RE: Should I try living a double life? (Full Version)

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GreedyTop -> RE: Should I try living a double life? (2/15/2011 8:31:31 AM)

~FR~

on the back window of my late, lamented Silverado, I had a Leather Pride sticker.   My Mom saw it.  Now, granted, Mom isnt totally ignorant of the leather/BDSM life (she used to hang out with a gay Motorcycle Club).  I dont think she was familiar with the flag though, since it was first presented in '89.

Mom asked me "what is that?".  I replied, it's a leather pride flag.  That was ALL I said.  Mom understood the implications (yay for having an awesome Mom!! :-D)  and didnt question further.

Dad, at one point, saw some of my implements.. his only comment was You like that kind of thing?   when I answered yes, very much.  He said.. just be careful.

So I was outed to them, but no details were given.

I understand that not everyone has such awesome families as I do. 

My point here is this:  Both times I was asked a direct question.  Both times I gave a direct answer.  Neither answer gave any detail.

That will hold true with any dealings with anyone NOT my employer.  If for some ungodly reason my employer were to ask me about my sexual proclivities, my response would be that since my sex life has no bearing on my ability to do my job, then the Dept. of Labor would seriously frown upon the questioning.



IrishMist -> RE: Should I try living a double life? (2/15/2011 8:52:39 AM)

quote:

I don't understand the issue. My boss doesn't need to know how I structure my personal relationships, what sorts of activities they and I do together, who I am in the relationships with. Neither do my siblings, neices, nephews, cousins, aunts, uncles, or to some degree, my kids and certainly not my grands. What is the big drama?

This is my thinking also. It's no one elses business what you do in private.



DesFIP -> RE: Should I try living a double life? (2/15/2011 9:43:27 AM)

We don't live double lives. I'm a  mother. I'm also a daughter. I'm his submissive. I'm also chief cook and bottle washer to the household. You just talk about the right thing at the right time.

When you go down for dinner, does your mother regale you with what she's planning her sexual activities that night will be? Is she living a double life or is she just talking appropriately?

Do you talk about playing Halo in Chemistry class? No, and that's not because you're hiding anything but because it's inappropriate.

It really is that simple. Don't kiss and tell, it's rude and hurtful to spread someone else's intimate life about without first getting their approval. So if you ever meet someone who will let you tie her up, or vice versa, you don't boast about it to others.



sexyred1 -> RE: Should I try living a double life? (2/15/2011 9:52:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: SAMHAIN09

I apologize if this doesn't belong here but this has been on my mind for a while. Okay I have been thinking about this ever since I started dabbling in the BDSM life style. I have considered having two separate lives my vanilla life you know my friends my family my co workers and separating it from my BDSM life(you know just keeping everything separate). But this has caused me to ask myself this question the reason I am even considering the double life thing is that most people might learn about the my lifestyle and grab their torches and pitch forks if you get my meaning.

So that being said if I choose to live a double life which side is the real me and does living a double life make me a fraud?" So my question is should I even attempt to live a double life?



I don't understand the issue. My boss doesn't need to know how I structure my personal relationships, what sorts of activities they and I do together, who I am in the relationships with. Neither do my siblings, neices, nephews, cousins, aunts, uncles, or to some degree, my kids and certainly not my grands. What is the big drama?


I don't understand either. Why is keeping your sex life considered living a double life??

I don't broadcast what I do in private with everyone in my life except for those I do it with.

Unless you are planning to walk around wearing a sign saying Hey! I am into BDSM then what is the issue?

If you are employed as an international spy, then I can see the double life thing.



darkenchantment -> RE: Should I try living a double life? (2/15/2011 11:03:09 AM)

I see that you're very young, and say that you are concerned to keep your identity 'private'. I think your concern is a bit similar to that which many gay men and women have had at times. Whether to 'come out' and tell the world of your sexuality, or live what is essentially a pretend life in which other people simply assume that you are heterosexual; or a non bdsm player, in your case. I think that while for gay men and women it may be a more important issue to procalim their sexual identity, they don't generally feel the need to go around telling others of their actual sexual activities. I think the same is true for us. Unless you feel the need to be a campaigner, and your current and probably future lifestyle is such as to allow you that luxury, then it is probably wise to just keep quiet about what you do in the bedroom, or dungeon, or elsewhere. As others have said on this thread, and particularly LadyPacts answer, you can tell them what they need to hear without needing to tell lies. And unless the screaming does get especially obtrusive - and to be honest, I've had that worse in one of the vanilla relationships I was in! - what is there to worry the neighbours?



golemx -> RE: Should I try living a double life? (2/15/2011 3:09:41 PM)

This crosses into my life a bit. My wife and I have always been into "alternative" lifestyles. At first we were very quiet about it. But over ten years of marriage it slowly creeps into real life and friends can see patterns that confirm what they suspect.

It hasn't been a big deal. Half the people with vanilla relationships are divorced and have had far greater drama... secret affairs, unplanned pregnancies, alcoholism, financial disaster. That doesn't mean you need to walk out the door and announce your kink, but it does mean that be a respectable and discreet person and you will retain that respect no matter what else comes out.



MercTech -> RE: Should I try living a double life? (2/15/2011 3:40:19 PM)

Don't ask, don't tell. Especially if you work in a field that requires a clearance.

Stefan



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