quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

that's the grey area between fantasy and reality. in fantasies Masters only give orders that are easy, or they only "force" us to do things we want to do anyway. =p sometimes these things are simply about expanding our ideas on what slavery is. i think, for some, it's just a natural way to feel when adjusting to that kind of control.
maybe your subconscious feels this is right for you, but your conscious mind is battling against all the things it has stored from your lifetime. so you have this complicated internal dialogue between you and yourself, and you don't 'know which side to believe.
but i agree with porcelaine (who's response was so very well written) that as long as you are motivated by your desire/fantasy, then you're bound to fail because reality and fantasy almost never line up. and some fantasies just don't work out in real life.

67204's post raises some good points, too -- did you discuss exit strategies? in a way, having the contract is a way to help you maybe pull out of the tough spots without running away -- sometimes people run away TOO SOON, rather than working on the relationship and themselves to solve the problem. but other times, they do need to run, because the situation or the person isn't right for them. unfortunately in life, every person you meet won't be right for you, and you need to take stock of what is causing this conflict, how important and necessary is it to your happiness, and work it out from there.
try talking to your Master face to face about the problems you're having -- if he wont' listen, that might be the biggest problem.

edit: and remember "listening" doesn't mean he'll do everything you want how you want it, listening only means that he takes in your viewpoints and tries to understand them. it might inform the way he does something, but if he can't listen and try to understand, it's unlikely this is a problem he's only had with you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

I love it. I found out, when I thought about it, that this was my number one fantasy of all time, was to be owned.

Greetings,

In my opinion the above comment is at the root of your problem. You've invested energy visualizing a utopia that was bound to burst. While I can appreciate fantasy and believe it has its place, I prefer to look at the grits instead. I give consideration to all the things you've mentioned and then some. How am I going to respond when that occurs? And what about my personal holy grail. Those little things I love to do or enjoy about myself that I wouldn't wish to change? Am I still willing to place myself in his hand and accept his verdict when it opposes my own? And what's more important, being owned by him or being enslaved according to the idea I've fed in my head? Hopefully it isn't the latter.

I could give you a handy piece of advice that would probably make this somewhat simpler, but it's meaningless unless you've pinpointed the reasons behind your position. Why are you there? And why do you sincerely want to be his slave rather than his submissive? Are you enthralled by the idea of control or is the reality of being taken in hand truly in your heart? I ask this because there will be instances where disappointment, frustration, and other emotions loom and the only thing that keeps you from caving is your commitment to him. For some it is strengthened by love, gratitude, respect, obedience, and so on. But for all intents and purposes the seed must exist within otherwise the thorns will snuff it out.

In short, whatever looms greatest is where you'll go.If he's the gust of wind you'll move in his direction or definitely find your way back before you stray too far. If you're led by your own desires that stand outside of his wishes you'll flow against the current and continue to struggle. Of course you can stop this by admitting your fear, dropping the expectations, voicing your concerns, and leaving the fairy tales behind. Become the slave he wants rather than the one you believed you were. He's your compass. The confusion and emotional turmoil will abate if you remember that.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

i like how people discredit me because of my age.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkenchantment

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

that's the grey area between fantasy and reality. in fantasies Masters only give orders that are easy, or they only "force" us to do things we want to do anyway. =p sometimes these things are simply about expanding our ideas on what slavery is. i think, for some, it's just a natural way to feel when adjusting to that kind of control.
maybe your subconscious feels this is right for you, but your conscious mind is battling against all the things it has stored from your lifetime. so you have this complicated internal dialogue between you and yourself, and you don't 'know which side to believe.
but i agree with porcelaine (who's response was so very well written) that as long as you are motivated by your desire/fantasy, then you're bound to fail because reality and fantasy almost never line up. and some fantasies just don't work out in real life.

67204's post raises some good points, too -- did you discuss exit strategies? in a way, having the contract is a way to help you maybe pull out of the tough spots without running away -- sometimes people run away TOO SOON, rather than working on the relationship and themselves to solve the problem. but other times, they do need to run, because the situation or the person isn't right for them. unfortunately in life, every person you meet won't be right for you, and you need to take stock of what is causing this conflict, how important and necessary is it to your happiness, and work it out from there.
try talking to your Master face to face about the problems you're having -- if he wont' listen, that might be the biggest problem.

edit: and remember "listening" doesn't mean he'll do everything you want how you want it, listening only means that he takes in your viewpoints and tries to understand them. it might inform the way he does something, but if he can't listen and try to understand, it's unlikely this is a problem he's only had with you.

What she said! And also, like lally, I took a look at your profile. Ahem; you have a contract, with a Master, which is intended to be the fulfilling of all your needs; and you've previously been with him D/s for 8 months. And neither this guy, nor any of this is mentioned on your profile? Sorry, but this is not an M/s or D/s relationship as I understand it! First thing I would have done with you, even in D/s, never mind M/s, is to tell you to put that magick word 'Owned by.........' at the top of your profile! If you've not even got to that kind of stage, I'm just wondering what else has sort of got left out? Good advice given by all here; and sorry if this is some new kind of M/s system developed in the US and totally alien to all I know, but I really think you and this guy need to look seriously at what you're doing! And - erm - what precisely is he doing while you're on here posting about all this? Since you're so young, if you were mine I'd encourage you to seek out advice in such a situation. But I'd also expect acknowledgement that you were posting with my knowledge and permission, and that we were also in discussion about it.

Because it's CM... i don't take it seriously when it comes to finding people.If anyone were to message me that i was interested in i'd say i wasn't allowed to talk and they need to go to fl to get permission from Master first.
i am not allowed to date anyone in the lifestyle while under contract to Him.
BUT i've been here for years. CM was the first thing i signed up for before i even tried anything, i want to be able to keep that there and see how far i've gone. Already i am stunned where i see i've been and where i am now. To what i even want. It says i want a relationship sort of on my profile... at this point i feel like i want to be totally owned. i don't know yet, but it's good to have that there to look back upon.. i already mentioned it's not all true anymore and many changes have happened. my fetlife is totally different for a reason.

It's not there to be insincere, i barely spend time on cm. And, LOL Master agrees CM is a joke (Although the forums aren't usually why i go on them you guys are giving me great advice thank you!!) but he wouldn't even take it seriously. I probably should delete it though and just save it on word now you guys have made me stop and think about it. I just wanted to keep it there till i had to time to rewrite my whole entire profile... which if i remember right i even said that on my profile. Obviously my rewrite will be totally different considering where i am now. i need to be able to rewrite it when i know for what i want and need. i am not sure of that anymore. When i wrote that profile i was sure i wanted that. i want to be able to rewrite when i am sure yet again, or else i don't want to rewrite anything.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

In reading all of this..........I am just going to call bullshit on the whole mess.

quote:

Because it's CM... i don't take it seriously when it comes to finding people. If anyone were to message me that i was interested in i'd say i wasn't allowed to talk and they need to go to fl to get permission from Master first. i am not allowed to date anyone in the lifestyle while under contract to Him. BUT i've been here for years. CM was the first thing i signed up for before i even tried anything, i want to be able to keep that there and see how far i've gone. Already i am stunned where i see i've been and where i am now. To what i even want. It says i want a relationship sort of on my profile... at this point i feel like i want to be totally owned. i don't know yet, but it's good to have that there to look back upon.. i already mentioned it's not all true anymore and many changes have happened. my fetlife is totally different for a reason. It's not there to be insincere, i barely spend time on cm. And, LOL Master agrees CM is a joke (Although the forums aren't usually why i go on them you guys are giving me great advice thank you!!) but he wouldn't even take it seriously. I probably should delete it though and just save it on word now you guys have made me stop and think about it. I just wanted to keep it there till i had to time to rewrite my whole entire profile... which if i remember right i even said that on my profile. Obviously my rewrite will be totally different considering where i am now. i need to be able to rewrite it when i know for what i want and need. i am not sure of that anymore. When i wrote that profile i was sure i wanted that. i want to be able to rewrite when i am sure yet again, or else i don't want to rewrite anything.

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkenchantment

If its all a joke to you on here, pet, I suggest you show more respect and go elsewhere, that Master does approve of.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

i like how people discredit me because of my age.

I knew I remembered that screen name... http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2872447

OP, You seem to have a tendancy to get yourself in "interesting" situations. My opinion is that while you may say you've had these "fantasies" from an early age and that "being submissive is just part of my heart and soul"...you're still playing in a fantasy land. You say the right words and phrases, but there seems to be a thing or two missing. Perhaps reality and maturity?

Just my $0.02 on the situation...take it for what it's worth.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I think having an active CM profile shows a lack of commitment on your part. It would take far less time to add "Owned by xxx, profile to be re-written" than what you posted above.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I think having an active CM profile shows a lack of commitment on your part. It would take far less time to add "Owned by xxx, profile to be re-written" than what you posted above.

This makes as much as sense as questioning the commitment of a submissive partner who doesn't wear hir collar 24/7. Or doesn't always respond with honorifics.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I think having an active CM profile shows a lack of commitment on your part. It would take far less time to add "Owned by xxx, profile to be re-written" than what you posted above.

This makes as much as sense as questioning the commitment of a submissive partner who doesn't wear hir collar 24/7. Or doesn't always respond with honorifics.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss
Maybe its the fact i can't escape it. i signed up for a 6 month contract. He cannot leave me and i cannot leave Him. In fact yesterday i sent Him a whole long email about how i was going to leave.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Also, several people have asked if this is online or RL and I didn't note your answer - if it is buried somewhere, please point it out.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I think the avoidance of answering the question is the answer. Of course that is just my cynical old bitchy self talking.

The OP is so full of immature bullshit I cannot imagine anyone putting up with it for long in their day to day, physical life. Unless of course, she is totally fucking hot, an amazingly fantastic lay, and he owns stock in Duct tape and gets it by the case. Even then, I wouldn't give the guy much credit.