environment.  A man who owns his own home now, and, with great effort, has made so much out of so little. 

I see a man with integrity, who places a high value on family relationships and healthy friendships, and who, despite past issues that might leave one angry and bitter, insists on looking at life positively.

These are qualities and character attributes that I find so much more impressive than multiple degrees or a high IQ.  His wisdom wows me sometimes, and my knowledge in other areas wows him.  It works well for us. 

But if we had looked at where we "should" have been at our age - well we were both poster children for "unimpressive" LOL!  But the life we are making together brings us both joy, so what more could we want?



sunshinemiss -> RE: Beyond the 'Smart'. (4/1/2011 3:45:20 PM)

Hello LaT,
An interesting thread - thank you for the great read. My initial response was to share a poem with you. It tends to be my perspective of what I want from the people in my life - all the people regardless of the type of relationship I have with them. I'm not sure it quite answers your post, but it is what came to mind.

Best,
sunshine

The Invitation by Oriah Mountaindreamer

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.


It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon...
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.





Palliata -> RE: Beyond the 'Smart'. (4/1/2011 4:03:23 PM)

Honestly accomplishments mean next to nothing to me in a slave, or in anyone else for that matter. It's just not something I value that much. I don't subscribe to the idea that people can be objectively measured, either by IQ or accomplishment or anything else. If I have chemistry with a person, if they interest me and can keep my attention, that's what matters. Now, usually (but by no means always) the people who manage that have several things in common:

They are of above-average intelligence.
They are artistically inclined.
They are cultured - art, music, wine, fine food, etc.
They have viewpoints which are significantly different from my own.

This is not universally true - some of my best friends are ditsy and can't tell chianti from a rock ballad - but as a rule that holds up. Age is indifferent, accomplishment is most definitely indifferent, and IQ I'm still not convinced is an accurate measure of intellect to begin with.

Overall I'm one of those hippies who's convinced that everyone is (in some sense) equal regardless of what they can or can't do, have or haven't done, and will or will not do.



needlesandpins -> RE: Beyond the 'Smart'. (4/1/2011 4:05:38 PM)

fr

i like a guy with a decent brain. i want someone who can stimulate my mind as well as my body. it's wonderful having a guy that i can have an intellectual conversation with as well as someone who has some of the same interests. i don't mind someone being more intellegent than me so long as they are not patronising with it. i love to learn so it's good if they have something to teach me. it's disappointing to be faced with a really good looking guy only to be instantly turned off as soon as you realise he can't hold a decent conversation.

as for what people have acheived with their lives and so on; sometimes life just gets in the way of that. it certainly did with mine.

having a big iq doesn't give you life skills or common sence.

needles



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