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Let's talk about privilege - 3/24/2011 4:02:15 AM

LadyPact

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I know. I'm kind of taking the fun wind out of the sails on the 'let's talk' theme. I've had this in My head for a while now, so maybe folks would like to talk about privilege.

I'm seeing this word used a lot on threads these days. Cig-privilege, male privilege, Dom privilege...... Damn, you just can't seem to read a thread recently that doesn't include the word. It might be overused a bit, in My opinion.

So, do you see yourself as privileged? Why or why not?

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Post #: 1

RE: Let's talk about privilege - 3/24/2011 4:33:32 AM

VaguelyCurious

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From: United Kingdom
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

So, do you see yourself as privileged?

Utterly. I'm attractive, young, I've got a solid gender identity, my family are well off and secure, I've had a good education that was well-supported at home, I've got access to all sorts of music and culture... I'm unbelievably lucky.

But that doesn't necessarily mean I'm wrong in an argument/discussion; imo 'you're too privileged to understand' has always been kind of a weak counter-argument.

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Post #: 2

RE: Let's talk about privilege - 3/24/2011 4:38:50 AM

LadyPact

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I feel that was an amazing answer. Thank you for taking the time to respond.

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Post #: 3

RE: Let's talk about privilege - 3/24/2011 4:44:33 AM

BonesFromAsh

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Joined: 6/17/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

So, do you see yourself as privileged? Why or why not?

Interesting question. I'm having a difficult time giving a yes/no response mainly because I think the way privilege can be defined has many variables relative to each individual.

What type of privilege are you asking about?

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 4

RE: Let's talk about privilege - 3/24/2011 5:04:22 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Any, Bones, if it comes down to that. In a sense, the high majority of the folks on the site would have to cop to being privileged because they are here on the net. That means they have electricity in their house and have the ability to tap into a wealth of information via computer. Let's establish that we all have that and aren't starving to death somewhere.

How about gender? Education? Orientation? Opportunity? Does race apply? How about age?

I'd like to hear about how people see themselves and the world around them. In where they are, do they feel privileged?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Post #: 5

RE: Let's talk about privilege - 3/24/2011 5:14:03 AM

gungadin09

Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
So, do you see yourself as privileged? Why or why not?

Yes and no.

i'm privileged because...
i was born into a rich and powerful country
i was born into a upper middle class family
both my parents have advanced degrees
both my parents are very ethical and taught me good values
My father taught me to love logic and fairness
My mother taught me to love music and language
Both of them taught me to love work and knowledge
i've always been physically healthy
growing up i always lived on the "rich side" of town
academics always came easily to me; i never struggled in school
my name is always near the beginning of any alphabetical list (i'm not kidding. That constitutes a real, measurable privilege.)
i have lots of talents and interests
My parents made many sacrifices for me
i fall into a number of majority groups in terms of: native language, ethnicity, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, religious upbringing, age, education, etc. i'm right handed.
i've had some very good experiences that helped form who i am

i'm underprivileged because:
i'm a Causasian female working in an industry dominated by Latino men, and that causes certain hardships. In particular, it makes it much harder for me to get hired or promoted, and i often earn less for comparable work.
My Myers-Briggs type represents 1% of the population; it's very difficult to find people who are like me
i'm not emotionally healthy.
i have many flaws.
Being raised by such ethical, well intentioned parents caused me disappointment when i grew up and found that the real world isn't like that
Never having to work hard at school made it more difficult when i grew up and realised that not everything comes as easily
Growing up in a relatively sheltered environment made it hard when i grew up and had to leave
Being over-educated, and spending most of my life around other people who were, makes it difficult now, especially in a blue collar profession where so many people are less educated than i am
i have low self esteem
Both my parents have mental problems; neither are "normal", or really even completely functional adults. In some ways they were very negligent as parents.
i feel like an outsider wherever i go
i've had a some very bad experiences that helped to form who i am

pam

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 6

RE: Let's talk about privilege - 3/24/2011 5:16:10 AM

needlesandpins

Posts: 3901
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having thought very little of this right now, i may come back to the thread later to add something else.

right now though off the top of my head i think i'll say that the word is subjective.

my answer has to be yes and no depending on context or comparison.

for instance; i'm very privileged compaired to anyone who has less than i do, whatever that maybe. however, if what i have is through my own hard work and they have had the same chances then no i'n not. i've had alot of health problems but i can still do everything for myself, unlike some who are worse off. i feel that i am privileged to have my son because even though i never wanted to be a mum i had been told i couldn't have children anyway. but he's a miracle baby who has grown into a very fine young man and i couldn't be prouder. i have been able to work as a professional artist for may years so i consider the talent that enables that (there are others greater than i though) a privilege. i've been at the top as a producer of horses and considered an expert in my field so i'm privileged there too. i was extremely privileged to have had my stallion, who i lost last year, as part of my life. he was a horse of a lifetime and i'd known him from being born. he was a star and i was honoured to have him.

i don't consider something to be a privilege because of my status though. so i would never say it's my privilege as a (insert title), while i may be privileged to have that title in the first place.

needles

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

Post #: 7

RE: Let's talk about privilege - 3/24/2011 5:19:10 AM

Kana

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Joined: 10/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
So, do you see yourself as privileged? Why or why not?

Yep.
Why?
To quote Pearl Jam, "I won the lottery when I was born."

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HST

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 8

RE: Let's talk about privilege - 3/24/2011 5:39:21 AM

BonesFromAsh

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Thanks for the clarification LadyPact.

I think people make assumptions of privilege based on those very things you mentioned. For example, I live in a very wealthy/privileged area and people assume I am based on that. I like to say "I only live in ________ County, I'm not from it." for that very reason.

I did NOT come from a wealthy family, but I feel privileged that I had the opportunities in my youth to explore and live life eclectically outside the norm.

I'm a woman and while some folks may feel that may carries a certain amount of assumed privilege...I'm a single 44 yr old woman with no children in an area that seems to worship the ideal image of motherhood and marriage. By not having children or a husband, I buck the trend and can appear as both a non-entity or a threat, depending on who you ask.

Oh, and let's not forget the fact that, while I am very much a woman, I'm quite comfortable with my personal masculine energy. Add to all that the fact that physically I don't "fit" the image of what's acceptable....I'm a fat chick in a land of size-0-paddle-tennis-playing-gym-junkie-yummy-mummies...and I'm blue collar in a white collar area and you have the recipe for "outside socioeconomic standards" at it's finest!

All that being said...I feel very privileged to have the life that I do and the opportunities that have come my way and are yet to come. As an adult, I believe I can choose to acknowledge or ignore privilege....how I define it and what I choose to do or not do with it.

I hope that makes sense.

This is something that's been on my mind a lot lately so I appreciate you starting this thread and giving me the chance to express some of my feelings on the matter.

*edited for clarification...thank goodness for coffee

< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 3/24/2011 6:05:05 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 9

RE: Let's talk about privilege - 3/24/2011 5:41:41 AM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I know. I'm kind of taking the fun wind out of the sails on the 'let's talk' theme. I've had this in My head for a while now, so maybe folks would like to talk about privilege.

I'm seeing this word used a lot on threads these days. Cig-privilege, male privilege, Dom privilege...... Damn, you just can't seem to read a thread recently that doesn't include the word. It might be overused a bit, in My opinion.

So, do you see yourself as privileged? Why or why not?

I have often stated that I love the feeling of entitlement he has in doing what he wishes with me,
as a way to describe some of the delicious energy between He and I. I have never thought of it as
though he should feel honored or far more special than others because he has exclusive rights to me.
However, since one of the definitions of privileged is having a special permission, right, or benefit granted
to or enjoyed by an individual, than I will say that he is priviledged, as am I.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

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Post #: 10

RE: Let's talk about privilege - 3/24/2011 6:29:20 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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I am privileged because I was born in a state with usually great weather. I grew up as the last child in my family, who, by the time I came along did not have to struggle. If I had asked for some "thing" I would have gotten it. I had a decent education and was encouraged to think for myself. I was able to use the negatives in my life as motivation to look beyond the immediate. I am privileged because I had enough money to stay home through the early years of my childrens life and used tht time to instill our values of what it is to be a good citizen of the world. I am privileged because when they went to school, so did I, which helped them value education. I am blessed because none of my 4 children ever gave me grief, acted up, rebelled or learned to dislike me. I am privileged because I believe in myself enough not to rely on someone else's assessment of me, IF I am doing well and am generally happy.

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

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Post #: 11

RE: Let's talk about privilege - 3/24/2011 6:57:21 AM

GreedyTop

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From: Savannah, GA
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I feel I have privilege because I am educated (both by learning institutions and by life), single, female, and (lets give a nod to the elephant) caucasion**. I have a loving parent (the other parent is dead), amazing friends, and while I dont come from a place of financial wealth I DO have a wealth of experiences that many of my peers don't share as well as a wealth of love, and a shortage of regrets. I have a place to live, and my bills are paid (mostly..give me the next cuople of paychecks and I should be caught up, I think.. ) , a vehicle, a job I enjoy, and options to find work elsewhere when I am ready to make a change.

I embrace my sexuality ( and current lack of) and I accept who I am in all ways.. privileges that many here and elsewhere are scorned and even killed for elsewhere.

Basically, I feel like I am privileged to be the person I am, alive in the when and where that I am.

** let's face it.. even in this so-called enlightened society that is America.. those of darker pigmentation STILL tend to get screwed by factors outside their control based on nothing more than skin color. TOTALLY fucked up, but true.

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 3/24/2011 6:59:58 AM >

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RE: Let's talk about privilege - 3/24/2011 7:04:00 AM

LaTigresse

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Interesting topic LadyP.

Privilege is not a word I've ever consciously associated with my life.......yet in some ways it fits how I feel about some aspects. I think I usually use words like, fortunate, lucky, blessed.

Many people that know my life story would never think to use any of those words as a descriptive. Especially considering I look at some aspects, that others would view as a negative, as a real positive.

As an example, I grew up very very poor. Quite often we did not have many things that most people would take for granted, like hot running water or a phone. However, I feel that growing up like that was a fantastic thing.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Let's talk about privilege - 3/24/2011 9:02:24 AM

FelineFae

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From: i do wander everywhere...
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In my life, i've had oppertunities many of my peers don't have, so in that way i could consider myself privileged.
Though i've never had a great deal of money, i have " lived " a great bit in my almost 27 years.

Without having money, i've also had to be very resourceful, and that is a better adjective for my overall situation in life.

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RE: Let's talk about privilege - 3/24/2011 10:13:57 AM

Lockit

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I am privileged in many, many ways and yet I am not so privileged that my fortune, luck, strengths or life circumstance, come before, above or behind anyone else.

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Post #: 15

RE: Let's talk about privilege - 3/24/2011 1:18:42 PM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

So, do you see yourself as privileged? Why or why not?

Good topic LP. Again I have to think I have this strange dissociative disorder cuz this topic really has me seeing both sides of being me.

I lived a pretty hard life with all the wrong breaks in some peoples opinions, however I think all that bad stuff was pretty good stuff because I like being me and all those negative experiences made me a better me.

My self perception is very different than how others perceive me. I am going to use on the gems here that you loath, but there is a reason: In all honesty (I will be brutal honest here and disregard how arrogant it sounds to me) the privilege thing is over the top for me. I walk around this world like I own it... cuz I do. There is nothing in this world that I want that I cannot have. That is a truth for me because I am a selfish bastard that indulges myself often.

My reach does exceed my grasp and I find my heaven for it. I spent last winter in Hawaii... here is the kicker to the story; I went to Hawaii with crutches, a backpack and once settled on the island that would be home for the winter I had $11.00 and not a care in the world. It's a jungle that WILL FEED YOU.

I lived in a jungle hammock until my big tent arrived, many weeks later, and awoke every morning... literally jumping out of the hammock to seize the day. The environment and climate was very kind to me and within a month I didn't need the crutches anymore and the pain was all but gone.

I feel privileged every day that I can wake up and actually put feet to floor. I feel privledged, and in truth, superior to others because life... my life and the ability to be ambulatory gets MY FUKIN HAPPY ON! I see others dealing with things in their lives that seem so trivial from my perspective and yet they are crippled by them, never really living before they die or falling into a complacency where they live vicariously through their television.

I do indeed feel privileged and walk around in this world like I own it, cuz I do.

YMMV
Slurp~

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RE: Let's talk about privilege - 3/24/2011 1:26:35 PM

myotherself

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~FR~

I'm amazingly privileged, IMO. My parents were poor and had 4 children. I live in a 'deprived area' of the UK. All around me there were people getting into drink, drugs and crime. At school the norm was to leave with no qualifications and, in the case of more than a few girls, with a baby to support without a father.

I'm now well educated, have travelled extensively, make enough money to do what I need to do, I have a career I love and I have many friends.

For this, I thank my parents. They knew nothing but their own lives, but their unwavering support and their outstandingly clear and honest way of dealing with the world has given me what I have today.

I'm privileged to be their daughter, and every day I'm grateful that I still have them with me.

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RE: Let's talk about privilege - 3/24/2011 1:48:57 PM

Palliata

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Privileged as defined by whom, I would ask? Many places, having clean running water and electric lights is "privileged." Compared to other Americans, those things basically mean you don't live on the streets. Then again, perhaps not living on the streets is, itself, privileged? Overall, my life is pleasant but imperfect. Describing it more objectively is not really possible. If you're doing better than 90% of humanity, is that privileged? How about 75%? Could we go as low as 60%, which if I recall is where those at the poverty level by US standards sit in the overall picture? Maybe just breaking the 51st percentile is enough, since you are doing better than the majority of humankind?

In short, I have advantages, disadvantages, and an imperfect understanding of where I stand compared to the rest of the world. Beyond that, it's all perspective.

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RE: Let's talk about privilege - 3/24/2011 4:58:54 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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~FR~

I am female bodied and identify as female. I have cisgender privilege.

I am married to a man. I have heterosexual privilege. I also have couple privilege when it comes to polyamorous relationships.

I can pass for white, although I am mixed race. I get the benefit of white privilege.

I am not obese. I have thin person privilege.

These are all statements of fact and value neutral. The state of Western society is such that these things are true, whether or not I want the privileges each confers. The majority of these privileges are not especially significant for me. I don't make more money because I'm thin or because I'm cisgender. I didn't get into college on a special scholarship because I look white. I get the most benefit from heterosexual privilege since there are tax breaks, healthcare benefits and inheritance rights involved.

However, there is an unfortunate tendency of those who do not enjoy the privileges I have to blame me and others who also have these privileges for having them. As if it's somehow our fault that we experienced a fortunate accident of genetics and they didn't. They'll claim that confronting someone with their privileges is not an attack, but I call bullshit. What happens when people "call out" those they view as privileged is that the less privileged people set up a stereotype threat environment. This automatically puts the person being confronted with their perceived privilege on the defensive. Studies show that when people are afraid they are being stereotyped, their performance is worse than when they perceive no stereotype threat.

Many people believe pointing out another's privilege is beneficial because it raises awareness which leads to greater sensitivity. However, the outcome is often, if not usually, the opposite. Someone who feels justified in confronting others about their perceived privileges need to remember to exercise greater awareness and sensitivity themselves. Otherwise, pointing out privilege is going to backfire. Sadly, this rarely happens.

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Post #: 19

RE: Let's talk about privilege - 3/24/2011 5:23:04 PM

Aynne88

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I don't know, I grew up in an upper middle class family, I am white (yes, that elephant the Greedy mentioned is true) I am reasonably attractive, I have two educated parents and they could afford to send me to camp, music lessons, college, and I have a man that works his ass off and has money and success in the grand scheme of things, but it's still a struggle. He has diabetes and health issues and suffers from sporadic depression so that sucks.

Today, I feel privileged. However....I also have the same issues as everyone else, bills, stress, aging parents, work stress, I have lupus so that is a major issue at times, and I feel unappreciative at times when I let these things get to me.

I have had a lot of blessings in my life and I like to think that I am not so blind that I can't see them, but somedays I feel really lacking.

I think I feel more grateful than privileged these days if that makes any sense.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
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Post #: 20

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