Could you? Would you? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

peachgirl -> Could you? Would you? (3/15/2011 4:32:14 PM)

I've always had issues with authority figures, meaning, I really have to feel you've earned the right to be an authority figure in my life before I can accept you as one. There are a few (ok, maybe more than a few) times in our relationship where I have struggled to accept his authority, and he has had to remind me that I chose him to be that in my life. I feel that his presence has permeated every bit of my life, that he has "mastered" me, but I do have a tremendous amount of autonomy as well.

I've had this thought cross my mind a couple of times...if all the obstacles in my life were to be taken away and I could be 24/7 with the Man, would I be able to do it? Would I be able to give up some of the autonomy that I have now in exchange for the opportunity to be with him more?

I wish I did have that choice in front of me - this is purely hypothetical, at this point. Just looking for thoughts from others. Thanks.



IronBear -> RE: Could you? Would you? (3/15/2011 4:45:26 PM)

Crikey lass, this is a poser and a conundrum, too.. Only you know the workings of your heart and relation ship with "the man'.. I would not be so presumptions as to even try to tell you what you should do.... It's honestly between you, the man and your heart.. 



littlewonder -> RE: Could you? Would you? (3/15/2011 4:50:36 PM)

only you can answer that. Have you asked yourself WHY you can't seem to always accept his authority? What is holding you back? Has he done anything that make you distrust his authority? Sounds like you have a few questions you need to answer.

And then there are some people who have a rebellious nature about that. Maybe you're just not cut out to be a slave. Some people just don't have it in them and fit much better as a sub, switch or bottom.

I personally like and feel much more comfortable having him as an authority over all of my life. Many times I wish he would take more even though I know it's his choice to not do so which in fact, makes it his authority if that makes sense lol. I'm not a rebellious type. I don't enjoy fighting  or struggling and my life is just so much easier just letting him take over.





sirssubk2008 -> RE: Could you? Would you? (3/15/2011 4:54:41 PM)

I agree with IronBear....You have to know yourself as best as you can before you can decide that. However, none of us will ever know you 'that' well and therefore can't answer the question.... dig deep inside and communicate with him in order to find your answer



SirRussellP -> RE: Could you? Would you? (3/15/2011 5:13:21 PM)

You are not the first sub to feel like this and trust me you won't be the last.  We all talk about taking total control over a slave but the reality is that is impossible.  There just isn't enough hours in the day to think for both. 

Now if you serve him as best you can, if you use your intellect to be proactive then I would say your a typical normal human trying to do that which is impossible to do.  Don't beat yourself up over this and remember that as time goes by there will be less and less problems.  You will learn how to head off problems and issues that are your own.  You will find that if he is your Master he will learn how to deal with all of you not just the slave.

Russell



peachgirl -> RE: Could you? Would you? (3/15/2011 5:14:37 PM)

Thank you for your replies...let me say again, this isn't a question before me currently. Purely hypothetical at this point.

Little Wonder, you raise a good question about why I can't always accept his authority. Fact is, like many women out there, I get carried away with the idea that I know better than anyone else what is best for me. I'll be the first to say, this is a learned behavior that I have relied upon for a very long time. I know this is part of my problem. I'm working on it [:D]



littlewonder -> RE: Could you? Would you? (3/15/2011 5:40:31 PM)

here's a challenge to help you...allow him to make some decisions you would normally make for yourself for one week. How did he do? Just as well as you? Better? Worse? Give the guy a break and see how he does. Don't tell him about the challenge. It will defeat the purpose.

Unfortunately a lot of women in this day and age have always been told they know themselves better than anyone else, that they should never let a man take charge or they've been burned once or twice by a bad decision maker and now find it hard to trust anyone let alone their own partner. I think we need to get out of that kind of thinking and get back to faith in the ones we love.




DesFIP -> RE: Could you? Would you? (3/15/2011 5:43:10 PM)

You can be with someone 24/7 and still have some autonomy. The fact that he could control everything doesn't mean he will choose to do so.

The Man takes control of things I don't do well. If I'm doing it with no problems he doesn't see any reason to interfere. The old 'don't fix it if it ain't broke' thing. If you feel that he's trying to control things for no good purpose except to stroke his own ego, then you need to talk about it and how it makes you resentful.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Could you? Would you? (3/15/2011 5:44:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

here's a challenge to help you...allow him to make some decisions you would normally make for yourself for one week. How did he do? Just as well as you? Better? Worse? Give the guy a break and see how he does. Don't tell him about the challenge. It will defeat the purpose.

Unfortunately a lot of women in this day and age have always been told they know themselves better than anyone else, that they should never let a man take charge or they've been burned once or twice by a bad decision maker and now find it hard to trust anyone let alone their own partner. I think we need to get out of that kind of thinking and get back to faith in the ones we love.




what a loverly post, littlewonder -- something worth pondering, for sure. ^_^



Jennislut -> RE: Could you? Would you? (3/15/2011 5:48:04 PM)

i cant answer for you - i can only answer from my perspective. could i? no, not if i had the slightest doubt. i would have to certain its what i wanted.



IrishMist -> RE: Could you? Would you? (3/15/2011 7:18:46 PM)

I can't answer for you. I can however answer how I would react if such a situation were put before me.

I would most probably lose interest in the relationship if ALL obstacles were removed. Even though we lived together, I enjoyed each and every 'obstacle' that was put in my path. The thrill of overcoming them and the pride that came with knowing that we had weathered another 'strom'. I would have missed those; the challenges that arose from trying to work out those kind of situations.



porcelaine -> RE: Could you? Would you? (3/15/2011 8:40:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: peachgirl

I've had this thought cross my mind a couple of times...if all the obstacles in my life were to be taken away and I could be 24/7 with the Man, would I be able to do it? Would I be able to give up some of the autonomy that I have now in exchange for the opportunity to be with him more?


Greetings,

I have this odd belief that what is seemingly impossible becomes less than such when you have the right motivation standing in front of you. Once upon a time I could think of a list of things I would never budge on until I encountered someone that inspired me to give it a second thought. I don't believe most must be compelled in that manner, but I realize that is true for me. Autonomy is not important for me at this point in my life. It's about finding the right person to relinquish that with. I'm essentially holding the reins in the meantime, not merely because I need to be in charge. I've played that tune until it broke. It's time or a new song.

Namaste,

~porcelaine



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Could you? Would you? (3/15/2011 8:50:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine
Once upon a time I could think of a list of things I would never budge on until I encountered someone that inspired me to give it a second thought.



nicely said ^.^ and as usual, i agree.



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Could you? Would you? (3/15/2011 9:40:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: peachgirl

...I really have to feel you've earned the right to be an authority figure in my life before I can accept you as one.



Of course you do... that's what sensible people do.  Only a complete idiot hands over their life to some alleged Dom/Master just because he's picked up some leather pants, dark glasses, and checked the Toppy box on some website, only to later show up in the forums seeking hugs, while bitching about how Dom Cruise ruined their life.  Most alleged Doms/Masters are anything but, and more often than not, have turned to this dynamic in an effort to find some control in their otherwise failed social/financial reality -- so Pat yourself on the back for having a brain. [:)]



avena -> RE: Could you? Would you? (3/15/2011 11:06:27 PM)

Like others have said, I can't answer that question for you. But I can answer that question for me, in my current circumstances.

If all obstacles were removed that prevent me from being a part of D's life 24/7, then yes...without hesitation or reserve, I would be there.

I think the key, for me, is the knowledge that, in order for the obstacles to be removed, they would have to be discussed and worked out first; which means that any concerns either one of us had would have been addressed by that point. D cares for me, and has been taking things slowly, making sure not to push me too far, too fast. I can't even imagine him not taking into consideration if there was an area of my life that I wasn't quite willing or able to give up control in. If it was important to him to take me to the point where I could give up control, then that's something we would work on over time.

I trust D.

You're asking yourself if you could give up some of your autonomy in exchange for being with your Man 24/7. I think you should be asking if you trust him to not demand that you give up more than you're willing or able to give up.



DMFParadox -> RE: Could you? Would you? (3/15/2011 11:44:32 PM)

The world rarely moves the way we expect it to. People, especially. It frequently takes persistence, patience and reminders to get people moving in the right direction, even if they want to go that way, even if it's their fondest wish. And even then, they sometimes drop the ball. Such is life. It's a pain in the ass, but it's also an artifact of the compromises we all must make in our own minds to be able to cope with new changes, unexpected opportunities or disasters, and life in general.

Don't get frustrated with yourself, or with him. Just keep reaffirming the bond you want to create, and acknowledge that you will need reminders - and so, sometimes, will he. 24/7 TPE is no panacea for this, believe me. If anything, it's more necessary then.



DesFIP -> RE: Could you? Would you? (3/16/2011 4:28:30 AM)

I don't know about the op but the difficulty I have in handing things over to him comes directly as a blow to my self esteem. Here's something else I can't do well, damn it.



leadership527 -> RE: Could you? Would you? (3/16/2011 8:31:59 AM)

*chuckles* And Carol just asked yesterday, "I wonder how many people could live with their partner in a 600 sq. ft. apartment for a few years with no distractions, no jobs, no nada."

In the end, I suspect the issues would be more about basic compatibility than authority. You'd probably get balled up on some stupid little personality quirk more than his authority is my guess (assuming it was a problem at all).



agirl -> RE: Could you? Would you? (3/16/2011 9:02:50 AM)

Having been with M for many years but not lived under the same roof, I know that no matter how passionate I am about him, no matter how well he's led us thus far.....there'd still be a fair period of adaptation and we'd both probably be driven to distraction by each other for a goodly while.

I wouldn't worry about the loss of autonomy as it's only an illusion anyway, here...lol

The thing that'd be tricky would simply be sharing a single living space 24/7, after living alone for so long, and all that that would entail. We'd infuriate each other for a while, I'd be sore for a while.......then life would take on a slightly different shape with all the fantastic things we already share, along with a plethora of new ones.

It wouldn't be *would I be ABLE to do it* but * do I WANT to do it* because he'd make "oh so certain" I was able to....... :)

agirl



NihilusZero -> RE: Could you? Would you? (3/16/2011 10:40:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Unfortunately a lot of women in this day and age have always been told they know themselves better than anyone else, that they should never let a man take charge or they've been burned once or twice by a bad decision maker and now find it hard to trust anyone let alone their own partner. I think we need to get out of that kind of thinking and get back to faith in the ones we love.

This is good stuff and applies to both genders, particularly in the context of an authority dynamic relationship.



Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.03125